Changing

[Ramona]

To sit with an insecurity.  To sit with a problem.  To sit with OURSELVES.  This is the hardest part.

 

"Why aren't they responding?"

"What's going on?"

"Was that the right thing to do?"

"Will it be horrible?"

"Why are they looking at me like that?"

"OMG - this deja-vu is killing me!"

"I'm a terrible person,"

"I'm a great person."

 

Ad infinitum.  Remember when we smoked along with all these thoughts and feelings?  Your brain sure does. Smoking is how we coped with thoughts themselves.  Any thought can present a new trigger if it's a thought we haven't thought as a non-smoker.  

 

To wait for a solution.  To wait for an outcome.  To wait for validation.  This is the hardest part.

 

Sometimes non-action is the most powerful and appropriate option we can choose.  We want to solve our conflicts sooner than they're ready to be solved.  We want to act.  Everyone always wants to act.  Nobody wants to be acted upon.  Smoking used to give us the illusion that we were arbiters of our own destiny.  When something went wrong we could act upon that something by smoking.  We have been trained all these years to grab our will into our own hands and set that cigarette ablaze.  Sparks and flames.  Flash and whistles.

 

News flash:  smoking does not give you power.  Being controlled by a chemical (along with that chemical's delivery system) is not equivalent to free will or autonomy.

 

As non-smokers we must now learn to wait and see.  When we know there's nothing we can do about something, we need to know there's nothing we can do about something.  We need to let time do its thing.  Patience. Presence.  Acceptance.  Grace.

 

The problems in our lives will find their natural solutions in their own time.  Wanting the solutions to happen right now is not an excuse to take that puff.

 

Never Take Another Puff.

[Still winning]

This sounds quite a breakthrough moment TEW :)  

 

The thinking a new way can feel pretty tough to learn to start with but actually, we become more of who we were always meant to be. As the fog lifts and we accept that we never needed a crutch, in fact we needed a clearer head to drive solutions or indeed, wait for new opportunities to arise.

 

I wanted to add some clarity on stress in the body with nicotine, mainly cause I never knew it till recently and I think it would have helped me in a way. It's on Markus post a bit further down. When we stressed as smokers, the body's reaction is to pull nicotine from the bloodstream (that flight or fight thing I guess) and so of course we crave instantly. When we are not smokers, that doesn't happen. It simply doesn't exist! This is why in all scenarios it is much better to be a non smoker because we have a greater clarity than an addict driven to feed their addiction prior to making any choices, whether that be to walk away or deal for that moment. That's pretty cool I think. I am seeing this in action very clearly myself this week. There is a potentially a stressful situation here. The smoker is smoking and I am resolving calmly. 

 

x

[MarylandQuitter]

To sit with an insecurity.  To sit with a problem.  To sit with OURSELVES.  This is the hardest part.

 

To wait for a solution.  To wait for an outcome.  To wait for validation.  This is the hardest part.

 

Sometimes non-action is the most powerful and appropriate option we can choose.  We want to solve our conflicts sooner than they're ready to be solved.  We want to act.  Everyone always wants to act.  Nobody wants to be acted upon. Smoking used to give us the illusion that we were arbiters of our own destiny.  When something went wrong we could act upon that something by smoking.  We have been trained all these years to grab our will into our own hands and set that cigarette ablaze.  Sparks and flames.  Flash and whistles.

 

As non-smokers we must now learn to wait and see.  When we know there's nothing we can do about something, we need to know there's nothing we can do about something.  We need to let time do its thing.  Patience. Presence. Acceptance.  Grace.

 

The problems in our lives will find their natural solutions in their own time.  Wanting the solutions to happen right now is not an excuse to take that puff.

 

Never Take Another Puff.

 

Wise words.  I've read them over many times already.  :)

[Markus]

TEW,

 

This is an outstanding post, and like Marti, I think you have arrived. 

 

Patience. Presence.  Acceptance.  Grace.

 

As you have noted, those traits are invaluable in this venture, and you cannot expedite the quit, because you will finally become unwound from the affliction in your own time and space. And, as you have noted, we need to recognize that it only happens in it's own time.

 

It's a war of attrition and it's a lucky thing for us that the payoff for the quit (comfort), arrives a lot sooner than the period of time that we held active addictions.

 

GTQ,

 

Markus

[Ramona]

Thanks MQ and Markus for the compliments!!!  

 

And Marti,

 

This is why in all scenarios it is much better to be a non smoker because we have a greater clarity than an addict driven to feed their addiction prior to making any choices, whether that be to walk away or deal for that moment. That's pretty cool I think. I am seeing this in action very clearly myself this week. There is a potentially a stressful situation here. The smoker is smoking and I am resolving calmly. 

 

I agree that we have greater clarity than an active addict.  Our decision making skills are improving.  We don't smoke away our perspective!  It's hard work but it's worth it.