How do you stop romancing?

[babs609]

Think of the most scariest movie you've ever seen...you know the villan is bad...he's trying to kill you...he's nasty and scary and evil.

Then suddenly...he is handsome, and seductive and offering you happiness and comfort...but it's a lie!! He is still that villan chasing you with the intent to kill you. He's only in disguise.

I know I have quite an imagination..haha..but stuff like that is what helped me through it.

[buMbLeB]

When I was at that stage, what often worked for me was to consciously remember smoking a cigarette. But not just the "romantic" delusion the addiction recalls, but every single moment, feeling and sensation... the constriction of the throat, and mild gag as I forced myself to inhale... the blinding sting of errant smoke that hit my eyeball... the violent, wretching itching cough when I'd already had "too many"... By really focusing my attention on the complete experience in all its pathos, I was able to break the spell and go about my day.

 

Of course, I had to do this more than once before it stuck!

[El Bandito]

Keep fighting Evelyn.

 

It's never complicated.

 

Smoking is bad.

 

Not smoking is good.

 

NOPE. Just for today.

 

You have got this.

[bakon]

get mad at me if it helps... "you don't know me"....sound like my little sister....and I know you fine, at least what you post here.....ready for the slap....excuses....

 

now the hug after....you know the way...you got the method....you have done it 27 times....you beat it everytime......still you go for the beginner excuse first "thinking about it", then a harder one "everyone is visiting and pressure", then the special circumstance one "I am the only one who ever..."....but then you NOPE through strong.....

 

Just be strong, put away the little problems. close your eyes and watch them drift out window....now there gone, your still here and no reason left to not be helping other newbies and quit acting like one. Your one of the helpers now, through it a boat load of times. SO use your skill top lead...

[robert]

When I was at that stage, what often worked for me was to consciously remember smoking a cigarette. But not just the "romantic" delusion the addiction recalls, but every single moment, feeling and sensation... the constriction of the throat, and mild gag as I forced myself to inhale... the blinding sting of errant smoke that hit my eyeball... the violent, wretching itching cough when I'd already had "too many"... By really focusing my attention on the complete experience in all its pathos, I was able to break the spell and go about my day.

 

Of course, I had to do this more than once before it stuck!

I agree bumbleb .. I too have tried to remember as accurately as possible what is was like to both smoke and quit. Reality is the best weapon against romancing and relapsing.

[Devil Doll]

How do you stop romancing? It is actually simple, you just stop, when it pops into your head you push it out. You remember that smoking is not a command it is a choice. You come on the board, read and watch videos. You watch documentaries about how big tobacco lies. You research further and find out that big tobacco has increased nicotine levels exponentially over the past decade making it harder for people to quit. You get pissed off and refuse to give in and line millionaire's pockets. You stop the line of thinking that cigarettes are something good that you are "giving up" when you know that they aren't. You've been here before do you want to throw away almost 2 months and start over again? I know that you don't..

[Dentalfloss]

I didn't read thru all the responses so forgive me if this is mentioned but what worked for me is looking at people suffering from smoking related diseases and every time a romance thought popped in my head I repeated my quit reasons and remembered the people from the videos.

 

My conversation with myself went something like this

 

A cigarette sounds soo good right now.

 

Really? How does a giant hole in your neck from throat cancer sound?

How does dying from a stroke sound, or worse NOT dying from that stroke and talking and walking funny or not being able to talk or walk at all.

How about suffering through lung cancer?

 

 

I had many reasons I used to unromance   the cig    and I ran thru different ones every time and sometimes I had to run through all of them but remember, you quit  for a reason and if you start again you will eventually want to quit again and will have to fight from the beginning. Its always easier to keep going instead of turn back.

 

I had to tell myself the above statement many times too.

[Chrysalis]

Evelyn, romancing the cigarette was probably my most difficult challenge during this quit and all my previous quits. I always wanted to smoke long after most people seemed to be long done with it. Maybe you have read it already but if you haven't, I suggest that you take a look at my post entitled "How to Prevent a Relapse" ( http://www.quittrain.com/topic/4093-how-to-prevent-a-relapse/).

 

I fought (and eventually overcame) the romancing by doing 2 things:

1. I trusted and listened to my rational brain instead of my junkie brain. I knew it was my junkie brain trying to get me to smoke, so I would let my rational brain shout it down by saying, "smoking is killing you!" "smoking is expensive!" "smoking is robbing you of your strength and energy!" over and over again.

2. I kept reminding myself over and over again of why I quit in the first place. Those reasons NEVER became meaningless to me. I would tell myself "I want to do X more than I want to smoke." (in my case, X was usually mountain biking). 

 

You just have to keep your quit and shout down your junkie brain. Stick with it! Your junkie brain WILL eventually shut up but you have to outlast it. Be strong, be patient and have faith in yourself. You CAN stop romancing the cigarette. 

[Nicole Diver]

Evelyn, romancing the cigarette was probably my most difficult challenge during this quit and all my previous quits. I always wanted to smoke long after most people seemed to be long done with it. Maybe you have read it already but if you haven't, I suggest that you take a look at my post entitled "How to Prevent a Relapse" ( http://www.quittrain.com/topic/4093-how-to-prevent-a-relapse/).

 

I fought (and eventually overcame) the romancing by doing 2 things:

1. I trusted and listened to my rational brain instead of my junkie brain. I knew it was my junkie brain trying to get me to smoke, so I would let my rational brain shout it down by saying, "smoking is killing you!" "smoking is expensive!" "smoking is robbing you of your strength and energy!" over and over again.

2. I kept reminding myself over and over again of why I quit in the first place. Those reasons NEVER became meaningless to me. I would tell myself "I want to do X more than I want to smoke." (in my case, X was usually mountain biking). 

 

You just have to keep your quit and shout down your junkie brain. Stick with it! Your junkie brain WILL eventually shut up but you have to outlast it. Be strong, be patient and have faith in yourself. You CAN stop romancing the cigarette.

 

Well said. I had always equated smoking with "better times" when I was "younger." To me, my previous relapses always were a long time coming because I had confused smoking and good times as one and the same. Once I finally got my head on straight, and realized they were good times DESPITE my smoking not BECAUSE of it, things got so much easier.

 

I had myself firmly convinced that I was just one of the unlucky people with an addictive personality and I was now just stuck being a smoker for life. Allen Carr was kind enough to explain me through that load of phooey too, I cannot recommend his books enough. Whenever I felt isolated or left out during my first part of my quit (junkie thinking), I'd turn on that audible or grab the book-I could start reading any section at any time I was challenged- and I was extremely comforted.

[Evelyn]

Thanks Bakon for the last kick under the ass! Needed that I'm not a newbie anymore I can kick the habit!

[babs609]

Thanks Bakon for the last kick under the ass! Needed that I'm not a newbie anymore I can kick the habit!

 

:D

 

soooooo happy to read this!!!

[MarylandQuitter]

Evelyn, please watch these videos, even if you've watched them before.  Cigarettes aren't going to help you.  You know this so please, protect this quit with everything you have.

 

I Want One!

Video discusses how to stop the internal debate that often occurs after quitting.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHvi6dwLanA

 

Will I Ever Stop Thinking Of Cigarettes?

Most people overestimate how much of a battle staying smoke free will be once they quit smoking. This video discusses how people will generally stop thinking about smoking, and much sooner than they usually think.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8310BI-euJw&index=14&list=PL4F05C03D0F9B86DB

 

Fixating On A Cigarette

This video discusses how people often fixate on the desire to have "a good" cigarette.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZLJ_nlkUCQ&list=PL4F05C03D0F9B86DB&index=42

 

Boy, Do I Miss Smoking!

This video discusses how if people use the phrase "Boy, do I miss smoking," long enough, they may end up believing the message and putting their quits at risk. People don't usually miss smoking--they miss cigarettes and more accurately, they miss the "good cigarettes" they used to smoke. Really though, just how many of their cigarettes were "good cigarettes?"

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT5ZL02832s

[Tyme2B]

Evelyn.....I know how you are feeling and I understand totally as I am doing the same. We have to stay strong. We are proud we have quit but feel that one cigarette will help with the stress..help us cope. But it's just a dream Evelyn. It would only cause us to feel guilty & disappointed in ourselves. No one knows our individual lives or individual stresses. We need to learn to cope in a different way. Lighting up some tobacco wrapped in paper helping us to cope is an illusion. There are better & more healthy ways to cope. I'm trying to find them too and I will. We are all different in our feelings & our stressors in life & consideration for each other is necessary. I would be happy to share how I am refusing to go back or fall off the train. I have had a few bad days too recently but we can beat this! I could use some help too....like you. So let's work together to find a way to avoid smoking ever again. A picec of nicotine gum seems to relax me. Then I go back to regular gum. Keeps me on the train :)

[Sazerac]

bump

[Evelyn]

Ppps

I noticed your posts over the last week or so are about why should you come here, do you still need to. Now romancing. Suggest could this be yourself getting ready to give yourself permission to smoke?

When I look back yes.

[Sazerac]

bump

 

The Romance ended for me when I accepted that I was a nicotine addict

and any voice that attempted to lure me into addiction

was a voice to be ignored, squelched or primal screamed into submission.

 

The 'ahhh' moment of satisfying the addiction

was successfully exchanged

for 

the 'ahhh' moment that comes with a few satisfying deep breaths of oxygen.

[Evelyn]

My romance started when my ex-was dragging a vaper around being the tough guy promoting the whole batshit, incl. smoking. Caz it's the same. I smoked? 2 no 4 weeks and had to find out 'if I could be a real smoker, not for just 2 days or 24 hours and then quit and on and on, but for REAL: I learned I choked by smoked, it killed me, litterally. Romance over.