Forget "she", what did "no one ever" say?

[JB 883]

Well like if your day was long and hard, yeah that is what she said.

 

My room mate and i though found out something - this person called "No one ever" says some really ridiculous things.

But what kind of things? Here are some i can think of that No one ever quoted -

 

(When Jehovah Witness comes to the door) "Oh please come in, I want to hear all about it. Can I have a pamphlet too?"

(Friday afternoon to the boss) "But sir! Yes I know it is time to leave but I want to stay longer!

(To an older gentleman) "Hey can you tell me that one joke again, I have not heard it enough times yet"

(Shopping around) "No I was just trying to find the worst deal"

 

 

[Sslip]

(to a politician) Thanks for your answer to that. Direct and to the point!

(to a doctor) You shouldn't worry so much about keeping your handwriting neat.

(to a cold caller) Let's talk, your services are just what I need.

[beazel]

"Wow that orange spray tan really suits you"

"He would be so cute if he wore his jeans a little more lower"

"This lettuce sure beats having cake"

"Those socks look great with your sandals"

"I sure do miss all those political ads"

[jillar]

Yay I get to go for a colonoscopy

Here let me wipe your butt

I love picking up the dog poop

[Jenny]

"I love it when you lie to me"

"I wish it was easier to gain weight"

 

 

 

[jillar]

Just now, Jenny said:

 

"I wish it was easier to gain weight"

 

 

 

I hate to admit this but I actually DO say that lol

[Nancy]

I wish I could have a root canal tomorrow

[JB 883]

These are hilarious

 

Here are a few more -

 

(No man ever said) "I would love to marry a woman with weight problems and has a bunch of kids"

(No woman ever said) "I hope to someday marry a man with no job nor ambition except to play video games"

 

"Ahh, almost to the check-out. I hope this person in front of me is going to write a check AND takes a while to dig for their ID"

 

(To the busy-work finding boss) "I am SOOOO bored, nothing to do. Is there anything I can help with?"

 

"Oh it is my turn to change the baby? I hope it's a shit diaper."

 

"WHAT?! That cannot be right! I don't want that big a tax refund!"

 

[notsmokinjo]

"Make sure you stick it right in and forget the lube" to their proctologist

[Sslip]

10 minutes ago, notsmokinjo said:

"Make sure you stick it right in and forget the lube" to their proctologist

 

nor did anyone say "It at times like this, all bent over, I really wish you had bigger hands"

 

 

[notsmokinjo]

Or "a cold slimey finger up me clack, let me just cross that off the bucketlist"

[beazel]

"Let's Yahoo that."

"Well, that was a quick, easy, and fair divorce."

"Your tattooed eyebrows look so natural."

"I'm not going to skip the ad at the start of this YouTube video."

[Doreensfree]

I'm  crackin up here !!!...

[jillar]

I hope I only get two hours of sleep again tonight

Rehab was fun, I'm going back

I'm buying so please, order the most expensive thing on the menu

[catlover]

LMAO

keep em coming.... just get the popcorn...

Edited March 2, 2018 by catlover

[JB 883]

Well I must confess, I know someone who does make statements like the ones in this thread - my older sister. Jokingly of course but sometimes says cynical things but of course it is funny. Like one time i was telling her about some required class I was taking that the instructor rambled until the LAST minute. She said, "When class dismisses, you should say, "But i want to stay and hear you talk some more."

 

With the references to the proctologist, I suppose No One Ever also said "Can you put on some Barry Mandalow while you do that?" Maybe No One Ever calls around and says, "How long and fat are your fingers? I am needing an appointment and i want someone with the biggest fingers possible."

 

 

6 hours ago, beazel said:

"Let's Yahoo that."

"I'm not going to skip the ad at the start of this YouTube video."

 

Yahoo. Just the word itself took me back. Ahh memories..

And you never really know with youtube. Someone might be wanting to enjoy EACH riveting second of the commercial.

 

OH ALSO - No One Ever said, "I AM going to pay a lot for that muffler". If you remember THAT commercial...

Anyways.

 

"I wish my neighbors would make more noise."

"I hope that pain in my left side is something really serious"

"Well boss, I finished the task. Can you look over it and point out the faults? Like get in there and.... REALLY pick?"

 

Oh there IS one thing that No One Ever said to a really mean crowd. It was -

"You should not mind waiting because waiting builds character".

Yeah, teeth have been knocked out over making THAT statement.

 

Edited March 2, 2018 by Jetblack

[beazel]

Said no kid ever........

 

"Shhhh...Mommy is on the phone. Let's be really quiet and behave until she is done."

"Let me finish cleaning my room first Mommy before I help you with the rest of the house."

"Wow, it looks like my parents put a lot of time/ thought/money into this, I'll take good care of it."

"Mom, you can take a nap and I'll play quietly in my room with toys that make no noise."

 

 

 

[JB 883]

Beazel, maybe, just maybe, those things have been said by some kids.

Let me explain.

 

When a kid is trying to do something they shouldn't, THAT is when they are quiet.

 

One time my sister and i were up early on a summer day and when our mom got up, we asked her if she could go back to bed cause we were trying to enjoy the morning.

[beazel]

Said no mom.....

 

"Your total mega-meltdown really helped me see your side of things."

"I love cleaning up messes I didn't make."

"Laboring on my back feels so much better."

"Thanks for the awesome parenting tip, random stranger at the shopping mall."

[JB 883]

So today at work some customer was yapping away to one of the workers. At first it was kind of funny but after several minutes, i started to feel my co-worker's pain.

I mean this guy would not STFU. It was like watching someone being tortured.

 

I told my co-worker, "Next time just say, "but sir please don;t leave, i want to hear more!"

[Wee fluffy me]

 

Too funny.....  But so true...

 

It's good to start your day with a laugh...

[jillar]

To an identity thief: Here's my date of birth and social security number. Just let me know if you need anything else

[JB 883]

Right now I am wondering if "No one ever" said something like, "I love it when I get a good case of diarrhea!"

 

 

 

 

[jillar]

No one ever said, I'll just have one potato chip......

[PeaceTrain]

No one ever said: "Here! YOU take my winning lottery ticket.  I insist!"