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Checking in......I'm still quit.

 

Today was much easier than yesterday.

 

A lot different though.

 

Kinda missed smoking. I'm not gonna deny that I enjoy it sometimes. I know it's all lies but it's still a lie I enjoyed. Until they made me feel bad. And then I hated them.

 

I was driving home tonight and I remembered all the times, in my previous "quits", I would just want "that one" and so I would do it. I would build it up so much in my head until the want became a need. And I remember that as soon as I would take that one puff, how disgusted my lungs would feel.....how I would get dizzy, my fingers and feet would tingle and how I wanted to just go to sleep. And then 20 minutes later, I would want another one and no matter how much I would try to fight it..... My fight was gone.

 

I don't think I ever want to do that again. It may be something I miss right now but it's not something I want to go back to.

 

Onto day 4 !!!!!

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of course you enjoyed smoking at times, I thought I loved smoking,  we all did, that was the whole point...  we were addicts !  

 

 One day, one moment at a time, the junkie dies, the addiction is laid to rest.

 

Yay You, Day 4.  Thanks for checking in, we do worry, you know.

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I thought I enjoyed it, until I cursed my lungs 'cancerlungs' for coughing and not able to inhale with every puff... THAT is what cigarettes do, they're lies! They make you sick. They are the ENEMY, what did you LIKE about smoking? REALLY, be honest!!! It's just junkie thinking romancing it, believing you need that fix, start educating yourself hun!!!! Don't live lies

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what did you LIKE about smoking? REALLY, be honest!!! It's just junkie thinking romancing it, believing you need that fix, start educating yourself hun!!!! Don't live lies

 

There are things I liked about smoking.  I do not need to list them here.  

 

I am being honest.

 

Junkie thinking or not.... it's the ONLY thought I had RIGHT THEN.  

 

I am educated.  And I do understand what I'm thinking.  And feeling.  

 

I thought that this is what I was supposed to do.  Acknowledge what I think and move on from it.  

 

No one leaves a relationship with a habit'/ a person/ a consistent in their life for the last 30+ years and says "whew, glad that's over with" immediately.  It takes time.  And I am working through that process.   

 

Romancing ?  ......mmmm.... I don't know.  Maybe, maybe not ?  But to just lie to myself saying I hate it would be nothing but a lie.  It's called "junkie thinking" for a reason. 

 

Is it something I want to continue ?  No.  That's why I'm here.  I am choosing to not live that life anymore.  The bad outweighs the good.  But it takes time to absorb that and I am working on absorbing that.  

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It takes time and awareness to recognize junkie thoughts.

 Mine were pervasive and persuasive and it took work and time however,

I am no special snowflake and I know mine weren't any louder or more dominant than other addicts.  

 

I admit to being in denial for too long a time, especially in the first throes of my quit.  

Now,  junkie thoughts leap out at me in capital red letters, I think they do for many quitters.

But, it wasn't very long ago that I was in the process, like you are, of identifying and changing my thought patterns.

 

The longer you are quit, the easier it is to separate yourself from smoking and see it for what it really is.

Time is on your side, Tiff.

 

p.s. Is there a meaning behind your new avatar ?

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I would just want "that one" and so I would do it. I would build it up so much in my head until the want became a need.

 

 

A cigarette is never a need.

 

Never.

 

It is always and forever a want.

 

All the way up until the moment you no longer want.

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

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I still have that odd moment from time-to-time where I think a cigarette would be nice.  There's no harm in a passing thought so long as you don't act on it.

 

An addicted mind with all of its well-worn neural pathways is something that has to be retrained over time.  With patience and commitment the new ways become normal, until then, you just keep plugging away.

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I was never going to quit. I was a proper smoker. I loved it.

 

It took me months to understand that after a hard day, I could still take five, exhale and relax. Even without a cigarette. 

 

It took months to understand that a meal had tasted good, and had been a great time. Even without a cigarette.

 

Thinking you enjoy something is the same as enjoying something. 

 

It took me a long time to change what I think I enjoy.

 

But I have.

 

Keep on keeping on Tiff. 

 

Turns out I don't miss any of the things that I thought I missed...

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Aww my eyes are old..even making it bigger I couldn't read it..

Put me out of my misery TIFF..x

 

me too, Doreen.  I assume it says something cool but, I must tell you that seeing a photo of cigarettes is like looking at a pile of dog shit to me.

 

 

On to the important stuff,

How was your night and how is your day ?

 

Protect your quit and have some fun.

Rewards ?

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Found a lighter this morning. It's Friday. And those 2 things set off a HUGE crave. And a lot of junkie thinking.

 

And some emotion of wondering about forever.

 

 

 

 

I assume it says something cool but, I must tell you that seeing a photo of cigarettes is like looking at a pile of dog shit to me.

It talks about life and death. Not dog shit. I'll delete it. No biggie......
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Found a lighter this morning. It's Friday. And those 2 things set off a HUGE crave. And a lot of junkie thinking.

 

And some emotion of wondering about forever.

 

 

 

 

It talks about life and death. Not dog shit. I'll delete it. No biggie......

 

Keep whatever avatar is good for YOU !  What it reminds me of matters not.  

Cigarettes were so attractive to me for so, so long...it is great what they look like to me now.

 

Regarding lighters;

You know, I missed the ceremony of fire, especially early on.

Fire is such an important element and I really needed to re-claim it, needed to remove it from the association of cigarettes.

 

Now, I light smudges or incense or votive candles (when it gets cooler).  

I turned off the electric pilot on my stove so, I could light it.

Gawd, I sound like a pyromaniac. :o

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Found a lighter this morning. It's Friday. And those 2 things set off a HUGE crave. And a lot of junkie thinking.

And some emotion of wondering about forever.

It talks about life and death. Not dog shit. I'll delete it. No biggie......

I couldn't get past just thinking I won't smoke today..forever..no chance! I missed, romanced and that happened most days... I knew the truth, had read enough..lord had read my Alan Carr book till my eyes bled. Knew, it was lies...still romanced. So I just thought just a day..I'll do today...time passed of course and I got to over five months and I felt different, not so much romancing..more a passing thought that wasn't as uncomfortable. I'll be four years this June and I can't remember the last time I craved or romanced a cig....it's as though I never even smoked. Sounds crazy, I know, but it's the truth.

 

Just think a day at a time if it helps...it can work. Obviously much less painful if you stop romancing, missing and wanting, but when that doesn't happen just promise yourself NOPE today...tomorrow's another day.

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