Dread fear anxiety

[MichelleDoesntSmoke]

I was notified by my doctor that I need to make a follow up appointment because one of my tests came back abnormal. It could mean a couple different things, but the big C is one of them and I'm scared. First thing I thought of was eff it I'm gonna smoke. As if cancer would be a good reason to smoke.

 

I had a scare with a chest xray Friday that I didn't post about (Just cuz I had a busy weekend) I waited about ten minutes for the doctor to come in to tell me whether or not the spots that I thought I saw meant something.  During that time I envisioned myself going off the deep end smoking and drinking (I'm a recovering addict) and just stopping trying if I was told I have terminal cancer.

 

Having the same feelings now. I see her Wed to find out whats up. She refuses to give me any information via email or phone. So I'm left freaking out. If it was something harmless it seems she'd tell me via email. So again, I'm wondering if I have cancer and the first thing I think of is smoking, knowing its not the answer....trying to figure out why I want to so bad other than because I'm an addict and have been smoking for 35 years.

 

Would love to chat privately with some women...

 

M

[MichelleDoesntSmoke]

Does anyone have any thoughts/input?

[Ramona]

Hi Michelle...

 

You know what to do: just for today.  You don't have to quit forever, you don't have to quit tomorrow - - just for now, just for today, you won't smoke a cigarette. 

 

If you have health problems now - a cigarette will not benefit you.  Your body may need to start a healing process and what better way than to finally give it OXYGEN and clean blood????  That's how you get better.

 

You don't make yourself sicker because you found out you're sick!!!!  YOU TRY TO GET BETTER. 

 

No smoking.

[buMbLeB]

I don't know anything about doctors but I don't think they tell you anything over the phone or email. Don't let your head get away on you. It could be something, it could be nothing, and everything in between. The only thing I'm sure of is that smoking will make everything worse and you'll feel horrible.

 

Whatever this is, you're going to face it without cigarettes, because that's who you are now.

[action]

Michelle, firstly, I hope everything is fine. I'm not surprised medical information can't be shared via email, no matter the results - confidentiality and all that. So... It sounds like you are unknowingly trying to give yourself an excuse to smoke... Your brain is telling you that the results will be bad, and is playing on that vulnerability to try to trick you into smoking! Your brain thinks it needs nicotine, so will try anything to fool you into smoking... Hang tough, as it does get easier :good:

[Sunnyside]

Hi Michelle, I don't think that doctors will give any information on the phone, mine certainly wouldn't good or bad.

 

You are dealing with a lot of stress at the moment, it would seem you are suffer with a bit of anxiety? Weather it be in because of quitting at the moment or because you suffer with health anxiety or just in general. I suffer myself and understand how horrible it is.

 

There is a guy i know on another forum who has cancer myeloma but he is still 2 years quit, his mum has just died of cancer too but still he has no thoughts or smoking.

There is also a lovely lady on there who has COPD

it can't be cured but she is about 2 an a half years quit now and still has a better prospect of life by quitting.

 

My point to this is. Hopefully your results are fine but IF they weren't does that mean you have to become a smoker again? You have come here and you have fought against Nic for ten days now. That takes persistent's. You are.giving up smoking for a better way of life, a happier way of life, regardless of anything else.

 

Don't get fooled into the trap.

[Doreensfree]

I'm in agreement with all the above...

I have been summonsed back to the doctors over blood tests...,just for him to tell me they were fine....

Our minds are our worst enemies....

Stay positive....

[babs609]

don't assume anything...and please stop thinking.  All you are doing is making up a scenario in your head and running with.  All that does is get you worked up.  Try to relax, stay vigilante...and enjoy your smoke free NOPE day!  :)

[bakon]

doorbell got one right.....

[Doreensfree]

Only one ?.....dam....

I must try harder...

[Evelyn]

Michelle, NOTHING will take away your insecurity, NOTHING. No drink, no smoke fix.

 

In 2014 begin of the year i thought i had bowelcancer i didnt but i filled in all the gaps, I'm a good gapsfiller.. it can't be worse then what you imagine now hun.

 

I'm here for you,if you wanna pm i'll be around.

 

Praying for you, if you want

[babs609]

when I was in nursing school I had an incident...exposure to HIV infection via blood.  Yea...scary.  Especially in 1992 when we didn't know much about it....and it was a little old lady 98 years old.  I thought it was fine..I didn't know she was infected due to a blood transfusion until a week later.  I nearly fainted. 

 

Because I didn't report it and I thought I would get in trouble..I had anonymous blood testing at 8 weeks, 6 months, 1 year, and 3 years later....I was fine.

 

But....let me tell you...in those first 8 weeks...I had all the signs..weight loss, loss of appetite, flu like symptoms, diarrhea....I was convinced I was a dead woman and I would die alone because everyone would be afraid to come near me.  I isolated myself and got really really depressed.

 

I will never forget that day I went to the clinic and was told the results were negative....the secretary was the one who hinted I was fine because she couldn't stand me pacing in the waiting room any longer, I was freaking out! 

 

That was one of the best days of my life...the trees, the sun, the sky, LIFE....I appreciated and loved everything and everybody. 

 

Point is..the mind is wacky and we could convince ourselves of absolutely anything.  That being said...we can convince ourselves of things that serve us well too. 

[Petra]

Hang in there Michelle. Don't throw your quits away for the unknown.  Stay strong.