Time to fess up

[jess]

I lost my quit. I'm angry, sad, scared and so utterly disappointed in myself. Time to face the demons again. I can't let them win. Here I go..

[El Bandito]

Sorry to hear that Jess.

 

A real pain in the arse.

 

But it is not the end of the world. Poke yourself in the eye - learn from it and back on the train.

 

Wanna talk about it?

[Ramona]

That's real shitty Jess and I feel for you.

I just experienced an excruciating crave about 4 days ago!  So I can understand how someone might cave around 9-12 months.  In fact, the last longest quit I had (back in 2009) ended in the 9th month.  What's up with that???  I think MQ has a similar story.

Thanks for your honesty - which helps all of us see that we're pretty much never 100% cleared.

When are you jumping back on this train?

[Nancy]

So sorry to hear this, Jess.  Hope your post means you have quit, again!

[Runfree]

Well dang it!!  Just know the QT always has a spot for you.  

[babs609]

I lost failed to protect my quit. I'm angry, sad, scared and so utterly disappointed in myself. Time to face the demons again. I can't let them win. Here I go..

ok...had to fix that.

 

I already knew from our last conversation that you already made up your mind...you were going to smoke no matter what I said.  Your status gave it away and you didn't post an SOS.  You chose to smoke Jess...you didn't lose anything.  I have to be clear on that because saying you "lost" it indicates forces outside of yourself made the decision for you.  That is dangerous and deadly thinking.

 

Get your butt right back on the quit train Jess...immediately please!!!!  I know you want to see your grandbabies grow up...I know you want to be a good, healthy influence on them.   I know you don't want cat butt mouth, or stinky breath, or chronic bronchitis, or brown teeth, or smelly clothes, or self loathing........I don't really have time to list all the things I know you don't want.

 

Please Jess..  don't wait...the longer you smoke..the more you feed that SOB. 

 

Edited to add:  I just saw the "here I go"...so...I hope that means what I think it means  :)

 

you can do it girl...you've already proven that....AND you already know what that 1 cigarette feels like and what the results of it are...pretty crappy...

 

We got your back sista!

 

Damn I hate that addiction....

[Tink]

Your seat is still warm jess let's go x

[Still winning]

Ah blinkin hell (this is not what I mean) Jess, I am so sorry. Massive sympathy your way, been there, done that. Thing is, I'm saying sorry for you because I know it re creates all the old fears, it's the same game with new dates now. Hope the back again bit means you have a new quit. 

 

Can we talk about it, here or PM if you'd rather? Jacking a quit takes planning and it will help you to fight craves if you plug the loophole.

 

Thing is my lovely, if you throw yourself off, you know too much now and it won't be the same anyway. But a fall can make you stronger if you let it, just focus and let's get er done hey!

 

Much love Jess. x

[buMbLeB]

ok...had to fix that.

 

I already knew from our last conversation that you already made up your mind...you were going to smoke no matter what I said.  Your status gave it away and you didn't post an SOS.  You chose to smoke Jess...you didn't lose anything.  I have to be clear on that because saying you "lost" it indicates forces outside of yourself made the decision for you.  That is dangerous and deadly thinking.

 

{{Note that "multiquote" didn't preserve the item that Babs "fixed", reproduced below.}}

 

I lost  failed to protect my quit. I'm angry, sad, scared and so utterly disappointed in myself. Time to face the demons again. I can't let them win. Here I go..

 

Jess, I was sitting here trying to figure out how to say almost exactly the same thing as Babs just said, when she said it. I hesitated because it's so easy to hear this the wrong way - as judgement, or blame - and that's not it at all. It matters because the way you talk about it frames the way you think about, and that can make all the difference. For instance, if I tell you that I lost my car keys, you will probably respond by saying things like "where's the last place you remember them", "did you check your other pants" or "you idiot!". But it won't make any sense to ask me "why" I lost my keys, because losing things is an accident, and somewhat beyond our control - it just happens.

 

But if I tell you I threw my keys away, you will probably ask me why I did that. This is an irrational thing to do, and has consequences - at the very least it's an inconvenience and will make me late, and if I'm in the middle of the desert it might cost me my life. Regardless of the outcome, if I did it on purpose then it makes sense for others to ask me why, and it's important for me to be able to answer. If I don't know why I did it, I will probably not be able to change my behaviour and I will do it again.

 

Anyway, enough - you get the point. You don't owe me or anyone else an explanation, but you do owe it to yourself, because you don't want to do it again.

 

I'm glad you "fessed up", that takes character. I'm happy you're angry, that's a healthy reaction. I'm sad that you're sad, and I'm scared that you're scared - even though I understand these feelings, I don't think they're productive. You did what you did, and it's done. Understand it, learn from it, and let it go. 

 

And never take another puff.

[Doreensfree]

This makes me so sad....

I live with the effects of smoking every day with my hubby.....Due to smoking

I looked at what my life nearly was.....due to smoking....

Jess ....you have a chance to make a difference....

The tobacco company,s don't care if you live or die....

Please ....think hard.....

If you need further proof smokkng wrecks your life totally...please PM me.....

We thought it wouldn't happen to us either....

Get your butt back on the train....buckle up....and ride the ride...right to freedom....

We have your back...

Hugs xxx

[babs609]

Well said bumbleB Perfect. :)

[jess]

Yes well said all of you...I will get this right yet

[beacon]

Jess, I notice that when some people start smoking again they come here and confess and then post once or twice and then we do not see them again. Alot of people do this. But a few who have relapsed quit again , come here everyday and pledge, and particate some and soldier on and continue as nonsmokers.

 

I have fallen but have had good success at things when I tried again. Quit again as an innocent. Don't quit as a redo. Come knowing that this is your quit and no more smoking. Don't look back.

[Ria]

Hey Jess xox

 

My name is Ria, and I'm an addict!! I'll be saying/thinking this till the day I die!!

I don't think I ACCEPTED this, after my previous "quits"... it's as simple as that!

 

Just like there is no such thing as "one drink" for an alcoholic... or "one hit" for a junkie,  there is no such thing as ONE PUFF for us!!!!!

 

(only took me 10 years! LOL!) Point???? DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!

 

and WELL DONE for being here now! xox

[BAT]

Jess gets a window to lick on the short bus. Just not my window  :P Keep at it J  :)

[Nicole Diver]

:'-(

You are an amazing woman that deserves freedom, health, and happiness.

Smoking takes all that away.

Get back on this train!

[queen greenlover]

Wow I won't say anything other then so sorry-I did that once-threw again a 10 almost 11 month quit. Now you know you can beat this addiction & yep smoking sucked to. Join the family & stay close.

[El Bandito]

Hey Jess. 9 months was my thing. Twice I quit for 9 months, twice I started again.

 

Once, I was 'watching the purses' at a Christmas party. I sat there looking at everyone's cigarettes and thought.."why not?"

 

Second time, I pulled into a gas station and bought some cigarettes. Why? Who knows.

 

Looking back, I had not really divorced myself from the smokes. I quit because they were bad for me. I felt that the bad outweighed the good. The problem was that I still believed that there was 'a good'.

 

This quit, the penny dropped. There is no good. There never was. It was all in my head.

 

Keep rockin on Jess. You have got this.

[Jengelsnew1]

Stick with it girl...we have all been there...quitting sucks but IT IS POSSIBLE!!!

 

Get back on that damn horse and ride that quit all the way...

 

Good luck...

[Ria]

Just a thought, Jess.....

 

If it was ONLY a puff, (even JUST ONE), don't bring yourself down any more by thinking "I'm a failure"!!!!

Just STAY on this quit, and think about it as a 'hiccup'!!!! I think after SUCH a long time, maybe that's all it was... "a hiccup"......

 

but ONLY if you lapsed after MONTHS with a puff or one... that's MY OPINION!!!! I'm thinking about the 'regret' of it all, and how

counter-productive it can be!!!!

 

(it's not like you returned to the 'marriage' with new hope or anything, you just met for coffee, before realising your mistake for even CONSIDERING that perhaps, it would 'work this time')....

 

but NO MORE HICCUPS, ok???? xox

[Evelyn]

(Jess I copied this from another topic)

 

I suspect my hotspot CAN be orCAN NOT BE september, my crap and bull month, new season change, bleh but WHY keep a quit for nine months, standing strong and that throw it away like ash. I think and maybe I'm a bitch but it's really bull to loose your quit at that point, I felt agrivvated in Jess topic. Will there be wobbly days Teary AND JESS hell yeah but I don't care how crap i feel i rather break down the house so to speak then to light one. Am I tempted oh yeah I live amung smokers, breathe their smoke and discovered today an asswhole also smokes in the livingroom at nights which makes me pissed off like f it!!!

Am I having junkie thinking yup, pity smokers (yeah even let them buy smokes from my money) BUT I rather do a lot of others nasty things before I smoke. If I use it as an excuse for my mental health problems I'd never be able to quit, so do I occasionally harm myself yeah, do I throw mugs thru the room, yeah, cry? Yeah Yell, scream all of that YEAH!!!! BUT NO DAMN SMOKING!

 

If I EVER light sneaky one I'm back to squere one with excuses and pity for myself. I'm a tough lovenow yeah but also for myself.

 

Don't worry about my SH it's rare but it's to show that I rather pt one cut then EVER light one. Scars heal. Lungs are forever practicly damaged.

 

I hope I don't get misunderstood I never encourage someone to cut or ANYTHING if they have that problem but for me it works this way and I accept it and even if I ha'n't quit it would be like this anyway :) PLEASE I'm giving an example of how hard I draw the line no matter what; NOPE no matter what!!!

 

I'm a more ballanced yeah, wiser, yeah, less stinky ;) yeah, a tough love b*tch who starts to gets resemblings of St. and Bakon, yeah. BUT THATS WHAT addiction NEEDS!

 

Do I care for you Jess and TEW yea a lot. I hope did the right thing posting this and sorry it got so personal but it's my way of explaining how deep you need to draw the line in the sand smoker / no smoker!!!

 

Okay I really feel now like I'm gonna hurt someones feelings and I hope people, anyone who needs this post can look further then the kick under the *ss because for real I AM CARING and trying to HELP

 

I want to add, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY, dust yourself off, ask yourself is you are ready to quit and what do you need... (((safe hugs)))

[MarylandQuitter]

That's real shitty Jess and I feel for you.

I just experienced an excruciating crave about 4 days ago!  So I can understand how someone might cave around 9-12 months.  In fact, the last longest quit I had (back in 2009) ended in the 9th month.  What's up with that???  I think MQ has a similar story.

Thanks for your honesty - which helps all of us see that we're pretty much never 100% cleared.

When are you jumping back on this train?

 

Indeed I do.  My story is in my profile.  I threw away a 9 month quit because I still believed that smoking calmed me down when I was in crisis mode. As it turned out, it didn't.  It was the last lie of smoking that I still believed...until I lit that first cigarette and it did nothing to relieve stress.

 

Anyway, Jess, I made and so can you.  I know this and most importantly, YOU know this!

 

As time goes on and you remain smoke-free, a 1 month celebration will mean more to you and feel better than reaching that 9 month mark!  This quit will be different and you know it will.  Stay active on this train and as always, the coffee is free (don't let Ava charge you for it because she pockets the money for books).  :)

[bakon]

Window licker

[Evelyn]

Jess have you diseapered, run away from the train?

[Ria]

Look..... if we all berated ourselves for 'throwing time away'... or 'what we've done wrong',  we may as well give up on life!!! Mistakes happen... poor judgement happens... we're HUMAN!!

 

"Throwing away 9 months" is NOTHING, compared to the money we've "THROWN AWAY" prior to our quit(s) yeah?

 

Our life starts TODAY... NOW.... yesterday has gone! nothing we can do to bring it back, or change it, so why waste PRECIOUS time on it any more???? Regrets can and WILL, cripple you!!!!

 

Tomorrow isn't here yet! it may never come... we may NEVER see it... so let's not even THINK about tomorrow...

 

All we have is the HERE AND NOW!!!! So let's DO IT, together or alone... but I choose 'together'... xox