Embarrassing...

[cpk]

It feels embarrassing to bring this up...

but here goes...

 

In the past few days when I'm busy doing

something, out of the blue

 

there's a strange inner feeling

that it's smoke break time...

 

And for a second it's like...

my body and mind just tries to go

back..

 

and it's like being in a TRANCE STATE

OR BEING BODY AND MIND SNATCHED

 

Maybe like being in a war, and you are

wearing a red uniform and suddenly you

know you should be in a blue uniform...

 

Of course I shake it off...

 

BUT THEN...

 

Oh my gosh, this is embarrassing

but then I FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF

 

FOR BEING AN ADDICT

 

It's like being in a bad movie.

 

The way I cope is I put on my

big girl pants and think, "Hey, I'm in

charge. Now soldiers, you can pee in

your pants like wussies, but we are

marching on..."

 

But sometimes I just get in bed early

and suck on my binky and drink ice

water, and feel like a big baby.

 

Soooooo embarrassing...

[cpk]

bakon...don't get my dander up

 

unless you have something to

 

say I can use this week

 

on this one... :dirol:

 

To ALL Quit Goddesses ~~~ Has this kind of

thing happened to you?

 

Guys wearing big guy pants?

[Still winning]

Did we all get it...well this came up powerfully in my one year thoughts:

Then came the deeper understandings. I cried the day I realized I would never have "just one" again. It felt like a grieving moment. I knew it was sick, but it was hard for me. I hated the cravings/triggers, how very dare they try and come for me, I raged, I cried (A LOT) and one godawful night in April some precious folk talked me down off the most horrible emotional ledge, I still cry if I read my own SOS from back then. I felt like I literally was in battle with myself.

 

How do you make it through?  Exactly as you're doing!! You simply don't put anything in your mouth and set it on fire and then you've won!

 

You are already a non smoker, so a thought to smoke is only a thought. (You might be fabulous but I have MANY dumb thoughts and I push them out too.)

Tell it!  yeah literally, tell it to go forth, it can't have you, you're going to be free (gritted teeth are acceptable)

 

So yeah that's the bad side...let's flip it!

 

How many good thoughts do you have where you feel proud you are a non smoker now.

The relief at not having to find a place to smoke.

You can buy stuff cause woohoo, you have some money now!

 

For some people they just quit and are all "TADA" non smoker :)  Some of us have to process the thoughts and emotions, it just is what it is. March on through. Thoughts can't do anything to you, smoking is bad news! Going to bed to regroup is all good. Live to fight another day. xx

[Evelyn]

Been there, done that!!! And big girl pants suit you well!

[El Bandito]

Still get it now.

 

Just laugh and move on.

 

In the past I smoked, now I don't.

 

No stress. Don't sweat it.

[MarylandQuitter]

Of course.  Our lives revolved around smoking and through it all, smoking we were.  It's going to take some time for you to get used to living life free from this addiction.  It's unlike any other addiction that I can think of because we had to have our drug every 20 minutes or so and we took it all day and most of the night just to feel normal and avert withdrawal.

 

Sometimes when people first quit they feel like they're losing a friend for this very reason.  It's no friend, of course, but because smoking was so engrained in every single thing we did day in and day out we saw it as such.  Just in case anybody needs a reminder of whats kind of friend cigarettes are...

 

My Cigarette, My Friend

 

How do you feel about a friend who has to go everywhere with you? Not only does he tag along all the time, but since he is so offensive and vulgar, you become unwelcome when with him. He has a peculiar odor that sticks to you wherever you go. Others think both of you stink.

 

He controls you totally. When he says jump, you jump. Sometimes in the middle of a blizzard or storm, he wants you to come to the store and pick him up. You would give your spouse hell if he or she did that to you all the time, but you can't argue with your friend. Sometimes, when you are out at a movie or play he says he wants you to go stand in the lobby with him and miss important scenes. Since he calls all the shots in your life, you go. Your friend doesn't like your choice of clothing either. Instead of politely telling you that you have lousy taste, he burns little holes in these items so you will want to throw them out. Sometimes, he tires of the furniture and gets rid of it too. Occasionally, he gets really nasty and decides the whole house must go.

 

He gets pretty expensive to support. Not only is his knack of property destruction costly, but you must pay to keep him with you. In fact, he will cost you thousands of dollars over your lifetime. And you can count on one thing, he will never pay you a penny in return.

 

Often at picnics you watch others playing vigorous activities and having lots of fun doing them. But your friend won't let you. He doesn't believe in physical activity. In his opinion, you are too old to have that kind of fun. So he kind of sits on your chest and makes it difficult for you to breathe. Now you don't want to go off and play with other people when you can't breathe, do you?

 

Your friend does not believe in being healthy. He is really repulsed by the thought of you living a long and productive life. So every chance he gets he makes you sick. He helps you catch colds and flu. Not just by running out in the middle of the lousy weather to pick him up at the store. He is more creative than that. He carries thousands of poisons with him which he constantly blows in your face. When you inhale some of them, they wipe out cilia in your lungs which would have helped you prevent these diseases.

But colds and flu are just his form of child's play. He especially likes diseases that slowly cripple you - like emphysema. He considers this disease great. Once he gets you to have this, you will give up all your other friends, family, career goals, activities - everything. You will just sit home and caress him, telling him what a great friend he is while you desperately gasp for air.

 

But eventually your friend tires of you. He decides he no longer wishes to have your company. Instead of letting you go your separate ways, he decides to kill you. He has a wonderful arsenal of weapons behind him. In fact, he has been plotting your death since the day you met him. He picked all the top killers in society and did everything in his power to ensure you would get one of them. He overworked your heart and lungs. He clogged up the arteries to your heart, brain, and every other part of your body. In case you were too strong to succumb to this, he constantly exposed you to cancer causing agents. He knew he would get you sooner or later.

 

Well, this is the story of your "friend," your cigarette. No real friend would do all this to you. Cigarettes are the worst possible enemies you ever had. They are expensive, addictive, socially unacceptable, and deadly. Consider all this and NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Joel

[cpk]

Did we all get it...well this came up powerfully in my one year thoughts:

Then came the deeper understandings. I cried the day I realized I would never have "just one" again. It felt like a grieving moment. I knew it was sick, but it was hard for me. I hated the cravings/triggers, how very dare they try and come for me, I raged, I cried (A LOT) and one godawful night in April some precious folk talked me down off the most horrible emotional ledge, I still cry if I read my own SOS from back then. I felt like I literally was in battle with myself.

 

How do you make it through?  Exactly as you're doing!! You simply don't put anything in your mouth and set it on fire and then you've won!

 

You are already a non smoker, so a thought to smoke is only a thought. (You might be fabulous but I have MANY dumb thoughts and I push them out too.)

Tell it!  yeah literally, tell it to go forth, it can't have you, you're going to be free (gritted teeth are acceptable)

 

So yeah that's the bad side...let's flip it!

 

How many good thoughts do you have where you feel proud you are a non smoker now.

The relief at not having to find a place to smoke.

You can buy stuff cause woohoo, you have some money now!

 

For some people they just quit and are all "TADA" non smoker :)  Some of us have to process the thoughts and emotions, it just is what it is. March on through. Thoughts can't do anything to you, smoking is bad news! Going to bed to regroup is all good. Live to fight another day. xx

Thank you. This is ALL GOOD. It's so good to learn from peeps who KNOW. Because how could one possibly

share such thoughts with someone who hasn't been through it? I think maybe there IS some grieving in there

because smoking was such a "quick fix" as a mood changer. If a smoker wants to ramp it up or tone it down

one used a cigarette to do it. This is to part I hate. That at times I feel like this thing still owns me, and that

upsets me. But your response was SPOT ON...because what you said is, yes, you can battle and tell thoughts

to move on. ~~~ And... There is SO MUCH GOOD!!! I need to keep balancing that with the bad. That's why I put your

quote up. I did quit, and I'm keeping quit, and that's already a big fight won. Big XOX's!!!

[cpk]

Been there, done that!!! And big girl pants suit you well!

Congrats, once again. I'm so very happy for you! Big

girl pants being handed out all around on this forum

lately. Such a happy place! :)

[cpk]

Of course.  Our lives revolved around smoking and through it all, smoking we were.  It's going to take some time for you to get used to living life free from this addiction.  It's unlike any other addiction that I can think of because we had to have our drug every 20 minutes or so and we took it all day and most of the night just to feel normal and avert withdrawal.

 

Sometimes when people first quit they feel like they're losing a friend for this very reason.  It's no friend, of course, but because smoking was so engrained in every single thing we did day in and day out we saw it as such.  Just in case anybody needs a reminder of whats kind of friend cigarettes are...

 

My Cigarette, My Friend

 

How do you feel about a friend who has to go everywhere with you? Not only does he tag along all the time, but since he is so offensive and vulgar, you become unwelcome when with him. He has a peculiar odor that sticks to you wherever you go. Others think both of you stink.

 

He controls you totally. When he says jump, you jump. Sometimes in the middle of a blizzard or storm, he wants you to come to the store and pick him up. You would give your spouse hell if he or she did that to you all the time, but you can't argue with your friend. Sometimes, when you are out at a movie or play he says he wants you to go stand in the lobby with him and miss important scenes. Since he calls all the shots in your life, you go. Your friend doesn't like your choice of clothing either. Instead of politely telling you that you have lousy taste, he burns little holes in these items so you will want to throw them out. Sometimes, he tires of the furniture and gets rid of it too. Occasionally, he gets really nasty and decides the whole house must go.

 

He gets pretty expensive to support. Not only is his knack of property destruction costly, but you must pay to keep him with you. In fact, he will cost you thousands of dollars over your lifetime. And you can count on one thing, he will never pay you a penny in return.

 

Often at picnics you watch others playing vigorous activities and having lots of fun doing them. But your friend won't let you. He doesn't believe in physical activity. In his opinion, you are too old to have that kind of fun. So he kind of sits on your chest and makes it difficult for you to breathe. Now you don't want to go off and play with other people when you can't breathe, do you?

 

Your friend does not believe in being healthy. He is really repulsed by the thought of you living a long and productive life. So every chance he gets he makes you sick. He helps you catch colds and flu. Not just by running out in the middle of the lousy weather to pick him up at the store. He is more creative than that. He carries thousands of poisons with him which he constantly blows in your face. When you inhale some of them, they wipe out cilia in your lungs which would have helped you prevent these diseases.

But colds and flu are just his form of child's play. He especially likes diseases that slowly cripple you - like emphysema. He considers this disease great. Once he gets you to have this, you will give up all your other friends, family, career goals, activities - everything. You will just sit home and caress him, telling him what a great friend he is while you desperately gasp for air.

 

But eventually your friend tires of you. He decides he no longer wishes to have your company. Instead of letting you go your separate ways, he decides to kill you. He has a wonderful arsenal of weapons behind him. In fact, he has been plotting your death since the day you met him. He picked all the top killers in society and did everything in his power to ensure you would get one of them. He overworked your heart and lungs. He clogged up the arteries to your heart, brain, and every other part of your body. In case you were too strong to succumb to this, he constantly exposed you to cancer causing agents. He knew he would get you sooner or later.

 

Well, this is the story of your "friend," your cigarette. No real friend would do all this to you. Cigarettes are the worst possible enemies you ever had. They are expensive, addictive, socially unacceptable, and deadly. Consider all this and NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Joel

"He controls you. When he says jump you jump."

 

OMG, THAT'S AWFUL AND UNBEARABLE. I need to constantly reinforce

the thought that this is a battle for my freedom. It really is horrible to

have become so addicted, but it's reality. Thanks. This piece does

serve as a big reminder.

[Pippa]

I agree - it can still happen to me even now - the difference is now I recognose the feeling, acknowledge it and move on ... Sometimes I even laugh out loud - because a smoking thought will occur at such a random time !! CP - you are right where you need to be - we smoked for so long I think it is only natural to have thoughts every now and then ... Just remember you don't have to act on a thought .. Acknowledge, reach for your Blinky, do what ever you need and take comfort in the fact that you are a non smoker and it will keep getting better xx

[cpk]

Thank you. I confess, I hate the hard days. All I know

right now is they are temporary. It doesn't last.

How HORRIBLE it would be to throw away a quit

and then to just have to start all over again. I

sometimes don't want to post about the hard

times...but I don't know...this time I just felt like

I had to get it out and talk about it.

 

THANK YOU, ALL. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!! :wub:

[bakon]

where to start.....

 

nice avatar- with Easter coming I like to bite the heads off those candy yellow chicks even if yours is a duck...ducks are also on my hunting list from another post...

 

hard day for you?- you will be fine....look at all the tards here that made it...think we got something inside you don't? you are just as strong or stronger than some right? SO if they made it, you'll be fine too...NOPE

 

As for changing teams...I like to ask if you went to college and "traded teams" or experimented, BUT I wont....

 

Fuzzy head, not sure where you stand....well here I can help. YOur over here. With us. Your a non-smoker. Say it. "I don't smoke" Say it a bunch of times. Maybe you haven't figured out where you are because your not convinced.  We all quit 100 times. We all expect to fail and so we still think we are smokers....We aren't.   We are not "quitting"  we already quit.

 

YOu are a non-smoker.  

You don't smoke.

YOu don't stand with smokers

You don't eat with them

YOu take your breaks with a book or an apple. YOur going to be a health nerd soon. Maybe an exercizist extremist who does sit ups and runs everywhere.

 

But for right now, just practice with knowing you DONT SMOKE.  Anyone asks. "No I don't smoke" Don't say I quit a month ago, or I used to....To much info, to much detail outside the doctors office,  Also by adding "only a month" like you expect to smoke again, or not really that much of a quitter yet...don't quantify it....

 

 

 

Just "I don't smoke."  wwhen your head accepts this, you will move forward. Month is a hard spot. 1 million chemicals are trying to change your thinking...let them fade. Push them out ...

 

NOPE    I don't smoke

[Evelyn]

There's goes the Duck at his best!

[cpk]

where to start.....

 

nice avatar- with Easter coming I like to bite the heads off those candy yellow chicks even if yours is a duck...ducks are also on my hunting list from another post...

 

hard day for you?- you will be fine....look at all the tards here that made it...think we got something inside you don't? you are just as strong or stronger than some right? SO if they made it, you'll be fine too...NOPE

 

As for changing teams...I like to ask if you went to college and "traded teams" or experimented, BUT I wont....

 

Fuzzy head, not sure where you stand....well here I can help. YOur over here. With us. Your a non-smoker. Say it. "I don't smoke" Say it a bunch of times. Maybe you haven't figured out where you are because your not convinced.  We all quit 100 times. We all expect to fail and so we still think we are smokers....We aren't.   We are not "quitting"  we already quit.

 

YOu are a non-smoker.  

You don't smoke.

YOu don't stand with smokers

You don't eat with them

YOu take your breaks with a book or an apple. YOur going to be a health nerd soon. Maybe an exercizist extremist who does sit ups and runs everywhere.

 

But for right now, just practice with knowing you DONT SMOKE.  Anyone asks. "No I don't smoke" Don't say I quit a month ago, or I used to....To much info, to much detail outside the doctors office,  Also by adding "only a month" like you expect to smoke again, or not really that much of a quitter yet...don't quantify it....

 

 

 

Just "I don't smoke."  wwhen your head accepts this, you will move forward. Month is a hard spot. 1 million chemicals are trying to change your thinking...let them fade. Push them out ...

 

NOPE    I don't smoke

I love tearing the heads off those Easter chicks - pink

and yellow. I want "IN" to exclusive club of nonsmokers.

I don't want to relapse then come back. Too much of a head

trip. Too much of a fence sitter.

 

I want to be the nerd with the book and apple, and ride

the Arabian horses this summer (They go PRETTY FAST)

and yes, join the exercise Goddesses...

 

All fun, good, whoop laughs...but that addiction junkie

mind is always lurking lurking lurking lurking...like

the saying goes, you might chase the demon out

of your house but he's doing push-ups in the

parking lot...

 

don't want gun to my head, will be looking for new

avatar.  see, i said avatars suck...not everyone is

lucky enough to use atom bomb from day one...

 

(What I did in college is none of your business...

 I think I remember wearing a blue coat...)

[cpk]

I don't want to be a duck anymore.

[Tyme2B]

Of course. Our lives revolved around smoking and through it all, smoking we were. It's going to take some time for you to get used to living life free from this addiction. It's unlike any other addiction that I can think of because we had to have our drug every 20 minutes or so and we took it all day and most of the night just to feel normal and avert withdrawal.

 

Sometimes when people first quit they feel like they're losing a friend for this very reason. It's no friend, of course, but because smoking was so engrained in every single thing we did day in and day out we saw it as such. Just in case anybody needs a reminder of whats kind of friend cigarettes are...

 

My Cigarette, My Friend

 

 

How do you feel about a friend who has to go everywhere with you? Not only does he tag along all the time, but since he is so offensive and vulgar, you become unwelcome when with him. He has a peculiar odor that sticks to you wherever you go. Others think both of you stink.

 

He controls you totally. When he says jump, you jump. Sometimes in the middle of a blizzard or storm, he wants you to come to the store and pick him up. You would give your spouse hell if he or she did that to you all the time, but you can't argue with your friend. Sometimes, when you are out at a movie or play he says he wants you to go stand in the lobby with him and miss important scenes. Since he calls all the shots in your life, you go. Your friend doesn't like your choice of clothing either. Instead of politely telling you that you have lousy taste, he burns little holes in these items so you will want to throw them out. Sometimes, he tires of the furniture and gets rid of it too. Occasionally, he gets really nasty and decides the whole house must go.

 

He gets pretty expensive to support. Not only is his knack of property destruction costly, but you must pay to keep him with you. In fact, he will cost you thousands of dollars over your lifetime. And you can count on one thing, he will never pay you a penny in return.

 

Often at picnics you watch others playing vigorous activities and having lots of fun doing them. But your friend won't let you. He doesn't believe in physical activity. In his opinion, you are too old to have that kind of fun. So he kind of sits on your chest and makes it difficult for you to breathe. Now you don't want to go off and play with other people when you can't breathe, do you?

 

Your friend does not believe in being healthy. He is really repulsed by the thought of you living a long and productive life. So every chance he gets he makes you sick. He helps you catch colds and flu. Not just by running out in the middle of the lousy weather to pick him up at the store. He is more creative than that. He carries thousands of poisons with him which he constantly blows in your face. When you inhale some of them, they wipe out cilia in your lungs which would have helped you prevent these diseases.

But colds and flu are just his form of child's play. He especially likes diseases that slowly cripple you - like emphysema. He considers this disease great. Once he gets you to have this, you will give up all your other friends, family, career goals, activities - everything. You will just sit home and caress him, telling him what a great friend he is while you desperately gasp for air.

 

But eventually your friend tires of you. He decides he no longer wishes to have your company. Instead of letting you go your separate ways, he decides to kill you. He has a wonderful arsenal of weapons behind him. In fact, he has been plotting your death since the day you met him. He picked all the top killers in society and did everything in his power to ensure you would get one of them. He overworked your heart and lungs. He clogged up the arteries to your heart, brain, and every other part of your body. In case you were too strong to succumb to this, he constantly exposed you to cancer causing agents. He knew he would get you sooner or later.

 

Well, this is the story of your "friend," your cigarette. No real friend would do all this to you. Cigarettes are the worst possible enemies you ever had. They are expensive, addictive, socially unacceptable, and deadly. Consider all this and NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Joel

[Tyme2B]

Oh wow! All of this IS true!!! Horrible, powerful addiction. Awful!

[cpk]

I'm not into calling nicotine nicodemon, or whatever

people call it...

Addiction is complicated and insidious and both

powerful but weak

 

HOWEVER...SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE A DEMON.

 

I like what bakon says even though he's a marble head.

 

Take a stand, get on one side and

then live up to that pledge of nope, like a soldier

 

say it over and over until you identify with it

i don't smoke

 

not: i am trying not to smoke

 

but i don't smoke

 

I think the demon will keep knocking on the door...

like a creepy stalker...

 

just keep the door closed

get on Quit Train and yell "Help"

 

But after saying NOPE over and over

and doing it over and over

 

the creepy demon will get bored and go away

[bakon]

Not bored. beaten

 

Like buritto in gym class

 

Or jimmy in Sunday school

 

Or you at late night posting session

 

Beaten bad and slinks away.

[cpk]

Not bored. beaten

 

Like buritto in gym class

 

Or jimmy in Sunday school

 

Or you at late night posting session

 

Beaten bad and slinks away.

When I stop posting late night you'll know I've found something better to do than fight with nasty flaming turd trying to break down my door.

[cpk]

There's goes the Duck at his best!

He's not a duck...how did this get all twisted around?

 

Just a marble head, nothing special, with a good solid quit.

[bakon]

bubmble butt is the duck

[Nicole Diver]

It takes some time to re-wire our brains. But it can be done.

Allen Carr helped me tremendously to rewire mine.

There was a time I could have quoted that book chapter and verse.

[cpk]

I read Allen Carr before I knew he was dead. Not

that it should make a difference...

 

For me, reading "Markus Posts" is pretty good.

[cpk]

bubmble butt is the duck

yes, we know, little marble head, we know...