Bad News Folks

[Amy]

Today I had 3 chances to buy cigarettes - the 3rd chance I chose to buy a pack,  I smoked 5 cigarettes already and really do feel like crap for breaking my VOW and my pledge.  I honestly feel like  crying but I am not alone so I will not.  Needless to say I will be starting over from scratch.

 

Smoking just feels like normal- I have no excuses.  I know I did not post an SOS I am not sure it would of helped my mind was set- it was set all day.

 

I am going to continue to pursue my quest to quit smoking I have to- I do not want to be a loser and I know if I continue to smoke I will consider myself a loser.    Tomorrow or the next day I will be resetting my ticker and starting over. I am not going any where. I need to be here I am addicted to smoking and I cannot quit by myself.

 

I am really sorry...did not want to disappoint everyone.

[Aine]

Why wait until tomorrow to quit? Why do you want to quit, Amy?

[Soberjulie]

Amy, I am here for you. How can I help?

[TAC]

You did not dissapoint me, I've been there.

 

What's important is that you were strong enough to keep aboard the train and admit your temporary failure.

 

Just get back in your seat, keep your arms and legs inside the train car and let the veterans guide you back on the right path.

 

I know that one day you will be smoke free and get a chuckle about this time in your life.

[Tink]

thank you for your honesty Amy - mainly for yourself, many of us have relapsed before our sticky quits

 

as long as you jump back in asap and you have learned from it - please quit again asap jump straight back on the quit train

 

do not leave the board 

[Jenny]

Awww, Amy.  I'm glad you came back here.  You are right in that an SOS would not have worked if you were set to smoke.  It helps in these situations I think to try and think of what it was about today or the last few days that made smoking seem like something you wanted to do.  Knowing that answer can help in this new quit. 

 

Amy, you are not a loser. You're an addict.  You have nothing to be ashamed of.  Pick yourself up and carry on one day or even one minute at a time if you have to. 

 

You got this!!  I know you can do it because I did and I am such a wimp!!

[Nicole Diver]

Amy, we are here for you. Your time is now!

You don't have to be perfect. Not a one of us are. Get back on that wagon sister. You already proved you can do this.

I'm proud of you for taking responsibility! Shows me, yet again, you are ready. And you deserve a happy, smoke free life. NOT all the horrors that go hand in hand with being a smoker.

[Amy]

Can't do this right now will be crying my eyes out do not want to be a blubbering idiot in front of the other half,,, I am not leaving.  He will be going to bed in half hour I will sign back on.

[beacon]

Amy, ok. Now back in the saddle. Throw the cigs away as they are nasty and let's go again. Can you promise to restart? Don't go away. Have you read Allen Carr's book?

[MarylandQuitter]

The longer you continue to smoke you're going to wake up that addiction and fall into past patterns all over again. Before you know it you'll be back to where you were when you quit.  I suggest that you quit ASAP.  Don't give up quitting!

 

I have chances to buy cigarettes whenever I want.  I can bum one whenever I want.  You will always have the opportunity to smoke but when you're a non-smoker you don't smoke. 

 

What led up to this relapse?  How long was the junkie thinking going on?  As you know, relapses don't just happen as they are planned as soon as that inner junkie plants the seed and you let it grow.

 

You made a bad choice and now you're going to make a great choice by quitting ASAP.  You can do this, Amy.  Putting things in your mouth and setting them ablaze is not normal.  It may feel normal because all you're doing to chasing withdrawal.

 

When you put out your last cigarette, immediately create your own thread in this forum and post each day, as many times as you need to about how your feeling, what you're struggling with, if you need to vent etc.  Here's 112 hands, grab one so we can pull you back up on the train and get you back to being a non-smoker.

 

We will be waiting for you to sign back on.  Hang in there and keep your chin up.  That's an order.  :)

[TAC]

Just a suggestion, place the pack of cigarettes you just bought under your chin when you are crying, then you won't be able to smoke any more of them.

 

Sorry, don't mean to make light of your situation, crying it out is an excellent way to get rid of stress though.

 

We'll see you when you get back.

[beacon]

Helpful

 

http://quitsmoking.about.com/od/recoveringfromarelapse/f/relapserecovery.htm

[REZ]

Amy,

 

Myself or anybody here will not judge you, you are your own judge.

 

Not going to say anything about what happened becsuse it is not in the past.

 

Lets concentrate on the present and move forward from here.

 

Starting over is not the worst thing that could happen, the worst is you not coming back here!

 

You now have some hind sight to help you in the future now and as always the support of everybody here!

 

The brite side is you did not smoke for 2 weeks and that is great because a lot of people in the world can not last 2 days!

 

So just take it one day at a time and before you know it you will be past where you are now.

 

Remember you are a winner in every sense of the word because winners never ever give up just like you!

 

if you need a quit buddy look at the bottem of the page, we are all here to help you!

[Nancy]

My heart is broken for you....I would not wish starting over on anyone.  With that said, let us know when you are ready to climb aboard the forever train...we are here.  And absolutely no judgement...it took real courage to admit the choice you made...

[Amy]

I am back,, Aine asked why do I want to quit.. I think this is my problem I don't want to quit- I like to smoke.  I want to be healthy, I don't want to have to live on oxygen, I don't want to die of lung cancer this is why I have to quit I have no choice

[Nicole Diver]

I am back,, Aine asked why do I want to quit.. I think this is my problem I don't want to quit- I like to smoke.  I want to be healthy, I don't want to have to live on oxygen, I don't want to die of lung cancer this is why I have to quit I have no choice

Amy - I felt the EXACT same way.

Until I read Allen Carr's easyway.

If you have not read it, please do.  Or re-read it.  For me, that literally was the difference between choosing life, or choosing death.  I think I've listened to the audible of it 15 times.  It cheers me right up.  Truly.

[Nancy]

Please do some more reading, Amy...it is an addiction...and you enjoy the relief of feeding the addiction.  Believe me, I turned down fun events, movies, trips, huddled in freezing cold, crawled out of bed when seriously ill...all to get my fix.  Smoking was how I dealt with happy, sad, mad, stress, rewards, it ran my life.  I do not want that life for you until you are my age...please think about that as you consider how much you "like" to smoke.

[MarylandQuitter]

I am back,, Aine asked why do I want to quit.. I think this is my problem I don't want to quit- I like to smoke.  I want to be healthy, I don't want to have to live on oxygen, I don't want to die of lung cancer this is why I have to quit I have no choice

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVEyGdqwjmQ

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TL2Vh7goJc&noredirect=1

[Ladybug]

Oh Amy....I like honest people! It's not easy to confess a slip!

 

I am not worried about you..not at all! I read your posts and your blog....you are determinded. You want to be a non-smoker and so you will be.

 

This one is for you Amy  http://www.quittrain.com/topic/879-please-dont-quit-you-quit/ 

 

You are not a loser! You are a winner! I will celebrate 1 year smoke free in 8 1/2 months and you will be just a few weeks behind me :-)..that's the way I look at it! Ask my husband...I am always right :-)   he only says that because I am a good cook lol

[Amy]

Thanks Ava I have not read it- I should go after work tomorrow to the bookstore and buy it.  I will do this.

[Colleen]

Amy, 

You don't want to to smoke or you wouldn't be here.  You may think that you want to smoke, but it's not real.  That is addiction talking.  You may enjoy a break away from your desk to stretch your legs or something to do with your hands when you are anxious, but you don't want to smoke.  

 

Do you have a trash compactor?  My suggestion is just before you go to sleep, you stick those nasty things in there and crush them.  If not, stick them under the faucet and drown them till they are mush.  Then in the morning take a shower, brush your teeth and post your NOPE pledge.  

 

If you ever feel the need to chat, just go into chat.  Even if nobody is there, someone soon will be.  

[Rain Forest]

I am back,, Aine asked why do I want to quit.. I think this is my problem I don't want to quit- I like to smoke.  I want to be healthy, I don't want to have to live on oxygen, I don't want to die of lung cancer this is why I have to quit I have no choice

 

Ok Amy, you can be a non-smoker, I guarantee it.  You just gave us your reasons to quit... I think you should write down these reasons and keep that list with you at all times, bring it out when you crave a cig, remind yourself of why you quit.

 

Take control of yourself... do not let yourself continue this horrible abusive relationship... kick it to the curb, you have the power to do this, you really do.

 

Get some plastic straws, cut them to cig-size and "pretend smoke" them... you will get the ritual but won't get anything in you except fresh air.  Hell, I even used to flick the "pretend ashes"... and nuts as it sounds, it works.  In other words, have a backup plan, you need one.

 

Here's another one you can do, along with the list: have little pictures of those you love with you at all times... you want a cig?  Look at the pictures... do you want to die sooner than need by and let these people suffer because of it?

 

I haven't read all these replies, but I hope our greenlover said something because she had to quit too... she'd had a heart attack.  It took her a while, but she finally did it.  This means that you can quit too! :)

[Amy]

Thanks Ladybug..I am going to be there behind you on the freaking stairway

[leahcaR]

Amy-- I am very sorry to read this for you.  I can only imagine what relapsing would feel like, as I never have before.  What I do know is that I have, well I dont know how many chances/choices to buy cigarettes a day.  there are many times.  even in the beginning.  even now.  The choice/chance to buy them is always there.  The choice/chance of bumming some from numbers of people is always there... all day... every day... A mind made up, though, can always be changed.  Always.  

 

for a split second earlier I thought I would go and bum from a friend at work... I was fuming.  I didn't care about sh** for a minute or two.  but I stopped and while I was still pissed off.... I thought about this board... and I decided to vent on here.  about what was going on and what I was thinking.  it changed my mind... and i decided to just be upset and go for a run later. 

 

my point being you said posting wouldnt have made a difference your mind was made up.  But you dont know for a fact that it wouldnt have made a difference since you didn't try it.  theres no harm in trying it.  Promise to next time.  

 

I hope you quit again soon. 

[Soberjulie]

I am back,, Aine asked why do I want to quit.. I think this is my problem I don't want to quit- I like to smoke. I want to be healthy, I don't want to have to live on oxygen, I don't want to die of lung cancer this is why I have to quit I have no choice

Oh Amy, you are not alone.

I honestly figured I was destined for failure because "I didn't want to quit more than I wanted to smoke"

What I really wanted was to continue to smoke without any consequences.

Not logical or rational of me.

Reading the newbie package stuff, everyday, helped.

A quit journal helped.

Talking it out here helped.

Educating myself about the benefits of quitting and the dangers of continuing, helped.

Everyday.

I still do those things.

((Hugs)))