No Man's Land

[Markus]

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[El Bandito]

This is a fantastic post, but please remember that it is not a command. Some quitters never go to NML. They simply go from strength to strength.

 

Please remember that however you might be feeling, the chances are that someone has felt that way too. So post.

 

This place works because people share. Say what you feel.

[Devil Doll]

I think that is the great thing about being part of a community. You never really are in no mans land alone... There is usually going to be someone who is right there with you completely understanding what you are going through. Every month that you pass there is a crowd of people cheering you on and celebrating your success. 

 

I have been vocal about my struggles almost every month around anniversary time but do you know what got me through? Every one of my peers patting me on the back and cheering me forward. 

 

This is a great share Markus and has always been one of my favorites. 

[Ricki M]

Thank you Markus...this is good to know.  I'm coming up on my 30 days and have been feeling pretty good so far.  Every time I see a smoker I say to myself...I'm so glad I don't smoke anymore.  And I really am.  I'm learning to ride out the days emotionally but so far I haven't thought about a cigarette...I hope it doesn't change but if it does I know where to come. 

[Markus]

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[Markus]

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[Mike.]

I hope T. reads this. hint to friends ...

[cpk]

Read this piece somewhere else, before writing my own thoughts on

newly entering this phase, and I found this piece uninspiring, and even

somewhat depressing.

 

Smarty Marti suggested a much more positive outlook regarding this stage

in one of her comments to me, bless her wisdom.

 

Marti suggests this is a pivotal stage, where the practice of knocking

down craves and triggers gives the quit its strength and vitality.

Like working out. No one likes the actual working out part.

Everyone likes the results.

 

I have also been thinking that as the new warrior exits the first few months

of the final war, he or she is mentally exhausted because it's hard work.

 

Again, Smarty Marti has great advice, and she suggests taking it easy

when it's being easy. That lady needs to post longer bits! She's a marvel!

[Runfree]

This is a fantastic post, but please remember that it is not a command. Some quitters never go to NML. They simply go from strength to strength.

 

 

 

 I'm coming up on my 30 days and have been feeling pretty good so far.

 

Thank you Markus.  It is an interesting phase.  There is a delicate balance between yearning for knowledge to apply when navigating your own quit and keeping your quit clean and free from the power of suggestion.  Every quit is different and quit quirks are random at best.

[Markus]

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[cpk]

Well, I have only just entered this phase of the journey. In my post about entering No Man's Land I pointed to a feeling of grieving the loss of a habit that was once thought to be a comfort and solace. It is true we pick up these addictions ourselves, and need to hold ourselves accountable for throwing them down, however, those who are attracted to substances may be trying to emotionally soothe themselves, and heal real psychological wounds. So I guess part of No Man's Land is to defeat cravings while allowing feeling states to breathe. In the long run this will make for a hardier personality, and someone able to help others and pay it forward. Presently, I feel raw, depressed, sad, and solemn, and it's hard to believe I ever had a joyful thought, comforted anyone, or shared a laugh. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. I can very well see why many people drop quits between 2 and 5 months. One has to face their own idiocy, mistakes, failures, and lack of common sense...as well as betrayals, lost dreams, heartaches, and existential loneliness. But this kind of writing is really for a blog, not the board. I don't have anything more to say. I just want to grind out the third month on my own.

[Runfree]

One has to face their own idiocy, mistakes, failures, and lack of common sense...as well as betrayals, lost dreams, heartaches, and existential loneliness. 

 

OH man CPK, don't put all that on yourself right now, it's too too much and will wear you out.  There is a lifetime to sort and address the above.  Right now, be gentle, give yourself permission to keep things very very simple.  Less pressure, more awareness of the large and small benefits that are coming your way.  All that other stuff will come in time.  Month 2 or 3 or 4 of breaking an addiction is enough to put on one's plate.

[Markus]

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[cpk]

Maybe nothing I spoke about was related to smoking.  (Bingo! Insight!) When you quit it's hard to sort out what's what. I have a lot of life pressures. Not smoking might actually not be tied up with any of them. I don't miss smoking, and if I get craves and triggers - let them come! - so I can kick them to the curb. Not smoking is one of the sweetest things that has happened to me in 2015. There are some other sweet things, too. With time, one comes to know which emotions are related to not smoking, and which are related to the normal complexities of life.

[cpk]

This is a fantastic post, but please remember that it is not a command. Some quitters never go to NML. They simply go from strength to strength.

 

Please remember that however you might be feeling, the chances are that someone has felt that way too. So post.

 

This place works because people share. Say what you feel.

Glad to hear it's "not a command." Too much talking and writing about this has actually gotten me to feeling depressed!

[cpk]

OH man CPK, don't put all that on yourself right now, it's too too much and will wear you out.  There is a lifetime to sort and address the above.  Right now, be gentle, give yourself permission to keep things very very simple.  Less pressure, more awareness of the large and small benefits that are coming your way.  All that other stuff will come in time.  Month 2 or 3 or 4 of breaking an addiction is enough to put on one's plate.

Thanks so much for this.

[Tink]

Maybe nothing I spoke about was related to smoking.  (Bingo! Insight!) When you quit it's hard to sort out what's what. I have a lot of life pressures. Not smoking might actually not be tied up with any of them. I don't miss smoking, and if I get craves and triggers - let them come! - so I can kick them to the curb. Not smoking is one of the sweetest things that has happened to me in 2015. There are some other sweet things, too. With time, one comes to know which emotions are related to not smoking, and which are related to the normal complexities of life.

 

I can relate to this post cpk not knowing what is quit related or life related, that's when you get depressed by it all as its so much to think about what I did was write two lists, one for quit related and one for life or past issues that maybe needed addressing, once I saw them on paper it was easier to sort them out and understand they are separated and unrelated

 

Although smoking may have masked some of these feelings like a smoke screen

 

This sounds like a time for healing for you, try to make a list and then work your way through it, it is a slow process depending on what's on your list but with patience and time you will find peace and acceptance

[Markus]

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[Markus]

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[Mike.]

I can relate to this post cpk not knowing what is quit related or life related, that's when you get depressed by it all as its so much to think about what I did was write two lists, one for quit related and one for life or past issues that maybe needed addressing, once I saw them on paper it was easier to sort them out and understand they are separated and unrelated

 

Although smoking may have masked some of these feelings like a smoke screen

 

This sounds like a time for healing for you, try to make a list and then work your way through it, it is a slow process depending on what's on your list but with patience and time you will find peace and acceptance

 

Now, you're beginning to sound like my dad, (the sagest person I know).

 

When he is wrestling with a decision, he will make a list of the positives and negatives of the situation. It helps give him more perspective.

[Runfree]

A few years ago I was scheduled to meet with an upper-level manager to discuss career objective/growth opportunities.  As a condition of him meeting with folks, he had/has people write it all out.  He wants you to start writing and not stop, not worry about grammar, flow, etc.  There is proven benefit in the act of physically writing it out.  Good stuff.

 

 

[cpk]

Thanks for everyone's input. Since smoking is so all encompassing, taking it away is an eye opener. However, taking it away also reduces its power, and negates it as a linchpin. Taking smoking away is sweet!

 

I was down to 10 low-nicotine smokes a day before I quit, so I can specifically remember when, where, and how I smoked. I don't miss any of them, and the craves or triggers are easy to knock down, except for the ones I get when stressed. Those are the toughies.

 

Bingo! again. I don't need to make a list of life stress situations as I got them imprinted on my brain. I have three main areas to work on. (I kind of think in lists.) But I am going to make it a point to separate the new normal of not smoking from all the rest of the stuff. And, to see where there's overlap.

 

This thread has been very helpful going into so-called No Man's Land.

 

Counseling is a good idea, although sometimes not easy to put into place. I tried to find a good grief counselor after my sister's death without success. I ended up being my own grief counselor, being trained in the field. For this No Man's Land time think I will use REBT techniques, which aim to correct cognitive distortions. (REBT for Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy techniques)

 

I now see, after reading this thread, I need to strengthen my coping skills, and directly deal with the areas in my life causing stress. That's a lot to work on, so it seems I'll be pretty busy while in No Man's Land. I'll be back to report on that part of my journey.

 

This was a radically helpful thread.

[Runfree]

Markus, that was a great post.  Thank you for putting so much thought into your response and for addressing the many aspects of an often convoluted topic.  

[cpk]

Writing it out is always so good, too.

 

I've kept a journal of my quit journey. Looking back, I can see the progress. I am sure I wouldn't have remembered the specifics, such as being too winded to walk on week 3, and then by week 6 being able to walk for 2 hours straight. I would not remember these details. But they are all important milestones.

[Markus]

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