I'm at my lowest

[laura]

I really don't have excuses, I made a choice to smoke and it was a bad one.

 

As most of u know I went to Australia I decided foolishly I didn't want to spend the holiday craving a cigarette, so when I got to Hong Kong I had one and then smoked for the rest of the holiday.

I have tried to quit since I have been home lasting two day.

last night yet again I CHOSE to smoke and again this morning. I really don't know what is going on with me I feel weak, ashamed and a total bell end sorry but I need help, I'm sick of feeling this low and I need my assignment kicked I hope you guys give me another chance.

i know i made a bad choice and keep making them when it comes to smoking the worse thing of all of this i have spent so much time over the last 2 years educating myself about addiction yet feel i know nothing as if i did i wouldn't be where i am now.

Anyway I'm at work so will stop rambling and just say i have chosen to quit smoking this weekend i know some will say why wait until then and i will that is when i will mentally be prepared.

[beacon]

Laura, fresh new year, new choices. You mention you chose to smoke. It is a choice to smoke again. Imagine if you said that you were going on vacation and you were going to get through it even though the craves were bad because the next time you went, you would not crave . Each nonsmoking experience trains your mind for the next time you do the same. ....anyway, if you throw the cigs away and quit again you will be a nonsmoker again, just like that. But don't put it off because you are retraing yourself to see smoking as normal.

[DCCXXVII]

Hi laura... it is great to see you here

 

A little advice from a chronic relapser of past... there really isn't anything that can prepare you for it mentally... that is called arguing with yourself

 

You are correct it is a choice to smoke

 

Each day/event/holiday/moment needs to be faced with never taking another puff again... craves will never hurt you and they soon pass and wouldn't have ruined your holiday... you need to stop thinking that way... try deep breathing hold 4 seconds and slowly let out and repeat over again

 

Again I am glad you are here... you will never be turned away for reaching out... we want you to be free of this horrid nicotine addiction... post an SOS if you need help

 

MarylandQuitter posted a bbc documentary right here... it is a reminder what is installed for us if we continue smoking... best 50 minutes I spent of late in watching it

[Doreensfree]

Aww Laura...

I'm sorry you decided to throw away your beautiful quit....

All you can do is jump,right back ....

There's only one way to suceed.....never take another puff.....no matter what....

You can do it....

[action]

So sorry Laura...

 

But of course, we are here for you no matter what!

 

It pains me to read that you were still craving for nicotine, even after you had quit. Somehow we need to get you to change your thinking so that this 'I didn't want to spend the holiday craving a cigarette'... to this 'I can't wait to go on holiday and enjoy it with the freedom of not smoking!'. I know it's easier said than done, but you must try again - if you feel that you need to wait to the weekend, then wait until the weekend, but you must have a plan, and not back out on it. If you have your last one Friday night, then promise yourself that you will come here first thing Saturday morning and pledge NOPE. Then stick around and pledge NOPE on Sunday, and just take it a day at a time.

 

No matter how bad you are feeling right now, I can assure you that you CAN Do this! Honestly, if I can, then you can! We've got your back, but only if you will let us :)

[MarylandQuitter]

^{Hi Laura,}

 

^{I think these videos may help you understand why you built yourself up for failure convincing by yourself that you were going to spend your holiday craving a cigarette.}

 

^{Difference between physical and psychological urges}

<sup>Video discusses how while the intensity between the psychological thoughts for cigarettes weeks or months into your quit may feel very much like the physical urges you may have encountered in the beginning of your quit, that there is an important difference in the two states.
http://youtu.be/_A8s7Pw7jA0

Fixating on a cigarette</sup>

<sup>Video discusses how people often fixate on the desire to have "a good" cigarette.
http://youtu.be/OZLJ_nlkUCQ

"How long before I don't want a cigarette?"</sup>

^{Video discusses how experience is what is going to dictate how long it is before you can do certain activities without smoking, not time. Covers some of the same concepts as smoking triggers filmed a few days before, but I believe more people will look up this title because it is a question often asked by people first quitting.}

<sup>http://youtu.be/CLp_ic5VgiI

"Will I ever stop thinking of cigarettes?"</sup>

^{Most people overestimate how much of a battle staying smoke free will be once they quit smoking. This video discusses how people will generally stop thinking about smoking, and much sooner than they usually think.
http://youtu.be/8310BI-euJw}

 

[Chrysalis]

Laura, I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. I went back and read some of your prior posts to try to understand better what has been going on with you. One thing I noticed is that you seem to decide in advance how long you are willing to tolerate the  craving for nicotine. You may be mentally prepared for a few days of misery, or a few weeks, or whatever. But there seems to come a point where you think that in all fairness, the cravings should be over. It seems to you that other quitters don't have to deal with so many cravings for so long. So you lose patience with yourself and with the process and decide to go back to smoking. 

 

If you haven't read it yet, please read my thread "How to prevent a relapse" and tell me what you think.

[Tink]

Laura chances are unlimited hun, addiction is bad and to beat it takes education, support, mind set and time

 

The one ingredient I see you don't have is your mind set, you know you want to quit and that's why you are here and I respect you for coming back x

 

Someone once said to me you quit you did not give up anything

 

What I read from you Laura is you have the will and want to quit but in the back of your mind you are still thinking you are giving up something, like an old friend instead try to switch your mind and keep telling it that you have not given up anything, you just don't do that anymore.

 

For example suppose you are on a strict diet and you are not allowed chocolate, but you love chocolate so what do you see everywhere, that's right bloody chocolate, people stuffing their faces with it, it's on every shelf you go but you know you can't have it and this drives you insane and you have to run away and get far away from the chocolate or you grab a handful run to a corner and stuff your face with it, then feel sick and ashamed

 

It's a battle between hard, using will power and going without to easy and feeling like crap afterwards two unsavoury scenarios

 

 

 

Now same scenario, changed mind set and this is where fake it til you make it can come in, to trick yourself into believing

 

I hate chocolate, it's bad for me, I just will not eat it anymore my body doesn't need it but only wants it because I keep feeding it so I will stop feeding it and concentrate on the negatives of chocolate and not that 1 positive that I falsely believe in

 

I tell myself over and over until I stop seeing chocolate everywhere and I can walk past the shelves and they're not screaming at me to buy them and then add time and distance to the equation

 

Apply same logic to smoking

 

Then Laura you could have your easier quit

 

I hope that all makes sense lol x

[Chrysalis]

... you love chocolate so what do you see everywhere, that's right bloody chocolate, people stuffing their faces with it, it's on every shelf you go...

 

 

YES, CHOCOLATE!!! Oh, Tracey, where can I find this Utopia??!!!  :lol:

 

I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist. But seriously, Tracey is absolutely correct. You really do have to "fake it 'til you make it" by consciously telling your junkie brain that you no longer WANT cigarettes. It takes time, but your junkie brain will eventually shut up.

[Evelyn]

Laura I thought I LOVED nicotine and that I'd die without, no matter if I had a patch on or puffed away. But when I faced it and smoked my last 3 they were disgusting and the first 24 hours and had internal discussions going on me versus junkie thinking.

"Just one we'll quit tomorrow..."

"I want one I crave so badly..."
I stopped feeding my body nicotine and aproxiomatly after 3 days I was through the worst. When I see a smoker hanging on their fag I find it pathetic and wonder was I such a sad addict too???

I never realised that feeding my body nicotine with gum or patch would keep the withdraws going on and when I smoked those last 3 and faced it it wasn't that bad. The first day I sat next to my smoking neighbor, zipping on my Coca Cola with a huge amount of sugar and I didn't crave.
Use juice or fruit the first days. And smoking does nothing for me, for you or anyone accept crating a problem.

Go for it!

[Humbled]

Sorry to hear that the demons got in your head and interrupted your quit - but that is all it needs to be a slight alteration from the path you chose -

no one is perfect many people have quit 100 times until they never looked back - I am just glad you are here talking about it - addiction is one thing 

feeling like you are missing out is something completely different. That is an excuse based on an older pattern - during the holidays etc. I always did this.. 

I have the annual part coming up so I'll wait until it has passed because this... no such thing - the only way to quit is to face those situations and act differently 

Once you break the pattern, cycle, routine or habit - whichever word you choose to describe it - it will be forever broken or changed unless you look for a reason 

to go back to it - either way we are all here for you - take it one hour /day at a time again -you know you can do it - stick close to us this time and we will help 

you every step of the way..

[Nancy]

Laura, so sorry to read this....please remember we are always one puff away from a pack a day...you can't expect to smoke on holiday and then go happily back to your quit.  It is a nasty addiction, it is not your friend, and it does nothing positive for you.You must stop thinking you are depriving yourself of a treat.

 

We are here for you with 100% support, when you are ready.

[sgt.barney]

It starts with acknowledging this simple fact: we can't help you. Not all of us collectively, not one of us individually.

 

It is you, and you alone who makes the choice.

 

You alone.

 

Choice.

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[Devil Doll]

You are always welcome here Laura. We can't quit smoking for you but we can be here for you while you quit smoking. 

Welcome back. What is the new quit date that you are setting and how are you going to prepare for it? 

Remember to get a "toolbox" together... candy, pretzels, cranberry juice, fruits, crunchy veggies, straws. Read the threads here, watch the videos and post post post. Once you get your head into the mindset that you can do this hell week becomes less of a mountain. 

[sharonsiff]

Laura I remember feeling like you do, time after ruddy time! Drags you down doesn't it?

 

Whatever you do Laura you must not let any previous failures get you in the mind set that you can't do it... I see now that was my downfall. Made me half arsed in my attempt because I didn't believe I could actually do it.

 

Listen just think of it this way... So what if you do feel strange/depressed and lost for a few months... It's nothing in the grand scheme of things, I promise you it is worth every day of discomfort you may feel.

 

Vent, cry or do whatever you need to do on here on a daily basis Laura.. Whatever it takes my lovely and you will be rewarded with both mental and physical freedom xx

[El Bandito]

Welcome back Laura.

 

Its pretty much all been said above.

 

Commitment is key.

[bakon]

what ever time works is fine.

two rules

got to want to quit more than want to smoke

nope

[laura]

Hi laura... it is great to see you here

 

A little advice from a chronic relapser of past... there really isn't anything that can prepare you for it mentally... that is called arguing with yourself

 

You are correct it is a choice to smoke

 

Each day/event/holiday/moment needs to be faced with never taking another puff again... craves will never hurt you and they soon pass and wouldn't have ruined your holiday... you need to stop thinking that way... try deep breathing hold 4 seconds and slowly let out and repeat over again

 

Again I am glad you are here... you will never be turned away for reaching out... we want you to be free of this horrid nicotine addiction... post an SOS if you need help

 

MarylandQuitter posted a bbc documentary right here... it is a reminder what is installed for us if we continue smoking... best 50 minutes I spent of late in watching it

[laura]

I have just watched this video and I cried, I have 4 adult children that smoke and to think one in four of us will die through smoking just fills me with horror for my children, I feel that I have not set them a good example nor anyone else in my family which most smoke. My dad lost his leg through smoking and still smokes. I hope I can prove to them smoking is a choice and I will make the best choice.

I have asthma and that's as far as I want it to go, I have fooled myself into thinking it won't happen to me, but the fact is it already has I wouldn't of got asthma if I didn't smoke I don't want oxygen.

Thank you for giving me the wake up call I needed.

[laura]

convincing by yourself that you were going to spend your holiday craving a cigarette.[/size][/sup]

 

^{Difference between physical and psychological urges}

^{Video discusses how while the intensity between the psychological thoughts for cigarettes weeks or months into your quit may feel very much like the physical urges you may have encountered in the beginning of your quit, that there is an important difference in the two states.}

http://youtu.be/_A8s7Pw7jA0

 

Fixating on a cigarette

^{Video discusses how people often fixate on the desire to have "a good" cigarette.}

http://youtu.be/OZLJ_nlkUCQ

 

"How long before I don't want a cigarette?"

^{Video discusses how experience is what is going to dictate how long it is before you can do certain activities without smoking, not time. Covers some of the same concepts as smoking triggers filmed a few days before, but I believe more people will look up this title because it is a question often asked by people first quitting.}

 

^{http://youtu.be/CLp_ic5VgiI}

 

"Will I ever stop thinking of cigarettes?"

^{Most people overestimate how much of a battle staying smoke free will be once they quit smoking. This video discusses how people will generally stop thinking about smoking, and much sooner than they usually think.}

http://youtu.be/8310BI-euJw

[laura]

I have watched all these videos today and am grateful for them, I relate to each one of them and I have made the decision not to wait until the weekend there is no point today is as good as any.

I have read Alan Carr book cover to cover lots of times i chose to smoke now i choose to quit.

i guess i was just trying to delay the process to get my head around quitting i should of delayed the process of lighting up, I would of been in a much better situation now.

Thank you for your support

[Chrysalis]

I think your mindset is just fine, Laura. Just stay close to the board-- take the NOPE pledge and read a few posts every day-- and I think you will be fine. We often start to have trouble when we get a little lazy or let other concerns take precedence when quitting smoking should be our #1 priority for at least 6 months. I believe that you can totally DO this! You CAN!!

[laura]

I think your mindset is just fine, Laura. Just stay close to the board-- take the NOPE pledge and read a few posts every day-- and I think you will be fine. We often start to have trouble when we get a little lazy or let other concerns take precedence when quitting smoking should be our #1 priority for at least 6 months. I believe that you can totally DO this! You CAN!!

[laura]

Your right i have always slipped away from the board to soon i don't care if i spend half my life here, if it means holding on to my quit then so be it :-)

[Doreensfree]

Brilliant Laura...great decision to quit right away....

When I first quit I was with the board 24/7 ...I pledge every day....and done a yearly pledge....

Being part of this boards helps you and helps newbies....

I look forward to seeing you in the morning in the n.o.p.e thread...