NOPE. No matter what, Hell it hurts

[Evelyn]

... My hearts ripped into pieces. And it would be so easy so walk out, buy a pack and light one... but I say NOPE. Please let me, rant shout... I miss my mom so, so badly. Would she be proud? From where I come from? I feel like crying, but I gasp for air. I do not c*t or smoke... I write, I cry. Lord Jesus please soften my mourning, I do not want to give in and be a victim, not any more. 

I needed to post this, to reach out. 

NOPE, no excuses, no crap. No matter what - NOPE! I am worth it.

[Evelyn]

[Sazerac]

Evelyn,

You need to protect yourself,  Nobody else can do that for you.

Breathe beautiful clean air.

Get up and DANCE.

Please do not choose death by cigarettes or death by cutting.

Please choose LIFE and go look at that light on that leaf and appreciate being ALIVE.

[Evelyn]

I know that is why I'm posting. I can flee, betraye myself and all of you. I won't. I'll fight.

[Sazerac]

This crisis is temporary.

[Sazerac]

Ev, go out and window shop for a reward for your smoke free/ c*t free self.

[Evelyn]

Unfortanatly I smoked.

[Doreensfree]

Stay strong sweetheart...fight ..fight...

There are people here who love you...take strength from them...

Go and buy a nice magazine... Spend time reading....

Why not put another pledge in...I will not hurt myself today...no matter what...

[Evelyn]

Finished my last 7 November will be my first smokefree day

[Doreensfree]

EV..have you got cigs at home ?...if so thrown them out...get rid ..far to easy if they are lying around ..xxx

[Sazerac]

NOPE

 

Please protect yourself.

[Evelyn]

Threw  them out :)

[Evelyn]

[El Bandito]

Keep keeping on Evelyn. Tough times, but you can do it. I know you can.

[Evelyn]

I will. Another brand new day

[...]

Unfortanatly I smoked.

 

Evelyn, I am so sorry to read this.  I know you keep asking everyone to not give up on you.... but you give up on you.  

 

And cutting..... my Lord girl.  That crap causes scars.   Don't you have enough of those already ?  

 

I don't know who hurt you or even if you have been hurt..... but it seems to me you hurt yourself far more than anyone else has. 

 

I hope you really quit.  If there is nothing else you give to yourself, quit smoking.  It's not just about lung cancer and the crap you hear about how bad smoking is..... it's about really loving yourself.  

 

It's about living.  Just live for today.  

 

Can you do that Evelyn ?  Can you just do today ?

[Sazerac]

Evelyn,

Please check in and let us know what's happening.

You are in our thoughts.

S

[Evelyn]

Em, bad. Not good, besides the smoking but that's not my worry I ended up in the ER with OD, em two days ago and got send away after stabalised and drowsy and still sui. No meds yesterday accept one I didn't take to much I stalked my psych and the drugstore to get things fixed. Haven't slepped at all maybe 4 hours which is way to less while I usually take 10 or 11 hours. I'm having a temperature dunno why. And crying my eyes out. IF all things go right tomorrow I can start my meds again and Friday I have all my usual meds but the drugstore and my psych have made a lot of mistakes nad my psych is Friday leaving for vacation. He's has no back up. I'm burned up. Tired, feel like crap and in withdrawls and I'm not sui right now. But still switching from depressed, to angry to extreme hurt and sadness. That;s where I am at. I'm so tired and burned up I can hardly get bread for myself in the store. Nothing that you can do, but pray. That's what keeps e going now, my faith. I've never been so low

[Evelyn]

Evelyn, I am so sorry to read this.  I know you keep asking everyone to not give up on you.... but you give up on you.  

 

And cutting..... my Lord girl.  That crap causes scars.   Don't you have enough of those already ?  

 

I don't know who hurt you or even if you have been hurt..... but it seems to me you hurt yourself far more than anyone else has. 

 

I hope you really quit.  If there is nothing else you give to yourself, quit smoking.  It's not just about lung cancer and the crap you hear about how bad smoking is..... it's about really loving yourself.  

 

It's about living.  Just live for today.  

 

Can you do that Evelyn ?  Can you just do today ?

Right now I live for today Tiff.

I try not to fall apart

[Evelyn]

I never meant to tell. But you asked, Saz... How I was doing. I've never been more lone

[Doreensfree]

EV..I'm sorry this is happening to you..

Do what it takes to get yourself back up and running..

Sending prayers your way....

Your a fighter...

Hugs sweetheart xxxx

[Evelyn]

Working my ass of Door. Thank you for your prayers hugs love you hun

[Doreensfree]

No pressure sweetheart...just get well...xx

[Sazerac]

You are not alone.

I know not much use and long distance but, you are in my thoughts.

Please get well and stabilized.  This will happen but, not soon enough for me.

I want so much to tell you everything will be OK and I trust this is true.

 

I am gone for a week and will be out of touch.

You better be dancing when I get back or else !

In the meantime, sleep and heal.  Sleep and mend.

Sleep with beautiful dreams to comfort you.

S

[Evelyn]

Thanks Saz, working on it