Guilt and anger

[PorkandPancakes]

2 negative emotions that I'm trying to let go of. I felt them every day when I woke up still a smoker. Now I still feel them every day. Only now instead of asking 'WHY DO I SMOKE?' and 'WHY CAN'T I QUIT?' I ask myself 'WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG?' and 'WHAT IF I ALREADY CAUSED TOO MUCH DAMAGE?' And ask myself endless questions about why I didn't do it sooner.

 

The biggest secret to quitting? Don't make it hard. I was utterly convinced that I couldn't do it. And a little education, a little enlightenment and not only have I done it, it hasn't been that hard. It ISN'T hard.

 

I was talking to a colleague who quit a year or so before me. He was asking how I'm finding it, is it hard etc, and I was answering him no, it's not really hard. I have 'thoughts'. I don't 'crave' and after a while we were both giggling because it sounds like I've been brain washed. And it's the most welcome brain washing I could ever have hoped for. And under the guilt, and anger, and fear (because that's the root of the other emotions, fear that I left it too late), I think I can feel a little pride. Not the bad kind either. I mean pride that I have actually achieved the 'impossible' and realising I'm possibly even a little worthy. Who knew that smoking kills your self esteem!? 17 days and counting....

[Nancy]

You are doing great, P & P!

 

You are very worthy, and are making some wonderful discoveries.  17 days is fabulous!

[Kendra]

I have often thought of the various changes I make as reprogramming or brainwashing....

 

                               programmed as a child by every encounter 

 

 

 

                      the messages                        I                                                            internalized                                              allowed/afforded                                         

 

                                                                                    a FEARFUL view of all in my scope.....   I did what was needed to survive.    

 

 

 

 

                    Ever so deeply grateful of the new view, the FREEDOM , and the hopeful/filled  visions .....   thrivival  vs. survival   

 

 

P & P - so glad you are feeling a bit proud of your huge accomplishment.  Spend no time in the coulda, woulda, shoulda head space.... celebrate the IS & NOW of your freedom from smoking.    You chose it, created it and maintain it.   :)

[Tink]

I would hope you were feeling alot of pride you are doing amazing, walk down that street with a swagger like it's your birthday and you are wearing one of those "it's my birthday badge" only your badge says "I quit smoking I'm Amazing" :)

 

Same for you Kendra!

[Jenny]

You are doing wonderfully!  Quitting has led to a huge boost in confidence for me as well.  Changed my whole life in so many positive ways. Thanks for sharing.  :)

[sgt.barney]

The biggest secret to quitting? Don't make it hard.

 

 

You have discovered The Big Easy.

 

It is time to leave The Temple, young Grasshopper.

 

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[Petra]

Who knew that smoking kills your self esteem!? 17 days and counting....

This is soooooo true!!!  God, I HATED being a smoker.  I hide it from people I didn't want to know.  I was so happy to have smoker friends, but always hated that I had to smoke. 

 

Quitting was such a self-esteem builder!!!!  I don't have to hide, I don't have to stink!  I DON'T HAVE TO SMOKE! 

 

The hardest part of quitting is the anticipation of quitting.  We've been programmed to believe that it is soooo hard.  But it really can be "Easy Peasy," right Sarge? 

 

This doesn't mean that there aren't moments of "Hey, a smoke sounds kinda good right now." or "Wish I had a smoke."  There are still those moments, but they are few and far between the longer we are quit.  and easier to say NOPE to.  

 

On the other hand, if we smoke, even one puff, the addiction will return quickly and the mind games will be difficult to overcome. 

 

NOPE!  Even cigars, Bandito!!! 

[Nicole Diver]

You nailed it--smoking kills self esteem at the same time as it physically kills you. It's a BAD business. No doubt about that. There are no pros.

 

Allen Carr's old saying that I'm going to paraphrase again here,: the ex smoker holds all the cards. There are no smokers that truly want to be smokers, and no non smokers that want to be smokers.

 

For 20 years that stupid addiction was in some way part of every decision I made. At times I'm still amazed I got free, and at times I cannot believe that I used to smoke. 2.5 years ago, but it seems like a lifetime.

[action]

Hi P&P, although you are asking yourself questions, at least now you have done something positive about it - doesn't matter WHEN you quit, only matters that you HAVE quit. You will start to feel very, very positive about that fact soon :)

 

You are doing great by the way :good:

[bakon]

pee pee  good job....

 

 

quiting is about attitude first...yours is good

[Still winning]

Sweet!!  I'm lovin this post!

 

It's as easy as wake, don't put anything in your mouth and set it on fire, go to sleep and repeat.

 

Isn't that self esteem thing a real shocker and an epic win! That was a very welcome surprise for loads of us.

 

Now about kicking yourself for not doing it sooner...well I'm going to leave you with that because guilt was a very strong reason for me putting down the cigs and for not picking them up again - it's actually been a part of my quit and keeps me vigilant. As does the thought of any additional damage I would do if I smoked again. So yeah, the kicking yourself is normal. It will calm and you will find a new normal - for now it's simply one part of your journey, the rest sounds really wonderful. 

 

x