Losing my way

[Fab]

Was on top of things, but the last week or so even after now 81 days has been a challenge. I really miss my buddy who helped me through the hard days at the start. Feeling lost - so worried about losing my quit. Have been distant from the board for this reason in recent times. 

[Nancy]

FAb, you are in No Man's Land.  All the shiny new has worn off your quit, and now it is just plain old boring work.  But the reward and riches are still there at the end!  Keep going...it is so worth it!  And don't let the addiction fool you into staying away from the board or into thinking that smoking does anything positive for you.  All that is a pack of lies!  You can do this!  I hope you are rewarding yourself at each and every milestone.

[Nancy]

And smoking is not your buddy wanting to comfort you and make you feel better.  It is a deadly addiction that is trying to kill you!

[WeegieWoman]

Hi Fab, sorry you're not having a great time of it.  But you are doing amazing to be at 81 days!  If you are struggling a bit id suggest staying close to the board... we are all in the same boat and helping each other and keeping ourselves busy.  You know smoking wont make you feel any better, it will only make you feel worse.  So just stick with us, you are pushing for triple figures!  I'm not too far ahead of you day 138.  If im having a bad day I tend to just get an early night and pretty much every time wake up the next day and back to feeling good again. You've got to have the odd bad day to appreciate the good days I hope you feel better real soon xxx

Edited March 23, 2018 by Weegie
typo

[beazel]

So many of us understand what you are going through.

 

Staying away from the board is not a good idea....at all.

 

Come here and talk about your daily struggles.

 

I once started a thread titled "Am I Different" because everyone else sounded like they were confident & had it so together.

 

The responses I got made all the difference. I guess misery loves company,

 

Turns out all those people that I thought were breezing through, were having just as much of a hard time as I was.

 

Some folks didn't want to focus on it so they didn't talk about it on the board as much as I did.

 

Fake it till you make it is what many said they were doing.

 

You can do this....we can help!!!!!

[Fab]

Thanks guys 

I think I might get an early night tonight as weegie said. 

Night all.  

[barry]

Hey Fab...you've done SO much of the hard work associated with quitting.  Almost 3 months without smoking is an incredibly momentous achievement!  I promise that, if you do not smoke, not even one, that you will start feeling better.

 

Let us know how it's going with you.

[ChRiSpY]

7 hours ago, Nancy said:

FAb, you are in No Man's Land.  All the shiny new has worn off your quit, and now it is just plain old boring work.  But the reward and riches are still there at the end!  Keep going...it is so worth it!  And don't let the addiction fool you into staying away from the board or into thinking that smoking does anything positive for you.  All that is a pack of lies!  You can do this!  I hope you are rewarding yourself at each and every milestone.

 

This is exactly what I would have said.  Don't be fooled.... Nico is trying to get you back... one last ditch attempt to get you back to the dark side.  Don't fall for it.  You are doing something amazing and if you need reinforcement which it sounds like you do.. come here.  We will tell you how amazing you are for WINNING.

 

Keep on keepin on.

Edited March 23, 2018 by ChRiSpY

[Dutchess66]

Wow! 80-plus days without this so called ‘friend’. You know he’s not your buddy! Buddy’s don’t want to kill you, do they?

Good idea to get in early. It might help to relax a bit more.

 

Hang in there!

 

Dutchess

 

[Reciprocity]

Your "friends" are right here Fab You have received wonderful advice from your true friends here. I also agree that you should stick close to here especially when you struggle. We have all been there Fab. Some of us at different points in our quit but we ALL struggle with the same feelings you are having. You have put in so much hard work to this point. This horrible addiction will try every last trick in the book to lure you back but it gets weaker and weaker all the time. Stay the course my friend ...... stay the course

 

Hope you feel better in the morning.

[jillar]

I'm sorry you're having a bad day fab, I had lots of them too in my early days. Losing our board was very hard but it's not worth losing your quit over. A lot of our people have found this place and new friends have been made here. Hopefully your quit buddy will find us too. Quittrain comes up first now in searches and seeing a bunch of familiar names may help them find their way.

Have a good sleep and be proud of yourself for posting and getting it off your chest. I'm hoping your tomorrow is better

[Sazerac]

2 hours ago, Fab said:

Was on top of things, but the last week or so even after now 81 days has been a challenge. I really miss my buddy who helped me through the hard days at the start. Feeling lost - so worried about losing my quit. Have been distant from the board for this reason in recent times. 

 

Please know that many are here to cheer you on, Fab.  Stay close, you will power through this.

Nancy just posted a great post here

and

here is another post that includes some of our experiences about No Man's Land.

[gonfishn21]

Fab,

Like everyone else, I have been there. The thoughts of why did I go through this, I'm not happy. I feel deprived, left out, not quite satisfied with anything. And no more pats on the back to sustain me. Yep. No man's land. 

I like to look at it this way: your addiction is having it's last tantrum to try and lure you back. It's desperate now, because you are winning. It is a last ditch effort to not lose you to the world of non smokers. 

You have come so far, and your addiction is losing.

Stay up on your physical needs, and don't forget to congratulate yourself now and again. And throw in some small rewards as well. This is the last difficult leg of a "Rest of your life journey. I have almost three and a half years now, and I really never ever consider needing one, wanting one, or let alone missing one. You will get there too if you hold strong.

Just sayin,

Gon

Edited March 23, 2018 by gonfishn21

[Lin-quitting]

2 hours ago, beazel said:

So many of us understand what you are going through.

 

Staying away from the board is not a good idea....at all.

 

Come here and talk about your daily struggles.

 

I once started a thread titled "Am I Different" because everyone else sounded like they were confident & had it so together.

 

The responses I got made all the difference. I guess misery loves company,

 

Turns out all those people that I thought were breezing through, were having just as much of a hard time as I was.

 

Some folks didn't want to focus on it so they didn't talk about it on the board as much as I did.

 

Fake it till you make it is what many said they were doing.

 

You can do this....we can help!!!!!

 

What Beazel said. ^^^

 

Hoping you wake up in the morning feeling better, with your resolve back, and knowing that today was just the addiction trying once again to get its tentacles in you.

 

[despair not]

Wot Lin and Beazel said. Ditto.

 

Keep close to the board buddy post an SOS if you feel unsteady.

[Gabes]

I'm on day 79 Fab, I know what you are going through. We need to beat this. WE can do this.

[Boo]

6 hours ago, Fab said:

Was on top of things, but the last week or so even after now 81 days has been a challenge. I really miss my buddy who helped me through the hard days at the start.  

 

Having support during a quit (quit buddy, forums such as this, etc.) is great, but give yourself some credit.  Regardless of how much support we surround ourselves with, those moments where the quit is tested and built are largely a solitary endeavor.  In eighty-one days, there have no doubt been times when it would have been easy to simply light up and feed the beast, but you didn't.  You faced down your addiction and chose wisely.  You did that.  No one else did it for you, you did it.  

 

You've done a great job, have some faith in yourself.

 

6 hours ago, Fab said:

 Feeling lost - so worried about losing my quit. 

 

Feeling lost and actually being lost are not one-in-the-same.  You have laid the foundation for a solid quit, you're right where you need to be.  As for the worries about losing your quit, quits don't simply get lost; we decide to hold on or throw it away.  There's no point worrying about a situation that you have 100% control of.  Stay committed to the quit and your quit is not going anywhere.

 

Stay strong and always choose freedom.

[PeaceTrain]

I feel your pain, Fab.  I've been in that spot more times than I can remember.  What I noticed reading this thread is that the thing so many people are suggesting is the very thing you've just done by starting this thread. You did post when you were having trouble and I hope the responses helped and that tomorrow morning when you look back at all this, you'll be in an even stronger place.  'Cause that's what these crises do.  Every time you triumph, your quit gets stronger. I remember thinking during the hard times, "This is how I build a solid quit- by breaking through the craves, the deprived feeling, the depression.  The only way to kill it is to not feed the monster."  

[NADA]

Fab

 

I completely understand your frustration in thinking that after so many days you can still be blindsided by strong cravings.  In all honesty, I remember asking many of my friends who quit before me how I could still be having difficulties after (blank) # of days.  There just isn't a definitive answer to that question.  All I can say is that when those random but powerful cravings did pop up, I would come to the forum and read, post, and pledge NOPE.

 

And by the way, without being able to pinpoint an exact day, there did come a time when I completely stopped craving cigarettes.  Freedom is a gradual process.  When it prevails, there is no more meaningful blessing that can be bestowed upon you.  Keep it going Fab.

 

[notsmokinjo]

Can't really add anything not already said but Boo hit on something important... Go look in the mirror, see that bloke looking back, he has not had a smoke for 81 days, how frucking awesome is that dude, he fought and clawed his ways through detox, he broke the habits, he did that, the bloke in the mirror. Give yourself the credit you need.

A mate from softball who i havent seen since i quit offered me a smoke last week when he was visiting for our finals and when I said nope, I don't smoke no more he said "That is so great. You have to be hards as nails to quit. I hope you know how proud of yourself you should be"... Own your own success because you chose not to smoke and fif 81 days you haven't  and sure boardies like us can help when the chips are down but your the one who is doing the hard yakka.

Hoping for sunshine when you wake up, inside and out.

[Sslip]

Fab, first up it's great to see you post, it shows how important the quit is to you.

 

I've not really posted anything here yet about how I'm going with my quit, but your post has prompted me to evaluate that and I will start my own topic detailing where I'm at currently. In essence though it is a general feeling of pretty bloody crap, but getting by. I'll not hijack your thread, but hopefully some of what I post will resonate and you will know that you're not alone in this.

 

I think one thing we must assume is QSMB is never coming back. I hope your quit buddy does finally make it across, but if not there is a bunch of us with similar quit dates. I know different timezones can make it difficult, but is there a couple of people here you could be in touch with directly? I will happily chat with you at any time.

 

You seem to have been a bit quieter here. Is life just busy or have you not managed to settle in comfortably yet?

 

Smart move in posting, I have a fair amount to write down in relation to my quit, so it may take a little while, but the stuff that Sazerac and Nancy have posted today is a good starting point.

 

Keep strong mate and keep ploughing on. You (and I really mean you) are doing a fantastic job.

Edited March 23, 2018 by Sslip

[catlover]

 Fab

 

I think a lot of us ( me included) have been shocked at the sudden closure of QSMB, it just felt so right and comfortable there. I really hope your quit buddy finds his or her way here.

There are very welcoming here and many people  with a similar quit date, so hopefully you will find new friends here too.

Stay strong and come and post here often, I know it helps me enormously being here . Our quits are precious,  keep hanging on.

[johnny5]

I can't add much that everyone else hasn't already said, Fab. 

 

No Man's Land is something that most (but not all) quitters seem to hit after the first few months and that seems to be what you are going through now.  Nancy put it best in talking about how the shiny has been worn off your quit.  She also put it best when she said that cigarette is not your friend but your enemy that wants to kill you.

 

Losing the safety net of QSMB and your quit buddy definitely adds to your struggles but you are doing great.  81 days smoke free is huge.  You should be very proud of that.

 

Keep with it, Fab.  You are a non-smoker now.  You have no use whatsoever for a cigarette.

[Lust4Life]

Bravo to you, Fab, for posting.  That is a testament to your desire to keep your quit.   I agree the approach to the next milestone of 3 months is bumpy.  There is something about the 3s that dangles before us.   In reality, everyday is a milestone.  Every hour, for some.  For some, quitting was easy peasy lemon squeezy. For others (myself included) it was a roller coaster of a ride.   Keep your seatbelt fastened...turbulent air may be on any horizon.  And you'll dodge it once again. 

[Fab]

Thank you everyone!

Really appreciate the words of advice, support and encouragement.