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I'm starting to understand

BonnieJ

By BonnieJ
in Quit Smoking Discussions

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BonnieJ Newbie

BonnieJ

Posted
Posted

Hi guys its been a while since I've posted. I come and read once in a while but being over 2 years I don't find my self here often. This week however I have been here reading a lot.

 

I am starting to understand why long term quitters relapse. I know smoking won't fix anything right now but I can't stop thinking it will help me relax as I am going through the scariest thing  have ever encountered in my life.

 

I have not smoked, but I have been thinking about smoking like I did in my first month quit. Its maddening.

 

Some of you might remember my daughter diagnosed with what we thought was a very large ovarian cyst. Well on Wednesday we sent her into surgery to remove the cyst only to have the surgeon close her up and tell us we need to get a different surgeon because it is not an ovarian cyst. What she has is a very rare condition. She has a HUGE cyst in her bowel and now she needs major surgery for a rare condition. And I am somehow supposed to remain calm and hide all my fears from my 15 year old daughter.

 

I am hoping to continue to remain strong in not smoking but I gotta tell you my confidence is really low.

 

How can I still be telling myself it will help me relax and stay calm? I know, I know better, but I am having a hard time believing it right now.

 

I hope I can stay strong my daughter needs me.

  • Like 5
babs609 Apprentice

babs609

Posted
Posted

Hi Bonnie.....I have noticed you hanging around lately and I was wondering if you were struggling...

 

So sorry about your daughter....she will be in my thoughts and prayers that this gets resolved for her. (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

 

Try not to beat yourself up over feeling the way you do....it's common...HOWEVER...you are correct when you say "it won't fix anything and it won't relax you"--We only associate "relaxing" with smoking because thousands of times that 'puff" helped relieve withdrawal symptoms...for many, many years. We only associated the "relax" with "smoke" but that's all it was....an illusion..an association.

 

You've got this...there is no "hope" only "do" and you will commit to NOPE...go now.....do it! Stay close....you are on very very shaky ground and need to be here. Glad to read you even though it's under stressful circumstances

  • Like 4
Markus Newbie

Markus

Posted
Posted

Your daughter needs you, so smoking cigarettes for her is your answer.

 

A cigarette is never the answer. It never was and never will be.

 

Bonnie you know this. 

 

GTQ

  • Like 3
ChRiSpY Newbie

ChRiSpY

Posted
Posted

You know all the normal stuff... smoking will not help your daughter...etc etc etc.... so I will not spill that.

 

Listen..you are going through something extremely difficult and you are looking for anything that will "help" relax you.  And cigarettes are the most attainable legal drug available.  It is what makes it so difficult to quit in the first place.  Well...one of the reasons.

 

What else do you have?  What else can help you relax and help you with the anxiety?  Do you have or do breathing exercises?  Have you ever tried to meditate?  I am new to the meditation world and I cannot believe that someone did not talk to me about this before.  It is amazing.  There are alot of "Guided Meditation" videos and MP3s out there.  It is hard to get started... some don't believe in that mumbo jumbo mindfulness... but I do.  Just offering you a suggestion.  Take it or leave it..... I hope your situation gets turned around soon and you and your daughter start feeling better.

 

PS.  I heard eatables can help with anxiety... that is what a friend told me  ;)

  • Like 5
Still winning Newbie

Still winning

Posted
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Hey Bonnie, I am so sorry for what you and your daughter are going through. Are you getting answers on her condition. I understand that fear takes you captive when it's your children and their wellbeing. 

 

You know of course that this is simply thought association but lets break it down for a moment. Previously as a smoker and when you were stressed (the stress being activated would literally suck the nicotine from your entire bloodstream leaving you desperate for a fix) you would smoke (the nicotine levels went back up), actually you would often chain smoke (because ALL the nicotine had gone and you needed more than one cig to replace it). It won't relax you now hun because you are not in need of replacing nicotine. Yes, it would give you something to do - but that would remove you from your child, create additional stresses as you fought or embraced cravings and tbh Bonnie, set a shitty example to your daughter. I say the last bit as a very guilty mum so please take that in the spirit it's meant.

 

Sending love and strength for a workable solution and calmer times for you and your beautiful girl. Much love. xx

  • Like 4
beacon Newbie

beacon

Posted
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Bonnie, these thoughts are lies. I have them myself some times. I think it is just a learned reaction to stress. By the way, maybe you don't have to be some calm. It is fine to be stressed. I know you must be taking action to get help for your daughter and of course it is uncomfortable. Can you try deep breathing and mediation every day for may be 15 minutes to help calm? A long walk? How about some food or candy ?

  • Like 2
queen greenlover Newbie

queen greenlover

Posted
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:sorry:Yeah the addict in us is always waiting & watching for a chance "to hook you" once more. By now you do know this & have a tight grip on your quit. Sorry that things aren't too hot for you & the family right now.

  • Like 3
Jenny Newbie

Jenny

Posted
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Bonnie, I'm so glad you posted and so very sorry about your daughter needing surgery.  It's not a surprise that during extreme conditions your mind goes to a cigarette.  We smoked for so long and it became an automatic response.   It's not the answer though.  If you start smoking again you'll be outside looking for a place to get your fix instead of being with your daughter.  Plus, it won't help your stress because smoking never does so you will have given your quit up and not even get any relief from it.  If you smoke, you'll have to quit again eventually and go through all that crappy withdrawal.  I'm not seeing an upside here......

 

Better to stay the course I think.  Keeping your quit will be much easier.   

 

Prayers to you and your family.  xx

  • Like 3
Petra Newbie

Petra

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Thinking of you and your daughter, Bonnie.

 

When we used to smoke it was like that five minutes to breath in/breath out while doing something with our hands.  It helped us feel more calm. 

 

Maybe one of those squeeze ball stress relieving things would help.  Your nerves are probably a mess, so having something in your hands to fiddle with might be a way to release some tension.  Maybe massage your own hands when you are stressed with a calming scented lotion, like lavender.  Or even no lotion at all - just rub every finger, knuckle, palms, wrist.  

 

So sorry!  Stay strong.  We are all here for you.

 

Please don't smoke.  You will be so mad at yourself for reawakening such an awful addiction.

  • Like 2
BonnieJ Newbie

BonnieJ

Posted
  • Author
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Thanks everyone I know I won't smoke its just crazy I actually find myself thinking about it a lot even though I know better.

 

I just really needed to vent and get a few gentle hugs. So thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent and showing me support :)

  • Like 5
Pippa Newbie

Pippa

Posted
Posted

((( bonnie ))) so sorry to read this - please vent away, just no smoking !!

 

sending healing thoughts your way for your daughter xx

  • Like 1
Tyme2B Newbie

Tyme2B

Posted
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Cyber hugs to you Bonnie. My thoughts are with you at such a scary time. Think positive thoughts. You ALL need that right now and Hope is what gets us through the toughest of times. I hppe you will keep us updated. You have our support for yourself & positive thoughts for your daughter. Xx

  • Like 1
action Newbie

action

Posted
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I am so sorry to hear this Bonnie :(

 

You are right, you do need to stay strong for your daughter... Please show her (and yourself) your strength by not smoking. And please stay close so we can help you. (((Bonnie)))

  • Like 1
Nicole Diver Newbie

Nicole Diver

Posted
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Oh Bonnie, I am so sorry to hear this. Stay tought for your family. I cannot even imagine what you are going through, but we are here if you need to vent or need a sounding board.

  • Like 1
Frezflops Newbie

Frezflops

Posted
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Hugs for you and your daughter, she needs you now and for a long time so smoking, as you know, wont allow that so you dont allow smoking......I hope she has an successful surgery, easy recovery, and a good outcome from the surgery. Stay the strong person that you are.

  • Like 1

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