Sorry I'm posting so much...

I have really bad insomnia tonight...

 

So this is about a picture on my wall.

 

When I was very young I was a professional photographer...and

I took a lot of self portraits. (before selfies, before cell phones!)

 

To do a self portrait you had to set the camera

and run across the room...I had a

polaroid camera with a self timer I liked to use for selfies...

 

In the photo I'm in a fan back chair all glamed up, and super thin and toned

and looking all relaxed and swish

 

but tonight I looked closer, and almost off the edge of the picture

is a cigarette dangling from my fingers...

 

DIRTY GIRL!

 

I remember how I ate only an apple a day and smoked like a fiend

and did everything with a cigarette in my hand

even worked in the darkroom while chain smoking

 

And I just wanted to reach in and snatch that cigarette

out of that hand. STUPID GIRL!

 

Not so pretty. I'll keep the picture up to remind me.

Where is the picture? I'm not seeing it

Please feel free to post whenever you want.  That is what this site is for.

 

Smoking is not glamorous at all eh.  No matter how many times we tried to convince ourselves otherwise.  Really think back, even to the early years of smoking, were you ever proud to be a smoker?  I never was.  I just tried to overcompensate in other ways to make up for that downfall about myself.  Sad really.  So much time wasted on this dirty addiction.

oh....i get it now..the picture is on your wall at home....I thought you meant here...lol

 

yep..it is a dirty, dirty addiction..funny...because even though I was a smoker...like ava...I wasn't proud and I can bet anyone any amount of money you won't find a picture of me smoking.  Unless I am not aware of it being taken.  I knew early on that I would regret posing with a cigarette.  Whenever a camera was around I made sure I wasn't smoking or if i was...it was hidden.  Even if I was at a bar and everyone was smoking....nope...not me. 

I remember seeing pictures of my parents smoking and it made me cringe...especially haunting when I see pictures of my dad smoking and he died from lung cancer 11 years ago...very eery.

and like ava said...post all you need to....very common in the early days and weeks....do what you need to do..just don't smoke.  :)

Where is the picture? I'm not seeing it

HAHAHA. Just picture a stupid, young slender girl-woman

with pretty good (!) shoulders toned and bared, in a black

lace bustier, striking Grace Kelly pose of haughty self-confidence,

with flaming dirty smoke hanging off fingers.

Youth is wasted on the young, I tell ya!

Please feel free to post whenever you want.  That is what this site is for.

 

Smoking is not glamorous at all eh.  No matter how many times we tried to convince ourselves otherwise.  Really think back, even to the early years of smoking, were you ever proud to be a smoker?  I never was.  I just tried to overcompensate in other ways to make up for that downfall about myself.  Sad really.  So much time wasted on this dirty addiction.

To be totally honest, I was oblivious. I didn't think about it. I do know that every female

friend I had smoked as a way to stay thin. That's just how it was. I danced (ballet, modern) as a hobby,

and had a lot of dancer friends and ALL DANCERS SMOKED.