Apologies tot the Sergey andere Porky

[Evelyn]

Im sorry. i apologise for ranting at you 2

[Tink]

I'm sure you have no need to apologise they are thick skinned, they only want to see you succeed and they don't do wrap ups in furry pink blankets

 

And you will succeed! In all aspects of your life x

[bakon]

A true apology requires three things

 

1. Admit that you were wrong and that you're sorry. Really own up to what you did — or failed to do. For example, "I jumped down your throat and berated you mercilessly when you didn't get that report done on time. I was wrong to treat you that way and I am sorry." Sadly, most labor attorneys will advise you not to say you're wrong to anyone, because that might lead them to have something they can use to sue you. If that is the case, you may just need to stop at saying you're sorry. (And while in matters of the business and legal world, perhaps you shouldn't admit you were wrong, in matters of the heart with the people you love, always say it. It's that one thing they need to begin to forgive you.)

 

2. Show them you understand the effect it had on them. For instance, "And when I did that, and wouldn't let it go, I think I made you feel cornered and probably anxious — and maybe even panicky." You don't need to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what they must be feeling or thinking; just try to really put yourself in their shoes.

 

3. Tell them what you are going to do differently in the future so that it doesn't happen again.For example, "Going forward, when I'm upset about something you have done or failed to do, I'm going to pause and ask myself, 'What is the outcome I want from speaking to you? In all likelihood it will be for you to just fix what needs to be fixed so you can get the results that both of us want. I will calmly speak to and maybe even with you instead of at or over you." This reassures them that you will truly try to change your behavior in the future — not just keep apologizing after every blow-up — and hopefully ends the conversation on a more positive note.

[bakon]

I copied it. Only concerned with number 3.

 

Every couple of months we go through this. I will stand by ten more times but you can't keep repeating this ten more times the same way....

 

Love

Me

[Evelyn]

You are right. You push my buttons which makes me feel cornered.

I know you care... I just at That Moment believe you do not see my psychiatric pain. Which is a real thing. You think I believe so it's not true or that I can get thru all.

Well. Again I am not superwoman porky why do you think so?

The EXCUSES are always wrong. But a little understanding for my hurt.... Is what I ask. I am truly sorry and cannot be more honest then this.

Kick my ass if needed... But please understand I am recovering with ptssd severely and depression

I jumped back on without a doubt.

Just TRY to understand why I struggle porky and why I fire up.

I'm sorry. This is what's behind it.

[bakon]

I can understand or try to see your psychological disorder but I can never see smoking helping and you ranting its special kind of snowflake for you

 

We all can say something is so bad we have our own reason to do anything we want but it won't be true. Pound your fist or stomp your feet. But smoking doesn't work and it never will.

Name one way this has worked out in the couple years here? One time smoking was a good thing? It only sets you back and you start all over.

Now if attention seeking is your goal.....but I doubt it.

By choosing another way to cope with the pop up issues, we wouldn't start all over again each time.

That's what #3 is about. Doing it different next time

[Evelyn]

I am trying. No it's not about attention seeking and NO smoking has never done anything. I am learning withups and downs. I think the person I was most angry at was myself. You smacked me in he face 'wake up' which of course gave me the self guilt trip which Allen Carr's talked about so often. I do learn Bakon. I don't win a yeeh first price but I try very hard on many scales. 'Yelling at me when I'm in my shell will only make me yell back.' Bad, nasty habit. I sneaked around those few days, I would have come back. MY fault is for leaving too soon and not returning when it creeped up in my neck, the cravings. So I learned a lot. I'm sorry I REALLY for yelling at YOU instead of my craving yelling NOPE.

[Evelyn]

And off note I can be a bitch biting when feeling cornered. Am not proud of the bitch part :( on the other hand that hard core inside has know kept me smokefree again. When I got something in mind---i go after it. 

[bakon]

just don't smoke----it don't help ----ever

[Evelyn]

yeah, that I got.