I'm new, trying to ditch my friend

[Breathless57]

I have been smoking for 40 years.  I smoked my first cigarettes at around 16 years old.  Actually, it wasn’t a peer pressure thing.  It was something I did alone.  Growing up with six brothers, my dad, and no mother I was often lonely and depressed.  I felt totally left out.  My dad and older brothers all smoked. My first smoking experience was one of my dad’s cigarette butts.  It tasted horrible and made me sick.  However, after it was over I kind of felt that I accomplished something.  That I was now equal to them and I would have to be included.  After that, I would hide away every chance I got and smoke in private.  Especially any time I was hurt, angry or depressed.  It was my new friend and made me feel I didn’t need anyone else.  By the time I graduated and was out on my own, I was pretty much hooked.  From there I smoked whenever I was in any mood.  It always took my mind off things or helped me deal with whatever I was feeling.  It was my time for me, me and my friend.

Smoking helps me get awake in the morning and motivates me to get my day started.   What’s the point of getting up if you have no energy and feel like your dragging butt already.  Just the thought of that surge of nicotine waiting for me at the kitchen table made me want to get up.  So I get up every day to say good morning to my friend.  Only then can I start my day.  I think in order to get past this must have cigarette maybe I could drag myself to the bathroom and brush my teeth and gargle.  Once my mouth is fresh I won’t be in such a hurry to put that dirty thing in my mouth. 

Smoking helps me calm down when I am upset or stressed out.  How does it do that?  I guess I have always believed that it must be the nicotine calming my nerves.  Of course, I think that actually it’s because I am stopping whatever I was doing and taking the time out to smoke a cigarette which gives me the time to calm down.  I should have been just giving myself a time out.  Take a quick walk, do 10 deep breathing exercises, go outside and scream “I’m mad as hell and just can’t take it anymore”.  Yep, I definitely need to find a good time out method.

Smoking helps when I am bored.  I notice I smoke the most when I am doing mundane things.  I cannot seem to watch TV, Drive, talk on the phone, pay bills, spend time on the computer, etc. without reaching for a cigarette constantly.  How does smoking help me concentrate on these things?  I guess it’s just busy work for my hands.  I don’t even realize I am doing it, or that I just finished one.  People say you just need to suck on candy or chew on a toothpick or tap a pencil…….blah blah blah.  I think this is actually when I need to pull out the Big Gun…..the dreaded Yuck Jar (the one with cigarette butts and a little water in a small jar with a lid).  Every time I reach for a cigarette, I should reach for the Yuck Jar and take a big whiff.  That should bring me to my senses or send me running to throw up somewhere.  A little negative reinforcement can be helpful.

Smoking is my personal time for me and my personal reward system.  When I want to relax or I get finished doing some household chore and I get to take a break, it’s my reward.  It is my opportunity to give myself something.  I deserve it, I deserve the time out to do it, It’s my time for myself.  Boy that sounds stupid and selfish.  What kind of reward is that.  I get to put poisons in my body.  I need a different way to take that relaxing time out for myself.  I am not the kind of person to strike a Buda pose and hum, nor do I want to plop down on the couch and eat bon bons.  I don’t know how to relax. What can I do during that 5 to 10-minute break to relax instead of smoking.  Maybe that is when I should turn to my online support and get that pep talk.  A little positive reinforcement. 

My last smoke of the day is to relax me and to hold me over until the morning cigarette.  I go to bed immediately after the last cigarette.  Well, another tough one to lose.  It’s not like I can never to go bed.  I have a couple good books on quitting smoking.  Maybe I should read those for the last half hour before bed.  This might give me that support to get past it.  Plus, I have heard you often dream about whatever you were doing last.  I have often dreamed I was smoking and dropped my cigarette.  I have even woken up in a panic looking for the cigarette.  Wow!

There are so many reasons why I no longer want to be a smoker.  There are the obvious: My health, cost, disgusting smell, it takes up my time, it is no longer socially acceptable, it’s a bad example for my grandkids, and it controls my life.  I want my car and home to smell good and fresh.  I want my hair/body/breath to smell good.  I want my clothes and purse to smell good.  I am tired of wasting money.  I don’t want to keep poisoning myself.  I want to breath better and not get sick so often.  I don’t want it interfering with where I go and who I hang around.  I don’t want to stress out because I am running low on cigarettes.  I don’t want it to be a barrier regarding how close I let people get to me because I am afraid they will smell it.  I want to have more energy, stamina and ability to do the things I want to do.  I want to control my own life and I want to say goodbye to my fake friend. 

 

So sorry for the length.....I just had to get it all out.

[babs609]

what an excellent post!!

 

I was wondering where you went off to and had thought the worst...so glad you stayed smoke free and brought with you such awesome insight to the board!!  

 

Well done!!

[Pearlie]

Hi Breathless57!  Sounds like you have your reasons to quit.  Now you just need to take the big step.  What helped me more than anything was educating myself on nicotine addiction.  "Freedom from Nicotine The Journey Home"  by John R. Polito was very good.  If you Google it, you can download it for free.  Support is also very important and you can find that here.

 

Welcome aboard and best wishes to you for a successful quit!   We did it and you can do it too!!!   :)

[Devil Doll]

Welcome aboard! Congratulations on your fantastic decision.

[Doreensfree]

I have been smoking for 40 years.  I smoked my first cigarettes at around 16 years old.  Actually, it wasn’t a peer pressure thing.  It was something I did alone.  Growing up with six brothers, my dad, and no mother I was often lonely and depressed.  I felt totally left out.  My dad and older brothers all smoked. My first smoking experience was one of my dad’s cigarette butts.  It tasted horrible and made me sick.  However, after it was over I kind of felt that I accomplished something.  That I was now equal to them and I would have to be included.  After that, I would hide away every chance I got and smoke in private.  Especially any time I was hurt, angry or depressed.  It was my new friend and made me feel I didn’t need anyone else.  By the time I graduated and was out on my own, I was pretty much hooked.  From there I smoked whenever I was in any mood.  It always took my mind off things or helped me deal with whatever I was feeling.  It was my time for me, me and my friend.

Smoking helps me get awake in the morning and motivates me to get my day started.   What’s the point of getting up if you have no energy and feel like your dragging butt already.  Just the thought of that surge of nicotine waiting for me at the kitchen table made me want to get up.  So I get up every day to say good morning to my friend.  Only then can I start my day.  I think in order to get past this must have cigarette maybe I could drag myself to the bathroom and brush my teeth and gargle.  Once my mouth is fresh I won’t be in such a hurry to put that dirty thing in my mouth. 

Smoking helps me calm down when I am upset or stressed out.  How does it do that?  I guess I have always believed that it must be the nicotine calming my nerves.  Of course, I think that actually it’s because I am stopping whatever I was doing and taking the time out to smoke a cigarette which gives me the time to calm down.  I should have been just giving myself a time out.  Take a quick walk, do 10 deep breathing exercises, go outside and scream “I’m mad as hell and just can’t take it anymore”.  Yep, I definitely need to find a good time out method.

Smoking helps when I am bored.  I notice I smoke the most when I am doing mundane things.  I cannot seem to watch TV, Drive, talk on the phone, pay bills, spend time on the computer, etc. without reaching for a cigarette constantly.  How does smoking help me concentrate on these things?  I guess it’s just busy work for my hands.  I don’t even realize I am doing it, or that I just finished one.  People say you just need to suck on candy or chew on a toothpick or tap a pencil…….blah blah blah.  I think this is actually when I need to pull out the Big Gun…..the dreaded Yuck Jar (the one with cigarette butts and a little water in a small jar with a lid).  Every time I reach for a cigarette, I should reach for the Yuck Jar and take a big whiff.  That should bring me to my senses or send me running to throw up somewhere.  A little negative reinforcement can be helpful.

Smoking is my personal time for me and my personal reward system.  When I want to relax or I get finished doing some household chore and I get to take a break, it’s my reward.  It is my opportunity to give myself something.  I deserve it, I deserve the time out to do it, It’s my time for myself.  Boy that sounds stupid and selfish.  What kind of reward is that.  I get to put poisons in my body.  I need a different way to take that relaxing time out for myself.  I am not the kind of person to strike a Buda pose and hum, nor do I want to plop down on the couch and eat bon bons.  I don’t know how to relax. What can I do during that 5 to 10-minute break to relax instead of smoking.  Maybe that is when I should turn to my online support and get that pep talk.  A little positive reinforcement. 

My last smoke of the day is to relax me and to hold me over until the morning cigarette.  I go to bed immediately after the last cigarette.  Well, another tough one to lose.  It’s not like I can never to go bed.  I have a couple good books on quitting smoking.  Maybe I should read those for the last half hour before bed.  This might give me that support to get past it.  Plus, I have heard you often dream about whatever you were doing last.  I have often dreamed I was smoking and dropped my cigarette.  I have even woken up in a panic looking for the cigarette.  Wow!

There are so many reasons why I no longer want to be a smoker.  There are the obvious: My health, cost, disgusting smell, it takes up my time, it is no longer socially acceptable, it’s a bad example for my grandkids, and it controls my life.  I want my car and home to smell good and fresh.  I want my hair/body/breath to smell good.  I want my clothes and purse to smell good.  I am tired of wasting money.  I don’t want to keep poisoning myself.  I want to breath better and not get sick so often.  I don’t want it interfering with where I go and who I hang around.  I don’t want to stress out because I am running low on cigarettes.  I don’t want it to be a barrier regarding how close I let people get to me because I am afraid they will smell it.  I want to have more energy, stamina and ability to do the things I want to do.  I want to control my own life and I want to say goodbye to my fake friend. 

 

So sorry for the length.....I just had to get it all out.

Brilliant post..

It's good to get it off your chest..I never thought I would have a life without my cig crutch ..but now..

I carnt imagine my life with them in it..

It's a journey ,but when you reach your destination ..freedom...it's the most wonderful feeling in the world..x

[Nancy]

Welcome!  It might help to read about your friend, here!

[Reciprocity]

Hi B57 :)

 

A lot of the things you spoke about show a lot of insight into how this addiction has negatively affected your entire life. By that I mean, this addiction tricks your brain into thinking it is solving problems for you (relieving stress, rewards after a chore, waking you up, putting you to sleep) when in fact, all you have ever been doing since those first cigarettes is feeding the addiction day in and day out. Time to show that addiction who's boss!! It may not be easy, especially the first week or so but it's something we have all done and it's something you can do too. Just want it badly enough to fight the addiction as it tries it's best to trick you into feeding it again.

 

Work hard at this and rely on us to support you, answer questions you might have and we will even cheer you on :) !! You know one of the best things you will find after you have quit for some time is that you have actually done it! The pride that will give you is something truly amazing. You will want to shout it from the rooftop for all to hear. Looking forward to sharing your progression.

 

Let's do this!!

[Stewie]

Good post, i enjoyed reading it. Stick with every ammunition you can get and im sure you will succeed. Good luck!

[NADA]

Welcome Breathless.  

 

I too smoked for about 40 years (practically started as a tot).  I really like your reasons for wanting to quit at the end of your post.  Keep those in the front of your mind.  I am however concerned with the number of times you said "Smoking helps me.....".  You've got to dump that junkie thinking!  Smoking doesn't help you in ANY way.  The only thing smoking does (besides kill you) is get you past the immediate craving until the next one (approximately 30 minutes later).  

 

I never thought I could stop after decades of chain smoking....but the truth is, it can be done.  You can do it.  Educate yourself about nicotine addiction, and make a solemn commitment.  That's the basic core to success.  Really glad you found us!

[Treetop]

Hi Breathless57,

You came to the right place. You have all the right reasons to quit smoking. My way of looking at it is either you choose to stop before you have done irreversible damage to your health or you have to stop. Keeping this thought in my mind has helped me keep my quit. Remember, that it seems like an impossible task in the beginning, but it does get easier with time. It can definitely be done if you really want it. I suggest you do lots of reading on this addiction and stay close to the board.

[bakon]

I am going with Butterkup (BKP) on this. Read this in a month and you won't like the crutch you made smoking.

I think you made a good reference to bad friend. Now realizing you smelled is a good start. Health is good reason. Soon you will see that "last smoke to put you to sleep" was really just loading the blood with nicotine the last time of the day. You won't need it.

 

Your leaning towards what you are going to miss. You won't miss any of it. Trust us.

[Jackie]

Welcome Breathless.  What a wonderful introduction.  You have our full support and I have absolutely no doubt you are ready to quit and can do it!  PLEASE stick around, get to know the website more and read all that you can!  Cheers to you! :)

[Doreensfree]

How you doing Breathless ??????