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Twas the night before 11 months (copied from my blog)

Still winning

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Still winning

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I haven't planned a treat!! I did a big celebrational thing for 10,000 not smoked recently but this month feels anti climatic. In a good way I suppose, the quit is a done deal like I said...the cravings are gone...I have a thought and think nah, and carry on with my life. 

I am lovin the newbies though. They don't post so much though hey, I think that's kinda sad. I remember with fondness some totally pointless and random posts I put in social when I should have just posted please tell me I will be ok  :) Although I do really like the daisy perfume thing i was recommended and I'm fairly hopeful my cruddy menopausal (how mean, just after I quit too) skin will benefit from sharons obsession with pricey make up haha.

Perhaps I'm just a bit jaded for now. Youngest is poorly, so am I. I really want to say to my insane mother "oh your crazy is showing, might wanna tuck that in again" but I know I have to be the bigger person. I say this because at 364 day quit 14 years ago, I used an emotional situation to career off the quit wagon and I haven't forgotten. In honesty months 8/9 ish I worried about it, I mean life was getting tough...jeez, what if it happened again. Now I know it won't and I'm quite relieved to be honest. Relieved that I'm sure I mean.

So 11 months.... I wish a lot of things were different in my life. The quit is not one of them thank goodness. The quit gave me the kick I needed for self respect and to stop burying my head in the emotional sand and I will be forever grateful to all who helped me. Ultimately I have gained so many parts of my life back, most of which I never suspected.

I don't miss the emotional tears from nowhere. I don't miss the doubts of whether a smoker like me could even pull this off when so many made "there there" noises to me. I don't miss the wondering what to do next or thinking I will have a smoke then do xyz...oh I don't smoke. I don't miss getting in the car and having a moment. I don't miss the sad feeling I got when I finally connected that smoking was a cycle and I could never do that again, like it was some psychotic best buddy. I don't miss the false thinking that smoking calmed me...

I quit for financial reasons, that's what makes me laugh. I quit so I could go to Florida with my kids, which turned into the biggest nightmare holiday ever with my crazy mother. The money is good, don't get me wrong. The pride I feel is EPIC and I didn't see that coming.

So maybe for 11 months I can just "be" and not celebrate really. Just enjoy who I am. Who I was always meant to be!! Before smoking took the biggest part of me and made me some crazy addict who did nothing lest it took up smoking time. I really like who I am now ya know, even if not everyone agrees. That's ok. That is my celebration i think...that I am the best Marti I can be today and I am smoke free. Still inspiring others to quit. Still healing people as I was always meant to and a deeper and more spiritual connection to my life than I could have ever imagined.

I shall call this quit a good quit  :)

Love to all.

x 

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Rob Newbie

Rob

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So maybe for 11 months I can just "be" and not celebrate really. Just enjoy who I am. Who I was always meant to be!! Before smoking took the biggest part of me and made me some crazy addict who did nothing lest it took up smoking time. I really like who I am now ya know, even if not everyone agrees. That's ok. That is my celebration i think...that I am the best Marti I can be today and I am smoke free.

That sounds amazing :) Self satisfactions and fufillment is definitely the best celebration we can hope for. Congrats!
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