PLEASE HELP ME!

[shaun]

I only just joined this forum and my quit day was supposed to be today.

 

I failed almost immediately. Today has mostly been a blur but i remember calling my dad as soon as i woke up. I wont bore you with the details about what he has done to me, but today s**t just hit the fan and after a long day of screaming matches he sent me an infuriating email, and i have officially disowned him. He won't acknowledge any of his wrongs and to be honest, nothing he could ever do would make up for what he did to me as a child. He is an alcoholic so he lives in a constant state of denial about everything he has done.

 

I hate to say this but i still love my father because i'm holding onto the father he was when i was really young, the one that i naively looked up to, but he is not a good person, and as i grew older i saw this and stopped looking up to him. I want so bad for him to be the father i need and recently i've been desperately grasping at the hope we might one day have a good relationship, but i know deep down that will never happen. It hurts me like crazy to know that it has had to come to this, and i'm still in a shock and feeling really messed up and emotional.

 

I want this quit soooooo bad, and the timing of today was so unfortunate. Part of me knows that it's understandable i failed on such a monumental day, realising he is out of my life is killing me inside. But the other part of me is beating myself up for smoking and calling myself weak.

 

I need a little time to centre myself after this incident though. I'm going to think it all through tomorrow when im more clear headed and set a quit day in the near future. I cant let him ruin this for me.

 

I'm so sorry guys, i feel so ashamed and embarrassed that i failed but i dont want to give up. I want to try again. Please will you be there for me still? I feel so alone and i'm in tears right now over this. Sorry to rant like a lunatic, i'm going to attempt to get some sleep now, but if i could achieve this quit it would be like taking the power away that he seems to have over me.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Ramona]

Life happens.  Whether we smoke or not - - it does what it does.  People will die, health problems will arise, family members will infuriate us.  You can't allow that wiggle room to exist.  The wiggle room, the fissure in our resolve - - that's where our drive for nicotine will invade.  The addiction will find any excuse - the smallest of entry ways - - and it will invade.  

 

When you jump back on the train - know this and keep your new life rock solid & sealed.

[Tyme2B]

Shaun of course we are here for you. I am very sorry you are going through a rough time. It is very unfortunate that your Quit Day did not work out. It sounds more like you quit your father rather than smoking. There are things in life we wish so much we could change but we can't change other people. We can only change ourselves. Parental relationships are very complicated. We grow up wanting our parents' approval and even as adults this is a stressor in cases such as yours. Have you been to Counselling to talk this through? Quitting smoking is for YOU and will empower you to live a different life than the addictive life of your father. But it will not change your relationship with him. It's hard to forget the past but it's harder to keep re-living it. I totally understand a poor relationship with a parent....it is so hurtful & disappointing but if YOU allow the repetition to continue YOU are responsible for your unhappiness. Let it go. Look after YOU. Achieve a Quit as this is something you badly want to succeed at. Distance yourself from a situation you can't fix....at least until you realize you can't fix it and it certainly can't fix you....approval from your alcoholic father is unlikely & trying to gain this wastes your time, energy & emotional well being. You will need to come to terms with this shaun. Professional help plus good choices on your own will help YOU. Time to do what YOU want to do. I hope you are successful in your Quit & we are here to help, support & offer hope. You have to do the work.

[action]

Hi Shaun, sounds like a tough situation you are in right now... I feel for you. The only advice I can offer you here is that you should try to seperate quitting smoking from everything else. No matter what shit comes your way, deal with it without letting it affect your quit. Non-smokers deal with crap stuff sometimes too, and obviously they don't grab a pack of smokes to deal with it... Smoking is your (and every other smoker in the worlds) crutch that we use to 'get by', only it doesn't help at all. Not really.

 

And please don't call yourself a failure or anything. You tried, you had a bad day, you smoked. OK, not the end of the world, let's start again, sooner rather than later. We will be here when you are ready, to support you :)

[Doreensfree]

Aww Shaun...

Sorry you having to deal with this...sometimes life sucks....

I spent a lot of years reaching for my smoke crutch,when life threw out stuff that threw me on balance...

This is a area I really had to put my brain straight....

This is your quit...the best thing you can ever do for yourself....

We are here to support you all the way....you can do this....believe me...if I can...you can....

[babs609]

awww...shaun...so sorry for everything you have been through and still going through.  I live with active alcoholism every day so...i can definitely relate.  That being said...I quit 3 years ago with that alcoholic still in my life..and still stirring issues...every single day!  Thank GOD my quit didn't depend on having smooth seas or I would have failed miserably.  :)

 

In your case....you hadn't even started so there is no time loss....think of it as a "false start"  and learn for the next time problems arise during your quit. 

 

Never quit the quit~!   We are always here for you!

[Devil Doll]

Life happens. Whether we smoke or not - - it does what it does. People will die, health problems will arise, family members will infuriate us. You can't allow that wiggle room to exist. The wiggle room, the fissure in our resolve - - that's where our drive for nicotine will invade. The addiction will find any excuse - the smallest of entry ways - - and it will invade.

 

When you jump back on the train - know this and keep your new life rock solid & sealed.

TEW just nailed it with every word that she wrote.

 

We are all here for you!

[Nancy]

Of course we are here for you, Shaun.   You have to really come to the conclusion that smoking does not do one positive thing for you...it does not relieve stress, it creates it.  Sorry life is so hard right now, but I promise you smoking does not fix anything.  You can do this!

[sgt.barney]

All Sarge hears is excuses.

 

Do you want to quit ... or keep coming up with bullsh!t reasons why you won't?

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[DCCXXVII]

I really can't add much more than already said but you need to want to quit more than you want to smoke

[shaun]

All Sarge hears is excuses.

 

Do you want to quit ... or keep coming up with bullsh!t reasons why you won't?

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

 

I hardly consider the massive traumatic event i went though yesterday to be "bulls**t excuses". A "bulls**t excuse" would be my car broke down or someone was rude to me etc. I finally got the courage to disown the person that has caused 17 years of trauma in my life on the EXACT day i tried to quit. Calling it "Easy Peasy" is an further insulting because it is clearly not Easy Peasy, disowning my father is one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. If i had a bit of quit time under my belt i may have been able to get through it, but this was clearly a case of really bad timing, and i don't think many people would have been able to pull it off. Thanks for trivialising one of the most horrendous days i've ever had in my entire life. Think back to the first day you quit. Now imagine losing someone you loved dearly on that exact same day. 

 

The rest of the responses were thoughtful and compassionate and i thank you all for that. The above response was impulsive and shallow with no actual insight. You had nothing of value to add to the situation. Clearly this is not the place for me to be cos i'm infuriated right now about the trivialisation of such a traumatic life event. I will continue to try to quit until i succeed. Maybe that will be next time, maybe i'll need to try 20 more times, either way i won't be returning here. 

 

You keep ending your comments with "Easy Peasy". Can you honestly say that when you quit it was easy? 

 

Anyway, tons of people that quit do it without a forum, so i guess i will be one of these people.

 

Once again, thank you to the people who actually bothered to be thoughtful and insightful and provide intelligent feedback, i appreciate your efforts and your messages were comforting.

 

Peace.

[DCCXXVII]

Shaun... no two quits are the same... you ask for help and you got it... please don't shoot someone down just because they had an "easy peasy" quit

 

You have issues with your family... it probably is best to seek some outside counselling rather than taking it out on members here

 

I wish you the best for your family and your quit... never give up on giving up quit smoking

[queen greenlover]

Sorry that the addict in you won this round BUT theirs always tomorrow. Parents can be real jerks NOT all parents are like The Brady Bunch etc. I know YOU will read more & get a more solid foundation for your quit. You are in charge.

[buMbLeB]

The rest of the responses were thoughtful and compassionate and i thank you all for that. The above response was impulsive and shallow with no actual insight. You had nothing of value to add to the situation. Clearly this is not the place for me to be cos i'm infuriated right now about the trivialisation of such a traumatic life event. I will continue to try to quit until i succeed. Maybe that will be next time, maybe i'll need to try 20 more times, either way i won't be returning here. 

 

As much as it pains me to say this - and it does - Sarge is right. Not because of his trivialization of the incident with your father (though why you chose to call him the moment you woke up on the day of your quit after many years of dysfunction is a good question), but because you're giving up on a forum where one person said something you didn't like, while everyone else was a peach. I mean, you could just block him or whatever. Or go "old school" and use the ignore button in your mind. 

 

In one day, you managed to encounter a family crisis that cost you your quit before it even started, and then a jerk so intolerable you're leaving the forum you (almost) quit on. Hey, I'm not saying your Dad's not a jerk. I'm not even saying Sarge isn't a jerk. But I am saying the only person who has anything to do with you quitting is you. I bet there's not one person here who doesn't remember a time when someone else "made them smoke", and I bet not one of us isn't ashamed at how we manipulated ourselves to continue our addiction. Which is how we know what it looks like.

 

Anyway I'm sure this made you mad too, and I'm sorry (really!). But on or off this board, I don't think you'll ever quit until you recognize this behaviour and deal with it. The fact is that you're far more likely to succeed with a support group (here or somewhere else) than on your own, and allowing some assclown like Dad or me or Sarge (sorry Sarge) to be a reason not to quit, and continue killing yourself, is just stupid and embarrassing.

 

Think about it.

[Evelyn]

I know all about bad parents BUT no circumstance justifices smoking. :) I learned that the hard way

[ChRiSpY]

Easy Peasy is a mindset homie.  Don't get your panties all bound up.  

 

Qutting is easy... just don't smoke.  That is what he means.

 

If the Sarge bothers you enough that would leave ....poof like that... then I a agree... you are looking for excuses.

 

Get serious or you will continue to fail.

 

It is only physical for 72 hours...then it is all mental.

[jimmy]

dear shaun stick around   nobodys perfect    if i can do it so can you .sorry about your dad    on the 4 day of my quit i found out my cousin killed himself  but i got determind i would not smoke no matter what yes i cryed and cussed  wish i new what to tell you  but everbody is  diffrent  so belive in your self  you have to start somewere  even if it take  1 million times   hang in there   you can do it    just dont give up     :D  welcom to quit train

[BonnieJ]

Hi Shaun!

 

Everyone has their own demons to deal with. We all have stress weather it be family issues or just life. The Sarge can be quite blunt but the truth is you will not likely find anyone who quit smoking without any of life stressful situations arising. People here have quit while losing family members and friends,losing pets,losing jobs,Losing their homes, and countless other stresses. 

 

We all get it. Its not easy. You are an addict and an addicts brain will ALWAYS find an excuse to smoke if you let it. I am in no way trying to belittle your family situation, because I know all too well how stressful family can be but no matter how bad it gets smoking is NEVER the answer.

 

If you allow one persons less than cheery comment chase you away from all the help that is here for you , you will have a much rougher road ahead than needed. Just ignore him you will not be the first or last person to not like what Sarge says.

 

You want to quit for yourself. So do it! No excuses.

 

We will be here for you if you let us.

[sgt.barney]

I hardly consider the massive traumatic event i went though yesterday to be "bulls**t excuses". A "bulls**t excuse" would be my car broke down or someone was rude to me etc. I finally got the courage to disown the person that has caused 17 years of trauma in my life on the EXACT day i tried to quit. Calling it "Easy Peasy" is an further insulting because it is clearly not Easy Peasy, disowning my father is one of the hardest things i've ever had to do. If i had a bit of quit time under my belt i may have been able to get through it, but this was clearly a case of really bad timing, and i don't think many people would have been able to pull it off. Thanks for trivialising one of the most horrendous days i've ever had in my entire life. Think back to the first day you quit. Now imagine losing someone you loved dearly on that exact same day. 

 

The rest of the responses were thoughtful and compassionate and i thank you all for that. The above response was impulsive and shallow with no actual insight. You had nothing of value to add to the situation. Clearly this is not the place for me to be cos i'm infuriated right now about the trivialisation of such a traumatic life event. I will continue to try to quit until i succeed. Maybe that will be next time, maybe i'll need to try 20 more times, either way i won't be returning here. 

 

You keep ending your comments with "Easy Peasy". Can you honestly say that when you quit it was easy? 

 

Anyway, tons of people that quit do it without a forum, so i guess i will be one of these people.

 

Once again, thank you to the people who actually bothered to be thoughtful and insightful and provide intelligent feedback, i appreciate your efforts and your messages were comforting.

 

Peace.

 

One day, you will get it.

 

Remember this post on that day.

 

You will think to yourself(among other things): "Holy crap, I was so full of sh/t, wasn't I?"

 

That day ... Remember The Sarge told you so.

 

You're welcome.

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[sgt.barney]

As much as it pains me to say this - and it does - Sarge is right. Not because of his trivialization of the incident with your father (though why you chose to call him the moment you woke up on the day of your quit after many years of dysfunction is a good question), but because you're giving up on a forum where one person said something you didn't like, while everyone else was a peach. I mean, you could just block him or whatever. Or go "old school" and use the ignore button in your mind. 

 

In one day, you managed to encounter a family crisis that cost you your quit before it even started, and then a jerk so intolerable you're leaving the forum you (almost) quit on. Hey, I'm not saying your Dad's not a jerk. I'm not even saying Sarge isn't a jerk. But I am saying the only person who has anything to do with you quitting is you. I bet there's not one person here who doesn't remember a time when someone else "made them smoke", and I bet not one of us isn't ashamed at how we manipulated ourselves to continue our addiction. Which is how we know what it looks like.

 

Anyway I'm sure this made you mad too, and I'm sorry (really!). But on or off this board, I don't think you'll ever quit until you recognize this behaviour and deal with it. The fact is that you're far more likely to succeed with a support group (here or somewhere else) than on your own, and allowing some assclown like Dad or me or Sarge (sorry Sarge) to be a reason not to quit, and continue killing yourself, is just stupid and embarrassing.

 

Think about it.

 

You've got it all wrong.

 

Sarge is an AssHat, not an assclown ... mmm-kay?

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[buMbLeB]

You've got it all wrong.

 

Sarge is an AssHat, not an assclown ... mmm-kay?

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

 

My clown is off to you, sir.

[sgt.barney]

My clown is off to you, sir.

What you did there ... Sarge sees it.

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[Evelyn]

Shaun have you run away, with excuses in your head and blaming Sarge or others? Then it's really excuses; prove you don't use ecuses

[El Bandito]

Hey Shaun

 

Tough times.

 

Sorry to hear about them - and I hope that you can work through them.

 

The point is Shaun that smoking has no impact on them. 

 

We are all addicts - and couldn't quit because 

 

1. Stress

2. Weather

3. someone else is ill

4. someone else is mean

5. busy at work

6. no work

7. overworked

8. on vacation

 

etc etc etc....

 

The list goes on for ever. 

 

Read up around the forum - we have all been there mate. 

 

You want to quit?

You can.

 

It is Easy Peasy.

 

I had to tell the Sarge that he was right after a few months...(I think that I am getting over it now ;) )

[Markus]

A typical troll relapse thread

 

The headline implores help me where the unsaid is basically hand me your quit, it's just sitting there unused, gathering dust.

 

Pathetic excuses, shit in the pants and a blurt to some future date to "try" again. 

 

Lots of happy from all who are on board with the poor relapse, ah yes the feel good, soothing those ruffled feathers.

 

And then, here comes The Sarge, that wristwatch in a world of lumps, and lays it down.

 

Pat response are the usual tears of rage, the emotional over kill, how unfair is life, and will go it alone and wait for it....here it comes...the flounce. And we're done. 
 

Trolled again, and what may have been a troll comes off as comic opera at it's finest. 

 

There are people who want help and will get help if they are serious about it.

 

Help yourself first, guard your fuckin quit and you wont have these issues!

 

Nobody can quit for you and nobody owes you all the answers just because you decided to show up.

 

All of the work will be done by you!

 

Pleading for help won't work, you can't get a quit that way so do some work up front and get ready for it.

 

Maybe then you'll get what you're begging people to give you, what you think they owe you.

 

Know this; nobody owes you anything, and life owes you nothing.