I just hate it.

[Let.Me.Clear.My...!]

Hello all!

 

My name is Brittany. I've been smoking/vaping for about 10 years. Was smoking about a pack and a half a day for about 8 years and then switched over to vaping about 2 years ago. Began vaping at the 24mg nicotine level and ever so slowly got down to the 12mg level with the intentions of one day being at 3mg and then from there quitting all together. Haven't been able to get much lower than 12mg without wanting to rip my face off so I convinced myself if I'm going to quit, it's going to suck whether I'm at 12mg or 3mg, so continued to stay at 12mg. I quit last Sunday, May 1st, and I am really just trying to keep it together here. I have made countless attempts at quitting nicotine for years and years with never even a glimmer of success (obviously). I'm super excessive with smoking and vaping. I vape non stop all day every damn day until I sleep, and even then my vape is always right next to me and I'll be puffing from it in my sleep. 

 

I'm here today (technically tonight, It's like 10:00pm) because I really want this time to be it for my history book of nicotine use. I don't know what else to do or who else to talk to. Very few of my friends have smoking addictions and the ones that do are perfectly content living their lives high-fiving a pack of American Spirits. And it's like some of my friends seem to have crazy abilities to just smoke and not smoke whenever they wish and I'm like WTF? I'm just broken inside. I feel broken and alone and depressed as shit. I'm, no joke, one of the happiest, most chipper individuals to exist on this planet and the past 4 days I just feel so much hate for myself and everyone else around me. I. Just. cant. So I figured maybe I could take advantage of the wide world of web and join one of these support forums and maybe I can find some comfort here. Everyone is all like "oh hunny, its going to be oooookay!", and I get that but that's like waaaaay later and I'm not okay now and I need to be or at least connect with some people who aren't okay now and maybe that will help me pick my sissy ass up the floor and quit being silly about this. 

 

Any who, if anyone can make anything of any of that, thank you! This is literally the first time I've been on a forum thingy in well over 10 years so I'm not sure how this all works. 

 

I hope you all have a great evening!

 

 

[TAC]

Nice venting job, good to hear that you have made progress, just keep trying and some day it will just happen. Then in about 6 months into your quit, you will just stop thinking about it altogether.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, you have made the first step, the right step.

 

We are not just a helpful quit smoking forum but a fun place to chat with other Nic-addicts.

[BAT]

Welcome to the QT and congratulations on quitting "Nicotine". Stay hooked to the boards and keep posting and reading other posts. That's what I did and I've been quit from nicotine for over 2 years now. Treat it as a pill ( drug ) instead of a vape or a cig and pledge to NOPE everyday. Again welcome  :)

[PorkandPancakes]

Hi Brittany, welcome to the Quit Train. I see you've done the worst part. Day 4 already? Nicotine is now pretty much out of your system. I think in many ways, quitting vaping may be a little harder than quitting cigs because, in my experience, people tend to puff continuously on the damn things, more so than they did with cigs!

 

Anyway, there's loads you can do to help yourself make this the quit that sticks. Have a look at the newbie information, read some old posts, stick close to the board and post questions or how you're feeling. Something here will resonate with you. Something will help you. The most important thing is to remember to Not One Puff Ever. This is the pledge people here take every day. NOPE.

 

Anyway, there's loads of support here. It's great to meet you Brittany. Welcome aboard.

[Boo]

Welcome aboard Brittany.  You can find pretty much anything you need to know about beating this addiction here and you can always have any questions answered by fellow members.  If you just need to let off a good rant, let it rip.

 

Buckle up, knuckle down, and enjoy the ride.

[beacon]

HI welcome and congratulations!  It's normal to feel like crap when you first quit. I felt so strange after smoking for 30 plus years that I felt like my arm was missing or something. Smoking was such a part of me that I had to slowly relearn how to do things without smoking. One book that helped me right in the beginning to feel happy that I had quit was The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. 

[Nancy]

Welcome, Brittany!  So glad you found us...keep us posted on how it is going, please!

[Let.Me.Clear.My...!]

Thank you guys for all of your responses! I just feel like my mind is just going crazy and one minute I'm up and the next I'm down and I just don't know how to deal with this. My boyfriend and I live together and I feel like my mood swings are sabotaging my relationship with him. I feel increasingly insecure about everything and it's just all a mess. This is all completely normal, right?

[Nancy]

Thank you guys for all of your responses! I just feel like my mind is just going crazy and one minute I'm up and the next I'm down and I just don't know how to deal with this. My boyfriend and I live together and I feel like my mood swings are sabotaging my relationship with him. I feel increasingly insecure about everything and it's just all a mess. This is all completely normal, right?

Completely normal.  Quitting is an emotional and physical roller coaster.  Just hang on and get through it.  I promise you it is worth it!  I found this letter you might want to share with your boyfriend. Not One Puff Ever!

[Doreensfree]

Hi and welcome...best decision you can make...

All what you are feeling is normal...your body is going through some hefty changes...be kind to yourself...

Read all you can and then some...your knowledge will be your weapon to fight this war...

Don't over think..take it one day at a time...or one hour...or one minute...

Taken the daily pledge..it's a promise to yourself..for that day...

You can do this...

[Let.Me.Clear.My...!]

Completely normal.  Quitting is an emotional and physical roller coaster.  Just hang on and get through it.  I promise you it is worth it!  I found this letter you might want to share with your boyfriend. Not One Puff Ever!

Thank you so much Nancy, this letter really hit the nail on the head. I have sent this to my boyfriend and I really just hope he understands. I just want to feel like myself again. 

[Sunnyside]

Welcome Brittany. I'm sure your partner will be very supportive, you will go back to normal, we promise. ;)

[Nancy]

Thank you so much Nancy, this letter really hit the nail on the head. I have sent this to my boyfriend and I really just hope he understands. I just want to feel like myself again. 

I'm glad you liked it.  The thing that never smokers do not understand (nor do new quitters) is that quitting is a process, not an event.  Never smokers think that once we quit for a couple of weeks or months, it is over.  That is just not true.  There are ups and downs for longer than that...but the ups keep getting more and more frequent.  And it is so worth it!  I am so much happier and healthier since I quit...and you will be, too.  You just have to be patient with the process.  

 

You can do this!

[Runfree]

I too was a bit trying to be around in the beginning  :blush: but those people who took the brunt of my angst are now saying how proud they are and how happy they are for me that I quit.  Hang in there and they will too. 

[IndigoChilde]

I slept a lot when I first quit, I was so depressed. I think the first week all I did was lay on the couch, watching TV, or sleeping. But I always made time to check the boards and watch some videos. Especially when the cravings got bad.

[TAC]

I see that my old friends are takin real good care of you. My quit was unique, very difficult, but necessary.

 

Keep close to the train and I'm certain you will pull through just fine.