Can't think of a good title

[deltawings]

So I have been staying up all night, stuck in the train of thoughts. It's Monday morning. To be honest, I don't remember much that has happened this year, or how the year went on, or if I had any control over it. This is one of those times where you just sit back and wonder what the heck is going on. You think you have it all sorted this time, but it keeps looping back to the same place. You thought everything was perfect. You had high hopes of the outcomes. You sometimes wind up in a place that gives you that old familiar feeling. You are left with no option but to acknowledge it. Sometimes you get scarred for lifetime. You try to walk away from that fact. You go all the possible ways to make yourself believe that it isn't true. You block your mind from going that way. Sometimes it becomes almost impossible to keep yourself from wondering how different, or how better things could have been if you could just go back in time and done certain things differently. How some permanent damages could have been completely avoided. You are forced to believe that if things get bad, they always get worse. Your mind. It plays games with you. It is your best friend and your worst enemy. You make peace with yourself, you make peace with the entire world. You may, or you may not. But you don't give up. You wake up tomorrow and keep going. Someone has written this in a better way:

 

 

"For this is what we do. Put one foot forward and then the other. Lift our eyes to the snarl and smile of the world once more. Think. Act. Feel. Add our little consequence to the tides of good and evil that flood and drain the world. Drag our shadowed crosses into the hope of another night. Push our brave hearts into the promise of a new day. With love: the passionate search for truth other than our own. With longing: the pure, ineffable yearning to be saved. For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on. God help us. God forgive us. We live on."

[El Bandito]

Morning Delta.

 

I'm not sure if you are expressing despondency or hope.

 

I pray that it is the latter, and that you can look yourself in the mirror and say,

 

" today I am a better man than yesterday and tomorrow I will be again"

 

That's all we can do isn't it?

 

I wish you and yours a Happy Holiday season.

[Still winning]

I think there is a lot of "heavy" energy around, forcing people to really delve deep...not something we usually do.  I certainly feel it. Maybe try and think on it not as a feeling you should cosy up with - but a time to get a greater understanding to make some choices that will work better for you. 

 

x

[Dors67]

Simplified ... Life is short....DONT waste it...live each day as if it were your last

[Chrysalis]

So I have been staying up all night, stuck in the train of thoughts. It's Monday morning. To be honest, I don't remember much that has happened this year, or how the year went on, or if I had any control over it... 

 

Deltawings, what you did this year was to QUIT SMOKING!! For Pete's sake, don't minimize how difficult that is or how important that is. You said in your first post that you had quit before, several times, but always relapsed. Well, this year you did NOT relapse and you sure as shootin' proved that you have control there. 

 

I don't know what else you did or didn't do this year. But if you quit smoking, then this year was a huge success! Give yourself a lot of credit for that.

[Humbled]

Life is an unwritten path - there will always be crossroads and obstacles to face - along the way everyone picks up a few bad experiences some are lasting while others are more easily forgotten - there are also milestones and achievements that is what people tend to overlook - I do not know one person who if given the chance wouldn't go back and do something differently - hell I would never have picked up a cigarette 25 years ago but I did and it took a quarter of a century to put it down for good -major regret smoking 25 years (over 182,000 cigarettes) more significant achievement NOPE for the next 50 years + 

 

You have to choose which perspective to live by pain, suffering, regret or acceptance, forgiveness and moving forward - only then will happiness be found.

 

You are still on this side of the grass so now it is your choice to be happy or scared - I say take the reigns and choose a good path for you. 

[Tink]

Delta make yourself some new year resolutions, include some fun

 

You quit smoking how awesome were You this year!

[SueBeDoo]

You conquered quitting smoking for 2014 and that is no mean feat, it's a massive thing you did.

Make 2015 your year, you have a good strong quit and that is what this year was mainly about now it's your time to achieve whatever you wanted to do, write that bucket list and get to it, dream big xxxx

[deltawings]

Quitting smoking is indeed an achievement that took a lot of pain and effort, but I often thought about chucking all of that and going back(not to discourage the newbies), but I know I'll regret it. Thanks so much for all the replies! 

[Sarah]

I know exactly what you mean. Been there, and annoyingly keep going back there.

 

But the only option is to stand up, dust yourself off and move on.

 

Staying on the ground is not an option.

 

I've no idea when I'm going to be healed, I know my head is a mess but I know I'm getting better.

 

I'm sure if you take stock and look at where you were and where you are now you'll see you've got better too, even if its just a little bit. That is progress. And this time next year you'll be a little bit better again, and again, and again.

[Doreensfree]

Quitting smoking has been the best thing you have achieved....

To have a healthier life style....

Never miminize....how fantastic this achievement is...

Yes life throws us a few crappy bits....non smokers have crappy bits too...

Hold your heads up high...be proud....and keep marchin....

We are all climbing that mountain....to plant that flag of victory....