Let me tell you about my day

[Mike.]

We woke up to an ongoing snow blizzard.

 

Our Block's water main froze (I assume), and we have no running water. The city told me, they may get to fixing it tomorrow but, assured me they would work through the weekend, if they can't get to fixing it before then. Our street and side walks are covered in ice from the main break and is now topped with increasingly more snow. They parked a portable water trailer for us down the street, and went, (?home). I carried 30 gallons of water, to the house so far, oh ya in the blizzard, creeping along the snow covered ice on the street and side walks.

 

My wife decided, she didn't like the way the TV remote was programmed, and wanted me to change it, (I don't watch TV, except once in a while a hockey game, on another TV). But, I must program her *new remote, for her). Then, she wanted ME, to cancel her choices, for the channel packages with our provider, as they weren't to her liking. I made the call, got what was needed for programming changed, along with a little help with figuring out the the extra features for the remote, her wanted. Then, that wasn't to her liking and told, yes told me, to get back the channels, she had before ... Okay, made the call, and guess what? I was 2 minutes late at 20:02, to make any changes then, as the people that make channel package selection changes, leave the office at 20:00, according the representative, that took the call after me waiting 20 minutes on hold.

 

Her, is downstairs mad at me, the TV, the cable provider, the freaken weather, the city, and is not talking to me now, (well, that's a blessing).

 

I said fck it, and smoked, with intentions of doing day 1 again tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

[buMbLeB]

Worst ending ever.

[Runfree]

See you in the NOPE thread bright and early!

 

<maybe next time things start getting stacked up like that, take a break from it all...just walk away....nothing is as important as your quit>

[Pippa]

Sad to read this Mike ... soinds like a terrible day but still can't work out how smoking made it better ??

[buMbLeB]

Upon reflection, I don't think my first reply was very helpful, maybe this one will be better...

 

Let me tell you about my day - not today, a day that was mine from a long time ago, when I'd first quit smoking. I was about a month in, but since I only drive when I leave the city, this was still a huge trigger I'd not yet faced down. So I was off to visit my parents, a six hour highway journey into the interior of Canada's west coast. I didn't ever smoke around my parents, and so our visits were an exercise in deception - self deception, as I'm sure I smelled like a rancid camel. My usual routine was to smoke like a chimney for the first five hours, then pull over at a gas station to dump the ashtray, clean my car, change my shirt and put on aftershave. I know, sexy.

 

ANYWAY, I damn near cried all the way. But the real treat was waiting for me on the way back, when I found the on-ramp strangely blocked by a service truck. I pulled over, and flagged down another traveller, who informed me that there had just been an accident, and the entire highway was now closed! I never found out what kind of accident can close a 6-lane seperated highway in both directions, but I now had no choice but to follow the fellow on a new back-road route I never even knew existed. Did I mention I like to drive at night? So it was already about 10pm when this all started. Things were going well enough that I passed my friend after a while - I have a zippy little car, and I'm a confident driver. My spirits where lifting when I came around the corner and smack into the back of a monstrous convoy of the most surly, grumpy truckers you've ever met, all of whom had also been forced off the highway onto this tiny, windy single-lane back road ahead of me. The road was so curvy that instead of our anticipated highway speeds, we were down to below 20 - and that's kilometres, not miles an hour. What should have been a three hour cruise stretched to over seven of the most homicidal, white-knuckle scream-driving I've ever endured, as the slowest trucks bottled up the rest of us for hours at a time, along with our rage. Then when a passing opportunity arose, it was carnage as everyone tried to pass everyone else all at once while not letting anyone else in front, to the point of endangering their life. 

 

You can imagine how badly I wanted to pull out and get a pack. You've probably guessed that I didn't (I'd be lying if I denied that part of my resolve came from not wanting to surrender the hard passing gains I'd made). But the point of this atrocious word salad is that it was THAT experience that made me think for the first time that I could really keep this quit, not just for a few weeks or months, but forever. Because if I could get through something that awful and not smoke, then every other day was just gravy. If you're only not smoking while things are going your way, then you're not really quit, you're just taking a break.

 

I know this sounds preachy, and I feel bad about that. But I actually think it's an important concept, and one that makes a big difference. Good for you for not quitting quitting, and we'll start over again tomorrow. And the next time something goes all sideways, don't see it as an excuse to surrender, but as an opportunity to kick some ass.

[Mike.]

Snippets

ANYWAY, I damn near cried all the way. But the real treat was waiting for me on the way back, when I found the on-ramp strangely blocked by a service truck. I pulled over, and flagged down another traveller, who informed me that there had just been an accident, and the entire highway was now closed! I never found out what kind of accident can close a 6-lane seperated highway in both directions, but I now had no choice but to follow the fellow on a new back-road route I never even knew existed. Did I mention I like to drive at night? So it was already about 10pm when this all started. Things were going well enough that I passed my friend after a while - I have a zippy little car, and I'm a confident driver. My spirits where lifting when I came around the corner and smack into the back of a monstrous convoy of the most surly, grumpy truckers you've ever met, all of whom had also been forced off the highway onto this tiny, windy single-lane back road ahead of me. The road was so curvy that instead of our anticipated highway speeds, we were down to below 20 - and that's kilometres, not miles an hour. What should have been a three hour cruise stretched to over seven of the most homicidal, white-knuckle scream-driving I've ever endured, as the slowest trucks bottled up the rest of us for hours at a time, along with our rage. Then when a passing opportunity arose, it was carnage as everyone tried to pass everyone else all at once while not letting anyone else in front, to the point of endangering their life. 

 

 

This sounds like being rerouted from the Coquihalla to the Fraser Canyon highway ...

 

I enjoyed the story. It made me smile. So, don't feel bad about it.

 

I heard the message, too. Thank you, for it.

 

:-)

[buMbLeB]

Nicola Hwy @ Merritt - I had to look it up just now, to be sure. 

 

Thanks for hearing what I hoped I was saying.

[Mike.]

Nicola Hwy @ Merritt - I had to look it up just now, to be sure. 

 

Thanks for hearing what I hoped I was saying.

 

I was close. I got the Coquihalla part right. I broke down in Merritt once. But, that's another longish story too.

 

Edit: I thought I had been on that highway too, but alas, not.

 

 

 

...

[MarylandQuitter]

I don't think smoking helped one bit because you decided to quit again.  You still believe that smoking helps you cope with stress.  A day like you described doesn't even exist in my world but if it did, it would almost be almost unrecognizable bliss.  Of course I understand that there are other things going on in everybody's lives but this one day, you chose to smoke over a pissed off wife, the cable company and the weather; all excuses to smoke. 

 

There are only two good reasons to start smoking again. 

 

Good Reasons To Take A Puff On A Cigarette After Having Quit Smoking

For people who think that there are no good reasons to take a puff on a cigarette after quitting, and more importantly, for people who think that there might actually be good reasons.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvHl-zwUdBo

[Doreensfree]

Hi mike....

This was the biggy for me...that kept me puffing 52 years....

As soon as a problem came along....I needed my crutch to get me through it....

I made this my main area ....to get rid of the brain washing....

I now know....it didn't help at all....it just made me more anxious when I needed my next fix....

all it did was make the problem bigger...I had my problem and withdrawal to deal with ...

Non smokers have problems and crisis too....

I have found I have more patience now to solve the problems ...without climbing the walls for a smoke too...

[JackiMac]

Hi Mike so sorry to read this, its a bitch this addiction isnt it!, but there comes a point when you must decide to be a bigger bitch and fight back, otherwise you will end up on that damn hamster wheel going round and round and round, gets a bit deju vue after a while, tell it to stop get off, step back and remember you are in control of the addiction, its easy to go back to smoking, that is what addiction is all about the easy option, the hardest part is standing up and saying Yup I am an addict, but I will fight this addiction with every bit of strength I have, because I am worth it , ME I am worth this .  New day tommorow, get up with renewed strength and believe in yourself you can and you will do this, 

[Chrysalis]

Mike, you sure as heck had a really bad day. I hope it's a long, long time before you have another day as bad as that one! But, of course, there will be other bad days in your life and so the real question is, "What did you learn from this experience that will help you to keep your quit in the future?"

 

Unlike most people here, I will say that for me, smoking DID help me to relax. When I was really upset about something, stepping away from the situation for 5 or 10 minutes while I smoked a cigarette did help to dissipate my stress and allowed me to go back into the situation and deal with it. Yep. Smoking did help with that. But you know what I learned early in my quit? I learned that the cigarette itself had nothing to do with the relief and relaxation I felt. The secret was to STEP AWAY FROM THE UPSETTING SITUATION FOR A FEW MINUTES!! That's all I really needed.

 

If you're trying to fix a broken pipe or you're in the middle of an argument with your spouse, it seems crazy or pointless to suddenly walk away. After all, the pipe isn't going to fix itself. You've got to stick with it and bear the frustration until the damn thing is fixed, right? If you're on "hold" with the cable company for too long a time, you just have to stay there and tolerate it until they pick up, right? That makes you angry as well as frustrated. But if you're a smoker, it's OK to take a break from fixing the pipe and it's OK to say "f*** it" and hang up on the cable company so you can go have a smoke. You NEED a smoke so that makes it OK to take a break, right? 

 

Well, I'm here to tell you, yes, you do need to take a break. You NEED to step away from angry or unpleasant situations and allow yourself to calm down, let your mind wander, get some perspective. Absolutely. But you do NOT need to be smoking a cigarette while you do that. The cigarette is just the excuse to take a "time out" break when all you really need is a "time out" break.

 

So in the future, I suggest that you pay closer attention to when you are reaching your limit for frustration tolerance (or fatigue or anger or any other strong emotion) and force yourself to walk away and chill out. Tell  your wife that you've reached your limit with messing with the remote for today-- it will have to wait. Leave the broken pipe alone and wash the dishes in the bathroom tonight. Or whatever. You are going to chill-- watch a ball game, listen to music, read QT posts, build a ship in a bottle-- anything you can think of where you can clear your mind and chill out. 

 

So I suggest that you develop a plan for what you are going to do the next time you need to chill out. If you're not going to smoke (which you are NOT going to do) what are you going to do instead? 

[joe]

I have to be honest, Mike.. I haven't read all the responses, and don't mean to repeat anyone....or sound too harsh...

 

First I want to say that the only way to beat this, is to keep trying...never give up! I smoked my last cigarette almost 15 months ago...and I haven't given up yet...

 

With that said.....

 

All the crap that happens in your life life is gonna happen whether you DECIDE to smoke or not..... I can fill this page of crap I could have used as an excuse to smoke ...but ya know what....I CHOOSE not to...

 

 

You can blame smoking on other things, but once you own up to your addiction and take control of it...you won't need excuses...your choice has been made...

 

And...like it is always said...it may be bumpy to start out, but the ride gets smoother...for some it takes longer than others. Once you really believe smoking has nothing good to offer,and I mean nothing...that's when the ride gets enjoyable.

[Tink]

I think I would have said honey my lovely dearest, I just walked 30 gallons of water in blizzard conditions, do you really think the tv remote is priority right now? or words to that affect ;) easier said than done in the moment I know but what Im trying to say ....

 

mike things are going to flick your switch, especially in the early days try to limit the stress if at all possible, there are some things that can just wait and then keep you from boiling point

 

the first 3 days are rough, life has a way of making it rougher all we can do is try and limit the damage

 

next time ride it out, do not smoke, come here vent and post take the steam and sting out of a situation until your rational brain is in charge again

 

never give in, you Will and CAN do this x

[bakon]

dum

[babs609]

non smokers have bad days too....it's the ADDICTION (not your educated brain) that tells you to smoke.

 

I always tried to remember in the early days....all these circumstances that are occuring around me are beyond my control...I have no control whatsoever.  The ONLY thing I can control is my reaction to circumstances around me.  I felt like if I smoked...then the 1 thing...the ONE THING i did have power over....I didn't.  Helped me stay strong and also actually coped with the issues that were happening even better than if I smoked...cause I felt like I had some control.

[ChRiSpY]

bad sh it happens to everyone... everyone has bad days...  quit making excuses.   Time to get serious.

[Mike.]

Thanks.

[Tyme2B]

Make the next day your quit day Mike....or just don't buy any more smokes. Your wife smokes too though right? So that makes the quit harder for you. It's obviously on your mind or you wouldn't be on this forum. I tried for a month before I finally succeeded. And now I sure don't want to go through hell week again. Stress is a part of life. I too found a smoke or four relaxed me.....like you...but really it was just giving me time out away from the situation. You will eventually win this struggle. Find another way to deal with stress even if it is standing out in the howling wind with a straw! Something that gives you time out.

[Mike.]

Make the next day your quit day Mike....or just don't buy any more smokes. Your wife smokes too though right? So that makes the quit harder for you. It's obviously on your mind or you wouldn't be on this forum. I tried for a month before I finally succeeded. And now I sure don't want to go through hell week again. Stress is a part of life. I too found a smoke or four relaxed me.....like you...but really it was just giving me time out away from the situation. You will eventually win this struggle. Find another way to deal with stress even if it is standing out in the howling wind with a straw! Something that gives you time out.

 

Ya, her smokes.

 

I have no doubt in my mind, I will quit again.

 

I'm off the to see my  psychologist, then my psychiatrist today. That usually sets me back for a day or two. But, I try to do what needs to be done. The psychiatrist has me scheduled for 35 - 40 daily treatments of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, (TMS). A supposed, safer method of ECT. If, I start going off the "deep end" here, maybe you all can "cut me a little slack".

 

Thanks, for the note T.

 

Have a good day.

[Doreensfree]

Mike...

When you are ready to quit again....we will be here...

Hope all goes well with your appointments....

When I first joined the forum...you were the first to welcome me....

You can do it......