Good news and bad news !

[Soozie]

Hi everyone, 

 

Hubby went back to work yesterday for two weeks so no doubt I will have lots more time to post and be active here on the board. 

 

Bad news it that I smoked for the last 4 days. Up until Friday night I was doing really well. I faced lots of social occasions, pubs, lunches etc and it wasn't too bad only a couple of mild craves, then on Friday night we had some visitors over and I just decided in a couple of minutes that I would join them in smoking !!! I didn't even try to work through the crave. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much, once again just learning from my mistakes and moving on. I didn't smoke nearly as many cigarettes as I have in the past. To be honest they make me feel a bit sick.

 

So the good news is I've jumped straight back on the train and today I haven't smoked. I'm glad to be back here, there's a certain feeling of comfort and security knowing you are all here. I really haved missed not being able to spend much time here. 

 

This morning when I woke up I thought to myself can I really be bothered to go through all the effort again. I lay there thinking about it for a while and then just found myself going through the motions of getting up as a none smoker. Breakfast, coffee, watch Eastenders ;) . Shower and then out to do some shopping. Before I knew it I was back home having lunch and I hadn't even thought of having a smoke. It's now 3.15pm and I'm going to take my little dog out for a walk (it's a beautiful autumn day here in Perth still warm and sunny !) By the time I get back I shall be preparing the evening meal and the day will be nearly done. 

 

I will check in after dinner and see what you all have to say  -_-

 

Sue x

 

 

 

 

[Pippa]

Sue - nooooo - say it ain't so ! Not happy you smoked but glad you have owned it and jumped back on the train - now you just need to work out what you will different next time hubby is back. In the mean time - remember NOPE and also that these are the times to use an SOS !

[robf]

Good that you're back on.

 

Here's the thing, you need to work out why you actually had a smoke though. What actually made you do it? Did it solve the problem? Did it improve the situation? Did you feel better about yourself because of smoking?

 

Yes get back on the train, you are always welcome, but please, spare a thought to why you got off.

[El Bandito]

Hey Sue! It is great to hear from you.

 

I have a vision of you writing that post with one eye shut - and of you checking in after dinner with one eye shut.

 

I remember your last post relapse return - and a very sheepish return it was. You seemed worried that people might lay into you for choosing to smoke again. Maybe its me - but this return seems a little more defiant?

 

Soozie - it is completely your call. 

 

I am only guessing - but the fact that hubby comes home full of energy wanting to party, laugh, catch up with everyone and just live the whirlwind for a couple of weeks - is incredibly difficult for you. Fantastic in that he is back and its rock n roll time - challenging in that he includes cigarettes in that whirlwind.

 

At least a part of you wants to be like him.

 

He goes back to the rig - and is a different person. Highly disciplined - no booze, no smoking.

 

He has no interest in quitting smoking - he does it every month already. He thinks that you are slightly insane for posting on here. (Still only guessing)

 

Part of you sees him put down his pack - disappear and have no thought of smoking until he is back home again - and thinks "Perhaps I will do that too"

 

Soozie - I don't know. 

 

1. Is that on/off thing what you really want?

2. Can you do it?

 

I know that I could not - if I am going to smoke on the weekend - I'm going to smoke during the week too. Very quickly - I will be back on a pack a day.

 

And increasingly - I don't want to (nobody more surprised than me).

 

Excuse the pun - but the smoke is clearing - I can be rock n roll, a laugh a minute, full of beer and NOT want to smoke.

 

Again - guessing, but are you going for the "I might just have one after dinner until the pack runs out"? Or - "I'll put them in the cupboard for hubby when he comes home"?

 

I am not going to judge you Sue - not now, not ever.

 

You tell me - do you want to quit? As in full time quit? Do you want support? Do you want a hug - or a kick up the arse?

 

If you want to quit. You will.

[Still winning]

Soozie, Noooo, I was getting real excited at the thought of putting your celebration thread on.  Of course step back on and that said, I missed you too and will support your new improved quit. x But ask yourself why Sue, you need to know why you stepped off, no sos, no qualms. No judgement honey but because you need a plan of how that won't happen next time. ... that said let's do this and work on that plan!! x

[Tink]

soozie - Im sorry to hear this :( but you have jumped straight back on :) 

 

you knew it was going to be a tough one but you have been through it now so next time you WILL be stronger and if you want this quit bad enough you will not smoke no matter what the circumstances

 

next time you can go into battle better prepared and with a plan 

 

I know you have this in you Soozie - believe in yourself - you can do it hun xxx

[sherry]

Ooooh... i hate to hear you've fall'n off again....

 

Ok, so you're back on board today - yes?... alright, this time - post a sos if you think you're gonna smoke.. at least give us a chance to help you..you know we will be here for you if you ask hon....

 

so, this time around you'll be stronger, tougher, more determined .. right? RIGHT!! you can do this !! 

[Doreensfree]

Aw soozie dear friend,I am saddened for you....

But glad you have came back to us......you really do have some heartfelt thinking to do......

Next time you will be better ready......you'll have to stop partying girl.....l.ol....

Jump on .....the train is back at your station.....

Doreen

[babs609]

soozie!  :(

 

You smoked because you still believe in the cigarette

you smoked because you wanted to--more than your desire to quit

 

I'm with Bandito here....you must decide if you are going to be a smoker....or not.   This business of quitting and going back when the hubby is around is starting to become a pattern and only forces you through the quitting process all over again...each and every time...

 

You want to be a non smoker?  Make the commitment to yourself..and to your quit...and don't stick things in your mouth and light them on fire....ever

 

Life is so much more enjoyable as a non smoker.  People and circumstances are so much more enjoyable....even the smokers.  My husband smokes...i enjoy his company...I just choose not to smoke because it does NOTHING for me...nothing.  

 

Commit to NOPE now and forever soozie!  You know it's all a part of that "get healthy" plan you had....healthy mind, healthy body, healthy spirit..I know that's important to you.  How important is it?

 

here is your pre-response to your SOS...make 20 copies and distribute all over the house

 

 

 

Dear Sharon

You are kidding right! Like you REALLY want to go through both physical and mental detox again...get real!

If you're reading this I am very sad as I don't know what could possibly have happened for you to contemplate sending yourself back to the prison of smoking. Go pop your favourite records on...go have a dance...just, whatever you do don't smoke you buffoon....

Love Sharon xx 

 

love ya,,,,,you buffoon!!  

 

Back on the quit train you go!  The only way to break free from the chains of addiction is to stop doing it....and learn from your relapse.  If you don't learn the lesson in it.....then the pattern will continue and you will never be free.

[Soozie]

Hi Everyone,

 

Too many comments here to reply to individually.

 

Bandito some of what you said is very accurate, we have a very unusual lifestyle and it's not always easy to stay on track when hubby is home. However having said that last year I managed nine months, and before that another nine months, several 6 months and dozens of months here and there. So I do know it's doable, maybe I need to try something different, because it seems as though I am a habitual quitter (is there such a thing ?) I truly have been doing this since I was 16 years old.

 

 

I was reading Amy's post, and found it so easy to relate to. Someone on the other site made a post that I also found I could truly relate to, they seemed to be a 'habitual quitter' and had gotten to the stage of saying what's the point in another quit when it will only eventually lead to another relapse. This to many people may sound very defeatest but I truly understand what they mean. It's unusual for me to find someone who seems to be the same as me with their addiction, I thought I was the only one that had quit so many times !!! Maybe I should pop back and see if they want a quit buddy ? lol

 

 

I suppose that's why this time I tried not to beat myself up too much, not because I felt defiant but because if I beat myself up it just adds to the feeling of hopelessness. 

 

If I were to add up the time spent smoking and the time spent not smoking during my smoking life I think they would be pretty even. I cannot ever remember a year when I would have smoked from January through to December without quitting. I would be interested to hear from anyone else that has had as many failed quits as me, how does it make you feel ? 

 

Once again, thankyou to you lovely people for the support, advice and encouragement, it really is appreciated. 

 

Sue x

[SueBeDoo]

Sad to read this, I think you need to decide if you really want to quit first, then go from there,

You know we are here if you need us, I will leave it at that til you know what you want x

[El Bandito]

Soooooz!

 

Answer the bleedin' question!

 

Do YOU want to quit full time? 

 

I am not trying to be a pain - just to get you to work out for yourself what you want. 

 

Do YOU want not to smoke?

 

How does the habitual quitter tag make YOU feel?

 

I agree that beating yourself up is pointless - but I also think that if you see the relapse/quit cycle as an option - you are likely to take that option. If you want to be 100% quit - that option needs to be off the table.

[Ladybug]

I am happy to see you Soozie...but not happy that you relapsed. Thank you for being so honest, it helps me to stay focused. This is my first quit and there is no way I am ever going through all this again...that's a one time only deal :-) Reading about your relapse and Amy's will keep me grounded and "on guard"....Thank you!

 

31 years ago I married a smoker, we both smoked ...we were the perfect match in so many ways. Not just partners, friends and lovers, we were although quit buddies. We never smoked in the house, so going outside for smoke breaks was like a ritual. We were sitting outside in the summer time and freezing together in the wintertime. Partners in crime :-)

 

Out of the blue I decided to quit. First he looked stunned, then he looked puzzled. I was thinking about it as well "would it change our relationship"? I can't remember, it was either in week 2 or 3 that we sat down and we talked about our feelings and our expectations. I thanked him for his support and made him my most important quit buddy, I did tell him that I needed his support. He is proud of me and he wants me to stay quit...even though he still smokes. He is my biggest supporter! 

 

I am not sure if it helps you in any form our way. But have you talked to your husband about your smoking habit? Have you told him about your struggles? If not...do it!

[action]

I am glad you are back on the train, but my heart is broken a little bit that you smoked.  I can't believe it :(

 

I know you are quit again now, but what is the plan next time your husband comes home?  Are you able to tell him you need to set aside some time to spend here even when he is home? 

 

(((Soozie)))

[sharonsiff]

Soozie, so gutted for you mate.

 

So was it like an automatic pilot that you lit up? Not judging, just trying to help you to get to the bottom of it.

 

Was it like that natural feeling like when you make a coffee, something you do without thinking, with your eyes closed?

[JackiMac]

Hi Soozie so sorry to read you fell off the wagon.  Im in agreement with most here, I really think you need to ask yourself if you definitely want to be a quitter, because the addict inside you is justifying the need to smoke every now and again,and telling you that this is ok because when you smoke for a while it will be ok because then you will quit for a while,  Everytime you smoke you are doing yourself damage sweetheart and I believe truly deep down you don't want this, so don't allow those nicotine demon thoughts to manifest and grow, tell yourself when hubby is home, I'm a non smoker, my life is so much better as a non smoker and will continue to get better as a non smoker otherwise I think you will be forever on and off the quit train.  We are right here to support you, and your husband needs to support your decision too otherwise you are going to find the going hard.  Sending hugs Sozzie as we all know this journey is sometimes hampered by sharp curves xx

[El Bandito]

Hi Everyone,

 

Too many comments here to reply to individually.

 

Bandito some of what you said is very accurate, we have a very unusual lifestyle and it's not always easy to stay on track when hubby is home. However having said that last year I managed nine months, and before that another nine months, several 6 months and dozens of months here and there. So I do know it's doable, maybe I need to try something different, because it seems as though I am a habitual quitter (is there such a thing ?) I truly have been doing this since I was 16 years old.

 

 

I was reading Amy's post, and found it so easy to relate to. Someone on the other site made a post that I also found I could truly relate to, they seemed to be a 'habitual quitter' and had gotten to the stage of saying what's the point in another quit when it will only eventually lead to another relapse. This to many people may sound very defeatest but I truly understand what they mean. It's unusual for me to find someone who seems to be the same as me with their addiction, I thought I was the only one that had quit so many times !!! Maybe I should pop back and see if they want a quit buddy ? lol

 

 

I suppose that's why this time I tried not to beat myself up too much, not because I felt defiant but because if I beat myself up it just adds to the feeling of hopelessness. 

 

If I were to add up the time spent smoking and the time spent not smoking during my smoking life I think they would be pretty even. I cannot ever remember a year when I would have smoked from January through to December without quitting. I would be interested to hear from anyone else that has had as many failed quits as me, how does it make you feel ? 

 

Once again, thankyou to you lovely people for the support, advice and encouragement, it really is appreciated. 

 

Sue x

Sooz - Rez just started a thread about his serial quitting.

 

Perhaps he can help unlock the secrets?