ughhhh !!!!!!!

[...]

I. WANT. A. CIGARETTE !!!!!

 

and then I don't. 

 

My anxiety level is through the roof.  I want to scream and cry and throw a freaking hissy fit.

 

I don't want to feel like this. 

 

and the only thing stopping me right this minute from going to the store and buying a pack is I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK WARDS AGAIN.

 

I hate this. 

[Nicole Diver]

Deep breaths. More goldfish. Ain't no way around it, you gotta work through it. We're here for you!

[...]

and I can't log on with my IPAD which really fucks me up.  I need to ge able to get on when I need to get on.

[Frezflops]

Deep breathes take it one moment at a time you know a craving is not a command you can do this give yourself some credit I think you are stronger than you think.......as far as anxiety maybe run or meditate might help......or a nice long walk if possible or a short walk or jump up and down whatever you need to do.......remember breathe and drink some juice or water.

 

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

[Soberjulie]

Let's throw a hissy fit together.

Hissy fits are more fun in pairs......and it beats smoking :)

[Frezflops]

Meanwhile here is a video of cute dogs and cats try not to smile watching this 

 

http://youtu.be/9M9ixxXXZqU

 

 

just a distraction for you

[Tink]

Tiff scream and cry the bloody house down if you need to! Its not that you want a smoke its your addictive body needing a fix , this uncomfortable crap is all part of the purge and healing keep venting but keep telling and yelling that you dont want one, fake it til you make it and trick that brain xx

[...]

I'm angry.  I know this is par for course on day 2.  But damn man, does it HAVE to be like this ? 

 

I can't sit here and focus on me not smoking.  

 

I'm not going to smoke.  I am going to take deep breaths and work through it. 

[Devil Doll]

I'm angry.  I know this is par for course on day 2.  But damn man, does it HAVE to be like this ? 

 

I can't sit here and focus on me not smoking.  

 

I'm not going to smoke.  I am going to take deep breaths and work through it.

 

Tiff at times when I was as angry and pissed off as you are I would research different things about

Big Tobacco and their antics to keep us from quitting. That was usually enough to make me so mad that I refused to give in and buy a pack. Google the increase of nicotine levels in cigarettes. It is freakin' sickening.

[...]

I know it is DD.  But somehow I have convinced myself that I enjoy these damn things. 

 

It's funny.  When I'm smoking, I hate it.  When I'm not, I miss it. 

 

It's so stupid. 

[buMbLeB]

I. WANT. A. CIGARETTE !!!!!

 

I'll make you a deal - you can have one, as soon as you find me a magnetic monopole, and bring me a scissor.

 

In other words, some things just don't come in "ones", no matter how much you wish otherwise.

 

But listen, I'm not trying to be a smartass, you're doing great! Yes, it's awful, and you do have to go through it, but that's really it. Literally anything you do other than smoking - or serious crimes - counts as a victory. It's great to see you here on the board working it through, no matter how awful it might feel at the moment. Keep going!

[...]

You know what ?  I didn't think of that.  You're so right.  There is never is just one.  No matter how much I would like for there to be, there never is just one. 

 

And honestly, what's it gonna solve ?

 

I might enjoy that one..... but then tonight, later, in the morning, I'm gonna want another one.  So why go throught it ?  over and over and over again. 

 

But I have to admit.... I did come close today a couple of times. 

[babs609]

exactly Tiff...this craving you seek to satisfy....it never does.  Ever.  The only way to stop it is NOPE,

 

in the meantime....i like julies idea

 

[beacon]

Not sure but this helped me. At least it made me fall asleep

 

http://youtu.be/5dbvckNVbK4

[Runfree]

You are more than 1/2 way through the hard part.  More than 1/2...not much longer with the intense junkie antics.  I think you're doing well.  Sure there's a junkie in the house, but there's also a determined non-smoker....you've got this Lady.

[MarylandQuitter]

I Want One!

Video discusses how to stop the internal debate that often occurs after quitting.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHvi6dwLanA

 

Good Reasons To Take A Puff On A Cigarette After Having Quit Smoking

For people who think that there are no good reasons to take a puff on a cigarette after quitting, and more importantly, for people who think that there might actually be good reasons.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvHl-zwUdBo

[buMbLeB]

There is never is just one.  No matter how much I would like for there to be, there never is just one. 

 

And honestly, what's it gonna solve ?

 

I might enjoy that one..... but then tonight, later, in the morning, I'm gonna want another one.  So why go throught it ?  over and over and over again. 

 

One of the greatest truths I learned when I quit reading over at whyquit.com was "1=All". Once I really got that, something just clicked, and stayed clicked. I'm gonna bookmark what you just said, because it's so important - just in case you or someone else needs to hear it again sometime.

 

As for the last sentence I didn't quote - almost all of us "came close" in those first tender days and weeks. This is one of those times when it doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Just as long as you win.

[Doreensfree]

Missed this tiff.....I remember those days well...

I used to beat the hell out of a pillow....not nice little lady hits....I mean beat the shit out of it....rocky punches....it worked...

Also listened to music loud in my ears....singing and dancing about....

It doesn't matter what you do.....just don't smoke.....you can do it....

[Pippa]

Aww Tiff - so sorry I am late - but hoping you are feeling better ?? Quitting sucks but the alternative is worse ...keep climbing and you will never have to do this again! in the interim we are all here for you and want you to succeed xx

 

ETA - tried to message you re the iPad but couldn't get through but this is what I sent ..

 

Not sure if I can help but are you still having problems getting in with your iPad ??

 

I had major dramas with the site upgrade despite clearing my cache ... Finally solved it by clearing my cache. Completely shutting down, re clearing the cache and then logging back into the train ... 5 hours later I was in :-)

 

As I said - don't know if this helps but hope so .... Stay strong and here if you need it xx

[JackiMac]

Hi Tiff how you doing now, sorry I missed this, the addiction is a bitch, was out last night at the Theatre, and a serious crave hit, had no way to access here, but I breathed through it, thinking about if I started again, where would I be, right back to where I didn't want to be, its a mixed up crazy thought process, but right at the bottom of it all is the overwhelming belief that I really really do not want to smoke again, hang on in there Tiff, each second that you go without a cigarette is a major victory and a kick to the kerb for the nicodemon.

[...]

Thank you so much.

 

I am doing better today. ALOT better. It's still coming in waves, but much shorter ones and not near as intense. I'm still fluctuating between anger, depression and happy spells. Almost minute by minute. I think they call it BIPOLAR !! I very much remember these waves and this is the very thing that I was so scared of resulting in me deciding I never want to quit again. So I kept on smoking. But now that I'm back in them......it seems manageable. Today, it does. Yesterday, I seriously thought about throwing it away. A few times. It wouldn't be any different than what I have done in the past repeatedly. So it's not like anyone would be shocked. But I just kept thinking how much I really do want to quit these damn things.

 

But I can't deny that it still bothers me that I thought about it. Accepting that I'm not that strong with this is really bothersome. However, I also know that this can be one of the most rewarding things I may have ever done for myself or may ever do again and so that is what is keeping me going right now.

 

I have noticed my 2 biggest triggers are 1. waking up and 2. getting home after work. If I could somehow manage to avoid these 2 things, I might be ok. But then that would mean I would just be a homeless narcoleptic and not sure I want that either.

 

So anyways, I didn't mean to ramble. I am doing good. Still smoke free. And at this moment, I'm loving it.

 

oh and PS: this was written from my IPAD. such a huge relief.

[El Bandito]

Great work Tiff. Well done.

 

Every day it gets better. Honest.

[Runfree]

...Accepting that I'm not that strong with this is really bothersome.  YES you are!  YES YOU ARE STRONG!  You just powered through one of the toughest parts in this entire process and you're here!  And you're feeling the pride and saying how relieved you are that you DID it!  That's strength!

 

.... I just kept thinking how much I really do want to quit these damn things.  It helps to make the list.  The physical writing it out somehow drills it deeper into our intention.  I relied on that list many times...still do.

 

...Still smoke free. And at this moment, I'm loving it.  :party: 

 

 

Good work Tiff!  My first few days were similar in that I'd be fine, then bent over, sobbing my head off for 30 seconds and then poof, it was gone again.  Yea, Bipolar came to my mind too with the way I was cycling but...it's called kicking ass on an addiction.

 

Keep up rolling with it!

[Ricki M]

Hope you are hanging in there...I'm thinking about you

[Ricki M]

Awesome...I just see your newest post...you Did it...you made it though, that's fantastic.