Keeping an Ace in my pocket

[cheri]

One thing I have learned to do while quitting smoking is saying no.

Not only in my head to myself when I wanted to smoke, but to all the negative bs around me as well.

 

It is NOT easy.

 

I have had multiple deaths in 6mos time. Family illnesses. Physical fights by family at funeral homes that lead to continual stress. I am in trouble because I refuse to choose sides.  I have a 15 year old daughter. I am recently separated from a 20 year marriage. Some friends really arent. Job issues. Being put on Zoloft because I had a nervous breakdown. Owning a home, AND paying rent for a condo.  I have a 15 year old daughter. Did I mention that already? :)  Man is a relapsed addict. 

Theres most of my reasons to go ahead and smoke. I choose not to...why?

 

I found a place in myself, where I could actually do something positive for me. No one can take it away.

That is one thing that is JUST MINE. ITS ALL ABOUT ME.

Only good things will follow after that. I sort of relate it to when I got my very first apartment and car.

How AMAZING it felt to be free. IT was all MINE. I DID IT.

 

This entailed saying goodbye to a lot of shit, and people. Simply for the fact that I ******* refuse to fail, and allow anyone to drag me down. Including myself. Im sure there will be more goodbyes. Im okay with that. 

Sometimes when you get rid of all the trash, it gives you more room for better things.

 

It may have brought on a bit of depression. Feeling a little lonely. Or maybe all the shit did. I dont know. 

 

Im not perfect, I did slip. I admitted it and moved on. Im still not smoking. I really dont want to.

 

 

Know one thing.

 

That it will all pass, and it will get better, especially when you realize you did ONE thing for you, and no one stopped you. 

You become your own superhero. It feels good, knowing theres an ace in your pocket at the table.