December 28th

[...]

is the day I have decided to quit. I had already made up my mind not to go into the new year smoking. I want to get through Christmas and I have something going on with a furry family member that is rather emotional. However, December 28th is the anniversary of a very good friend. So I have decided to pick that date to honor him.

 

Now..... someone asked me a while back.... do you want to quit or do you want to want to quit ? It's taken me a while to get honest with myself....or maybe I couldn't tell the difference. I do know there's a part of me that wants to but there's a part of me that enjoys it. I guess that is what confuses me the most. How can I desire something I don't like ? I equate it to being institutionalized. Having been imprisoned for so long, I don't know what to do in the real world.

 

I enjoy smoking. I don't really want to quit. I will quit later when it's a better time. My job is too stressful to quit (I have an extremely draining job but I love it). Some people are just not genetically wired to quit and I'm one of those people. I don't have months to deal with this. I have a very active life and this is just hindering that. It's relaxing. It's the only time I have for myself, for just me. I will NEVER allow myself to get a smoking related illness , I will exercise and eat right to counteract the damage smoking is doing......these are what go through my head. Over and over again. I hate the mental badgering. For me....... this is the monster under the bed.

 

But the flip side of all this is: I've been doing this for 22 months. Had I stuck with it 22 months ago, I would be past all this. And that monster would be dead. But truth be told, I gave up. This last relapse, I told myself that I was done with quitting. I have done this enough times to know I either can't do it or I don't want to.

 

However, I can't breathe. And I'm tired all the time. My kids are trying to make stupid deals with me to quit. And to top it off....my son told my daughter this week "she's never going to quit. So we may as well quit hoping". I have never felt so ashamed as a parent.

 

December 28th is my quit date. I'm going to take this time to read and change my thinking about it again. And please..... I am asking for no "you got this" or way to go's. I have had enough of those to last me a life time. I think at this point, I need tough love. Thought provoking questions to make me see the real truth and not all this bullshit that I tell myself. I'm not trying to be rude. I just need to get this done so I can actually move on with my life as a non smoker. I want to be healthy and I want to be an example to my children.

 

So that's my plan. I will see you on the 28th. Or maybe sooner if I have a question. lol.

[El Bandito]

Hey Tiff.

 

To a certain extent you are right. Through smoking, you have rewired yourself a bit. 

 

You enjoy smoking?

 

Really?

 

1. The taste? You are not going to convince anyone with that.

2. The choking?

3. The stink?

 

Listen honeybunch, you enjoy the nicotine cos you are addicted to nicotine.

 

It's not rocket science really.

 

You are addicted and addiction does stuff to the mind that makes breaking the addiction challenging.

 

So suck it up buttercup.

 

No-one is going to post a silver bullet for you, just stop smoking and don't start again.

 

What do you want? Someone to come break your fingers?

 

 

 

How was that Tiff?

 

Listen. I and most here smoked for 30 years +

 

All of us thought about/tried to quit before and didn't pull it off.

 

This time - on the whole, we are succeeding. You will too.

 

First thing - get rid of this "I enjoy smoking" stuff.

 

Tell me something that will convince me you enjoy it. Tell me exactly what it is. 

 

While you believe that smoking has something good for you, you will not quit. Get rid of that lie Tiff - and you will find it really easy to make your kids proud.

 

You got this - (sorry I couldn't resist! ;) )

[Sazerac]

I think you should stop with the B U L L S H I T already

and

QUIT NOW.

love,

S

Nicotine FREE in THREE days.  

What a Christmas gift for you and Your Children !

 

 

Edited To Add

 

How is smoking for another 22 DAYS

honouring your friend ?

[Jenny]

So good to hear from you!  I wonder how you are doing all the time.  I'm glad you picked a quit date and that it's not too far off.  We both know you can do this Tiff.  Here for you every step, just say the word.  xoxo

[Doreensfree]

Hi tiff.....

There is only one way to quit......never stick anything in your mouth and set fire to it.....

Get here as soon as you can.....and stick to nope.....

Your seat awaits.....MQ,s coffee....and a nice dunky biscuit.....

Come and get the job done....

[action]

Tiffany, this breaks my heart - I thought you were just off enjoying a smoke free life, but you let the junkie back in - why did you do this? We've been here a lot of times before, and I agree that you need to try to change your way of thinking - smoking is not enjoyable, smoking is horrible and deep down you know it.

 

And you also know deep (deep) down, that no amount of exercise or healthy eating will do a damn but of good when that smoking related disease decides to come knocking (which it will, if you carry on smoking)...

 

Big girl pants time (now, not the 28th)

[MarylandQuitter]

Glad to hear from you, Tiff!!!!!!

 

Look, at least give it some thought to pushing that quit date up a bit.  You've watched Joel's videos and you know the drill.  Your quit must be kept separate from life's trials.

 

Let me know when you're ready to face the lies written below.  That paragraph is big stinky pile of poo!  Right now you're a smoker who doesn't want to quit.  Some people may never quit and you need to decide if you're one of these people or not.  This can go back and forth for the rest of your life unless you get control over this addiction.  This is horrible and it's killing you.

 

Do you really believe some people are genetically wired to never quit?  That doesn't even make any sense unless we were somehow genetically wired to smoke in the first place.  This is preposterous.

 

I enjoy smoking. I don't really want to quit. I will quit later when it's a better time. My job is too stressful to quit (I have an extremely draining job but I love it). Some people are just not genetically wired to quit and I'm one of those people. I don't have months to deal with this. I have a very active life and this is just hindering that. It's relaxing. It's the only time I have for myself, for just me. I will NEVER allow myself to get a smoking related illness , I will exercise and eat right to counteract the damage smoking is doing......these are what go through my head. Over and over again. I hate the mental badgering. For me....... this is the monster under the bed.

 

Let me know when you're ready to address that pile of poo above and pack a lunch because it's gonna be back at day one since you've learned very little, if anything at all over the past what, 3 years?  The special day you quit will not have any effect on your ability to stay quit.  You need to learn NOPE or NTAP and just do it.

[...]

First thing - get rid of this "I enjoy smoking" stuff.

 

Tell me something that will convince me you enjoy it. Tell me exactly what it is. 

 

While you believe that smoking has something good for you, you will not quit. Get rid of that lie Tiff - and you will find it really easy to make your kids proud.

Please let me rephrase what I meant by saying "I enjoy smoking." I don't enjoy it per se. I am aware of the dangers of smoking. Maybe I didn't say it right. What I meant by that whole paragraph was that these are the thoughts that I think when I think of quitting or when I quit If I really enjoyed it, then I wouldn't be here.  I think it is commonly referred to as "romancing" it.  I was just trying to put what exactly I would think down into words...... to maybe combat those thoughts.  Just my stupid way of trying to prepare, that was all.

It's not rocket science really.

 

You are addicted and addiction does stuff to the mind that makes breaking the addiction challenging.

 

So suck it up buttercup.

 

No-one is going to post a silver bullet for you, just stop smoking and don't start again.

 

What do you want? Someone to come break your fingers?

 

 

 

How was that Tiff?

Thank you. That's what I need to hear.

 

How is smoking for another 22 DAYS

honouring your friend ?

Very good question......

 

I thought you were just off enjoying a smoke free life, but you let the junkie back in - why did you do this?

I have no idea why Action.  I'm still trying to figure that part out. 

 

Look, at least give it some thought to pushing that quit date up a bit.  You've watched Joel's videos and you know the drill.  Your quit must be kept separate from life's trials.

I have thought about that too.  However, I feel like I need to get mentally prepared for this.  It may not take until the 28th. That's just my target date for now.

 

Let me know when you're ready to address that pile of poo above and pack a lunch because it's gonna be back at day one since you've learned very little, if anything at all over the past what, 3 years? 

2 years, thank you very much.  lol  Like that makes much of a difference...... duh.  But to say I haven't learned anything..... I think I have.  But for some reason, I'm refusing to allow myself to internalize it....... if that makes any sense, I don't know.  Quitting to me, should not be that big of a deal.  Until I quit..... and then I can't think, I am fuzzy headed, I'm angry and it ends up monopolizing my thoughts. And that's what I DON'T like. 

 

All I can say is I'm not going into the new year smoking.  That, I am determined, not to do.   I'm just trying to figure out a way that it's not something I don't enjoy, but something that I do.  And I'm trying to start the process now....mentally and then quitting physically.  That was all.  If I'm full of shit, then tell me. 

 

Thank you Doreen and Jenny. 

[Still winning]

I too thought you were one of those who didn't need the board anymore and was off and running. I don't want to be harsh, I've been a smoker, it never helps. 

 

Tiff, you are still trying to convince yourself smoking is ok for you. I hear it come through in all you say above, yet I'm sure you've done this and got past it - did you not really?  I'd be doing you no favours to say yes, eating and exercising will get rid of smoking illnesses, c'mon now - really?!  You are a clever clever woman, wake up and smell the addiction!! 

 

That's it, there's no "enjoyment", "need", "me time" or any of that utter nonsense...it's addiction to nicotine. Your brain, every 20 minutes or so, starts dropping nicotine levels and starts asking for the next hit. End of story!! There will never be a time it stops doing that until you stop feeding it nicotine. every...twenty...minutes... 

 

Hope you stop torturing yourself to be honest. I want your freedom from this for you. xx

[Doreensfree]

Tiff

You wanted tough love.....sometimes that's what it takes.....

You were one of the first to help me quit......you showed ME the way.....so how come you aren't along side of me still....

Now and again ...I come to the board...to really hit it home what smoking does.....

I live with it every hour of every day.....if you could come here and see it for yourself ,it would be the kick up the backside you need..

We always think the nasty stuff will happen to someone else......I can assure you sometime in the future...it will happen....

Emphysema ...it creeps up so slowly...you don't even know its there.....it's not until it effects your daily life ....you find out you have it..

It's took tony 12 long years....to get to the stage where he needs oxygen to breath....he needs a full time carer.....

I ask you please ...to ask yourself....are those little sticks of poison ..worth spending all those years.....

Fighting for every breath you take.....

[Tink]

Tiffany I don't think you are full of crap at all, in fact you have just fell into the trap that some of us did with this addiction.

 

Me personally I enjoyed smoking about 10 percent of the time, the rest was just feeding the addiction which I hated

 

You have to ask yourself is it worth all the negatives and only you can answer that question Tiffany

 

I am sorry you relapsed but so pleased you came back, I think having a plan and set date to get your mind set is good for you personally as its not fear that is stopping you, as you know you can quit, you have done it , it's you and your mind set that will keep you quit

 

Xx

[Sazerac]

Tiff

You wanted tough love.....sometimes that's what it takes.....

You were one of the first to help me quit......you showed ME the way.....so how come you aren't along side of me still....

Now and again ...I come to the board...to really hit it home what smoking does.....

I live with it every hour of every day.....if you could come here and see it for yourself ,it would be the kick up the backside you need..

We always think the nasty stuff will happen to someone else......I can assure you sometime in the future...it will happen....

Emphysema ...it creeps up so slowly...you don't even know its there.....it's not until it effects your daily life ....you find out you have it..

It's took tony 12 long years....to get to the stage where he needs oxygen to breath....he needs a full time carer.....

I ask you please ...to ask yourself....are those little sticks of poison ..worth spending all those years.....

Fighting for every breath you take.....

 

 

Truth.  Thank you, Doreen.  Truth.

[ChRiSpY]

"However, I can't breathe. And I'm tired all the time. My kids are trying to make stupid deals with me to quit. And to top it off....my son told my daughter this week "she's never going to quit. So we may as well quit hoping". I have never felt so ashamed as a parent."

 

Seriously???  And you are waiting until Dec. 28th?

 

You want tough love... quit being a p***y and toughen up.  Do something good for you and your kids...that is your "job in life"

 

This quit thing is not rocket science... you don't smoke.  That Tiff... is the easy peasy of a quit.

[robert]

Tiffany's truth by Tiffany ....

 

1. I enjoy smoking. The truth is: I don't enjoy not smoking. I hate the withdrawals. I don't know what to do without a cigarette. It's a crutch. It has been by my side for so long that I feel lost without it.
2. I can't handle stress without a cigarette in my mouth. The truth is: I'm adding to the stress. The only thing a cigarette does is give me a few minutes to think. I can still think without the cigarette. I am truly shocked by this one.
3. I don't want to quit. The truth is: I do. I just don't want to go through the struggle that I have to go through, that I NEED to go through to become a non smoker.
4. I can always quit again tomorrow. The truth is: I never quit. Tomorrow never comes and the damage is still being done.
5. Smoking keeps me calm. The truth is: I'm a hyper little thing. I havent' been "calm" in years.
6. Smoking will not damage me like it does everyone else. The truth is: I'm not that damn special. Cigarettes show no mercy on anyone. And I am not exempt.
7. Some of my best times were with a cigarette. The truth is: I need to make more best times. And the fact is, those times are still good. It was the people I was with, the atmosphere I was in.... not the cigarette hanging out of my mouth that made the times so good.
8. and this is the big one...... smoking makes me happy. The truth: this is got to be the saddest thought I could ever think. Really ??? a cigarette makes me happy ? I really have to buy a pack of 20 little cancer filled tubes, stick them in my mouth, and inhale them to be happy ? The fact is I can be happy when I decide to be happy. I need nothing or anyone to do that for me. I am the one that does that for myself.

 

Maybe Tiffany should listen to Tiffany :)

[Leanna]

Pumping your body full of toxins all day, every day, isn't going to stop you from getting a smoke-related disease. You can exercise and eat healthy all you want, but convincing yourself that it's going to counteract any illnesses related to smoking is complete bullshit. 

 

You need to stop lying to yourself. You need to stop justifying your addiction. More importantly, you really need to take a look at what's important to you and how it impacts the lives of those around you. Your kids would be devastated if they lost you. I know, because I lost my mom when she was 59. She smoked heavily, but was active and she still died early. Don't ever convince yourself that it can't happen to you.

 

I'm happy you're back, but I do hope you stop feeding yourself these lies. 

[El Bandito]

Hey Tiff

 

Romancing the smoke is what they call it.

 

It is the trick that your addiction plays on you by equating your need to relieve withdrawal by re administering the drug as 'I enjoy it'

 

I never posted this before Tiff, so listen up.

 

My Mum and Dad both smoked. As a kid I was the noisiest whiniest kid in the world about the smell of smoke. I hated it. HATED it. I never stopped begging them to stop. They knew I would never smoke.

 

Proved them wrong by 13.

 

It's a fact. Parents smoke makes kids much much much more likely to smoke. FACT.

 

At 59 my Dad developed an Aortic Aneurysm. The operation went well. As a lifelong smoker, his lung capacity was so diminished that it was a struggle to get him off the ventilator. The Docs were never able to wake him from the coma.

 

My Dad got less than 5 years after his retirement.

His wife was left alone in a beautiful house in a mountain village in Cyprus. Now her prison.

My Dad never saw me start my own business.

My Dad never saw me succeed.

My Dad never met the love of my life.

 

He probably thought he enjoyed smoking though.

 

That what you going to tell your kids Tiff?

 

I'm sitting here listen to my Mum wheezing. She has quit now, but too late. She has COPD.

 

I flew to see her because last week she had to call her own ambulance in a foreign tongue because she could not stop her nose bleeding. She had to do that twice. Today I took her to the ENT Doc. Tomorrow is the generalist. Wednesday, the lawyers, to try to make sure that inheritance goes smoothly.

 

Just non stop fun.

 

After "enjoying his cigarettes" deprived her of her husband, she mourned in the house they built. Then a financial crisis hit, effectively trapping her here. Now she can't make a bed without struggling to breathe.

 

I'm over here trying to work out how the hell we manage this going forward.

 

She enjoyed smoking too.

 

Tiff. My parents were given cigarettes as Birthday presents. They were told it was glamorous and harmless. As the evidence grew, they were able to stick their heads in the sand.

 

You and I know that there is NOTHING that we enjoy about smoking. We understand addiction.

 

As the son of one parent killed by cigarettes and another soon to be killed by cigarettes,

 

I plead with you, I beg of you Tiff don't show your kids that cigarettes mean more to you than them.

[MarylandQuitter]

El Bandito,

 

I have nothing to add.  You said it all.  The truth is all right up above.  Tiffany, I really, really hope you read through this thread because you can and need to quit.

 

You have the ability to never take another puff.

[Leanna]

El B, that is one of the saddest things I've ever read. :( 

 

Losing a parent (or anyone you love really) is the most devastating thing a person can go through. 

 

I was so sad, but so angry at my mom because I knew smoking sped up her death substantially. She never took care of herself and refused to go to the doctor's, They did an autopsy on her because she wasn't that old and they found that her arteries were full of plaque. She knew she had an artery disease (they had to amputate her toe because of bad circulation back in 2007) and the doctors warned her to stop smoking, yet she kept on doing it because, you know, smoking is so great. They told her she would probably only make it another 5 years if she continued smoking. She was dead in 7. My brother was 18 when she died; he was (is) a baby. He hadn't even finished high school yet. 

 

Regardless of what you keep telling yourself, smoking leads to death. It leads to devastation and grief and suffering. I don't want my future children to go through what I went through. My mom was my rock and my biggest supporter. Getting out of bed some days is a chore now. 

 

You can do this Tiff. I have faith in you. It's so obvious that you want to quit. Otherwise, you wouldn't keep coming back here. What does smoking have to offer you? Whatever the answer is, it's a lie.

 

Think about how your kids (and grandkids if you have any) would feel if you got a smoking-related disease. I watched my mom go through agony and pain for years before she died. She was always suffering and always sick. Hearing her cry at night and not being able to fix what hurt was so heartbreaking.

 

I'm not trying to take over this thread, but your actions don't just impact you -- they impact those who love you dearly. If something happens to you, they suffer. 

[ChRiSpY]

Damn Tiff.. that is some real sh*t up above me.. did you read it.  

 

What are you going to do now?

[Doreensfree]

Hey Tiff

Romancing the smoke is what they call it.

It is the trick that your addiction plays on you by equating your need to relieve withdrawal by re administering the drug as 'I enjoy it'

I never posted this before Tiff, so listen up.

My Mum and Dad both smoked. As a kid I was the noisiest whiniest kid in the world about the smell of smoke. I hated it. HATED it. I never stopped begging them to stop. They knew I would never smoke.

Proved them wrong by 13.

It's a fact. Parents smoke makes kids much much much more likely to smoke. FACT.

At 59 my Dad developed an Aortic Aneurysm. The operation went well. As a lifelong smoker, his lung capacity was so diminished that it was a struggle to get him off the ventilator. The Docs were never able to wake him from the coma.

My Dad got less than 5 years after his retirement.

His wife was left alone in a beautiful house in a mountain village in Cyprus. Now her prison.

My Dad never saw me start my own business.

My Dad never saw me succeed.

My Dad never met the love of my life.

He probably thought he enjoyed smoking though.

That what you going to tell your kids Tif

I'm sitting here listen to my Mum wheezing. She has quit now, but too late. She has COPD.

I flew to see her because last week she had to call her own ambulance in a foreign tongue because she could not stop her nose bleeding. She had to do that twice. Today I took her to the ENT Doc. Tomorrow is the generalist. Wednesday, the lawyers, to try to make sure that inheritance goes smoothly.

Just non stop fun.

After "enjoying his cigarettes" deprived her of her husband, she mourned in the house they built. Then a financial crisis hit, effectively trapping her here. Now she can't make a bed without struggling to breathe.

I'm over here trying to work out how the hell we manage this going forward.

She enjoyed smoking too.

Tiff. My parents were given cigarettes as Birthday presents. They were told it was glamorous and harmless. As the evidence grew, they were able to stick their heads in the sand.

You and I know that there is NOTHING that we enjoy about smoking. We understand addiction.

As the son of one parent killed by cigarettes and another soon to be killed by cigarettes,

I plead with you, I beg of you Tiff don't show your kids that cigarettes mean more to you than them.[/quote

Wow...

Stu....reading such honest posts...really brings home the damage smoking does....

This was truly sad reading.....

I lost my mum to a major stroke brought on by smoking....my dad died the exact way yours did....

Never woke up from a coma....smoking was the cause...

It didnt stop me smoking...that didn't happen till I was told my two feet were about to be amputated...

Can you imagine that....living every day with your feet missing...knowing smoking had caused it...

Tiffany....and anyone out there reading all this stuff...

Quitting now ....would not be soon enough....

Xxxxxx

[Tink]

Read this rowly some powerful stuff here that applies to all of us x

[...]

Stu, I don't even know what to say to your post. I read it last night. And I read it again. And it really made me think. And it made me cry. You are what I don't want my children to ever have to go through.

 

I think Robert is right. Tiffany needs to start listening to Tiffany.

 

Thank you to all of you.

 

I put out my last cigarette at 9 pm last night. I quit.

[Sazerac]

   Day One of Freedom

[Doreensfree]

Well done Tiffany......glad your back....

[sherry]

Wonderful news Tiffanny!!! I'm soooo happy for you!!!!

 

Welcome aboard the Quit Train.. next stop- lifelong freedom! :D