Cigarette Anyone?

[El Bandito]

Firstly - my apologies for a massive long post - but I kind of need to get this off my chest. I posted it in my blog - but then thought maybe it might be of use to someone here...

 

Yesterday, my sister in law and her two sons came to visit. The plan is that the sister in law will stay with us for a couple of weeks - while the boys just came for the day. This is the first time that we have had houseguests since the house was refurbished before Christmas. 

It's quite exciting in a way. 

The day dawned warm and sunny - inspiring me to take the dog for a long walk and to venture into the garden for the first time this year. 

Lunch was eaten and wine was taken. A post prandial stroll somehow got diverted to the pub - where beer was drunk. Afternoon became evening with the help of several brandies. Long story short - I awoke this morning with a cracking hangover. Probably my first one since quitting smoking at the end of January. 

Conventional wisdom will tell you that hangovers are marginally better without the chemicals contained in cigarettes. I think perhaps that I am not convinced by conventional wisdom. This hangover feels pretty much the same as any other hangover that I recall.

What has come as a complete surprise is that the hangover has triggered a massive craving for a cigarette. I have been awake for five and a half hours as I write this; and for every minute of those three hundred and thirty, I have been craving a cigarette.

Now - I am not going to have one - I don't smoke. It is an obvious truth that non-smokers do not smoke - but it is a truth which I am having to remind myself of today. A lot.

I have re-read many inspirational posts on the Quit Train.com and on Why Quit.com - determined to remove this illogical desire that I am harbouring for a cigarette. I am writing this blog post in an effort to reaffirm my determination to be a non-smoker. 

I can only suppose that for 30 years, I would have fought through any hangovers with the help of 'my little friend' the cigarette and that waking with a hangover this morning has re-triggered an old reaction.

It does seem illogical - as if any condition illustrated how horrible it was to be a smoker - then the hangover was it. Hungover- I am always anxious, paranoid even. Two feelings that amplify the self-loathing that is never far away in any addict...but illogical or not - I cannot deny that all day today, I have wanted a cigarette.

It could be that I am entering 'No Mans Land' which is how some people characterise a period where an addict moves from the "I'm quitting" period to the "Bored now". The logic is that family, friends and colleagues have become accustomed to the fact that the addict doesn't smoke anymore. Where in the early days everybody was a spectator, paying close attention to the addict and their struggle, now, it's old news. Never-smokers have no comprehension of the addiction, and smokers have conclusively decided that the addict was either never a 'proper' smoker or is miserable without their cigarettes.

 

This last point is critical (I have just discovered!) because right now, I agree with the smoker. I am miserable. Right now - I can actually hear myself saying:

 

"Yes, quitting smoking is tough, but it is doable. I quit for 77 days. But - at the end of the day, I enjoy it. Give me a cigarette please. I'll give you one back when I buy some in a minute. When I stop enjoying it - I'll quit again."

 

I kid you not - I can actually hear myself saying that. I can picture myself reaching for the cigarette. I know which colleague I am asking for the cigarette...

 

Here is the thing.

I can picture myself doing it, I can hear myself doing it, but I am NOT doing it.

 

Why am I not doing it? Really - why not?

 

Well - there are several reasons.

1. I posted on a website that I visit this morning. I posted - NOPE. (So there must be something to this pledging :) ...)

2. I promised some people that I came to know is cyber space - that before smoking another cigarette I would post a SOS first. and I haven't.

3. If I did smoke - a lot of these people in Cyber space would be annoyed that I smoked, hurt that I did not post SOS and might even use my relapse as support for a relapse of their own. And while I know I can quit again - maybe that person couldn't.

4. Deep down - I know full well that I am hungover now. If I have a cigarette, I will still be hungover. And I will be incredibly annoyed with myself.

 

So - I won't smoke.

 

All of you - I am not naming names, because I would forget someone - but ALL of YOU saved my quit today.

 

Thank you.

[action]

You are right; this deserves to have a thread all of its own. Thanks for sharing. I had to lol at the part about the hangovers not being as bad - I am yet to have a hangover that does not cripple me for the first 24 hours and make me feel completely spaced out for the following 24 hours, regardless of if there were cigarettes involved it not :p

 

I'm glad you didn't smoke. But I knew you wouldn't smoke :)

[MarylandQuitter]

El Bandito,

 

Your tag for your thread, "Guard The Quit" couldn't be more accurate.  You've recognized junkie thinking and although recognizing it doesn't change the fact that you want to smoke right now, it is protecting your quit right.

 

I'm bookmarking this thread because so many people in this situation would have relapsed and is a good wake-up call that we're all addicts and always will be.  I hope you start to feel better and I bet you're glad you didn't smoke.  I know I am!  :) 

[Amy]

El Bandito,

 

I am so happy you didn't smoke- this tough time will pass- you have this.

[El Bandito]

Thanks guys.

 

Hungover - check

Non smoker - check :D

 

My inner junkie saw an opportunity to strike while I was already feeling a bit down on myself....

 

Then I punched his lights out :angry:

[Still winning]

Well young fella me lad, I am pleased to hear my non smoking buddy is not smoking - the alternative is a bit weird, a smoking non smoker? No I don't think so.

 

On a practical note I think is just a new, previously unfaced trigger as you suspect. May I suggest a bacon sarnie. It fixes most woes of the world, especially helpful in hangover situations :)  Or from my landlady days 1/2 cider (sugar), bag of salt and vinegar crisps (salt) and a red bull chaser...

[El Bandito]

Well young fella me lad, I am pleased to hear my non smoking buddy is not smoking - the alternative is a bit weird, a smoking non smoker? No I don't think so.

 

On a practical note I think is just a new, previously unfaced trigger as you suspect. May I suggest a bacon sarnie. It fixes most woes of the world, especially helpful in hangover situations :)  Or from my landlady days 1/2 cider (sugar), bag of salt and vinegar crisps (salt) and a red bull chaser...

Marti...

 

As a landlady - you were MEAN!

 

Cider and Redbull chaser? I'll pass thanks!

[Ladybug]

Quitting brings grown men to their knees and leaves a lot of us in total confusion. We are very close in our quit dates and I know how you feel.

 

The voice in your head is whispering “is it all worth it”?

 

We are at a point in our quit where so many people just give up…and neither you or me will be one of them! We are getting close to the 100 day mark, it’s like a “Hall of fame” for ex smokers.......and we will celebrate this special milestone…you first…then me!“

 

We refuse to give up…we have come too far! Don’t you forget that…just hang on tight with everything you got.

 

Do not listen to those voices telling you it isn't worth it. Kind of like the evil on one shoulder and the good on the other.  Know that this is a temporary thing…you are way too strong! Chin up….and keep marching forward! Don't stop...because I would run into you :-)

[Pippa]

Hangovers still suck - but at least you don't wake up with a hangover AND feeling like you ate an ashtray

 

Sorry you are suffering señor Bandito but great post - oh and if you did smoke i would have swim over there and - Well a lady doesnt use that language !- just Saying

[Aine]

Chalk it up to dopamine. Booze and cigarette smoke work in a similar manner. Throw in dismantling a big trigger and it's easy to see the difficult day you have had. I am sorry it is rough for you now, Bandito. Remember, though;

 

Do you really want to do these last 77 days over again?

[Trish]

Great post EB.  I am sorry you are feeling bad.  I hope you had fun yesterday!  Glad you didn't smoke and glad you shared this story.  It will definitely be helpful to others.  Hope you are feeling better soon!

[Nancy]

Hi, Bandit...thanks for sharing..so glad you made it through...glad you punched his lights out!

[Doreensfree]

Phew.....I was scared reading that....I was prayin by the time I got to the end you were still smoke free....

I was about to come and slap you with your sporan.lo.l

Joking apart....I'm sorry you have struggled,but I'm sure once you get over this bad hangover ,you will be back on track,as strong as ever....

I've thought myself often,if I did smoke it just wouldn't,t be me I've let down ,it's all those wonderful friends I've made....

You are one of my fav peeps.....I love your humour........don't lose that.....

Tomorrow is a fresh day....

Hugs

Doreen

[BAT]

There better be a happy ending to that Novel I just read. Man, you are long winded when you're hungover.  :P

 

I Kid. ….You're SmokeFree. ….All Is Good.  :)

[El Bandito]

Thanks for the good wishes (and threats :o ) - all is well in the Bandit world...even the hangover is receding a bit.

[sherry]

Awww, ,.. i am soooo sorry you're have'n to go through this,.. but I am so very happy that you've posted AND that you will stay a non smoker..if you did smoke, not only would it break my heart, my friend, but, i could never offer you my non smoker cookies again... ;)  i'm sorry i can't help with the handover, as an "alkey", my solution was to indulge in "hair of the dog that bit me" not good advice... but in reality  coffee/ tea, banana, some kind of high carb and protein  food is supposed to help.

 

 

Thank you for not smoking  .{{{BIG HUGS}}} 

[BonnieJ]

Thanks for sharing this El Bandito. 

 

Surviving company,drinks,and a hangover your quit just got so much stronger!

[Still winning]

Pleased your covered dude. I was always a tough cookie even as a very slight and short landlady haha. 

[Tink]

aww Stu - im glad you have a hangover  :o  because you felt the trigger and now you are a stronger man/non smoker for it

 

so you can now go get many more hangovers, enjoy yourself and know that although you may sometimes hear it - all you got to do is ignore it

 

also you are not far from me and me and Mrs Bandito will kick your exposed butt all the way to Scotland  <_<

[JackiMac]

Evening and last again! sorry to read of your struggle, and recognise it well, see that damn inner voice, the addict can be strong when it wants to be, but you kicked butt well done, be proud of yourself, Im proud of you, you did fantastic, writing it all down really helps, and you can come back and read this in a short while and tell yourself Hey I did it.  Fantastic and thanks for coming and posting.

[SueBeDoo]

Urgh hate hangovers, well done you my pal, soo delighted you didn't smoke, hope your feeling a bit more normal, it's amazing what triggers a crave, I would have been worried about craving when I was drinking so interesting to know the guard needs to be back up the next day aswell, try get an early night into you x

[El Bandito]

Thanks again everyone. Got on with the rest of my day...no more thoughts of smoking...but nobody warned me that with every passing year hangovers would get worse and worse....