Unforgiven?

[babs609]

recently had a misundertanding with someone who I THOUGHT was a good friend of mine.  Turns out....they probably weren't.  Actually I am not sure exactly what I did or said....there was a series of events on both our parts but now this person will not talk to me at all.  Nada.  Zilch.  I am a stubborn woman.....and it's taken me 3 months to finally throw in the towel on this relationship for good..simply because..it appears that's what this other person wants and I have to accept it.

 

  I like this article....it helped me.  I'll share in case anyone can relate.

How to React when Your Apology isn't Accepted

Have you recently had a serious argument, disagreement or fight with someone you care about? Have you sincerely apologised, but you aren't sure if they accepted it? If your sure that they haven't, how should you react

 

1.  Try to understand. Maybe the wound is still too fresh for them to think clearly enough to accept an apology. Maybe they have no interest in forgiving you and want you to live in guilt forever for what happened, in which case you need to reconcile any guilty feelings you have with the fact that you feel remorse

 

2.  Give them space. Let them think it over, and check in with them after at least a week. This will give them time to consider their options, and to assess their feelings. Always remember that your apology might never be accepted. This will help you out if things go badly.

 

3.  Talk to them again. If they talk to you like they did before the blow-up, that's great! If they actually say 'I forgive you' or something along those lines, that's even better! But if they don't, read on.

• Don't get defensive. Do not start your next sentence with something like "Oh yeah? Well guess what!" Such words can only make a bad situation much worse.

4.  Assess their behaviour. If they seem cold towards you, they probably aren't happy to see you. If they're downright hostile, then they definitely haven't accepted your apology. The relationship's probably over, and you're probably in a lot of pain.

 

5. Figure out why you haven't been forgiven. Do they hold grudges? Do they have a hard time with anger? If so, they might simply need a lot of time to forgive you.

 

6.  Reply simply. Politely say "I'm very sorry to hear that. I want you to know that I respect the fact that you can't forgive me. If you want to talk about this sometime in the future, I am open to that. I hope some day we can move past this." By taking the high road, you have saved your integrity as well as the possibility for a possible future reconciliation.

• Is the relationship about to come to an end due to immovable events (graduation, etc?) If so, then moving on is recommended. Keeping up a friendship after such an event is hard enough, but it will be pointlessly hard if the other person isn't happy with you before the event arrives.
• Is the person arrogant, mean, or a total jerk to some people? Then move on. They aren't worth your time or friendship, and avoid people like them in the future.
• Are they acting coldly? This is probably suppressed anger, so leave them alone.
• Is there no reaction at all? They may be thinking it over, or they're politely telling you to leave them alone. Put this in context of their personality and the importance of the relationship

7.  Move on. Either way, they simply aren't worth it. If they're going to treat you that badly, then they probably weren't a friend in the first place.

 

8.  Make new friends. Stay away from the people they associate with, and find people that are like you in different aspects.

 

http://www.wikihow.com/React-when-Your-Apology-isn%27t-Accepted

[Nancy]

Thanks, Babs...great advice...I am like you...it is easier said than done.

[Markus]

Great article!

 

I forgive you both, Babs and Nancy for being mean to me! ^_^  I won't let that ruin our friendship!

 

Seriously, nobody wants to be in the cross hairs or in an abusive relationship. I have seen a lot of it in my family on both sides, and it's went on for decades. When one of the parties finally passes, so does the abuse. 

 

You would think time might soften them up, but in these family feuds, it didn't.. It was really sad to see and live with

[mfic]

wow- I don't like that,,I think your a warm and sweet person,

 

don't let em steal your joy,,

 

I lost a friend like that- and it does sting,, I never kept that many anyway,,

 

God Bless You,

RC

[Jengelsnew1]

Blah blah blah...too many feelings involved here...

Thank god I'm a man!

 

Feelings suck...boobs rule

[babs609]

wow- I don't like that,,I think your a warm and sweet person,

 

don't let em steal your joy,,

 

I lost a friend like that- and it does sting,, I never kept that many anyway,,

 

God Bless You,

RC

Thank you RC!  very kind of you.  You're right...it does sting.  Life's lessons i guess.  People come in your life for a reason and leave it for a reason too.  Some relationships are short and serve their purpose and some are life long.  

[babs609]

Blah blah blah...too many feelings involved here...

Thank god I'm a man!

 

Feelings suck...boobs rule

lol...goof!!

[Still winning]

Aww, sorry you feel sad.

 

I just wanted to say some people are unable to forgive. It's sometimes more to do with the people like your friend, not you and what was clearly a genuine apology. After all, everyone makes mistakes from time to time, we are none of us perfect.

 

Also I'm all for setting things straight but if it doesn't help, then move on. Not everyone needs to stay in your life for you to have grown and shared what you needed too. 

 

x

[Evelyn]

Sorry hun you friend doesn't want a friendship anymore :) has she explained it a little?

[bakon]

I noticed you left off the very end about not becoming their enemy.....I believe I would not pee on my ex-wife if she was on fire       

[babs609]

lol..bakon

 

thank you guys..and marty you are so right.  :)

 

I take friendships and loyalty seriously I guess..and expecting others to feel the same is just setting myself up for disappointment.  Not everyone is capable and/or even wants to.  I have to accept this.  If I was important to this person......then it wouldn't be like this.