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All by myself...

Dors67

By Dors67
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Dors67 Newbie

Dors67

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I have gone through my 30 years of smoking alone, pretty much.   I never told a soul in my whole family that I was a smoker.  I thought about this today for some reason as to why, all I can come up with is that I was ashamed of my habit, yet I kept it up for 30 years.

 

Anyway the other day I was on the phone to my sister and I just said..hey I have a secret and this is it....I have smoked a packet of smokes every day for the last 30 years and as of 6 weeks ago I quit. 

She was stunned and also sad to hear that I had kept this to myself for all those years. 

 

Now I feel sad that I never shared this with them and that with my quitting I have robbed myself of some of the glory of ridding myself of this addiction. 

 

So as I spent the last 30 years hiding who I was from them, I will not hide who I am now from them.

 

This is part of my history and I cannot erase it, so they will have to accept it and anyway it isn't something that I am ashamed of anymore.  I am proud to have quit this addiction and hold my head high.

 

Don't know why, just had to let this out somehow.   It's been bothering me.

 

Thanks

Dors

 

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SueBeDoo Newbie

SueBeDoo

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I don't know how you did it, massive weight off your shoulders now though, I bet you feel soo much better with it out in the open, well done for having the courage to tell your sister xx

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Dors67 Newbie

Dors67

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Thank you ALL very much.  I am actually feeling like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  If you all only knew how stupid it has all been...I mean I cancelled birthday parties, family gatherings and things because of my smoking...I am such a failure to my family because of my addiction. 

 

If anyone who is actually a newbie is reading this....believe me...CIGARETTES CAN RUIN YOUR LIFE....I hate cigarettes and the addiction.   I am lucky, my family will probably forgive me for keeping it a secret...but still NO EXCUSE...I WILL ALWAYS HURT BECAUSE OF IT....but NO MORE....damn it NO MORE....

 

I HATE CIGARETTES.....and I will NEVER like them ever again. 

 

DO YOU HEAR ME......    I  HATE CIGARETTES..............SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS..................

 

HATE THEM ... HATE THEM.... HATE THEM.... HATE THEM....

 

Yep....I hate them

 

Thank you and goodnight

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Still winning Newbie

Still winning

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I HATE THEM TOO!!  Just because sometimes it good to yell with someone else!!  I'm sorry it has made you feel controlled Dors, It must feel much better to let that go now. Don't live in the past honey, it's  a has been not a place to dwell in.  Best "smoke free with blinding circulation" foot forwards my lovely. xx

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Jenny Newbie

Jenny

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WOW, amazing you were able to keep that inside for 30 years!  None of us are perfect Dors.  We are works in progress and we have our successes and our failures.  Don't spend time being sad about what was.  IMO you should always look to the future as that is where you can have some impact.

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ArmedNAruba Newbie

ArmedNAruba

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I don't get it.....I honestly do not understand how people can hide their smoking for that period of time. How do these people not know???

 

I realize that you may not see those relatives often and choose not to smoke around them, but it is baffling that no one could even smell this on you even once. They wouldn't hear a cough or see a lighter. They wouldn't see the smoke residue on your windshield or ashes/butts or burn holes anywhere.

 I remember trying to sneak a puff here and there only to be immediately called out by parents/girlfriend/friends/coworkers/wife. I have literally taken a shower and changed my clothes and people would tell me I still stunk of smoke. I would get so pissed I couldn't cover the smell.

 

When I first quit, I remember my wife saying to me, How do I know you're not sneaking one here and there? You might have one, but not want to tell me or start smoking again and I wont know. I said, honey believe me, if there's one thing a person can't lie about, its smoking. If I start, you will know. I can't hide that.

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Trish Newbie

Trish

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I don't get it.....I honestly do not understand how people can hide their smoking for that period of time. How do these people not know???

 

I realize that you may not see those relatives often and choose not to smoke around them, but it is baffling that no one could even smell this on you even once. They wouldn't hear a cough or see a lighter. They wouldn't see the smoke residue on your windshield or ashes/butts or burn holes anywhere.

 I remember trying to sneak a puff here and there only to be immediately called out by parents/girlfriend/friends/coworkers/wife. I have literally got a shower and changed my clothes and people would tell me I still stunk of smoke. I would get so pissed I couldn't cover the smell.

 

When I first quit, I remember my wife saying to me, How do I know you're not sneaking one here and there? You might have one, but not want to tell me or start smoking again and I wont know. I said, honey believe me, if there's one thing a person can't lie about, its smoking. If I start, you will know. I can't hide that.

I was thinking the same thing.  I didn't tell my chiropractor but he knew because I didn't stink

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Daisyjane2014 Newbie

Daisyjane2014

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That's awesome that you opened up to your sister and told her your secret. I'm really proud of you for quitting and for talking about it with a family member.

 

I can relate because I kept my smoking a secret from my family and my co-workers for a long time. My sister and brother saw me smoke a few times and I made it sound like it was a super rare event. "Oh I only smoke once in a blue moon when I've had too many drinks or I'm depressed or something" I never smoked around my father or mother. I hid it from my co-workers but found out they knew because they could smell it on me. I was always ashamed.

 

I completely understand where you're coming from and YES, I hate cigarettes now too. HATE them!! Glad you were able to have a weight lifted off your shoulders and happy that you're smoke free! :) 

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Rain Forest Newbie

Rain Forest

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You might find that having secrets are no longer gonna be an issue... once you've chosen to be a non-smoker and have won the battle, the rest of your life also wins: you will have a new, can-do-anything attitude and won't be afraid to show it!  I'm glad for ya :)

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Nicole Diver Newbie

Nicole Diver

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believe it or not - you can hide it.

with a lot of mouthwash and hand sanitizer.

not with like a spouse or whatever, but I never told a soul at work I smoked.

they would joke how I'd outlive everyone b/c I worked out all the time and didn't eat junk.

and no one has ever said one word since I quit.  by now someone would have said something if they knew.

 

I was alone in my addiction and my quit both.  That's why I am so thankful to have a place to be open about it.

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Dors67 Newbie

Dors67

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I can see how people might think how can you hide that?  I went to extraordinary lengths to keep it a secret.  I purposely made sure that if someone was coming over to call first, I would then smoke outside, clean carpets, deodorise, disinfect, scrub walls... I carried around leave in hair conditioner, hand softener, body lotion, perfume, deodorant....Gosh it sounds so stupid but it was my life.  If somebody did comment on hey I can smell smoke I would blame someone else.   Oh my friend Blah Blah was here and they smoke....Can you still smell it?  I pulled it off, just like Houdini, however, I used way more lies and of that I am deeply ashamed. 

 

Thanks for listening to me and understanding how much of a deal this was for me.   You are all too kind.  xoxoxoxoxo

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