Was tempted - even after so long, didn't puff.

[Evelyn]

Ok only one person knew I was away, struggling a major depression; part due last year's waisted energy and obstacles + bad choice of meds that kept me too low, coludn't let it out.
I haven't been so deep, since 2013 new years eve. Had 2 admittions in a closed section. i really was a danger to myself, first time got released and knew I was dying inside. The volcano blast when boyfriend started threatening me, almost kicked my door in so I did another attempt.  I was again locked up, DID see my pdoc and asked him to take away the particular med.. after rage I'm now relased and located on a safe spot temporarily, intend to move... back to my old town.
Last time in the 'ward' wuith the med switch I started craving, cigs, food.. didn't do it all tho there were a few times I really was like *&%% I did once kick the doorside, with my gymshoe, left a print I was REALLY raged.

I'm low on caffeine BIG time, no coffee her accept the poder to put water with... I'm calm, did my hair at the kinki hairdresser, and really RATHER be a bit dizzy then so furiously raged. I can hug me ;) again, say lts pick myself up and do fun stuff. I AM worth it.

About the ex-bf not feeling heartbroken, just it's no option returning to that home. I'd feel unsafe 24 hours a day.
He can blow me one last kiss (Pink)

I was too afraid to tell how I was in mud, sucked in depression, so scared you peeps would say... dunno.

I am back. bf out the window and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

Oh and did I say I didn't puff the previous week.

I made it thru, which I REALLY didn't expected anymore.

Now anyone thinking they have an excuse to light that fag, knock on my door? Karen?

And I post this on purpose in the guest-open forum. People should know, depression all of sorta things aren't worth that puff. Not a break up, no violent (ex) bf Idk no break down, dead closeby...

I am proud and I was so ashamed I got knocked down by a depression, like I deserved it and idk if I have to sing the bl**dy unconditionally (again) to myself everyday. I am NOW able to grab on life and strart rebuild.

I am not ashamed, you don't need to reply. If you have mental health issues, and 'they keep you from quiting' or they are the excuse to start smoking; start with the basic problem... the mental health. And reach out, try to signal, to someone you trust... ANYONE.

I am stronger. And so are you... the one who needs to read this.

[bakon]

Awesome work. Knew you were strong.

 

 

Is it wrong to use word like fruitcake when your in the mental places? Would they put you in time out for yelling fruit cups for desert please!!!

[Doreensfree]

So proud of you...your going through a tough time...and you stay smoke free...

Get yourself back to health sweetheart..what ever it takes...

Hugs xx

[Evelyn]

Yeah all fruitcakes there porky and it's one f#cked up mix of craziness

[Sunnyside]

You certainly are stronger Evelyn! There is no real excuses to this, it's an addiction, and any excuse like life is too crap at the moment doesn't work.

 

There are trying times and health issues that can make it harder. But if you want to be smoke free you have to be committed to the cause.

 

I hope you start to get's some good thing happen to you soon, take care :)

[Boo]

The cigarette offers you nothing, it doesn't provide true relief or facilitate day-to-day living.  Once you accept that as an undeniable truth, addiction has very little opportunity for a counter-attack.

 

Good work Evelyn.  Strength begets strength.

[Tink]

Evelyn my heart aches for you, I so wish you peace in your life, good job on staying strong xxx  :wub:

[beacon]

 

Good for you! A strong woman, a survivor.  I saw the photos of your hair too and it looks great. 

[Evelyn]

Hehe, yes wanted to do something for ME!!! So I did. Call me crazy, a daredevil (oh no there's one already called DD) and but Porky's right after all the frtuitiness :P I 'put one finger in the air and say I don't care'.
Does that mean I'm a frootloop too?

[Devil Doll]

Great job getting through the tough times Evelyn!

[Evelyn]

Thanks DD

[Sirius]

I am sometimes tempted but then I saw this...

 

[Slow]

Sirius , that is a laugh out loud for me !! It's been a while since I did , Cheers

[Still winning]

Well done staying strong in every sense of the word. xx