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Evelyn

By Evelyn
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Evelyn Newbie

Evelyn

Posted
Posted

After ECG and on a lonlyness ****** up place I smoked 2 d#mn cigarettes.

No its no joke.

Yes it tasted awful.

Does it contribute to my infected arm no.

and it neither takes away loneliness.

Caught off guard. Addiction was dragging and I came a long

 

Sorry to disappoint you...myself... **** it I am so pissed with myself

Kendra Newbie

Kendra

Posted
Posted

Dear Evelyn,

 

 i am not disappointed. I am glad you are here.  You could've chosen to keep to smoking.  Instead you put them down, posted here, and  shared your struggle. I am sad for you to have lost your time and glad for you that you are here and gaining more time with every moment.

 

Lonliness.....  so sorry you are alone and going through medical concerns.   sometimes even when I am with people.....even people I know care for me.....I feel very seperate/lonely..... over whelmed by it at times.    lonliness can bring me to me knees...or bed...for days.   my cats are about the only thing that reach me, my head, heart and spark of life,  in that space.    What would truly allow you to feel less lonely?    or more connected to people?  

 

i am grateful for your support here.  Your sharing of your journey. your kind and kick butt words.   YOU.

 

I do not pretend to know how it feels for you....though since you turned to cigarette ...., I imagine it was a pretty low feeling space.    and I don't pretend to know you, and I, at least a little, have shared your journey so far....

 

breathe.  forgive yourself.   post,post,post.    breathe some more.

 

 

You are on the train.

  • Like 4
Evelyn Newbie

Evelyn

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Dear Evelyn,

 

i am not disappointed. I am glad you are here. You could've chosen to keep to smoking. Instead you put them down, posted here, and shared your struggle. I am sad for you to have lost your time and glad for you that you are here and gaining more time with every moment.

 

Lonliness..... so sorry you are alone and going through medical concerns. sometimes even when I am with people.....even people I know care for me.....I feel very seperate/lonely..... over whelmed by it at times. lonliness can bring me to me knees...or bed...for days. my cats are about the only thing that reach me, my head, heart and spark of life, in that space. What would truly allow you to feel less lonely? or more connected to people?

 

i am grateful for your support here. Your sharing of your journey. your kind and kick butt words. YOU.

 

I do not pretend to know how it feels for you....though since you turned to cigarette ...., I imagine it was a pretty low feeling space. and I don't pretend to know you, and I, at least a little, have shared your journey so far....

 

breathe. forgive yourself. post,post,post. breathe some more.

 

 

You are on the train.

Yes back after a third. J commit NOW.

NOT ONE PUFF EVER.

  • Like 2
Kendra Newbie

Kendra

Posted
Posted

You've got this.

 

NOPE!

 

watch Joel video's and reread threads that remind you why you're doing this!!!

 

NICOMONSTER is awake and breathing down your neck......    arm yourself!!!

  • Like 1
Kendra Newbie

Kendra

Posted
Posted

Tried to cuat and paste link to jeol's video.....    not tech savvy or even remotely efficient...meh.

 

 

any way.... you can find the video in the joel video library.

 

 

'll Quit When...

Why NOW is the best time to quit smoking no matter when NOW is.

 

Related articles:
"I will quit when ..."
http://ffn.yuku.com/topic/107
Waiting to Bottom Out
http://www.ffn.yuku.com/topic/11553

 

 

Evelyn,

 

Stay in your seat on the train my friend.

babs609 Apprentice

babs609

Posted
Posted

Evelyn....stay close to this board...this is a very cruicial time for you

 

You relapsed....but from now on...NOPE...you know that's the only way;...for the rest of your life.  the EVER in the nope is the most important part

  • Like 3
Kendra Newbie

Kendra

Posted
Posted

to what end will beating yourself up and  lamenting what is ....do for you?

 

YOU stopped....as Runfree pointed out,  that is the most important part of your story.   No matter the struggles..... you STOPPED.

 

What did you learn?  I ask myself that often, as I find myself in the thick of the results of my choices and actions.   

 

stay quit, in hope and possibility,  here on the train.

 

 

nope....

  • Like 1
MichelleDoesntSmoke Newbie

MichelleDoesntSmoke

Posted
Posted

Evelyn, please stop beating yourself up. You are not a loser. You are a warrior because you stopped at came back to the board. I know how embarrassing and uncomfortable it is to admit a relapse and worry about what people think of you, along with the stress you are already feeling because you relapsed. I've done it a gazillion times. I am the queen of relapse. 

 

But

 

Please...don't worry about what we think. We support you.  I can tell you're loved on this board. You have so many people on your side. My guess is that the only person who thinks you are a loser is you. And don't beat yourself up anymore. If you do, that means I have to beat myself up for the times I relapsed...everyone else has to start beating themselves up for times they relapsed. We don't want to do that and neither do you.

 

So pick yourself up, love. Dust yourself off. Love yourself. 

 

Stay close to the board cuz once you relapse your addiction voice gets stronger and it will try to take you down again. I know I have a week smoke free so I'm no expert but I'm in recovery for addiction to another substance so I have been fighting this addiction voice for years. (too bad that didnt keep me smoke free huh)

 

xoxo

  • Like 3
Doreensfree Grand Master

Doreensfree

Posted
Posted

Aww Evelyn.

I hate it when one of our soldiers falls...you lost that battle....

No sermon here....just sad ...

We are all addicts.... That why we are here......

Glad you dusted yourself down...and jump right back on the train....

Nope....no matter what....

P's....hope your arm is OK sweetheart...xxxx

  • Like 1
Evelyn Newbie

Evelyn

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you for lovingly caring.

My arm is healing with antibiotic and it wasn't a heart problem.

Really this week sh×t got me stitched up and relapsing but I'm done beating the crap out if myself.

It was a new smoke trigger. And I'm

BACK ON THE TRAIN

I know I can do it.

  • Like 6
babs609 Apprentice

babs609

Posted
Posted

I feel, such a loser. REALLY?!?! Loose a quit in the tenth month???

 

don't look back....only forward!!  Please understand that you have woke up the sleeping beast...and now you are vunerable and this kind of thinking about feeling bad about yourself is one of it's nasty tricks...pay it no mind.

 

If you licked the windows....would you waste time beating yourself up over it?  No...you just would stop licking the windows...period.

 

Keep it simple Evelyn...and NOPE!!  

 

You got this.

  • Like 1
Ria Newbie

Ria

Posted
Posted

I feel, such a loser. REALLY?!?! Loose a quit in the tenth month???

 

Evelyn... would you say that to your best friend???? would you tell them over and over how useless and stupid they are??????

 

I'm guessing not... so WHY in God's name, are you speaking to YOURSELF like that???????

 

sheeeesh!

Nancy Mentor

Nancy

Posted
Posted

I have nothing to add...you choose to quit or not...and you know smoking does not help or heal...I hope you will find the courage to stand strong and be proud of yourself and who you are growing to be...

  • Like 1
beacon Newbie

beacon

Posted
Posted

You may know I smoked my last cig in front of an ER. I hate hospitals and drs and I want to eliminate as many unhealthy things so that maybe I can avoid being sick.

 

You are not a smoker anymore. Don't pick it up again and reestablish the routine of smoking. In a day or two you will be back to normal, nonsmoking and nicotine free.

  • Like 2
Ramona Newbie

Ramona

Posted
Posted

Evelyn...I'm sorry for your loss.  Relapsing is a loss - - there will be grief and remorse.

NO MATTER.

Dust yourself off. 

Post all the time...anytime.

You are important, you are worth it.

  • Like 5
MarylandQuitter Grand Master

MarylandQuitter

Posted
Posted

I feel, such a loser. REALLY?!?! Loose a quit in the tenth month???

 

I lost a quit in in 2013 after being quit for 9 or 10 months.  I remember being so pissed off that blew my quit for one pack of cigarettes.  Don't let it define you. 

 

You relapsed and lost your quit over two cigarettes and all it takes is one puff.  Guess what?  You're quit again and not one of the people who relapse and then try to quit again 10 or 15 years later.  You made a mistake but corrected it immediately and for that, hold your head high! :)

  • Like 2

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