Oneistoo's Quit Journal

[Doreensfree]

Your doing great O.....

One n.o.p.e at a time.....

[Still winning]

Oneistoo, Look up William Ernest Henley's "Invictus" poem, it was also a fabulous support for me quitting and before that in troublesome times..

 

Out of the night that covers me

Black as the pit from pole to pole

I thank whatever gods may be

for my unconquerable soul

 

I often think words can create a strong sense of belief. I also think it's what makes things like NOPE and SNOT powerful.

 

Good on you ripping the nicotine plaster (band aid?) off! 

 

You will still have to do the work but a support group is invaluable. Perhaps you needed to learn a bit more to be ready to think of it.

 

x

[Oneistoo]

Invictus

BY WILLIAM ERNEST HENLEY

Out of the night that covers me,

      Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

      For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

      I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

      My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

      Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

      Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

      How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

      I am the captain of my soul.

 

[Oneistoo]

Thanks for all of your support! :)

 

I was lazy as sin today. The most productive thing I did was to take a shower and wash my hair. Well, and I finally did do some slow and deliberate sun salutations after an inexplicable month of not doing them. Man, am I stiff! Not being regular in your workouts is as stupid as going through endless quits instead of quitting cigarettes for good. It repeatedly hurts a LOT instead of being a bit hard in the beginning and then progressively easier.

 

Oh, i discovered another trigger for me: when I get down from a sugar rush. Yet another reason not to eat sugar.  

 

Another revelation is that I'm rapidly gaining weight.No wonder, I've really been stuffing my face these past several days, and it was just Christmas. I weighed myself, and I'm heavier than I've been in many years (stand aside, folks, it's not a freak show: my body weight is quite normal, I just prefer to remain slim). So I expect some veggie-smoothie days in the very near future. And whatever happened to my fantasy about fasting one day every week to give my overall system a break? There's definitely room for improvement here.

 

Onward and upward toward Day Three! :)

[Evelyn]

That's why I'm in principle against sugar ;) but I used it the first 3 days in large amounts against the withdraws and it worked now I'm without nicotine and sugar...

You're doing a great job!

[Oneistoo]

...in large amounts.....

 

That's funny! :)

[Evelyn]

English isn't my first language 

[Oneistoo]

English isn't my first language 

"In large amounts" was perfect English! Perfect and humorous English. :)

[Oneistoo]

JUNKIE THINKING

HOW TO COUNTER BAD THOUGHTS!

________________________________________

 

JUNKIE THINKING: "One Puff won't hurt"

 

RESPONSE: "One puff will always hurt me, and it always will because I'm not a social smoker. One puff and I'll be smoking compulsively again."

________________________________________

 

JUNKIE THINKING: "I only want one."

 

RESPONSE: "I have never wanted only one. In fact, I want 20-30 a day every day. I want them all!"

________________________________________

 

JUNKIE THINKING: "I'll just be a social smoker."

 

RESPONSE: "I'm a chronic, compulsive smoker, and once I smoke one I'll quickly be thinking about the next one. Social smokers can take it or leave it. That's not me."

________________________________________

 

JUNKIE THINKING: "I'm doing so well, one won't hurt me now."

 

RESPONSE: "The only reason I'm doing so well is because I haven't taken the first one. Yet once I do, I won't be doing well anymore. I'll be smoking again."

________________________________________

 

JUNKIE THINKING: "I'll just stop again."

 

RESPONSE: "Sounds easy, but who am I trying to kid? Look how long it took me to stop this time. And once I start, how long will it take before I get sick enough to face withdrawal again? In fact, when I'm back in the grip of compulsion, what guarantee do I have that I'll ever be able to stop again?"

________________________________________

 

JUNKIE THINKING: "If I slip, I'll keep trying."

 

RESPONSE: "If I think I can get away with one little "slip" now I'll think I can get away with another little "slip" later on."

________________________________________

 

JUNKIE THINKING: "I need one to get me through this withdrawal."

 

RESPONSE: "Smoking will not get me through the discomfort of not smoking. It will only get me back to smoking. One puff stops the process of withdrawal and I'll have to go through it all over again."

________________________________________

 

JUNKIE THINKING: "I miss smoking right now."

 

RESPONSE: "Of course I miss something I've been doing every day for most of my life. But do I miss the chest pain right now? Do I miss the worry, the embarrassment, the shame? I'd rather be an ex-smoker with an occasional desire to smoke, than a smoker with a constant desire to stop doing it."

________________________________________

 

JUNKIE THINKING: "I really need to smoke now, I'm so upset."

 

RESPONSE: "Smoking is not going to fix anything. I'll still be upset - I'll just be an upset smoker. I never have to have a cigarette. Smoking is not a need; it's a want. Once the crisis is over, I'll be relieved and grateful I'm still not smoking."

________________________________________

 

JUNKIE THINKING: "I don't care."

 

RESPONSE: "What is it exactly that I think that I don't care about? Can I truthfully say I don't care about chest pain? I don't care about coughing and gagging in the morning? I don't care about lung cancer? No, I care about these things very much. That's why I stopped smoking in the first place."

________________________________________

 

JUNKIE THINKING: "What difference does it make, anyway?"

 

RESPONSE: "It makes a difference in the way I breathe, the way my heart beats, the way I feel about myself. It makes a tremendous difference in every aspect of my physical and emotional health."

 Author Unknown

[Jen]

Hi :) dropping in to say hello!! I tried to read up on previous comments. I didn't get them all but I got most! Sorry I don't have any advice to give you I'm only on day two lol But I'm here and I'm also a coffee fiend and was a big drinker. I slowed my drinking a lot after my son. I was down to a few beers a night but often. Nearly daily. Last month I decided I wanted to quit smoking so I'd have to give up drinking first even if it was only a few at a time. I think I've had maybe 6 beers in the last month? It wasn't really that difficult amazingly... Now coffee we say.. lol Is almost as big an addiction as smoking for me! I have been smoke free for this will be day two and I just polished off half a pot. :) I took my coffee elsewhere. Like you my morning routine consisted of coffee, smoke, internet. Yes, in that order. So I took my coffee to the couch. I still do internet and coffee but on kindle or my phone until I finish my joe. Then I move my way to my regular desktop with a cold glass of milk and daily vitamins. For some reason that 'spot' is a huge temptation when a coffee mug is added to the equation.

 

I hope your having a wonderful morning and looking forward to reading more posts from you!

[Oneistoo]

Like you my morning routine consisted of coffee, smoke, internet. 

 

That coffee, smoke and internet combo could take HOURS. If I had something scheduled early in the morning, I'd make sure to get up hours before so I could get my fix.

 

It's about time we change things, Jen. We can't be doing this same-old, same-old forever. :)

[Still winning]

Proud of you both!!

 

All sounding very positive for "wanting" the quit which I always think is so crucial. 

 

How are the patches oneistoo??  Having any troubles sleeping?  Are you feeling excited/scared a combo of both? 

 

x

[Oneistoo]

How are the patches oneistoo??  Having any troubles sleeping?  Are you feeling excited/scared a combo of both? 

 

Marti, I was never using patches for this quit (although I have plenty of experience with them from other quits). I happened to have some sublingual micro-tablets lying in a cupboard and I'm using those until I run out (which is soon). They're burning me today, sublingually, so I haven't been using as many as I did before. 

 

I haven't much thought about whether I felt excited or scared. Usually, I'm not a scared kind of person, if you disregard the very deep existential fear that obviously has kept me smoking for many years. And excited....hmmm.....I think I'm more at the gritting-my-teeth and looking forward to get to where my withdrawal has stopped. 

 

My sense of smell has improved. I keep getting sudden whiffs of old cigarette smoke that I can smell in places where I definitely were not able to smell it before. 

[Doreensfree]

Oh I was amazed at what i could smell....I found out my nose had been dead for 52 years.....l.ol...

I remember walking past a pizza shop...and the smell of paparoni.....mouth watering.....

It just keeps getting better....

[Oneistoo]

Hmmm....I'm getting a bit irritable here. Where's a devil emoticon when you need one??!!! Oh, found it:  :diablo:

 

I look at my ticker, or quit meter, and imagine 90+ cigarettes lined up. Then I think of others here on QT, whose avoided cigarettes run into the 1000s. That's a lot of cigarettes. And it's so bizarre to light them up and breathe more than 7000 chemicals into your lungs, repeatedly!

 

I guess I'm at the disbelief stage.Anger, disbelief, disgust. And yes, compassion, too. For myself, and for my fellow hijackees. 

[Devil Doll]

Action posted a visual of 10,000 and it is mind blowing. Here is the link:  http://www.quittrain.com/topic/3756-5000/?p=102191

[Oneistoo]

Action posted a visual of 10,000 and it is mind blowing. Here is the link:  http://www.quittrain.com/topic/3756-5000/?p=102191

 

Thanks, DD. That is truly scary. What is even more scary is my imagined visual of all of the cigarettes I have smoked in my life. The f'ing absurdity of it all! 

 

I better not think too much about your name, DD...or I might get nasty dreams tonight! DevilDolls with cigarettes! As you can see from my avatar, I'm a heavenly creature painted by Leonardo.

[Jen]

My senses are finally kicking in too.  I took my step daughter to an appt today and the middle doorway smelled like smoke and I fanned it away like it stunk and I'd never smelled something so vulgar then laughed at myself once I realized :) We are living in an upstairs apartment and I don't feel winded going up and down for the past couple days. Its been absolutely wonderful! Every time I walk up or down them I think to myself like we have lived here for a year. This could have been such an easy year if I hadn't been smoking. What on earth would possess someone to make life more difficult? Then miss it when you give it up? *ding ding ding* lol

 

Doreen 52 years???

[Oneistoo]

What on earth would possess someone to make life more difficult? Then miss it when you give it up? *ding ding ding* lol

 

Hehe....thank god we have a sense of humor!  

[Oneistoo]

You guys probably have heard this one before, but it's new to me and I think it is great:

 

 

DEMON STICK

[Oneistoo]

Ok, I can let myself be a bit of a sappy hero:

 

[Pippa]

I'm loving reading this - such a beautiful approach to quitting and so happy you are sharing it with Jen :-). Keep this up and before you know it you guys will have clocked up thousands of cigs not smoked as well! Proud of you both xx

[Evelyn]

Can I copy that junkie thinking list on my computer Oneistoo it's awesome!

[Oneistoo]

Can I copy that junkie thinking list on my computer Oneistoo it's awesome!

 

OF course! I took it from Nicotine Anonymous. :)

[Oneistoo]

"THIRD STEP PRAYER"  Relieve me of the bondage of self. Help me abandon myself to the spirit. Move me to do good in this world and show kindness. Help me to overcome and avoid anger, resentment, jealousy and any other kind of negative thinking today.  Help me to help those who suffer. Keep me alert with courage to face life and not withdraw from it, not to insulate myself from all pain where by I insulate myself from love as well.  Free me from fantasy and fear. Inspire and direct my thinking today; let it be divorced from self pity, dishonesty and self- seeking motives. Show me the way of patience, tolerance, kindness and love.  I pray for all those to whom I've been unkind and ask that they are granted the same peace that I seek. AMEN