My escape from my depression?

[Jonny5]

Many years ago I did suffer with depression, and went through counselling to help me.  I'm no stranger to the "black dog" as some people call it.

 

when I quit smoking back in December I went through a series of revelations, battles, victories, epiphanies etc etc.

I came out of it initially very lost within the world in which I had 'awoken'

I was very depressed at times, at other times I felt like the fun had gone, like I had suddenly woken up in a grown up world, a boring world where things go wrong, where people die, where things are real.

it was rather unsettling to say the least, it was distressing. I missed my former existence.

I eventually emerged from my depression when I realised that nothing had changed, just my perspective.

being a smoker requires you to bury your head and wear blinkers, you can't possibly allow yourself to face the horrors of your slow self induced suicide.

so I guess what really happened was I grew up.

I took a look around with 'awoken' eyes.

nothing had changed, the world was the same, the rules had not been changed, people still fall in love, grow old, die, are born, are happy, are sad.

it's all the same, except you.

is this a bad thing?

initially I thought so, initially I thought it was smoking cessation related depression where I would be sad forever.

Now, I know it was an inner awakening, an evolution of myself.

Now I appreciate things more, now I try harder, now I don't take things for granted.

I learned value

quitting didn't depress me, it freed me. 

[deltawings]

To grown up world, to reality! Good to see you, Johnny!

[sharonsiff]

Hi Jonny, thanks for posting this.

 

It's funny, I find life's ups and downs much, much easier as a non smoker as I haven't got that horrid withdrawal affecting my reactions every 20 minutes or so. I noticed little things like not flying off the handle at well, silly little things really. It's been replaced with a sense of inner peace almost.

 

I am however (as my depression post said) having my blood checked to check things out. Whatever the outcome at least I'm free from smoking so that's all that matters. Of course if there is help out there to stop some of the symptoms, and stop me accidentally walking into things/having blind mental blocks(it's as though I forget what I'm doing, or who I am) I'll take it. If there's not then head down...crack on..and write myself reminders of what I'm doing around the house...lol..no matter what I'm free from smoking...and that's priceless.

 

So glad you are evened out in your mind.

[Jonny5]

Hi Jonny, thanks for posting this.

 

It's funny, I find life's ups and downs much, much easier as a non smoker as I haven't got that horrid withdrawal affecting my reactions every 20 minutes or so. I noticed little things like not flying off the handle at well, silly little things really. It's been replaced with a sense of inner peace almost.

 

I am however (as my depression post said) having my blood checked to check things out. Whatever the outcome at least I'm free from smoking so that's all that matters. Of course if there is help out there to stop some of the symptoms, and stop me accidentally walking into things/having blind mental blocks(it's as though I forget what I'm doing, or who I am) I'll take it. If there's not then head down...crack on..and write myself reminders of what I'm doing around the house...lol..no matter what I'm free from smoking...and that's priceless.

 

So glad you are evened out in your mind.

Thankyou :-) I'm glad that you are getting to see the doctor :-) every person's experience is different and I hope that things will even out in your mind too :-)

 

Looking back I think I've been free of symptoms of depression for almost 2 years. So I'm thinking that my quit depression lasted maybe about 6 months. Don't get me wrong, I was vwry positive and happy about my quit. I actually didn't associate the depression with quitting as I was happy about it. I guess the brain chemistry just needed time to catch up with my positive mental attitude :-)

[sharonsiff]

Thankyou :-) I'm glad that you are getting to see the doctor :-) every person's experience is different and I hope that things will even out in your mind too :-)

Looking back I think I've been free of symptoms of depression for almost 2 years. So I'm thinking that my quit depression lasted maybe about 6 months. Don't get me wrong, I was vwry positive and happy about my quit. I actually didn't associate the depression with quitting as I was happy about it. I guess the brain chemistry just needed time to catch up with my positive mental attitude :-)

That's exactly what my doctor said yesterday Jonny, that my brain chemistry hasn't yet caught up. So lovely to have you around about this, it really is.

 

I know what you mean too about being happy and positive about the quit. I could not stress enough to the doctor yesterday that he really must not think that I'm missing smoking, or romancing any ideas of being a smoker again (hell really would freeze over first!) It's not anything to do with not smoking...it's just different and a bit scary at times if I'm being totally honest. I am so very glad that you're brain chemistry got back to normal, I'm determined mine will....but it really does help to read it actually does.

[El Bandito]

Wow. Sounds like quite a scary time - but it is great to see how one person's experience shared is helping reassure another member.

 

Clever these places aren't they? :D

 

I'm glad you both sound so positive - and so firm in your quits.