Towards 90 Days

[cpk]

Well, I guess I am in No Man's Land...month three. This is when the "excitement" of the new quit wears off. Looking back, I see moments of elation surrounded by a lot of drama. If month three is the month with less drama, I welcome it.

 

Now, thoughts of smoking are tied up with grief. My old toxic friend is surely gone. It's confusing to grieve for something that was altogether bad. All of us have had that one harmful romantic relationship in the past that almost did us in. Yet, we still remember it in detail. This is similar.

 

However, in the stages of grieving, there is a point where you just can't hold on any longer. You have to let go. You have to cry, and mourn, integrate loss, and move on. If you don't, you will become neurotic. (A fence sitting non-smoker is a neurotic non-smoker.)

 

I am not yet 100% free. I still have a lot of quit symptoms. My lungs feel tight, I have insomnia, fatigue, restlessness, mood swings etc. I'm still in recovery from the worst, most abusive relationship of my life. But I also feel ready to let go, and move on.

 

I welcome the idea of No Man's Land.

 

Quitting has destabilized my entire life. It has taken up space, dominated my thoughts, and mental energy. It has made me act crazy. That's exactly what grieving is like.

 

If No Man's Land is the stage of acceptance of loss, I welcome it. I don't want pats on the back for not smoking. I think from week 3 until now they were essential. But I'm ready to move into the grown up world of attending to all the loose strings left undone because I was so focused on getting from one day to the next...and to here, and now.

 

I can see where boredom and stress could lead to relapse. But most of all...I can see where attachment could lead to relapse. If we think smoking was a good thing on any level, we'll stay attached to the idea of it. We can even stay attached to it knowing it was bad.

 

Not me. I hate cigarettes, and smoking, with a passionate hatred.

 

Cigarettes hurt

 

I'm not saying this from any lofty mental place. My lungs hurt as I write this. I am still in physical pain from cigarettes' abuse.

 

If No Man's Land is that place where smoking starts becoming an echo...where the future whispers, "Come to me, and be fully free," --

 

If No Man's Land is where I am walking the forest path towards the sunny glen...I am content to travel through this stage, quietly, without fanfare, and in peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for allowing me to express myself at this milestone of my journey.

Best wishes to all those walking along with me at this stage.

[JackiMac]

CPK lovely honest post, I remember no man's land last year before I relapsed, it was like wading in a sea of mud, with no real landscape, not knowing what was up, what was down, where to turn, what to do, it was a very very surreal time, as though in a time warp.  This time I am well aware of what may or may not be ahead of me and like you I am willing to embrace it, face it head on and see it for what it is another step in my recovery programme.  I think you and I should both say BRING IT ON together, we got this and we know that the nicotine is long gone from out lives, although the addiction still lingers, time and dedication is what is needed to rid us of this demon inside.  We inflicted the addiction on us and we now need to work through it.  Good Work CPK your doing great xx

[cpk]

CPK lovely honest post, I remember no man's land last year before I relapsed, it was like wading in a sea of mud, with no real landscape, not knowing what was up, what was down, where to turn, what to do, it was a very very surreal time, as though in a time warp.  This time I am well aware of what may or may not be ahead of me and like you I am willing to embrace it, face it head on and see it for what it is another step in my recovery programme.  I think you and I should both say BRING IT ON together, we got this and we know that the nicotine is long gone from out lives, although the addiction still lingers, time and dedication is what is needed to rid us of this demon inside.  We inflicted the addiction on us and we now need to work through it.  Good Work CPK your doing great xx

This is No Gonnae Do That Land, Jackie!!!   You're entering No Man's Land a step ahead of me...   Let's walk in joy.  There's nothing to be afraid of, dear one. We are free.

[cpk]

This is No Gonnae Do That Land, Jackie!!!   You're entering No Man's Land a step ahead of me...   Let's walk in joy.  There's nothing to be afraid of, dear one. We are free.

Jackie, I relate to what you wrote...very much.        We can and will do this...because we already are doing this.                 N.O.P.E. is key.

[Tink]

its also helpful to keep a record of your journey

 

the blog facility is great for this

 

you could collate all your threads in one place to look back on and see how far you evolved

 

* see at the bottom of where you post (blog this) if you click on that it will add that entry to a blog

[babs609]

no mans land is a place where you look at yourself and where you are and say...  "now what?"  and the answer is "anything you want"  (except smoke)

 

set new goals, try new things, go out of your comfort zone...push yourself to do things you always wanted to do but were afraid to.  You've already conquered the big one...you can do anything you set your mind to do.

 

Life is awesome!

 

well done cpk!!

[REZ]

Congrats to no mans land!

 

i think it is a place where you start to reflex on how you changed your life.

 

Its a place where you can say I did it, smoking is not part of my life anymore as you look back.

 

And now you turn your head the other way and look forward to the future and you can see smoking is not a part of it!

[Still winning]

It feels kinda scary doesn't it...the what if land. 

 

What if we don't smoke - we'll find freedom

 

What if we don't smoke - it will get to a place where it's just done and we live smoke free

 

What if we don't smoke - and we start to learn, the triggers pass, everything passes

 

What if we don't smoke - We realize while we were just coping, we learnt that we could achieve anything if we set our mind to it

 

I could carry on with this, it's not exhaustive. It gets so much better. So do it, this foot that foot, do it. Add sparkle, this should be glittered as you go because it's a most wonderful thing you are achieving :)  Be excited, great feelings are behind this coping. xx

[cpk]

Thank you all.

[Mike.]

I don't have that courage to do that yet "-". But, you pave the way.  I need to address lots.

[Pippa]

no mans land is a place where you look at yourself and where you are and say...  "now what?"  and the answer is "anything you want"  (except smoke)

 

set new goals, try new things, go out of your comfort zone...push yourself to do things you always wanted to do but were afraid to.  You've already conquered the big one...you can do anything you set your mind to do.

 

Life is awesome!

 

well done cpk!!

What Babas said !

 

Great post CPK - I know you can do this :-)

[El Bandito]

Thank you all. Want to do month three privately. Have other goals that require my focus.  At some point may gather my posts on blog, thanks for the suggestion.

 

Thank you for helping me establish a solid quit foundation.

Do what you must CPK.

 

I urge you not to get too disconnected.

 

Only the vigilant quit survives.

[cpk]

Do what you must CPK.

 

I urge you not to get too disconnected.

 

Only the vigilant quit survives.

Thank you, and will remember. Thank you for your constancy. I've greatly appreciated it.