Shaky, but still here

[bjean]

For any who may just be coming back after a few days, I'm new here.  I just read a post that says that, when you first quit, it's important to stay with the group for strength.  As Scotty says in Star Trek Beyond:  "As my wee granny used to say, you canna break a stick in a bundle."  So, I thought I'd tell a bit about myself.  

 

This is not my first time to quit.  I started smoking in 1993......and was way to old to have started this foolishness.  I was mad at the world and instead of taking my anger out on the world, I took it out on myself by starting to smoke.  That's 24 years, but, if you ask me how many years I have smoked, I'll tell you 23.  That's because I quit for about a year....and was dumb and weak enough to go back after a WHOLE YEAR!   I know that you can quit under pressure because I decided to quit right before 9/11.  Of all things, I went back to it (in my view) because of a man.  He dumped me.  I got depressed and said to myself "Who Cares!".....and picked right back up where I left off.

 

I feel that I should be honest and say that I really didn't WANT to quit this time.  I just began to live in the knowledge that it was killing me.  That was beginning to scare me.  Boy do I wish I could say that I was eager to jump on the bandwagon (or train, as it were), but I set a quit date for my birthday, August 19......and blew right by it still smoking.  I want one right now.  I had the roughest day yet yesterday, but I kept the NOPE.  I didn't do it.  I did pick one up.  I still have an ashtray with 4 butts in it.  I picked one of those up and put it to my lips.  Do you know how bad those taste and smell?  I did it quite deliberately, hoping that it would gross me out enough to enjoy the quit yesterday.  Well, that part didn't quite work.  I'm an addict.  Addicts aren't put off by smells.  

 

I got through yesterday.  My first S.O.S.  I took my calendar and number all the days of September in RED.  I numbered them up from August 29, the day I had my last cigarette.  I did it so that I can see those numbered days out there.....so that I REACH for those days out there.  Dramatic, much?  You bet.  I'll play games with myself.  I'll be the drama queen.  This is something I have to do.  Failure is not an option.  I'm originally from Tennessee, but have lived in Georgia since 1993.  It has always been my goal to retire close to the Smokies.  I turned 62 in August so that's 3 years away.  I want to be able to do that and enjoy it.....to still be able to go for walks in the mountains.  I can't do that if I'm wheezing and can't breathe.

 

Sorry to be so long, but I needed to DO something and this was it, apparently.

 

[Doreensfree]

We were all addicts...

I lost thousands of quits..if the grass was too green..I would lose a quit and smoke...we know exactly how you feel..

This is a brand new quit..and your sticky ,if you want it bad enough..

I smoked 52 years ..didn't know ,how to be a adult ,without my crutch..

I stayed here,I listened I learnt,I joined in..I helped others..it worked...

Having stumps in a ash tray..would not have worked for me..I needed to clear myself of all smoking reminders..

If you want a bad smell ..put them in a jar,with a little water..take that smell in..o.m.g...gross....

Your a fabulous non smoker... You don't need them hanging around..

Trust me.xx

[Paul723]

"I'm an addict"

 

This is the most important realization you can have and one of the hardest for many. The first time I typed this my hands were shaking. Then I also typed, "I can't have just one". This is the rule of addiction. Take this inside and know it to be true. We will help you put your addiction asleep; it will never be dead but you will learn how to not wake it. It does not make you less of a person, we all made the same mistake. We understand it better than others and will celebrate your victories and we want you to overcome.

[bjean]

Paul723.  I don't know HOW to put this addiction to sleep.  My intellect has known for a long time that cigarette smoking is primarily a nicotine addiction.  I say primarily because I think the other component, which is the psychological dependence is as problematic for me as the addiction.  Yesterday was HORRIBLE.  I was angry and out of control.  I honestly don't know how I made it without smoking, but I did.  Today has been somewhat better.  The addiction is not pulling me as strongly, but the psychological part was pulling me today.  I would almost head to my old smoking spot on auto-pilot.  Of course, there are no cigarettes there so it won't work, but I miss it in a really sad way.  Shouldn't I be celebrating?  Why am I sad because I miss it?  How can I put this addiction to sleep feeling that way?

[PeaceTrain]

the psychological dependence is as problematic for me as the addiction.    The addiction is not pulling me as strongly, but the psychological part was pulling me

bjean, ALL of what you're experiencing is because of the addiction, not just the physical part. The psychological and emotional aspects of the addiction have been much more difficult for me and for many others than the physical. Personally, I experienced little to no physical withdrawals but psychologically and emotionally, I struggled. Happy to say, that has eased up considerably and it will for you too. Everyone's timeline on this is different but everyone's road leads to the same place of freedom and feeling comfortable as a non-smoker.

[BAT]

Keep posting.

[bjean]

Can somebody explain to me how to get the ticker in your signature?  I see 2 lines, but I don't know where to paste them.

[Stewie]

Slow and steady. Take it easy, one day at a time. You have a big mountain to climb but even a 10000 step jorney begins with the first steps. As long as you dont smoke, youre doing fine by my book. Proceed.

[bjean]

Still working on this ticker in the signature.  Something isn't right and the numbers are wrong.  Can anybody help?

[PeaceTrain]

bjean, make sure you're in the "full version" of the site. If you go to the tickers tab at the top, the instructions walk you through the process.

 

BTW It may have seemed like a long time to you but I can't believe tomorrow will be one week! Good going!!!

[Doreensfree]

Your body is going through some massive changes..it has to catch up with your brain...

It's used to being fed chemicals on a daily basis...keep reminding yourself..your body is healing,and all is temporary.

Soon you should start feeling the little benifits..your nose will start to wake up..things will smell stronger..

Taste..things should taste better...

Keep marching...

[Jewel]

How's it going jbean? I know the hours in the day are long when just getting off nicotine. I had to stay busy w/replacements & lots of reading. Hope to hear from you soon! Slow & steady wins the race...