Just talking my thoughts out

[Still winning]

I'm a little over a month quitting smoking now. I'm quietly confident I'm a non smoker who occasionally associates situations to times when I would formerly have smoked. It panicked me early days to read peoples stories, they've been quit months and may relapse etc. I now firmly understand that you always have a choice.  You can choose to think smoking can or might help you or you can choose my way, thoughts are just thoughts and they only have the control you give them. Give those junkie thoughts none of your time and it makes it easier to walk by and carry on.

 

I'm entering a time called no mans land apparently. When the quit is no no longer fresh and exciting and it becomes a slog to say no. I don't doubt this is an emotional time, it sounds emotional, but I also don't doubt I will wade through them as I have done and always will do, free from smoke.  My brass band cheering me on is long gone lol, I needed it once, I no longer do. You know what I feel, honestly, it's relief!! Previous quit attempts (even longer ones) have been filled with panic that I can never smoke again, ever! This time, even through the hard times I felt more like oh thank goodness that's all done now. 

 

I no longer feel full of dread. I take ownership for the 23 years I smoked, it's unlikely I got off scott free and that saddens me. I always had the power to say no but for various reasons made excuses and I stand here today saying no more. I love everything about being a non smoker, even through the thoughts and craves I've had and may yet experience.  I don't doubt I will get triggers, have thoughts about times I would have smoked - I also truly believe for me I'm done. Never again will I put something in my mouth and set it on fire! I will not force my body to accept toxins and cause damage to myself, I have more respect for my body now (apart from a small peanut fetish, which I hope will pass?!). 

 

Ha!! I'm a non smoker without panic and with pure relief that today, I can say this!!

[REZ]

Marti, its only going to get better too!

 

Never fear moving forward, embrace it and smile!

 

You have a great attitude!

[Still winning]

Thank you Rez I look forward to being where you are.  Funny thing is I read here somewhere that there's a point in time you "just know", ya know that you're sure and I wondered about it. Answering Jonny5's post on reasons why you would smoke got me thinking, I answered and went off to think it through. I'm really happy and genuinely relieved:)

[robf]

You will get triggers, I got one the other day. But they get easier to handle each passing month, but you do still have to be on your guard.

[Still winning]

I read that Robf, I did chuckle at the banana comparison :)  I will stand guard of my quit but I don't want to feel fearful of failure, I would rather feel relief that my smoking days are done and wade through the craves/thoughts as and when they hit. 

[action]

Very good Marti. You sound like you are in a really good place at the moment :)

[Still winning]

It feels really lovely :) x

[robf]

I read that Robf, I did chuckle at the banana comparison :)  I will stand guard of my quit but I don't want to feel fearful of failure, I would rather feel relief that my smoking days are done and wade through the craves/thoughts as and when they hit.

Indeed not, that one was a very easy one to handle, I had some around the 6 month mark where I've been angry / upset etc, heart racing where you just want to punch a hole in a wall and smoke a pack... those ones are the ones to look out for.

[babs609]

great post Marti!  Happy to read this  :)

 

Yes..we always must stay vigilant...but not fearful!  You are in charge of your destiny  ::)

[Ladybug]

http://www.quittrain.com/blog/7/entry-133-my-very-own-definition-of-no-mans-land/

 

I wrote this a few weeks back...I guess we are all together in this so called No mans's land...I can see Julie jumping around in front of me ..and some others I can't see to clear they are a little bit further away :-)

 

Oh how funny...I just looked at my post and it comes up at        f nomans land lol so true

[Still winning]

I know you guys have my back if my thoughts go awol. I have seen you Ladybug and Julie, ahead of my quitting place so guiding me to your blogs is really helpful, thank you. I am somewhat confused over what no mans land actually is.  However I swam through heck week with barely a crave only to get a slam dunk in week 3 lol, so I am not ever going to get too ahead of myself. x

[JackiMac]

Hi Marti, the thing with "no man's land" is you will make it to the other side, went through turmoil a few weeks ago and really struggled but I'm stronger and more secure in my quit, I've have the odd little crave lately but nothing major, but always on my guard just in case the nicotine demon comes aknocking,   Your doing great be proud x

[Still winning]

I didn't realize you were also in the no mans land zone Jackie. Pleased you feel you've turned a corner.  The emotional bits are often harder than the craves! x

[Still winning]

Quick quantify - nothing is harder than hell week, that near on killed me on two days, the others were ok. Just feels cruel that your own brain has arguments with itself, that's the emotional I refer too. Gotta love a bit of an internal barney ey lol.

[El Bandito]

Hey Marti

 

Lovely post. As the others say..be vigilant, but embrace it. You ARE a non smoker, and as you note, whatever pops up, won't be hell week!

 

How's Mum?

[Still winning]

Mums an evening smoker?? I gaveup yesterday and gave her an ashtray as I went to bed. The overt perfume spritzing to cover the smell was more potent than the damn cig smell.  Just said I don't agree but your life you choice. For my part the perfume is killing my lungs every morning, knock that off pleae...then walked away.

[El Bandito]

Don't let resentment build up Marti....

 

As for No Mans Land - I could not tell you if I am there. I can tell you that the last few days have been tougher than the few days before for me. It is almost like I am tired of quitting. Slightly weird.

 

Smoking is not an option - please don't worry - but I do find my mind turning to it, some craves, some triggers etc. Re-examining my reasons for quitting, posting here help and I am still confident - but I am not as comfortable as I was.

 

To a certain extent - I was cruising not wanting to smoke. Now all of a sudden, I have wanted to.

 

Last month I felt very confident that I did not want to smoke. I was comfortable that a cigarette did nothing for me. Now - my inner junkie is making a little comeback - and some inner dialogue has started.

 

This is not a problem especially (and it is nothing like the first couple of weeks!) - in that the backup plan is willpower - i.e. if all else fails - I simply will not smoke - but it has come as a bit of a surprise and is a bit annoying.

 

Perhaps it is the Junkie's Last Stand - so beating him the same way that I did last time. ;)

[Still winning]

I know i know, resentment is not the right word but I'm pissed. I want to be like Doreens kids, all gentle and supportive, I mean she's gone from 40 to between 1 and 4, that's big news. My 8 year old thinks she marvellous, it's just got on my nerves. It's been dis-honest and bs tbh, I would love to be that tolerant person but it seems I'm not lol. No probs though, Chris (my fella) is keeping me calm and talking it through with me so I don't dwell on it.

 

Now for you young fella me lad. That sounds like it could be easier. I wonder if you're taking your own advice and having "treats", golf, rugby, what about a twickenham trip, see what's on and book something?  Julie's diary is pretty decent at showing this is a development phase. I think a lot of parts are kinda like a right of passage and make the quit firm by going through them but that doesn't mean you can't do the excitement and the treats on the side. We were smokers for a long time, I wish for all of us that we could simply skip into the next stage of our non smoking life singing the sound of music or whatever - but  it's pretty unlikely hey!  I know you know this cause you told me, smoking is not on the table for us. Think of me as your brass band, just cause it ain't new doesn't mean it's not AMAZING.  Keep reminding yourself how great you are doing, how many people are believing in themselves that YOU contributed too...this doesn't have to be a scary or nerve wracking experience, just more thoughts, thoughts can't hurt you.  xx

[El Bandito]

Marti - are we trying to out mother each other? ;)  You are going to win - lots more experience than me.

 

So - let's set your logic back on you:

 

Your frightened Mum has, by following your example wiped out 90% of her smoking. Your 8 year old can see why that might be worth celebrating! "Out of the mouths of babes" they say :P

 

You know and I know that cutting down like this demonstrates:

 

1. Your Mum is still scared.

2. She has not entirely 'got it' - the junky is strong

3. She is incredibly strong. She is living Day one - EVERY day.

 

Jesus wept - I know that I don't really fancy day one one more time  - let alone every day!

 

It must be incredibly difficult for you - she has come so far (CELEBRATE that) and is digging her toes in before taking the last step to freedom (which only SHE can take) - really frustrating!

 

The dishonesty thing.

 

Marti.

Let it go.

 

It was her inner junky, her fear, her wish not to disappoint her little girl. She was lying to herself as much as to you.

 

Don't be tolerant - recognise it for what it was - and get through it.

 

Perhaps she can take the final step. You must try not to give her junky any excuses!! :wacko: 

 

You and Chris are doing brilliantly. Absolutely fantastic. Your 8 year old must be SO proud of you all.

 

Me? Ach...I'm only whinging.

 

Lovely words from you though. Thank you :wub: 

 

I am incredibly lucky with a fantastic wife, decent health, great house, job - life is one big treat for me!

 

"The Hills are Alive with..........."

[sharonsiff]

Marti, you are doing wonderfully, you must be so pleased at your solid commitment to Nope.

 

I can see you are cross at your mum lying Marti, let it go. You have strong 'values' that lying is wrong, it's how you set your moral code but it's not a universal truth, isn't evidence-based. So your personal judgement call is lying is wrong, your getting 'pissed' and meanwhile your mum is more than happy that for now, her goal posts have moved. I hate to say it Marti but she might never stop, who knows? I hope for her sake she does but you could build a wall between you if you expect her to conform to your personal values, when they are not yet her own.

 

Stu...sounds like it could be a case of pg 82 your end? Twin gremlins (twin addict thinking)?

 

It is both very frustrating and unhelpful when these thoughts come, a pain in the rear end! Mind you though, when we think they are perfectly normal and to be expected. I was very thrown, many times, by triggers but I can look back now and see I was being unrealistic in my expectations of my mind. You know the drill...don't overreact to the current thoughts, normal, just soft wired removable thoughts that will show their face now and again...only to be expected as you smoked for years. They will be removed very soon.

[El Bandito]

oohhh...now I need to go and look up page 82!

[sgt.barney]

 

I'm entering a time called no mans land apparently.

"No Man's Land" is a myth.

 

An irrational fear.

 

In *exactly* the same way as The Boogie Man, it holds only imaginary power over you - IF YOU LET IT.

 

Who wants to let the imaginary faerie-tale of The Boogie Man run their life, or their quit?

 

Don't give it power over your life and you won't have a problem.

 

You have a choice, y'know.

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[sherry]

Hi Marti, congratulations on your quit.. your doing great!. :D  . as for your mom... you said she's gone from 40 a day down to 1-4 a day... i was a "step down" smoker too... i did it systematically  and with the lowest nicotine cigg i could buy in my little town AND with a lot of support and encouragement from the wonderful people here ... i did that till i got down to one just before bed and the next day was my quit day.... it might be your mom needs the same thing to quit - please understand,i'm not trying to speak for her...but  here's the web site i followed  http://quit-smoking-advisor.com/03-Natural-Methods/quit-smoking-gradually.html  ... again. not trying to speak for your mom, just trying to help based on my own experience. :)  

[Still winning]

I know I need to be a reasonable person, and I sound like a brat right now lol. But I'm struggling to let it go. I have talked to her now and it is genuinely because it was her who wanted to quit for months, she kept on and on at me about how "we" should quit and we attempted it together about 3/4 times. She eventually convinced me to go it alone to show it could be done as much as to actually do it. I also let her make her choices, of course I do. It's also partly because living with a day 1 smoker for two weeks now is also pretty tough. I have let it go as best I can, at least it's acknowledged now. Lots of emotions around it for me but most definately not my business.

 

I perfectly respect the easy peasy option - was there a crawling option cause I did that a couple of days lol. Mind over matter, yes it's powerful, I do a lot of work with intentions so I should know this. I'm all cool for now though.

 

El bandito I can outmother anyone I suspect, get treating!!  PS Sharon, what's on the page lol.

[El Bandito]

Marti - absolutely no need to be reasonable!

 

She is scared - and she has martyr syndrome. "its too late for me - but you must stop!" - And in fairness to her - Mission Accomplished!

 

I don't think you should feel bad at all! I think that you have done/are doing a magnificent job. Your quit. Hubby's quit. Getting your Mum to the stage she is at. These things are incredible. You are FANTASTIC!

 

I say don't be angry / upset

 

1. It does nothing positive for you.

2. It does not get you closer to where you want to be.

 

So - massive congratulations to you and Chris. Bask in your glory.