How to prevent a relapse

[forestgreen]

Thank you Chrysalis,  I too have relapsed,  and was so envious of people who seemed to find it a lot easier than me. In one way I learnt more about myself the 2nd time around, but was searching for the reasons why in the end. Romancing is and was definitely on my agenda, I will need to create a different romance picture, at the moment I love my sweet little dog, and I sing and dance to her a lot. This will do for now because I am changing my eating behaviour once again (no cakes) this is a mental problem too. I am sure if I keep on reading and learning and listening I will be guilt free and continue to be smoke free too. 

[Sazerac]

54 minutes ago, forestgreen said:

Romancing is and was definitely on my agenda, 

 

 

The way to prevent a relapse is to take smoking off the table and stand by your commitment to NOPE (Not One Puff Ever).

 

Root out any thoughts you may have that smoking is OK or that just one will be OK or that it was great to smoke.

Any thoughts are the LIES of addiction.

We've heard and thought them all until we chose to control our thoughts and leave addiction in the dust.

Red Flags

You must be merciless in this and leave no room, no room at all for relapse.

 

I am concerned, forestgreen...you often speak of the romance of nicotine.

What is romancing you ?  What remains enticing ?  What do you think you are missing ?

[Doreensfree]

When you totally understand this addiction ,when you see how the Big Tabacco Companies ..work so hard  to make sure we ..the poor smokers stay hooked for life ...

There is nothing left to Romance ..... poison......they have been poisoning us ....

It's so slowly we are unaware.....it's only when are bodies carnt cope with it anymore ....it develops a chronic illness most of them fatal...

COPD is nothing to Romance ..trust me .....you really don't want to have this in your life ....

[forestgreen]

I didn't realize I was romancing the cigarette, or that I am missing something, I am glad the cigarette is out of my life, I used to romance it, but then so did a lot of people on the movies in particular. I think my thoughts are mostly on trying to loose weight now, and this might be me romancing "my cake" I am missing my cake but I have devised a new Mantra for this.  Called I love savoury eats, not sweet eats.   I don't know how long this will last, but it might sink into my brain soon if I say it often enough. I can remember giving up sugar in my coffee and tea a very long time (decades) ago and was quite miserable for a while. Thanks for caring

[Boo]

1 hour ago, forestgreen said:

 I don't know how long this will last, but it might sink into my brain soon if I say it often enough. 

 

Repetition and time are powerful tools.

 

With patience and persistence, not only can you change your thoughts but also rewire your brain.  The same way we conditioned ourselves with cigarettes, we can also condition ourselves with positive things.

[forestgreen]

Thankyou  Boo

[Sazerac]

Here are some more links to resources concerning relapse.

 

Resources Related To The Implications Of A Puff Once You Have Quit

 

Relapse Prevention Resources

[Shezi]

What a truly great post! 

[taylorwilkes1990]

On 1/6/2015 at 1:50 PM, Chrysalis said:

Subtitle: The Romance Is Dead!

 

 

This is the time of year when many people quit smoking. Most especially, people who quit before but relapsed are trying again. I think that is wonderful (that they're coming back, not that they relapsed).

 

Reading their posts has made me realize that in very many cases, people relapse because they are still romancing the cigarette. That means that they still WANT to smoke even though they know that smoking does nothing good for them. They still remember those quietly satisfying evenings on the deck smoking. They remember that a-a-a-h-h-h! of satisfaction with the first long draw on a cigarette. And they want that again. And so even if they are weeks or months into a quit-- even though the PHYSICAL addiction is long gone-- they essentially choose to go back to smoking because of the pull of these romantic fantasies about how good smoking was.

 

Well, I was the poster child for romancing the cigarette. Throughout this quit and all my previous quits (of which there were several) I always wanted to smoke. I didn't smoke-- I controlled myself-- but I wanted to smoke. All the time. Almost every day. It seemed to me that after 4 or 5 months quit, almost everybody on the board was way done with smoking and happy about it. I still missed it. And that was frustrating because my rational brain KNEW that the "pleasure" of smoking was vastly over rated and mostly imaginary. I KNEW that I was romancing the cigarette and I really did not want to go back to smoking. But the seductive thoughts were there. Maybe not every day, but often enough to be very annoying.

 

I'm here to tell you that today, more than 9 months after my quit, I realize that I am not desiring a cigarette hardly ever! This is a first for me. And this death of the romance is not just a matter of time-- I quit smoking before for periods of up to a year and still suffered from romancing.

 

I think that the difference this time is that I educated myself about Nicodemon's lies. It's as though my rational brain has told my junkie brain over and over and over again "No, smoking is NOT pleasurable! And such small, brief pleasure as you feel when you smoke comes at way too great a cost! Forget it!" and finally, FINALLY junkie brain is quieting down. What a relief!

 

Now I do admit that during these "romancing episodes" that I'm talking about-- those days when I really, really wanted a cigarette-- I had to remind myself over and over again about why I quit smoking in the first place and remind myself over and over again that I wanted to quit more than I wanted to smoke. I had to FIGHT to keep my quit many, many times over the months. The urge to smoke wasn't constant, but it was frequent. Sometimes it was quite miserable.

 

I'm still jealous of people who seemed to have it easier than I did. I often thought that I was a "special snowflake" and I had it harder than other quitters-- few people admitted that they still wanted to smoke many months after a quit. But whether I had it worse than anyone else or not, I hung in there, reminded myself about why I quit, and that I was DETERMINED not to smoke.

 

Now, at last, I can look back over the last few weeks and realize that the romance is dead. I finally, finally am at the point where I do think about smoking once in a while but it's like a vague thought that is easily dismissed, not a serious desire. I have heard others describe this "vague thought" phenomenon many months after a quit and I finally understand what they are talking about.

 

 

So I guess I am writing this to say that if you are many weeks or months into a quit and you still want a cigarette, you are not alone. What you are experiencing is real. It does happen to some people (like me, for example). You are romancing the cigarette and you have to use your rational brain, your smoking education, and your strong desire to quit to fight the urge. And eventually, sooner or later, you will turn around one day and realize that the romance is dead. You really don't have to fight to keep your quit anymore-- you just have to remain vigilant and committed.

 

Hang in there, folks!  You can DO this!

 

What a great post, thanks for the story, it's really encouraging! 

[Katgirl]

That really was a great post. Very well thought out and beautifully written. A wise woman!

 

Edited May 19, 2021 by Katgirl

[Tara smith]

I need this Bump

[Tokiea]

On 1/6/2015 at 8:50 AM, Chrysalis said:

Subtitle: The Romance Is Dead!

 

 

This is the time of year when many people quit smoking. Most especially, people who quit before but relapsed are trying again. I think that is wonderful (that they're coming back, not that they relapsed).

 

Reading their posts has made me realize that in very many cases, people relapse because they are still romancing the cigarette. That means that they still WANT to smoke even though they know that smoking does nothing good for them. They still remember those quietly satisfying evenings on the deck smoking. They remember that a-a-a-h-h-h! of satisfaction with the first long draw on a cigarette. And they want that again. And so even if they are weeks or months into a quit-- even though the PHYSICAL addiction is long gone-- they essentially choose to go back to smoking because of the pull of these romantic fantasies about how good smoking was.

 

Well, I was the poster child for romancing the cigarette. Throughout this quit and all my previous quits (of which there were several) I always wanted to smoke. I didn't smoke-- I controlled myself-- but I wanted to smoke. All the time. Almost every day. It seemed to me that after 4 or 5 months quit, almost everybody on the board was way done with smoking and happy about it. I still missed it. And that was frustrating because my rational brain KNEW that the "pleasure" of smoking was vastly over rated and mostly imaginary. I KNEW that I was romancing the cigarette and I really did not want to go back to smoking. But the seductive thoughts were there. Maybe not every day, but often enough to be very annoying.

 

I'm here to tell you that today, more than 9 months after my quit, I realize that I am not desiring a cigarette hardly ever! This is a first for me. And this death of the romance is not just a matter of time-- I quit smoking before for periods of up to a year and still suffered from romancing.

 

I think that the difference this time is that I educated myself about Nicodemon's lies. It's as though my rational brain has told my junkie brain over and over and over again "No, smoking is NOT pleasurable! And such small, brief pleasure as you feel when you smoke comes at way too great a cost! Forget it!" and finally, FINALLY junkie brain is quieting down. What a relief!

 

Now I do admit that during these "romancing episodes" that I'm talking about-- those days when I really, really wanted a cigarette-- I had to remind myself over and over again about why I quit smoking in the first place and remind myself over and over again that I wanted to quit more than I wanted to smoke. I had to FIGHT to keep my quit many, many times over the months. The urge to smoke wasn't constant, but it was frequent. Sometimes it was quite miserable.

 

I'm still jealous of people who seemed to have it easier than I did. I often thought that I was a "special snowflake" and I had it harder than other quitters-- few people admitted that they still wanted to smoke many months after a quit. But whether I had it worse than anyone else or not, I hung in there, reminded myself about why I quit, and that I was DETERMINED not to smoke.

 

Now, at last, I can look back over the last few weeks and realize that the romance is dead. I finally, finally am at the point where I do think about smoking once in a while but it's like a vague thought that is easily dismissed, not a serious desire. I have heard others describe this "vague thought" phenomenon many months after a quit and I finally understand what they are talking about.

 

 

So I guess I am writing this to say that if you are many weeks or months into a quit and you still want a cigarette, you are not alone. What you are experiencing is real. It does happen to some people (like me, for example). You are romancing the cigarette and you have to use your rational brain, your smoking education, and your strong desire to quit to fight the urge. And eventually, sooner or later, you will turn around one day and realize that the romance is dead. You really don't have to fight to keep your quit anymore-- you just have to remain vigilant and committed.

 

Hang in there, folks!  You can DO this!

  

I romanticize the cigarette too. thank you for posting this. i realize what i do now. thanks for the insight.

[Brioski]

This is a fantastic post, great read.  Thank you 

[StruggleDaily]

Thankyou Chysalis,

 

That original post is right where I am, still romancing the 'lovely ciggy'!!!!

Tomorrow is day 40 of my latest quit, my best effort yet, and I am sticking to my daily NOPE but it so damn difficult. 

 

Logic plays no part in the feeling, just 50 years of an ex habit that is lingering for longer than I would like.

 

The daily struggle will continue and I wish all of you the best in your efforts to stay away from the siren song of smoking.

[DenaliBlues]

Congrats on 40 days, @StruggleDaily!! It gets easier soon… I promise! Hang in there till you turn the corner. Freedom is beautiful.

[Doreensfree]

Congratulations @StruggleDaily…on your fabulous 40 days ..

As D ,says ,it does get easier my friend ..that’s one thing we can promise you ..

You are winning your battles …keep going till the war is won 

Stay close to the board ,we can help you through the tough times..

A pat on the back for all your hard work

Edited June 28 by Doreensfree

[Gus]

Congratulations @StruggleDaily. Keep at it. 40 days is an awesome quit. My breakthrough came when that struggle going on in my brain had a new player step in and she was angry. She kind of slapped the ‘I’m in here forever Nicodemon’ and the ‘oh look at me, NOT SMOKING, vainglorious me’ around a little. Took control, put my foot down, and drew a line. Serious and sober minded. You really are on your way. 40+ days of being able to say, “I don’t smoke.” “I’m a non smoker.” Whoop, Whoop! I’m smiling! I bet you are too! 

[Genecanuck]

On 1/12/2015 at 8:31 AM, Chrysalis said:

Excellent video, Sharon, thank you! 

 

You know, I never believed that relapse happens suddenly. When people say, "I don't know what happened. I was doing fine and then I was at a party and someone offered me a cigarette and BAM! I was back to smoking before I even realized what happened!" Really, the seeds of relapse are planted days or weeks before the event; we just don't realize it. One of the things I like about this video is that it recognizes that these seeds are planted early and tells you how to recognize it and how to deal with it. 

 

One thing I noticed about smoking (and that the video addresses early on) is that when we quit, if we don't do "self care" we are setting ourselves up for relapse. I mean, look at why we smoke. We smoke because we're bored or anxious or lonely. We smoke because we want to celebrate a small victory or because we're up to "here" with screaming kids and just need a 5 minute break. So we step outside or kick back in our chair and smoke for a few minutes. Then we feel calmer and ready to get back to our day.

 

When we quit smoking, what do we do to fill those needs instead of smoking? How you do bleed off stress or anxiety? What do you do when you're up to "here" with the kids? When can you even get a break if you're not smoking? I used to use smoking as a way to sit down and rest and relax for 7 minutes several times a day. When I stopped smoking, I no longer had an excuse to sit and do nothing-- I expected myself to go, go, go all day long without stopping. After all, if I don't need to smoke, why should I stop working? 

 

So with no way to bleed off stress, no excuse to step outside or have a seat and clear your mind for a few minutes, of course the desire to smoke is going to build. You don't really miss the nicotine per se, you miss having a ritual or a strategy to care for yourself and give yourself periodic relaxation breaks throughout the day. So the emotional pressure and frustration build up. Remembering the good things you associated with smoking build up. And the next thing you know, you accept an offered cigarette and BAM! you relapse. From "out of the blue" right? Wrong. The relapse had been building for weeks because you weren't paying attention to your inner needs or providing yourself any alternatives to cigarettes. 

This is going right into my quit relapse prevention library. Many thanks

[Genecanuck]

On 1/6/2015 at 8:50 AM, Chrysalis said:

Subtitle: The Romance Is Dead!

 

 

This is the time of year when many people quit smoking. Most especially, people who quit before but relapsed are trying again. I think that is wonderful (that they're coming back, not that they relapsed).

 

Reading their posts has made me realize that in very many cases, people relapse because they are still romancing the cigarette. That means that they still WANT to smoke even though they know that smoking does nothing good for them. They still remember those quietly satisfying evenings on the deck smoking. They remember that a-a-a-h-h-h! of satisfaction with the first long draw on a cigarette. And they want that again. And so even if they are weeks or months into a quit-- even though the PHYSICAL addiction is long gone-- they essentially choose to go back to smoking because of the pull of these romantic fantasies about how good smoking was.

 

Well, I was the poster child for romancing the cigarette. Throughout this quit and all my previous quits (of which there were several) I always wanted to smoke. I didn't smoke-- I controlled myself-- but I wanted to smoke. All the time. Almost every day. It seemed to me that after 4 or 5 months quit, almost everybody on the board was way done with smoking and happy about it. I still missed it. And that was frustrating because my rational brain KNEW that the "pleasure" of smoking was vastly over rated and mostly imaginary. I KNEW that I was romancing the cigarette and I really did not want to go back to smoking. But the seductive thoughts were there. Maybe not every day, but often enough to be very annoying.

 

I'm here to tell you that today, more than 9 months after my quit, I realize that I am not desiring a cigarette hardly ever! This is a first for me. And this death of the romance is not just a matter of time-- I quit smoking before for periods of up to a year and still suffered from romancing.

 

I think that the difference this time is that I educated myself about Nicodemon's lies. It's as though my rational brain has told my junkie brain over and over and over again "No, smoking is NOT pleasurable! And such small, brief pleasure as you feel when you smoke comes at way too great a cost! Forget it!" and finally, FINALLY junkie brain is quieting down. What a relief!

 

Now I do admit that during these "romancing episodes" that I'm talking about-- those days when I really, really wanted a cigarette-- I had to remind myself over and over again about why I quit smoking in the first place and remind myself over and over again that I wanted to quit more than I wanted to smoke. I had to FIGHT to keep my quit many, many times over the months. The urge to smoke wasn't constant, but it was frequent. Sometimes it was quite miserable.

 

I'm still jealous of people who seemed to have it easier than I did. I often thought that I was a "special snowflake" and I had it harder than other quitters-- few people admitted that they still wanted to smoke many months after a quit. But whether I had it worse than anyone else or not, I hung in there, reminded myself about why I quit, and that I was DETERMINED not to smoke.

 

Now, at last, I can look back over the last few weeks and realize that the romance is dead. I finally, finally am at the point where I do think about smoking once in a while but it's like a vague thought that is easily dismissed, not a serious desire. I have heard others describe this "vague thought" phenomenon many months after a quit and I finally understand what they are talking about.

 

 

So I guess I am writing this to say that if you are many weeks or months into a quit and you still want a cigarette, you are not alone. What you are experiencing is real. It does happen to some people (like me, for example). You are romancing the cigarette and you have to use your rational brain, your smoking education, and your strong desire to quit to fight the urge. And eventually, sooner or later, you will turn around one day and realize that the romance is dead. You really don't have to fight to keep your quit anymore-- you just have to remain vigilant and committed.

 

Hang in there, folks!  You can DO this!

HI @Chrysalis ...  I hope you are still healthy, happy and smoke free. I had to re-read  your post today because I am going into a long weekend and will be visiting smoking friends. I am experiencing fear. A type of romancing smoking thinking about experiences I had smoking with good friends. It's strange. I don't have a phsycial desire to smoke but I am afraid that I will break down and smoke with good friends. I know that is crazy stinking thinking but it is a sign that I have to work my recovery..... I can be around friends who smoke and remind myself that it is the friendship, and not the smoking that I need in my life. Thank you for this insightful post. Kind Regards ... Gene

Edited November 26 by Genecanuck

[jillar]

Hey @Genecanuck, I bet you'll be fine this weekend and keep your awesome quit and if you need our support just come on and post so we can help you past the crave. 

You'll be happy to know that for most of us, the work up to the event was way worse than the event. And the event went great. So have a nice weekend, we got your back!

[DenaliBlues]

You’re setting yourself up for success by taking a close look at your fear and vulnerability, Gene. It’s good to be prepared, it will help you protect your precious quit. When push comes to shove, you might not even feel tempted to smoke, like Jillar said. But if you do have cravings or longings, that’s ok. Smoking was part of your social life and ritual life for a long time, so it’s natural to miss it. You can acknowledge those feelings without having to act on them. Have a great time, be joyful with your friends… and don’t stick anything in your mouth and light it on fire! 

[Doreensfree]

Gene 

You are a wonderful non smoker . 
Sometimes our minds can be our worst enemy…

Dont over think … 

Those smokers you are with have to smoke 

they are still addicted , 

Keep reminding yourself your free 

We are always here if you need us for a quick chat

[Genecanuck]

Thank you @Doreensfree, @DenaliBlues and @jillar Today, I'm focused on the blue sky and clean air. Many thanks!

 

Edited October 11 by Genecanuck

[Penguin]

You make an excellent point that is all too often ignored. At least in the United States where I'm from, most everyone is aware of the dangers of smoking by the time they move on from elementary school, but that doesn't keep us from beginning to romanticize it by the time we're in middle school (if not earlier). Hollywood and the like don't do us any favors, either. Whether we're really willing to admit it or not, smoking is portrayed as cool within pop culture.

 

Those of us who have smoked remember the relaxation it provides. Less often, we recall the nausea, the stench, the fear of those odd aches and pains, the frustration when we're forced to go without our habit, the financial costs, the missed moments, and more. In my own quit, I feel like I found a cheat code, because I quit overnight due to a collapsed lung. I tell my doctor, "The magic words to get me to quit smoking were 'spontaneous pulmonary pneumothorax.'" After that, I had very slight cravings, but they were so heavily outweighed by my newfound aversion to smoking, the cravings had no effect.

 

Even so, I'm thirteen months into quitting, and I still occasionally think, "I could smoke." I've been down that road before, though, and I know what happens if I let myself slip even once. I'll think, "Just this one," and before I know it I'll be back at a pack a day. That's why we say, "Not One Puff Ever." Even if the cravings are easily brushed aside at this point, I know I'm still an addict. That's not a moral judgment, but a practical assessment. There's no shame in needing to be especially careful about avoiding a substance that kills you by inches.

 

All too often, people treat cigarettes as some sort of light entertainment, despite the fact we all know it's dangerous. Those of us who recognize how truly dangerous nicotine is are treated as crazy or irritating for pointing it out, even if we are tactful in our approach. It can condition us to not take the threat seriously. Don't take the bait, friends. Remain steadfast in your resolution and your full awareness of the evil that lurks beneath the appeal of smoking.

[Genecanuck]

Hi @Penguin.

 

I had a serious life-threatening health scare that made me really hate cigarettes. But a strange thing happened to me over time. My aversion to smoking went away and I started romancing the smokes again. And I eventually relapsed. That is the insidious part of smoking. 

 

I learned that the stinking thinking in the brain that leads a person to pine for cigarettes needs to be uprooted. If not, there is always a risk that you can return to romancing cigarettes. The stinking thinking behind pining for cigarettes has to be challenged immediately.

My biggest trigger is figuring out what to do when I am experiencing pressure or stress. I just must know deep in my bones that smoking will NEVER relieve any pressure or stress in the moment. If I smoke, I know I will IMMEDIATELY feel worse off. The pressure and stress will still be there with the added stress of craving cigarettes all over again.

 

Yes, evil does lurk beneath that mistaken thought that smoking has anything to do with making us feel better.

 

Back to not one puff ever!:)

 

Thanks for sharing your insights @Penguin
 

 

Edited November 26 by Genecanuck