Starting Day three

[MichelleDoesntSmoke]

...though my new ticker (like it? how does it look on me? *strikes a pose) seems to think its been 3 days and six hours since my last smoke which was around 9am on 4/20 (what a funny quit date) so the way I see it, at 9am (50 minutes from now) it will have been 72 hours or three days smoke free....

 

Close enough....a year from now it wont matter that my ticker is off a bit.

 

I'm struggling a bit this morning. We've all been through this before...we know all the reasons not to smoke yet or brains tell us it would be a dandy idea. I was out of the house yesterday all day running errands. I had money in my pocket and I was downtown and it seemed like EVERYONE was smoking (they weren't) Seemed there was a smoke shop on every corner (there wasn't) I wanted to smoke even though the smell was awful. And I COULD have but I didn't. That's a miracle for this girl.

 

Even though I'm so grateful I made it through yesterday and I am SO PROUD I did, this morning I am plagued by the idea that I **could** walk down to the 7-11 and buy a pack or even a single cigar if I wanted to. Seems like a great idea until I think about actually smoking it....then I know its something I don't really want to do.

 

Just SOME of my reasons for wanting to stay smoke free:

I am just getting over a cold and have tons of chest congestion that hasn't cleared out yet

I know I will hate the smell if I smoke

I know I will be upset with myself the second I light it

I know it will make my clothes and hair smell

I know I will be upset if I give up my quit date

I know that one cig will lead to a pack which will lead to more and more and more

I may never have a successful quit again if I start now

My last looooong relapse was due to the "Just One" Monster getting me

As they say in recovery, "One is too many, and a thousand never enough"

 

I WILL NOT LISTEN TO THE "JUST ONE" MONSTER

 

I am going to a 12 step meeting tonight where two of my friends are celebrating recovery birthdays. One of them is a woman I am good friends with. She has 4 years clean and a couple years smoke free. Its always difficult to not smoke in meetings because smoking is so accepted in my recovery circle. So I will stay close to my friend, and talk to her a lot about how I'm feeling about smoking and quitting and all.

 

Why is smoking so accepted in recovery? (at least in MY recovery circle. I can't speak for all) Its as if its the least of all addictions. Like "Well I gave up heroin. Smoking is the lesser of the two evils" or "I gave up drinking, drugs and gambling. I have to have my cigarettes. I can't give up everything all at once" "One addiction at a time" A good friend of mine suggested to me yesterday that since the step I am working on in my stepwork is a notoriously emotional one, it would be best if i did not try to quit smoking while on that step. I almost used that as an excuse to light up yesterday. My diseased, addiction riddled mind was trying to tell me she was right. But it was an excuse and I knew it. Smoking may kill you slower than heroin because with heroin every time you use you could die instantly (I never used it but my drug was dangerous too) But smoking is NOT the "lesser of two evils". IT WILL STILL KILL ME. It will degrade my quality of life. It will cause me to end up sick and old if I live long enough to be old. If I'm lucky enough to avoid heart disease or lung cancer or COPD I will still be WAY less healthy than my nonsmoking peers. Even if you take the danger away, there is still the fact that my skin looks sick...not smooth and supple like nonsmokers. I have wrinkles around my mouth and my neck from repeated "sucking" to inhale for so many years. My hair stinks, my clothes stink, Im constantly worrying about offending others and embarrassing myself with the stink on me. I want to smell pretty. I want to look and feel good. I want to hike and swim and jump and play and be healthy.

 

Wow. Look I wrote a book. I am excited to think that I could look back on this in a  year.  OK I'm off to take a shower with my pretty rose smelling soap. I have a friend coming over in a bit. Yay.  Thank you for being here. Ranting has helped me more than you know!

 

Thank you all for being here!

[joe]

first time I have seen a post from you..I have been awal a few days...

 

Welcome to the QT!..

 

the ticker looks great! and anytime you take a shower with rose smelling soap, its a good day! ;)

 

Rant away anytime you feel the need...there are a train full of people hear to listen and help you through bad times...

 

also...you COULD walk down and grab a pack of smokes...but how proud would you be tomorrow about THAT!?...just get through each minute...keep busy and the time passes...you will be amazed at the amount of things you put off that you will now get done because of staying busy...lol  ;)

 

Welcome aboard!

[babs609]

welcome Michelle!!   Congratulations on day 3!

 

You can do this...and just like your other recovery...it's one day at a time. 

 

You've come to a great, supportive place and we are happy to have you.  :)

[Tink]

Welcome Michelle

 

Kudos to you for taking back control in your life! Your friend is testament to you can do both, there are people here in similar situation as yours, I'm sure they will make themselves known to you soon.

 

You already know that, that "one" is the most lethal of all the thousands, that's why we pledge here NOPE, not one puff ever!

 

Post away, it helps and the board can support you

 

Everyone's quit is unique just as you are as a person

 

Looking forward to sharing your journey with you

 

3 days is awesome! One day at a time x

[Runfree]

Welcome Michelle!  Congrats!  3 days is a HUGE milestone...HUGE!  Keep going, stay close and post often.  I'm happy you found this place.

[Jenny]

You have wonderful insight regarding what it will take to have a successful quit.  You know what doesn't work and you know how easy it is to rationlize "just one".

I've done that myself so many times in the past.  Just one wasn't enough when I did smoke! 

 

You've got this!  Welcome to the QT and please let us know what we can do to help.  Life is so much better without smoking.  It really is.

[Doreensfree]

Hi and welcome to our quit train family....

Congrats on your great decision to quit...

All the support you need is here....100 per cent...

Taking the daily pledge..it really does help....

I agree...one day at a time....this is how we have all done it....x

[Frezflops]

Welcome I like that your saying one is too many and a thousand is never enough you should have it in your signature........way to go on day 3 :)

[beacon]

Michelle, how are you?