How to prevent a relapse

[samw]

In my experience as a 2+ pack smoker for 22 yrs, it's easier longer term to not 'romance'. I know what it's like to be a smoker, and it's not a romance. I never had the ability to go 4 hrs without a smoke. I think people who exercised some degree of self-control over their smoking habit have it more difficult over the long term. I know damn well when I'm a smoker, I'm smoking and that train has one throttle position. So there is no love lost. Smoking is 5 mins of pleasure and then 25 million wasted minutes before I build up the commitment to quit again. I just have to remember that while quitting wasn't that hard, building up the commitment to quit took me 7 yrs this last time. Finding the commitment is key to me. I found it this year. I have quit and I can't cheapen it's importance again. 

[PeaceTrain]

Great post, Sam. This has been a tough year for me but the one good thing has been that I've also found my commitment to quitting and staying quit in May of this year and I know it will get even easier with time and fortunately time is all I've got- to commit to this quit and to a healthier life overall.

[Reciprocity]

Hi samw and welcome to the QT :) I'm glad you have found that commitment you were looking for! You're right, quitting without total commitment makes the battle that much harder to win. I also found that once I truly started to believe that smoking never did anything positive for me and only enslaved me in a cycle of feeding a deadly addiction, it made things much easier for me to just push aside any urges to smoke. I know why I smoked all those years and now, I know I was just horribly uninformed about what smoking really is.

 

There's a lot of good info. on this site and support too. We have all been there so we truly do understand what it's like to quit. All the best to you sam.

[Doreensfree]

Hello and welcome Sam...

We are all one cig ..away from a pack..

Take smoking off the table ...no matter what...

If you romance one...then you might as well romance the thousands to follow..

There is tons of helpful stuff to read here...

Take your seat ..and enjoy the ride...

[Jewel]

Welcome abroad! Glad you've decided to join us & even happier that you have the opportunity! I've heard many times we are only 1 puff from the next 1000 or so! Everyday I Have to Stop myself from that one or so puffs! It isn't going to solve anything, calm me, fix me or anybody else & definitely won't change anything but make my health worse & change my status from non smoker to smoker! I choose to be a non smoker & deny myself self destruction w/cigarettes today!

 

I hope you decide to stay w/us for a joyful journey! Go ahead & enjoy the ride! We are here to stay free from the awful addiction caused by lighting up, chewing, or any other form of tobacco! Please join us, we have many great days ahead!

[samw]

For sure. Up to 20 days! I've taken to nic-free vapor when having beers, but didn't use it to quit which I think is important. I like it though, it gives me an alternative for the long term to help me stay quit... But it's not addictive at all. I forget my vaporizer I hardly notice. I'm 40, I don't ever see me going back ever again. I have one more big hurdle on labor day and I have to finish the book I'm reading on quitting, and I know I have to respect the addiction for the rest of my life. there's no chance I go back.

[Doreensfree]

Good for you Sam...you sound positive ...

Many roads lead to Rome...just get your ass there...that's the main thing....

Day by day..this is how its done..labor day..is...just another day...no big deal....

Onwards...

[Oldybutmouldy]

So very tru dat!!  Well done that woman.....

 

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas, and a Brave New Year....  

[Octain]

Very encouraging words in this thread. Thank you all.

[samw]

Well I made it 6 months without a smoke

Truth be told I had 3 cigarettes in a row a few weeks ago at about 1 am. I was out drinking one night with a group of people I rarely hang out with.. so it gave me opportunity. I kinda rationalized it as my free New Years cheat, which I had thought about granting myself. But I didn't smoke on New Years or any other time in the last 6 months. They do say you can do that (reward if you earn it sort of thing) on diets, obvs I would not recommend it here. 

 

I'll just reiterate.. not worth it. It only takes 1 for the cracks to start in your 'quit' psyche. I have noticed more urges since then. I still have absolute resolve, so its not that bad. Its been 3 weeks, hell I had beers the next night and didn't smoke. But I had almost forgotten to think about smoking until I had those. Even around friends who smoke, it's like I'll hang. I have 0 desire. 

 

it's not ever worth cheating, it's like a crack in glass. You seriously weaken your mindset and have to start filling in the cracks again. I kinda understood this going in, but it totally reinforced by belief. People fail because they allow moments where they can cheat and that is impossible to stop the train once it starts going too fast. 

Edited January 26, 2018 by samw

[Doreensfree]

Thank you Same...for coming back and updating us on your quit...

We have to make sure our brains understand ...we are nicotine addicts...like any other addict ,there is no such thing as ..just one !!!!

Congrats on getting back on the train...stay in your seat... Buckle up...let's make this your sticky quit !!!!

[Tyme2B]

Come on back samw! There’s a seat on the train for you! 

[Octain]

One is too many and a carton is not enough.

 

I swear, nicotine should be a schedule one drug.  Right up there with heroin

 

 

 

Edited January 26, 2018 by Octain

[backtoreality]

I find myself romancing the cigarette too, sometimes, and since my quit is only 17 days old it's a dangerous feeling. 

 

What helped was to go to the dentist and have a deep cleaning done. It was way over-due and I've been putting it off for a solid year!

 

It took 7 shots of novacaine and three and a half hours because they also replaced a bunch of metal fillings with ceramic ones.  After that experience (which was really a positive one despite all the dread and fear I had about mouth shots and drills) I don't want to foul my mouth up again with disgusting smoke.  The other side of my smile is going to be done in two weeks but now I feel like I'm so much cleaner. 

 

I also got an hour long massage last week with the money I've saved from not smoking.

[Doreensfree]

No more stinky breath ,yellow teeth furry tongue...oh yes your mouth is so much nicer...

Why would you spoil all that....nooooo.....

Aww a nice massage too...already you are gaining the lovely rewards...and they keep on coming ...enjoy them ....x

[Sirius]

I recommend keeping substitutions on hand for those cravings.

 

[Sazerac]

On 1/6/2015 at 7:50 AM, Chrysalis said:

Subtitle: The Romance Is Dead!

 

 

This is the time of year when many people quit smoking. Most especially, people who quit before but relapsed are trying again. I think that is wonderful (that they're coming back, not that they relapsed).

 

Reading their posts has made me realize that in very many cases, people relapse because they are still romancing the cigarette. That means that they still WANT to smoke even though they know that smoking does nothing good for them. They still remember those quietly satisfying evenings on the deck smoking. They remember that a-a-a-h-h-h! of satisfaction with the first long draw on a cigarette. And they want that again. And so even if they are weeks or months into a quit-- even though the PHYSICAL addiction is long gone-- they essentially choose to go back to smoking because of the pull of these romantic fantasies about how good smoking was.

 

Well, I was the poster child for romancing the cigarette. Throughout this quit and all my previous quits (of which there were several) I always wanted to smoke. I didn't smoke-- I controlled myself-- but I wanted to smoke. All the time. Almost every day. It seemed to me that after 4 or 5 months quit, almost everybody on the board was way done with smoking and happy about it. I still missed it. And that was frustrating because my rational brain KNEW that the "pleasure" of smoking was vastly over rated and mostly imaginary. I KNEW that I was romancing the cigarette and I really did not want to go back to smoking. But the seductive thoughts were there. Maybe not every day, but often enough to be very annoying.

 

I'm here to tell you that today, more than 9 months after my quit, I realize that I am not desiring a cigarette hardly ever! This is a first for me. And this death of the romance is not just a matter of time-- I quit smoking before for periods of up to a year and still suffered from romancing.

 

I think that the difference this time is that I educated myself about Nicodemon's lies. It's as though my rational brain has told my junkie brain over and over and over again "No, smoking is NOT pleasurable! And such small, brief pleasure as you feel when you smoke comes at way too great a cost! Forget it!" and finally, FINALLY junkie brain is quieting down. What a relief!

 

Now I do admit that during these "romancing episodes" that I'm talking about-- those days when I really, really wanted a cigarette-- I had to remind myself over and over again about why I quit smoking in the first place and remind myself over and over again that I wanted to quit more than I wanted to smoke. I had to FIGHT to keep my quit many, many times over the months. The urge to smoke wasn't constant, but it was frequent. Sometimes it was quite miserable.

 

I'm still jealous of people who seemed to have it easier than I did. I often thought that I was a "special snowflake" and I had it harder than other quitters-- few people admitted that they still wanted to smoke many months after a quit. But whether I had it worse than anyone else or not, I hung in there, reminded myself about why I quit, and that I was DETERMINED not to smoke.

 

Now, at last, I can look back over the last few weeks and realize that the romance is dead. I finally, finally am at the point where I do think about smoking once in a while but it's like a vague thought that is easily dismissed, not a serious desire. I have heard others describe this "vague thought" phenomenon many months after a quit and I finally understand what they are talking about.

 

 

So I guess I am writing this to say that if you are many weeks or months into a quit and you still want a cigarette, you are not alone. What you are experiencing is real. It does happen to some people (like me, for example). You are romancing the cigarette and you have to use your rational brain, your smoking education, and your strong desire to quit to fight the urge. And eventually, sooner or later, you will turn around one day and realize that the romance is dead. You really don't have to fight to keep your quit anymore-- you just have to remain vigilant and committed.

 

Hang in there, folks!  You can DO this!

 

 

bump,  you may want to read through the three pages of this post, it is really helpful

[lml]

Excellent post and excellent video...

 

 

 

[SneakyTurtle]

I was going through this exact thing last night. I had an hour long drive and a playoff game. I was so nervous as it was my first one. I thought there was no way I would get through it without smoking. I even texted a friend and told her I was done. I could not wait to smoke that first one and feel that buzz from it after having not smoked for a few days. It's so irrational and I even said to my friend, I know that in the long run my nerves will be better not smoking and I won't be playing a match and waiting for my chance to smoke, I can more easily concentrate on what I am doing. 

 

Well, I didn't stop and I made it through without having a smoke and I even won!!! I even had a couple of beers. I was supposed to meet up with some friends after but I decided to just go home because they were at a smoking bar. I had enough for one night...

[Reciprocity]

This is fantastic ST! And, you called it right when you said;

 

"I know that in the long run my nerves will be better not smoking and I won't be playing a match and waiting for my chance to smoke, I can more easily concentrate on what I am doing." 

 

YES! This is exactly it! See your quit through the tough and uncertain early days and you will be rewarded like you can't imagine. Freedom to enjoy whatever you are into without having to worry about the addiction's seductive call. Soon you will be happy to say: Piss Off I'm busy living my life!

Edited July 14, 2018 by reciprocity

[Sirius]

Next time a craving plunks down on your face ask yourself, "What price are you willing to pay to own yourself?"

Edited July 26, 2019 by Sirius
grammar, grammar, grammar

[Octain]

Don’t “romance” the cigarette. Addiction wants you to believe that you cannot control your thoughts. This is absolutely incorrect. You have direct control of your thoughts.

You absolutely CAN control what you think.

 

Cravings always go away. No matter how bad you want, the cravings always go away. 

 If you don’t give into that craving, it makes you even that much stronger. 

Just keep in mind, the cravings always go away.

 

 

Cigarettes do nothing for you.  

They take away your time, your money and you health.

[rmayers]

The last cigaret I had was 2 years ago. Wow, couldn`t even imagine how much time has passed. I will lie to say I didn`t want to smoke after quitting, I think everybody here understands this. I have tried a lot of different ways to quit. I have read a lot on Vapingdaily about quitting methods like "cold turkey" or replacing cigarettes. I understood I can`t do it fast. 
I moved to vaping with liquids that contain nicotine and every month I reduced the quantity of nicotine in my liquids. I don`t smoke/vape now and really happy my family has always supported me with this big problem. Because I understood I couldn`t control my addiction anymore.

Every time I want to smoke and remember this process I think how much money I had saved) Maybe this can help you too) 

Edited October 1, 2018 by rmayers
Link to vaping site removed.

[Sazerac]

On 1/6/2015 at 7:50 AM, Chrysalis said:

Subtitle: The Romance Is Dead!

 

 

This is the time of year when many people quit smoking. Most especially, people who quit before but relapsed are trying again. I think that is wonderful (that they're coming back, not that they relapsed).

 

Reading their posts has made me realize that in very many cases, people relapse because they are still romancing the cigarette. That means that they still WANT to smoke even though they know that smoking does nothing good for them. They still remember those quietly satisfying evenings on the deck smoking. They remember that a-a-a-h-h-h! of satisfaction with the first long draw on a cigarette. And they want that again. And so even if they are weeks or months into a quit-- even though the PHYSICAL addiction is long gone-- they essentially choose to go back to smoking because of the pull of these romantic fantasies about how good smoking was.

 

Well, I was the poster child for romancing the cigarette. Throughout this quit and all my previous quits (of which there were several) I always wanted to smoke. I didn't smoke-- I controlled myself-- but I wanted to smoke. All the time. Almost every day. It seemed to me that after 4 or 5 months quit, almost everybody on the board was way done with smoking and happy about it. I still missed it. And that was frustrating because my rational brain KNEW that the "pleasure" of smoking was vastly over rated and mostly imaginary. I KNEW that I was romancing the cigarette and I really did not want to go back to smoking. But the seductive thoughts were there. Maybe not every day, but often enough to be very annoying.

 

I'm here to tell you that today, more than 9 months after my quit, I realize that I am not desiring a cigarette hardly ever! This is a first for me. And this death of the romance is not just a matter of time-- I quit smoking before for periods of up to a year and still suffered from romancing.

 

I think that the difference this time is that I educated myself about Nicodemon's lies. It's as though my rational brain has told my junkie brain over and over and over again "No, smoking is NOT pleasurable! And such small, brief pleasure as you feel when you smoke comes at way too great a cost! Forget it!" and finally, FINALLY junkie brain is quieting down. What a relief!

 

Now I do admit that during these "romancing episodes" that I'm talking about-- those days when I really, really wanted a cigarette-- I had to remind myself over and over again about why I quit smoking in the first place and remind myself over and over again that I wanted to quit more than I wanted to smoke. I had to FIGHT to keep my quit many, many times over the months. The urge to smoke wasn't constant, but it was frequent. Sometimes it was quite miserable.

 

I'm still jealous of people who seemed to have it easier than I did. I often thought that I was a "special snowflake" and I had it harder than other quitters-- few people admitted that they still wanted to smoke many months after a quit. But whether I had it worse than anyone else or not, I hung in there, reminded myself about why I quit, and that I was DETERMINED not to smoke.

 

Now, at last, I can look back over the last few weeks and realize that the romance is dead. I finally, finally am at the point where I do think about smoking once in a while but it's like a vague thought that is easily dismissed, not a serious desire. I have heard others describe this "vague thought" phenomenon many months after a quit and I finally understand what they are talking about.

 

 

So I guess I am writing this to say that if you are many weeks or months into a quit and you still want a cigarette, you are not alone. What you are experiencing is real. It does happen to some people (like me, for example). You are romancing the cigarette and you have to use your rational brain, your smoking education, and your strong desire to quit to fight the urge. And eventually, sooner or later, you will turn around one day and realize that the romance is dead. You really don't have to fight to keep your quit anymore-- you just have to remain vigilant and committed.

 

Hang in there, folks!  You can DO this!

Please, take the time to read through all the pages,

there is lots of information, anecdotal evidence and a few vids.

I would also like to post

Red Flags here,

which is a list of junkie thoughts that the addict uses to keep us enslaved.

(Please,  add your own !)

Pre Response to your own SOS

and when you hit a wall

Post an SOS !  

 

Once you commit to NOPE,

once you decide that SMOKING IS NOT AN OPTION,

the struggle subsides to a certain extent.  The doubt vanishes.

 

You are not kicking and screaming your way into your quit,

you will be building your quit with every crave you conquer.

Every day of Freedom,  you will accumulate a nice big stash of confidence and self worth as well as health/wealth.

You will learn to trust yourself instead of poisoning yourself.

 

Having a relapse is choosing to smoke.

It is nothing more and nothing less.

You deserve better, you deserve to choose Freedom.

 

[Sazerac]

Bump.