I'd would be só easy... *swearing*

[Evelyn]

... to walk downstairs for that bloody cigarette. I hate the smell, I don't enjoy smoking but I feel so scared and awful, it would be so easy to forget all the process I made and throw my quit away. I won't. I'll cry, I'll post but I'll NOPE!

I just want to feel SAFE again. It's 5 30 PM can hardly go to bed already.  

 

I WILL NOT SMOKE ONE PUFF. But it would be lovely if I'd just be able to sit in my living room without flashbacks and panick-attack!

 

I'm SOOO pissed. And I dunno whom I'm angry at, ow yeah I do at the person that conceived me,  used me and makes me feel I'm bad! Go to hell NOW and let me be free!

 

That said. 

[El Bandito]

Angry is OK Evelyn.

 

Smoking is not.

 

It is the past. Leave it there.

 

Keep in keeping on!

[Evelyn]

Yea sometimes you need to kick the past in the balls!

[bakon]

And slap the woman who keeps living in it.....come on.

[sharonsiff]

Yes, kick the past in the balls and do not let it hurt you now.

 

Good job not reaching for a stinky cig..I mean just yuck!

 

Google David Tennant and get your Dr Who on my friend. Distraction and easy on the eye... Two birds with one stone.

 

Good job reaching out too, very sensible xx

[Evelyn]

And slap the woman who keeps living in it.....come on.

Very understanding bakon as always

[Tink]

Evelyn I'm going to say something that might seem weird or harsh but please give it some thought

 

I have true empathy for your past and your feelings but sometimes hanging onto the injustice and anger and hurt of it all will not make it go away or hurt less, sometimes the only thing to stop ourselves from being continuously hurt by it is to let it go, to say ok these bad things happened but they were past I cannot and will not let it affect my future

 

Easier said then done I know, but when you can accept that, things will get easier for you, nothing can change the past but you can control your future

 

I say this from personal experiences and for decades of holding onto too much anger

 

Releasing anger is not enough, letting go is I am at peace and I hope with all my heart you find it EVelyn xxx

[Mastergardener]

I so agree with Tracey. It is hard, but doable and can help SO much!

Karen

[Evelyn]

I usually don't get angry. So its good I said that last night.

However I'm in a period where the genie comes outta bottle so putting it away won't work. It's just not that simple.

But if it bothers other people I won't post it no matter I'm in progress or not.

I thought it was okay but apparently there's a time limit on processing your trauma's

[MarylandQuitter]

I usually don't get angry. So its good I said that last night.

However I'm in a period where the genie comes outta bottle so putting it away won't work. It's just not that simple.

But if it bothers other people I won't post it no matter I'm in progress or not.

I thought it was okay but apparently there's a time limit on processing your trauma's

 

Of course there's no time limit on anything regarding the issues that you deal with.  People are just trying to help.  If people didn't care, they wouldn't take the time to respond.  Only you and your therapist know what is best for you but when you have friends, from time to time they speak up because they care.  That's all this is.  :)

 

Great job on not caving and smoking!

[bakon]

Anger at past and holding on to feelings is like drinking poison and waiting for other person to die.

 

 

Sometime it does need to end. You can decide and I am just pushing towards it. Maybe I will be the quiet one and not post to your stuff being under qualified in the care you truly require.

[Evelyn]

I've rarely been angry, I'm in the proces of working through my memories with my T, so YES sometimes I get overwhelmed. Are you such an asswhole to Natalie too?

[El Bandito]

Hey Evelyn. Well done for hanging on and not smoking. 

 

Like I said angry is OK.

 

I'm sure that working through the memories is really tough - and when you post, I can feel your pain.

 

I, and I think many others, hurt when we read the posts, and are all hoping and praying that all of this good work that you and your T are doing is paying off and bringing you to a place of peace and opportunity.

 

Keep on keeping on Evelyn.

[Evelyn]

It's years-therapy, but I'm growing now Bandit

[Mike.]

Angry is OK Evelyn.

 

Smoking is not.

 

It is the past. Leave it there.

 

Keep in keeping on!

 

 

Yea sometimes you need to kick the past in the balls!

 

 

I like to do both!

[Evelyn]

Old post mike lol

[babs609]

but, just look at how far you've come Evelyn!

 

Good stuff!

[queen greenlover]

So sorry you're having "urges" BUT as you stand your ground & NOT give in the stronger you become. Trust me & other relaspers-that smoke that you think will be the CUREALL won't do jack shit for you.

[Leanna]

I know this is an old post, but I think it's a great reflection of how far you've come Evelyn! Nearly 4 months... that's amazing!

[bakon]

Kicking ass

[Evelyn]

Thanks :)

[Tyme2B]

How are you doing Ev? Hope the cravings are less. There are things we don't expect to happen but cravings are one thing we DO expect. I get mild ones occasionally but can usually find a way to get rid of them pretty fast. Getting something different on my mind, singing 99 bottlesof beer on the wall to myself, cleaning....now that one is like a gift for pushing that annoying crave away. Just different "stuff" which do not involve smoking!! Good luck!

[Evelyn]

Well I got the hang of coping with cravings so NOW I'm focussing on changing my eating patterns :) But I'm still very happy I'm smokefree

[Evelyn]

9 months later, how much I've changed and grown without fag had my first fall party profile pic as a proof

[Runfree]

You're rockin the free world Evelyn! Looks good on you too :)