Know any jokes ?

[Doreensfree]

A ice cream seller was found on the floor of his van...

He was covered in hundreds and thousands.....

Police said.....he had topped himself....

[Mastergardener]

That's terrible, Doreen! :P

I don't know if most Americans will know what hundreds and thousands are....

[Doreensfree]

That's terrible, Doreen! :P

I don't know if most Americans will know what hundreds and thousands are....

It was bad...maybe some folks know better...

[Sonic]

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra

[jimmy]

whats it called if sonic farts?

a sonic boom

[jimmy]

sorry sonic

[babs609]

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

[Sonic]

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.

[Sonic]

Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
 

Neither have they.

[Sonic]

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!"

 

Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

 

"What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

[babs609]

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. The cashier asks, “Do you want a bag?”
The guy says, “No. She’s not that ugly.”

[Mastergardener]

I think Doreen's joke is looking better all the time........

[babs609]

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

[Mike.]

There was an old couple laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, "If you want to have sex, pull on my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my dick one hundred times."

[babs609]

Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows it.

[Mike.]

Q: What did bakon say to the condom?
A: "Cover me. I'm going in."

[Mike.]

A mother tells her little boy, "Johnny, you mustn't eat too many lollies or I'll hide the lolly jar." Johnny asks, "Why?" His mother says, "Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!" The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman. He points to her belly smiling and says, "I know what you've been doing!"

[bakon]

Mike and SOnic are brothers

both have speech impediments

payday

mike goes in and collects $50 for being a crotch inspector 

sonic walks in office and boss askes his job

Sonic yells Diesel fitter. Boss pays 100.

Mike is mad, steaming mad and goes back in....

boss says whats the probelm

Mike points out he inspects the crotches all day long and its had important work...but sonic got more

boss still confused says diesel fitter sounds important too.

mike say no, sonic pulls the pantyhose over his head and say "these will fit her"

[Doreensfree]

Did you hear about the gypsy who won the lottery.....

They paid him in travellers cheques....

[Sonic]

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

 

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

 

The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!

[robf]

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

[jimmy]

[babs609]

i just made one up today that as I type this I can hear my co-workers giggling............

 

Youngblood at work who I call my adoptive daughter..(I have about 4 of them)  comes up to me and says that her potential date she met on a online dating service just posted a picture of himself on snapchat..."He's a lot scruffier than he was yesterday..I'm not digging the facial hair"

 

I said..."That's no big deal...facial hair can be shaved"

 

She says..."how do I politely tell him I don't like facial hair?"

 

My response:  "Tell him you have sensitive thighs"

 

I think I shocked her...haha.  Was not really motherly advice, huh...

 

bad babs, bad!

[Sonic]

What do you get when you take the eye off a fish?

A fsh

[Doreensfree]

How many ears did Davy Crockett have....

Three....his left ear,his right ear,and his wild front ear.....