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notsmokinjo

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There is no need to ever include talk of animal husbandry in a conversation with a pregnant woman...ever!

 

The better half is pregnant with our second child.  Childbirth is not surprisingly a topic of conversation that comes up from time-to-time.  We were discussing specifically the birth of our second child, then, as I've been known to do, I let my thoughts turn to various associations which change the nature of the conversation.

 

Long story short...I dropped a bit of farm knowledge and said: "unless the calf breeched, the heifer would just plop it right out and start licking the amniotic fluid off of it."  For the record: I understand that human birthing is more complicated and I sure as hell was not comparing the lovely and talented Sugar Britches to a cow.  Also in my defense: I have more experience with calving than I do with human birthing.

 

I really should have learned my lesson.  When we found out we were pregnant the first time, I told Sugar Britches: "from the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were good breeding stock."  I was joking.  She wasn't laughing.

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Well it finally happen, I got 25 foot by 60 foot = 1650sf of concrete for the small sum of $7500.00.  Now my mom can take a short walk to the mail box or sit outside and listen to the radio.

I asked about some astro turf for the other half of the yard and my contractor said $8000.00 !   YIKES how can Grassy carpet cost some freaking much,

This is basically recycle water bottles with some green die added.

So starts the search, I am determined not to have grass or some BS desert land scape.  I want to be able to use it for Badmittent, mini golf or crocket.

Pretty right.

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Well Thank you Linda:

 I must say that having you and quit train in my life is certainly a blessing also.

If we could just remember all the blessing we have in our life's when we were starting to feel blue or unhappy, maybe just maybe we wouldn't feel down so often.

Edited by Opah
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29 minutes ago, Opah said:

Well Thank you Linda:

 I must say that having you and quit train in my life is certainly a blessing also.

If we could just remember all the blessing we have in our life's when we were starting to feel blue or unhappy, maybe just maybe we wouldn't feel down so often.

@Opah that is so true, it is sometimes hard to let those negative thoughts out weigh the blessings!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

May we ask why you like this word, you have been a plethora of hope. guidance and advice to us.  I hope that also fits in with your everyday life, a plethora of love, family, joy, friends and all of the things that give you joy!

K

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  • 1 month later...

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

 

So me and Sugar Britches had reached an agreement, no more Christmas decorations...particularly nothing large that goes out in the yard.  Admittedly, we do have more than enough.  However, one of the guys at work knows about my daughter's affinity for penguins and told me about something he saw for sale at Home Depot.

 

Long story short, we are now the proud owners of a ten-foot tall inflatable penguin that lights up.  I'll just have to explain to the better-half how it would have been a shame to not get this penguin for our little princess.

 

I know we don't need it, but we had to have it.

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21 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

Lol.....Oh ....Don't worry ...Sugar Britches wil love it ....

Come and tell us Tomorrow 🐸

 

Sugar Britches has accepted the fact that she married a man who geeks out at Christmastime.

 

Maddie loves the new penguin.  Her eyes lit up when she saw our new addition right there alongside Santa Claus and Rudolph.  Or as she calls them: Gwen, Ho-Ho, and Deke.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Actual headline from the New York Post: "90 Day Fiance Star Retires From Selling Farts After Heart Attack Scare."

 

Stephanie Matto, 31, enterprising "fartepreneur" (there's a reason I always go with the New York Post on stories like this) was eating a steady diet of hardboiled eggs, beans, and protein shakes to stay in a constant state of gassiness.  Say what you will, but she really committed to the bit.  Long story short, her gas pains became so intense she thought she was having a heart attack and went to the hospital.

 

Miss Matto's fart-for-pay days came to an abrupt halt following the health scare.  She still makes a good dime with some online subscription service she has doing unspeakable things for thirsty boys on the internet.  She was selling her farts in a jar for $1,000 a poot.

 

Now I can't focus on anything else.  So many dad jokes bouncing around in my head...

 

These gas prices are out of control!

 

Inflation....Am I right?  Back in my day you could buy a jug of farts for ten-bucks.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Having another night of awake, nowhere to go, no one to call.  This is where the panic sets in, will I ever fall asleep.  Makes me think of my now long ago enemy.  I could see this enemy again. They are right around the corner.  The thing is the effort to get dressed and drive around the corner to see someone I hate is not worth it.  So I am here on the couch with the remote and my new friend, Netflix. Hope you are asleep and dreaming of lottery wins and tropical vacations.

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