How do you overcome the anxiety and fear?

[Daisyjane2014]

When I was a smoker, I thought I was absolutely Invincible. Nothing could harm me. Sure, I knew in the logical part of my brain that smoking was bad for me and that smoking caused lung cancer. I knew it but I chose to wear blinders and push that knowledge to the furthest recesses of my mind. It popped up occasionally when my husband had a coughing fit, or when he started wheezing in his sleep, or when I woke up with a horrific sore throat after a night of chain smoking with friends.

 

I would look in the bathroom mirror and say to myself: “You need to stop smoking. It will kill you if you don’t.”

 

Then I put my blinders back on and turned off the bathroom light. I joined my husband on the fire escape and smiled when he handed me a cigarette. La-dee-da. I convinced myself that me and my husband were immune to the negative effects of cigarette smoking. I would think “Hey, Look at George Burns, he lived to age 100 and smoked every day, It’s all good. We’re FINE.”

 

But then I woke up. It was a combination of things. An article containing a list of celebrities that died of smoking related diseases. The list went on and on…I was shocked because I had not realized that smoking was the cause of all these deaths. Reading “The Easy Way to Quit Smoking” by Allen Carr, Joining this website, discovering my husband was already displaying early symptoms of lung cancer and reading about Bryan Curtis http://www.smh.com.au/national/dead-man-bryan-tells-his-lifes-tale-to-all-smokers-20121218-2bl7w.html

 

Suddenly the blinders were ripped off of me rather dramatically. The light of harsh reality came flooding in. It was so bright and painful that I had to wince. I had to come to terms with the fact that I had been inhaling poison into my lungs for 15 years. I had been sucking Cancer causing TOXINS into my body. All I could think of was “HOLY CRAP!! WHY did I do that?!” The full realization of my own mortality crashed over me like a tsunami wave.  :( 

 

The reason I KNOW that this quit is my sticky quit is because I don’t want to die. That’s really all there is to it. Well… that combined with my newfound hatred of tobacco corporations. (RJ Reynolds in particular) There is no part of me that believes cigarettes have anything to offer me anymore but death. That’s what it boils down to and I don’t want to die. When someone offers me a cigarette at a bar, I immediately back away from them as though they’re offering me a loaded pistol to point at my head. I’m NOT going to play Russian Roulette with my life anymore. That’s really how I see cigarettes now. I understand why my mother called them “Cancer sticks”. That’s literally what they are. The romance is over.

 

In the past 5 1/2 months since I quit. I know of 3 people that died of lung cancer. I knew of ZERO before I quit. Now THREE IN FIVE MONTHS! 2 of my friend’s parents and JWG on the previous board. All instances were quick. Diagnosis, 2 months… gone. I had no idea lung cancer was like that! I just found out recently that the pulmonary embolism that killed my grandmother before I was born was caused by smoking! She was fine and then she was rushed to the ER. She died before my father could get to the hospital to say goodbye. Just like that. I look at old pictures of my grandmother and marvel at the similarities of our features. This woman I’ll never meet because of cigarettes. My friend was just diagnosed with Bladder Cancer. I never even heard of that before. The doctor told her it was because she had been a smoker. She quit 5 years ago and she’s only 43 years old!

 

I Am. Scared. Sh*tless.

 

I was not an anxious person before I quit smoking. I was pretty happy go lucky for the most part. I experienced tragedy and I had struggles, but I handled it pretty well. (At least I would like to think so) Now I am very anxious and fearful about death.

 

Last week my husband was folding laundry with me. He suddenly leaned over in pain and clutched his right arm. “Owwwww”, he winced and folded over. I panicked in a way I never felt before. My heart rate doubled, I broke out in a sweat, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I immediately thought “OH MY GOD! THIS IS IT! HE’S HAVING A HEART ATTACK!!” I reached for my cellphone to dial 911. My husband was like “Who are you calling??” I told him “911”. He laughed and told me to put down my phone before I could press send. He said he was fine. He kind of stretched out his arm and then lifted it over his head. After a minute he said it was just a pinched nerve and that he bent it the wrong way.

 

Then he kissed me and said “I’m fine. I’m going to live a long life with you together. You need to relax”

 

Then later on that week, He woke up with a sore throat, back pains and started coughing. He’s been coughing for 5 days straight now.  He is so weak, his voice is all gruff and broken. I immediately thought it was early signs of lung cancer and that he needs to get that CT Scan.

 

“I just have a COLD, It’s been going around the office. I’ll be better in no time. I’m not dying. You need to stop with the Web MD.” He told me when I had started to cry. He held me close and comforted me.

 

I’m a ball of anxiety and I can’t seem to shake the fear that I’m going to lose him to a smoking related disease. I’m so afraid that we waited too long to stop smoking. The fact that his mother died of cancer in her 40’s doesn’t help to curb my anxieties. (He’s older than me, He’s turning 40 soon) I’ve been trying to do deep breathing exercises and yoga to calm my nerves.

 

I realize I sound like a complete basket case and I’m not even sure I’m going to post this. I figure I might as well, most of you know me from the beginning so this shouldn’t be much of a surprise that I’m experiencing these fears.

 

I just need advice on what to do when I feel a wave of anxiety wash over me. Has anyone else experienced anxieties and fears like this after they stopped smoking? It’s not like I walk around anxious all the time. Please don’t get me wrong. It’s not all-encompassing or anything dramatic like that. It doesn’t interrupt with work or social life. When My husband is in good health, I’m fine. As soon as he gets ill. Panic strikes. I just worry. A LOT. Probably more than I should.  I know a lot of you will probably suggest seeing a therapist and getting a script for Xanax. Maybe that’s the best solution, but before I resort to drugs… does anyone else have a natural suggestion on curbing this anxiety? Does anyone else ever feel like this?

[Jonny5]

I can completely relate.

 

I think I get the anxiety because I've taken off the blinkers that we have to wear when we are smokers.

 

we can't let ourselves worry about the 50% chance of dying from smoking, so our brains block things out.

 

once we break free we see things so clearly that we get scared, because we are not used to it.

 

we begin to experience fear like a non smoker would.

 

that's just my take on it though :-)

[Jonny5]

I can completely relate.

 

I think I get the anxiety because I've taken off the blinkers that we have to wear when we are smokers.

 

we can't let ourselves worry about the 50% chance of dying from smoking, so our brains block things out.

 

once we break free we see things so clearly that we get scared, because we are not used to it.

 

we begin to experience fear like a non smoker would.

 

that's just my take on it though :-)

 

sorry, forgot to add, I'm getting more and more used to it now.

 

i realised that the rules of life are still the same, we live, we die.  I had just hidden from that for too long

[Rain Forest]

I can completely relate.

 

I think I get the anxiety because I've taken off the blinkers that we have to wear when we are smokers.

 

we can't let ourselves worry about the 50% chance of dying from smoking, so our brains block things out.

 

once we break free we see things so clearly that we get scared, because we are not used to it.

 

we begin to experience fear like a non smoker would.

 

that's just my take on it though :-)

 

Daisy, I understand exactly what you're saying... I was gonna answer you, but Jonny did it for me and he said it better than I could have.

 

Also, you said since you quit, you know 3 people who have died of cancer... since I quit, I've known over 10, a mixture of people in quit smoking forums and in my family... it sucks, but here is how I see it nowadays: we can spend all of our time worrying and therefore never be happy, or we can decide to not worry and enjoy life while we're here... I go for the second option, and I have a feeling you will too...

 

The fact that you are so anxious about this means you have a good heart and you care for people, so bless you! :)

[Jenny]

I thought about that a lot in the beginning.  The truth is though, there are no guarantees in life at all, even for people who never smoked.  If my time comes earlier than expected I will at least know I did all I could.

[Ladybug]

Oh Daisyjane..I wish I could tell you it would go away. 

 

I am married since 31 years, I love my husband, he is my best friend, soulmate, lover, husband.....the all in one deal! We are happy and we are still in love...go figure! I am 51 and he is  2 years older. I am a down to earth person, very balanced, very happy and mostly in a good mood. This however changes in the minute I think my husband might be sick. He was in a harmless car accident a while ago, nothing dramatic happened, but still he ended up in the Emergency room. You should have seen me. I was yelling at nurses, pushing people to the side...I was a nervous wreck, willing to punch anybody and everybody who didn't answer my questions quickly enough.

 

There is this voice in my head....what if something happens to him. How would I ever go on? I am financially independent, have my own business....but that's not what I am talking about. I could not imagine my life without him. Sure, we all go on one way or another...I know that. The question however is if you want to. My wish is we die of old age, in our sleep in the same night. Not very realistic of course and I know that. 

 

We just quit smoking and the thought "how much damage is done " comes to mind. Let's face it, I smoked for 35 years, chances that I will pay the ultimate price....well they are high. For me and for my husband, he still smokes. I fine with it for myself, but the fear of losing him is very real and intensifies with each passing year.

 

The wave of anxiety in our neck.....over rolling us like a big wave, it won't stop...Why, because we love him! I would bet we both would still feel the same if we would have never smoked. The fear would be the same....we would still be scared s***less!

 

I don't have an advice...I just  let you look in my life and my heart so that you know you are not the only one :-)

[sgt.barney]

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.”

 

-- Bene Gesserit "Litany Against Fear", Frank Herbert, "Dune"

[sgt.barney]

Yeah, TAC - that one's for you...

 

:) [1]

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

 

FOOTNOTE:

[1] It's all good.

[TAC]

It's the spice!

[sgt.barney]

It's the spice!

 

He who controls the Spice ...

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[TAC]

He who controls the Spice ...

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

Controls the universe

 

(Sorry DaisyJane, didn't mean to hijack your thread, it's a guy thing)

[sharonsiff]

DJ

 

Exactly the same my end. Doctor has suggested I go on tablets, but, instead I am reading this book

 

http://www.chimpparadox.co.uk/and already I can see a huge difference in the way I deal with my thinking. It can help you sort out the 'crap/gremlins/untruths in your mind and replace them with helpful autopilots.

 

Might be just up your street?

[Leanna]

DJ, I can totally relate to what you're going through. Ever since I quit smoking, all I worry about is my health. Now I realize I'm a hypochondriac, but I really didn't fret too much when I was a smoker. Actually, I used to say dumb sh*t like, "Oh well, if I die, I'll die happy!" while puffing away on my deathstick. Some days I do wish I could go back to my blissful bubble of ignorance, but I know quitting has improved my health, so there's no way I'd go back to smoking. 

 

I wish I had an answer, I really do. I think you just have to tell yourself that you have no control over this type of thing. You have no say in life and death. I am not completely over my fear and anxiety, but I think it's getting better in time. Talking to my boyfriend helps. He shakes some sense into me when I freak out over little things.

 

I check on him every night to make sure he's still breathing. He's 26 and in pretty good health, but I obsess over his well-being because I love him so much and don't want to lose him.

 

I think we need to realize that we don't know what's going to happen and there's no point in fretting about it. The anxiety isn't worth it. I know it's easier said than done, but really, there's not much else we can do unfortunately. I guess we just need to find a way to accept and move on?

[Dors67]

Two certainties in life are death and taxes....

 

But seriously if you worry about something that might happen, you will forever be worrying....life is precious, so rather than worry ... Live it. Whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen...don't waste it. And don't resort to drugs, they will make things worse in the long run.

[Still winning]

Well on an emotional level I can add my voice to those above. Chris and I have been together 2 years this time but met as lovestruck teenagers and have stayed friends and soulmates through other relationships, eventually we were always fated to end back together.  When he goes out on his motorbike I literally pace, if he's unwell I am like some horrendous mother hen - he's good at the comfort, I'm good at the neurotic panic - every relationships needs roles right :)

 

At the risk of sounding more hippy happy than I usually do but you did ask about natural alternatives...

 

I tend to use crystals to helps control my moods.  I wear an amethyst pendant normally, to keep me calm and grounded and have small hand held amethysts to hold in my hand when my stress levels/anxiety start to go up.  I also have others that have specific properties and while it may sound "weird" to some it's been amazing for me and those around me.  

 

I got my next reiki level recently too, that was very good at re-balancing me personally although I don't know about costs in america, I would say it was well worth it for me.

 

Another couple of ideas for you to look at maybe :) xx