Frustrated

[Abby]

No, I won't smoke, I'm just having anxiety which makes me think of smoking . Health matters still make me think about smoking at times . I have a long quit and I love being a non smoker .  I feel even ashamed posting these thoughts because it scares me it may discourage new quitters . Heck it discourages me . For years I've not had any smoking thoughts.....  what has changed  ? I know  my health is getting worse but I am discouraged that I would even think I may find hope or relief in a cigarette .. they almost killed me .  

 

Any advise welcomed . Is this normal . Has anyone else gone through this ? 

 

Struggling but no way smoking . 

[Nancy]

Abby, I am confused about your quit.  Didn't you post here that you smoked recently?

[NADA]

Hi Abby

Sorry about your health issues.  I'm sure that accounts for a lot of your anxiety and opens the door to thoughts of smoking.  For years, sometimes decades, we associated smoking as something that gave us comfort and calmness.  Those thoughts become so entrenched in our brains that even years after quitting they can resurface if we let down our guard.  Adverse situations can make us more vulnerable and susceptible to poor choices.  But I'm sure you know that smoking won't bring you any positiveness.  It will only make you feel worse.

You're not alone in having deceitful thoughts creep in your head.  All we can do is summon our rational, truthful brain to the forefront and acknowledge that smoking is a destructive killer and nothing good will come of it. 

Keep the quit! 

[Abby]

yes, but I never smoked . I promise I will explain in full detail if need be.  Ask away . I posted I had smoked feeling certain that after doing so I would go out and smoke . I couldn't.   This has happened to me twice .  Certain I will smoke so may as well post I have , left then couldnt do it .  That's playing with fire gor sure . To me it doesn't matter ..if everyone doesn't feel comfortable I've kept my quit date ..  day 1 is fine  but in fact I really have not lost a quit... yet ... I just need some support right now . I am truly sorry as I see it could have hurt others quits . I should have posted for help sooner and not let my pride get in the way or let my fear for newcomers looking in be discouraged . Maybe we can all learn from this . If I'm not welcome please just say so .. I will understand . 

 

[Abby]

Thanks B K P . I realize my thoughts were totally addict thinking , but it doesn't make me feel better my actions . 

[Abby]

I think I'm battling more with my actions and it's feeding the desire to smoke . I might be wrong . 

[Nancy]

13 minutes ago, Abby said:

yes, but I never smoked . I promise I will explain in full detail if need be.  Ask away . I posted I had smoked feeling certain that after doing so I would go out and smoke . I couldn't.   This has happened to me twice .  Certain I will smoke so may as well post I have , left then couldnt do it .  That's playing with fire gor sure . To me it doesn't matter ..if everyone doesn't feel comfortable I've kept my quit date ..  day 1 is fine  but in fact I really have not lost a quit... yet ... I just need some support right now . I am truly sorry as I see it could have hurt others quits . I should have posted for help sooner and not let my pride get in the way or let my fear for newcomers looking in be discouraged . Maybe we can all learn from this . If I'm not welcome please just say so .. I will understand . 

 

You don't need to explain anything to me.  I was just confused, which I am sure you can understand.

[Abby]

Hope the explanation helped although I know it  it is  really inexcusable  but I feel being honest about it , is the right thing to do  . 

For tonight I am going back to the basics  of quitting . I am anxious as I mentioned over some health issues ... but I don't need to make them addict thoughts . One day at a time . I will know more tomorrow after I talk with the hemotologist . 

Thanks for letting me share . I will check in tomorrow again . I get what I deserve .  Honestly if anyone feels I should not participate here , I will not and I will respect that . 

 

 

[Reciprocity]

Everyone is welcome here Abby and our one purpose is to be of whatever assistance we can be to fellow quitters. Sorry you are having some health issues but you know smoking will only add to those so just stay the course. Hopefully, you get better news tomorrow from the Dr. Please do check back and let us know. We do care about all the members of our family here and .... you're one of them

[PeaceTrain]

Hi Abby. I’m glad you’re here fighting to maintain your quit. I’ve learned something from your post and that is it isn’t fair to anyone to hold back what’s really going on for fear of scaring newbies. I know I’ve had those thoughts at times and in fact have not posted certain feelings/thoughts for that reason. In reading your account, it’s clear that the truth should be told because everyone is deferent and everyone’s experience is valuable. Newbies would also see and could be reminded if a disclosure such as yours frightens them, that most people do not have strong urges to smoke after such a long quit. They can also see that if it does happen, it’s possible to hold onto a quit, like you have, and come out the other side of it, like you will if you stay committed to NOPE. 

I can’t help wondering if your false statement that you smoked somehow reawakened the addiction with a vengeance. You did, on some level, allow the option of smoking into your head even if you didn’t actually do it. Perhaps if you could shift into a “smoking is off the table” mentality, these thoughts and urges would calm down. With your health issues, you have a compelling reason to validate that mindset. 

[Abby]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this tonight . I am feeling better .  The dragon is sleeping , and I really hope it stays sleeping .  I am calling it a.nite .

Thanks for being here with me.

 

 

[El Bandito]

Hey Abby. Tough day. Be careful of empowering the addiction. “The dragon sleeps...” There is no dragon. You fancied a cigarette. Probably for all the same reasons that you believed smoking was good back when you smoked. You didn’t smoke because you know better.

Well Done.

Laugh at yourself and move on. No dragons...?

[Doreensfree]

Having thoughts is OK...its what you do with those thoughts..

I think of smoking too,but remind myself of all the misery that will go along with it...

It's OK go wobble....just don't fall over... This helped me alot...

Stick around....we need you here,just as much as you need us.....

Staying smoke free..that's all that matters...and you do that ..anyway you can....x

[Dee]

Hello Abby. I think it will always be a thought that pops up from time to time. My sister at one point had over 15 years and every now and again she would it smell someone smoking or be out drinking and the thought would cross her mind.  I remember being surprised after so long she would get the urge she said it was more of just a thought. 

[JB 883]

So you thought of smoking but didn't? So it was like "I feel like a smoke, I better post about it beforehand" then just never lit up?

Kind of funny in a way. It reminds me of people who talk about doing good things but never follow through. At least in this case, you didn't follow through with a bad choice (smoking).

If someone has not smoked in six years, what would even possess them to think about it? Is it like, "Shoot, life is stressful, I better light up a smoke so my problem will go away".

I have a friend who had quit smoking (weed AND tobacco) but things in life got stressful. So she went back to doing BOTH. It was a sad sight being over there and here she is complaining about her problems (which she brought on herself) while smoking a joint and cigarette at the same time.

Just try not to be that person who thinks a smoke or other addiction will help anything.

 

Edited December 5, 2017 by Jetblack

[Abby]

Thanks Jet black for your input.

1 hour ago, Jetblack said:

So you thought of smoking but didn't? So it was like "I feel like a smoke, I better post about it beforehand" then just never lit up?

Kind of funny in a way. It reminds me of people who talk about doing good things but never follow through. At least in this case, you didn't follow through with a bad choice (smoking).

If someone has not smoked in six years, what would even possess them to think about it? Is it like, "Shoot, life is stressful, I better light up a smoke so my problem will go away".

I have a friend who had quit smoking (weed AND tobacco) but things in life got stressful. So she went back to doing BOTH. It was a sad sight being over there and here she is complaining about her problems (which she brought on herself) while smoking a joint and cigarette at the same time.

Just try not to be that person who thinks a smoke or other addiction will help anything.

 

Sorry about your friend . 

I like this statement 

"try not to be that person who thinks a smoke will help anything " 

 I will and keep that in mind . Thank  you 

For now now I am just going back to basics , taking one day at a time and keeping it smoke free , just like we all must do .  I will be reading and listening and pledging nope . 

 

 

 

[Abby]

Update for those who were asking ...

Feeling better about things . My Dr visit did not have the encouraging news I had hoped for,  but the appointment went well . 

I don't regret posting and I definitely don't regret not smoking . Today's report would have hurt a lot more had I smoked . I am sooo grateful .

Thanks again to all of you replying and helping me through . My opinion is no matter where you are on your quit you will never regret posting but you will regret smoking . 1 day quit or 10,000 days quit,  post if you need help . 

Addiction is a disease . Smoking is a choice . Would you agree? 

[Doreensfree]

Good to hear you are feeling better Abby..

Sorry to hear the Dr appointment wasn't giving you the news you wanted..

Smoking is a addiction.....it took Allen Carr to make me understand this...your right when you say smoking is a choice...

We choose not to smoke anymore ..x