Jumping In!

[PixelSketch]

Longtime lurker, first time poster.  :P

 

I've been smoke-free and nicotine-free for 18 days. I've been on the fence about joining the forum and posting, but I've found all of your posts really helpful over the last few weeks, and I'm so grateful for that, so I figured it was time to jump in and participate. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better and learning my way around this forum!

 

I started smoking in my early 20's and have been smoking for approximately 20 years, on average 20 a day. For the last 5 or so, I really, really hated that I smoked. But I kept smoking.

 

A couple of years ago, I read Allen Carr's book - three times. But I kept smoking.

 

Despite that, the book was the first time I framed smoking in terms of the nicotine addiction. For some reason, I never really thought of it like that. That led me to more research. And I found Joel's site, and video library. And I found these boards and forums. And I read. And I learned. And I smoked. And I hated myself for it. But I kept smoking.

 

I was scared of quitting. I was scared of never smoking again, as silly as that may sound. I wasn't sure how to live my life without a smoke in my hand. At the same time, I was tired of beating myself up over smoking day after day after day. I was tired of treating myself so badly. That kind of negative talk really puts a dent in your self esteem. Enough. 

 

So, I picked a quit date out of a hat. March 19th. I wrote it on the blackboard in the kitchen. It was about a month into the future at that point. I kept smoking right up until end of day March 18th. But, every day, several times a day, I would see that big date looming. And a funny thing started to happen. The closer it got to March 19th, the less I smoked. Day by day, it felt, mentally, like cigarettes had a weaker hold on my brain.

 

By the time March 19th came, I was ready to go cold turkey. I wiped the board clean, and wrote "Smoke-free days" on it instead. At the end of each day, I make a little mark on that board. And they're adding up. Each day is a victory and a greater freedom. Each struggle is a reminder to keep pushing forward. The nicotine is long gone - now I'm retraining my brain. But I am a nicotine addict. And I always will be. So each day is another pledge to NOPE and a big YES to life. And reading your posts these last few weeks has shown me that it's possible and it's worth it. 

 

 

 

[Doreensfree]

Hi pixel...

Welcome aboard...congrats on your fabulous quit,and taking your life back...

I bought the audio CD of Allen Carr..some how it sunk in to my junkie brain ,better than the book..

But I remember him referring to us as addicts..wow..that hit home with me.I just thought I was a lady who like to smoke.go figure...

Keep reading and watching all the video, s here ..they really do help...

Join out daily pledge...a little promise to yourself ,you wont smoke that day...

You can do it...stay close...

[joe]

Welcome, Pixel...

You certainly captured the essence of quitting in your intro!

 

That's a great story, and one that anyone on the fence about quitting should read.

 

It IS a very doable thing, and once you get your head wrapped around it and see the addiction for what it is, you become excited to finally quit and move on as a smoke free person...

 

As you know, the addiction has a way of rearing its ugly head when you least expect it...keep your guard up and keep moving forward!,

 

Congrats on a great quit!

[PorkandPancakes]

Welcome Pixel

 

You've done the hard part. You've used the best tool possible. You've educated yourself and accepted the fact you are an addict and the effects nicotine has on your brain. I truly believe that to quit without that understanding makes it infinitely harder. I have a good feeling about your quit.....you're here to stay. Well done

[bakon]

NOPE

[Stewie]

Welcome! Stay close and Nope daily. You will succeed.

[Reciprocity]

Welcome PS :)

 

Wow, your intro is fantastic in that it really does capture the essence of what it takes to quit smoking and say NO to this addiction. I can completely understand your concern about quitting because it would completely change your life. It does that for sure but, for the better. I too quit cold turkey and can tell you that you are through the really difficult part of your quit. There are still challenges ahead for you though so please remain on guard. Life has a nasty habit of throwing things at us suddenly and those are the times your junkie brain will try and lure you back - don't listen!! Freedom awaits you if you just remain resolved to your quit. Stay around and let us know how you're doing. Pledge your NOPE every day with us. I think you've got a real handle on this quitting thing :)

[Dee]

Hey Pixel welcome aboard glad you joined us...... And congratulations on your quit..

[PixelSketch]

Thank you so much for the warm welcome!  :wub:  Your posts and stories really inspired me and kept me going these last few weeks and I'm happy to finally meet you. We can do this - the support is so so important to success. Reading posts of people who are ahead of you in the journey, shows you it's possible and motivates you to keep going. It did for me.

 

I agree -  the moment when you realize it's an addiction is a real lightbulb moment. I wish someone had put it to me that way years ago. It made such a difference. See, when you think "oh, it's just a bad habit" then you feel weak for not being able to stop doing it. And you feel bad about yourself and that just leads to giving up. "I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. If I was I wouldn't be smoking in the first place. So, there's something wrong with me." When you realize it's an addiction, something shifts in your head. You no longer feel like you are weak in character, like you are defective in some way. You feel like you have, for lack of a better word, an illness, an opponent, and that doesn't reflect on you. It's just a thing that you HAVE, not a thing that you ARE, and so you can fight it and work to get rid of it, without feeling like you're attacking yourself. But you're no longer putting yourself down, or fighting against yourself. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it right, but that mental shift really helped me.

 

And staying vigilant is so important, for sure. That sneaky junkie brain has a nasty habit of crashing the party now and again, and it catches me by surprise at the most unexpected moments. When it does, I just take a deep breath and attack it with logic. "NOPE, nicotine, we broke up, remember? You have no power over me. You're outta my life. This relationship is just not right for me. You're too controlling. It's my life, you know. I'm in the driver's seat. Not you. You're now just a fading memory, and I'm just not that into you anymore. Sorry. I've moved on. It's not me - it's you."* And then I go through all the ways I'm feeling better now that I stopped with the smokes. And I follow that by imagining how awful it would feel to smoke one now. The coughing, the dizziness, the nausea. And then to start all over again in quitting. And I read posts here. And I NOPE. 

 

*it's that conversation, but with more swear words  :D

[Boo]

Welcome aboard Pixel and congratulations on quitting.  

 

And staying vigilant is so important, for sure. That sneaky junkie brain has a nasty habit of crashing the party now and again, and it catches me by surprise at the most unexpected moments. When it does, I just take a deep breath and attack it with logic. "NOPE, nicotine, we broke up, remember? You have no power over me. You're outta my life. This relationship is just not right for me. You're too controlling. It's my life, you know. I'm in the driver's seat. Not you. You're now just a fading memory, and I'm just not that into you anymore. Sorry. I've moved on. It's not me - it's you."* And then I go through all the ways I'm feeling better now that I stopped with the smokes. And I follow that by imagining how awful it would feel to smoke one now. The coughing, the dizziness, the nausea. And then to start all over again in quitting. And I read posts here. And I NOPE. 

 

This is a vital realization in the quitting process.  The realization that addiction has only as much power as we give it and we have full control over the choices we make.  That moment when you see that the big, bad monster is in reality a toothless tiger.

 

When you realize there's nothing to fight or fear, you can pretty much just cruise along and enjoy your newfound freedom.  Enjoy the ride.

[Reciprocity]

Boy oh boy, for 18 days in, you've really done your homework PS! Your experiences to date so remind me of my own. I think you'll do just fine and yes, the support of a place like this make a huge difference too. Always nice to communicate with others that are going through the same life experience as you :)

[PixelSketch]

Boy oh boy, for 18 days in, you've really done your homework PS! Your experiences to date so remind me of my own. I think you'll do just fine and yes, the support of a place like this make a huge difference too. Always nice to communicate with others that are going through the same life experience as you :)

I think the homework was motivated by fear!  ;) I really was ready to quit and I was scared of quitting at the same time, so I figured, the more I could learn, the better equipped I'd be to deal with it. You have an awesome handle on everything and a great attitude! We're doing this!!  :D  

[MarylandQuitter]

Welcome, Pixel!  Very well written post; sounds a lot like how I felt while I was smoker.  Like you, I didn't view smoking as a drug addiction.  It took my doctor telling me that I was a drug addict to get it through my brain that unless I treated it like a drug addiction, I was doomed to the constant cycle of relapse and lying to myself.

 

Welcome to this support group and thank you for posting.  Keep doing what you're doing and make sure that you keep your quit separate from other parts of your life.  It's that important and must be protected from outside influences like, well, life.  :)

[babs609]

great to have you here Pixel!  Congrats to you on your quit!  it only gets better from here.

 

Yay FREEDOM!

[mfic]

Welcome,, and you got this-  I smoked for 30 years-

 

I like being a non smoker much better-- the same as you do,,,,,

 

we smell better, feel better, do better,, look better,,, save money an live longer,,,,  an never........... run out ,,,,,again,,,

 

stay here,, This place was most instrumental in my quit,,,

 

RC

[PixelSketch]

great to have you here Pixel!  Congrats to you on your quit!  it only gets better from here.

 

Yay FREEDOM!

Thanks Babs!  :) This place is wonderful!

[PixelSketch]

Welcome,, and you got this-  I smoked for 30 years-

 

I like being a non smoker much better-- the same as you do,,,,,

 

we smell better, feel better, do better,, look better,,, save money an live longer,,,,  an never........... run out ,,,,,again,,,

 

stay here,, This place was most instrumental in my quit,,,

 

RC

Thanks RC! Yes, to all you said. I never thought I'd make it a day, and though it's not quite a month, I can't believe how good this feels already. I expected to be miserable and...I'm not. The cravings aren't impossible and it's worth it to keep pushing though them. It's good to hear from you and Babs and all the other members who are further ahead. It's proof there is life after smoking and it's awesome!  :) Gives us newbies inspiration and motivation.