Quitting again after a major backslide

[Kit Cat]

Hi, everybody! I think this is the place to introduce myself so here goes. In August of 2013 I successfully quit smoking. Up until that point I was a serious, pack a day or more smoker who couldn't go an hour without a cigarette. Started up in college and it was like I'd found the thing that was missing from my life, and then somehow more than a decade went by and I was still at it. But I managed to quit cold turkey and did really well for a little over a year. And then I went through a stressful time with work and the major backslide began.

 

I think what happened is I had that memory of having been a "serious" smoker and thought as long as I was just having one or two on the weekend, just to unwind, that was totally different. You can all probably guess what happened next. One or two became five or six, and next thing you know I'm smoking a few cigarettes every night.

 

I know now that what they say is true: there really is no such thing as "just one" cigarette. My backslide has not been so bad that it has returned me to my previous level of addiction. I can go all day without smoking. But then it gets to be nine or ten at night and even though I could just go to bed, I want to smoke. It's like smoking is my treat for getting through the day without smoking. Which makes no sense, but there it is.

 

The really crazy thing is that I can still access that memory of how great it felt to have quit. To have genuinely triumphed over the desire to smoke such that it became this distant feeling I could barely understand ever having had. In a way it was like a depression had lifted because when I smoke I feel bad about myself all the time. Like I am weak and pathetic. That is not helped currently by the fact that I am hiding it from everyone I know. Now I'm weak and pathetic and a liar because they all think I am doing so well and they have no idea.

 

I know the key to quitting again and staying quit this time will be finding healthy ways of dealing with stress. The backslide started when I transitioned to a new line of work that is amazing and my lifelong dream, but that is also really difficult and time-consuming. The first time I quit I had a very different kind of career where I worked from home and could just go for a jog if I felt the stress overwhelming me. I can still do that, of course, but I will have to be better about carving out the time for it because my schedule is more complicated.

 

The other major challenge will be my husband, who is also a sort-of smoker and is unfortunately kind of an enabler. I think it would be easier in some ways if he was the type to be furious with me if I smoked, but he's really kind about it because he struggles with it too. It's really sweet but it's also not helpful, if that makes sense. Our marriage is pretty great but this is a thing we have to confront and we haven't done a very good job of it so far.

 

Anyway, thanks for listening. I read a bunch of you guys' posts prior to writing this and it was really nice to hear other people go through the same stuff. I hope being part of this community will help me stay strong.

[bakon]

I can call you names and yell if you want

 

 

Try NOPE. Can't fail if you never have one puff

 

And don't blame husband. He ain't the blame for everything. Maybe peeing on seat or not doing chore but this one is on you. We are pretty dumb as males but you got to look in mirror this time.

[babs609]

.

 

The other major challenge will be my husband, who is also a sort-of smoker and is unfortunately kind of an enabler. I think it would be easier in some ways if he was the type to be furious with me if I smoked, but he's really kind about it because he struggles with it too. It's really sweet but it's also not helpful, if that makes sense. Our marriage is pretty great but this is a thing we have to confront and we haven't done a very good job of it so far.

 

this part doesn't have to be a challenge....My husband smokes 2 packs a day on a good day.  Not only was I NOT tempted....I watched him smoke and sat outside and talked to him while he did.  I watched him inhale the smoke....exhale...and I thought to myself...he looks ridiculous.

Change the way you look at things...and the things you look at....change.

 

Stay close to the board....do a lot of reading and watching videos...post as often as you like..and most of all...Commit yourself every day to NOPE..Not one Puff Ever.  No matter what.

 

 

Welcome!!

[Still winning]

Hey kit kat and welcome :)

 

i think you already know the basics...and the "before" you jump bit is often the worst! It was the same for many of us here so can we maybe set a quit date and something to work towards...unless today is your quit date? x

[Kit Cat]

Thanks, everyone! You are all quite right that it is not my husband's fault or responsibility. See, this is the kind of thinking it is so easy for me to get into: "Well, how can I really be expected to hold out when he's smoking right outside . . ." But that is clearly the cravings talking.

 

Marti, today is my quit date! I woke up this morning feeling tough and resolved and decided to make this week my hell week. I don't have any major deadlines and have time in my schedule to go to yoga and get some jogs in so I think this is a good time to start. Pretty soon the deadlines will start up again and it will be good to be through the worst of the withdrawal by then!

[El Bandito]

Welcome Kit Cat.

 

Keep sipping water and fruit juices. Enjoy the process. You are taking control.

 

WELL DONE you!

[bakon]

Say NOPE one thousand times today.

 

Tell yourself you will wake up tomorrow a non smoker. Just look at today to tomorrow. Don't worry about next day. We will get there later but not tonight

 

Tonight is only for tomorrow. Do 1 day. Quit for 1 day to start

[Nancy]

Glad to hear today is the day Kit Cat!  You can do this.  Go to the daily pledge and promise us and yourself that you will not smoke today.  We are here to help and support you...Congratulations on your decision to quit.

[JackiMac]

Hi Kitkat and welcome on board the quit train, sorry to read you had lost your beautiful quit previously, the addiction is a bugger, but as Bakon says above, you can only take responsibility for yourself, you either want to be a smoker or not, fantastic to read that you quit today, NOPE is the way forward, you already know the majority of what to expect, but this forum is amazing for any help, advice, strength or support that you may or may not need.  I have relapsed myself twice over the last year, and am determined that this is my sticky quit, if I need to lean I will, looking forward to sharing your journey with you xx

[joe]

All I can add, is that you have been here, .....and it takes perseverance to get though the early days of the quit...and the middle days....and for-ever...you got most of it, but let your guard down..we are ADDICTED to nicotine...we can never let even a little into our system...our body will SCREAM for more, and we WILL give in...just starve the bastard to death...dont feed the beast!

 

Stay close to this board, and the people here can and will help you through your tough days...

 

welcome aboard!

[joe]

Oh...and you need a more canine type name...too many cats here already...we need some balance  :p

[Humbled]

Welcome aboard - this is a great place if you want this to be your forever quit- plenty of support and infinite wisdom from all walks of life - chances are someone has been in a similar situation etc.. and were able to quit successfully - this is your quit not your husbands or fiends etc..those are nothing but excuses  - take control of your own behavior because no one else can do it for you. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day etc..

[Doreensfree]

Hi and welcome aboard....

Take your seat...and buckle up.....this train goes all the way to freedom....

Glad your here....stay close to the board.....

You can do it......

[SanDar]

Welcome!

You have come to the right place. 

Stick around, we are all here to help you get and keep your freedom :)

[beacon]

Hi Kit Cat! Meow! Welcome!

[queen greenlover]

Yes living with a smoker can be a bit hard-BUT it can happen my son smokes & I tell him he's stinking up the house. But please YOU had & ENJOYED your cig freedom & once you've been free smoking is never the fun thing you thought it was once you've been free. :D 

[Devil Doll]

How are you doing Kit Cat? 

[Still winning]

hey kitkat, how are you feeling today? x