Husband sneaking around with nasty chew

[Sazerac]

It really is gross.  Smoking is gross too.  

 

No more kisses ?  now that should be inspiration to quit but, don't take it personally if he remains an addict for a while.

It is the addiction speaking, not the Man.

[Pippa]

no more kisses ?? Maybe you could institute a clean teeth, gargle routine instead ... Just say'n !!

 

Seriously - love you are here and supporting others but always remember it is you first ... Yep this is one place where "me first" really isa fantastic option !

[Sazerac]

How are you feeling now, Kristin ?

[Kristin]

Feeling better, thank you! Finished up my tea and about to shower and sleep now.

 

Still sad but now stronger and clearly seeing that smoking won't help this.

[Pippa]

Sleep tight little one - we will all be here in the morning for you !

[Sazerac]

I understand the Sad.   :(

 

You are a Free Person, now.

 

A strong, clear and Free person.

 

sweet dreams

[action]

Kristin, I've been where your husband is right now, and it sucks. He's probably really embarrassed and ashamed right now... Anyway, if that what's he's decided to do, then there's it much you can do about it except carry on doing what you are doing!

 

The only quit you have the power to control is your own, so just try to focus on that.

 

And if you don't want to buy it for him, then don't - I certainly wouldn't! Let him fuel his own addiction without you getting involved (and if he can't, that's his problem)

 

I'm sorry this has happened, but please hold on to your quit!

 

I think a word with your dad too - no offering cigars to ex-smokers at thanksgiving!

[Still winning]

Late but wanted to add a bit for you Kristin.

 

Linking quits seems like a good idea, however relying on two people to understand and shake free of any addiction together is unlikely. I don't wanna be a downer about it but I do speak from experience.  Call it as you wake up...this is YOUR quit, YOU and only you own it and nothing influences it. 

 

I've also been where your husband is. The shame is really shortlived because your junkie thinking is quick to react and justify, all the while the insidious addiction is twisting back around your brain and the choice to break free needs to be fought for again! I feel sorry for him. He's too embarrassed to admit to you but not quite ready to let go again. All you can do here is lead by example. Stay free and you show him the way. 

 

The little secret I learnedvia these good people was to educate myself. Make sure you keep reading and learning Kristin, then even when those thoughts creep in the ammo to mentally bat it back is there and ready.

 

Your junkie was fair screaming there my sweet, I'm sure. So pleased you had enough savvy to come and talk on here. Your quit will grow from facing a strong trigger head on, so be really proud of yourself, I'm very proud of you!!

 

I am sorry you are sad. My other half occassionally has a cigar or even a cigarette. He quit after me though but it still grates my nerves. I try and remember I'm not in charge of him although I laugh because he really needs morelooking after then the kids sometimes lol. Men, can't live with them, can't live without em ey. 

 

xx

[Doreensfree]

Aww honey....this addition sucks for sure....

I have been where your hubby is too....I've lost countless of quits....some I hid some I didn't....

It wasn't till I read Allen carrs book....I understood why all these things happened.....

Don't romance ....don't be jealous.....

He still secretly would love to be in your place.....

Guard your beautiful quit ...at all costs.....your life does depend on it....l

My hubby has to be oxygen 16 hours a day.....

I'm sure if he could turn back the clock......he would quit in a instant...

Stay strong sweetheart....

Xxxxxx

[Nicole Diver]

I was In pretty much that same spot last time I quit and then relapsed myself for 5 years. But I didn't have any outside support that time. Stay close and we will cheer you on through this. I'd give anything to have that 5 years ( and the $$!) back. A relapse will only make you feel 100x worse. This sucks for now, but it will pass. You are still good to go. Let me know please if you need anything.

[Tink]

My sympathies Kristin, chewing tobacco good grief couldn't think of anything worse to kiss yuk yuk

 

You are you own person in your own right and your quit is yours alone, be proud you can do this xx

[Humbled]

Kristin - I am glad you reached out and the ladies here walked you right down the best path for you and your quit - you should be very proud of yourself - it is not easy for two people to just decide they will quit something together -on the surface yes but what lies underneath is where it comes from - just because you are truly ready for this new and much improved lifestyle  doesn't mean he is. But I do agree that you do control who and what you will buy for someone else - I would create the boundary for sure - you don't have to enable anyone else you just have to protect your quit - you deserve it and you are doing so well - we are all proud of you!

[Kristin]

Thanks again everyone.

 

Still a bit shaken up today, but much stronger. I keep feeling my addict trying to use this as an excuse to give up, and have had more craves than usual but I am in control here. 

 

All I can do is take care of myself and hang on tight to the progress I have made for myself. 

[El Bandito]

Nothing works better than keeping on going.

 

You have done brilliantly Kristin. There have been may quits sabotaged by the "oh but PersonA broke the circle"..

 

Quitting is personal. 100%. You quit. You are accountable.

 

Another addict has relapsed. He will undoubtedly argue that it is because he was given a cigar. In reality - he believed that he was missing something - he believed he was deprived. Then, on a holiday, a loved one offered him a Cigar - offered him a 'day off' from quitting. He thought "I have been good, I can have one. Just one." Yeah right.

 

Now - your junkie tries to harness your (perfectly understandable) anger, disappointment and sadness to say to you subconscious "see, every one enjoys nicotine really...he has relapsed, you can relapse too and blame him"

 

Nonsense. His quit is his quit. Your quit is your quit.

 

You have handled this brilliantly Kristin. Really inspirational. Well done you.

 

Stinky knows this - that is why he is slinking about..more to be pitied than scorned. 

 

Keep going Kristin. Fantastic work.

[Chrysalis]

Nothing works better than keeping on going.

 

You have done brilliantly Kristin. There have been may quits sabotaged by the "oh but PersonA broke the circle"..

 

Quitting is personal. 100%. You quit. You are accountable.

 

Another addict has relapsed. He will undoubtedly argue that it is because he was given a cigar. In reality - he believed that he was missing something - he believed he was deprived. Then, on a holiday, a loved one offered him a Cigar - offered him a 'day off' from quitting. He thought "I have been good, I can have one. Just one." Yeah right.

 

Now - your junkie tries to harness your (perfectly understandable) anger, disappointment and sadness to say to you subconscious "see, every one enjoys nicotine really...he has relapsed, you can relapse too and blame him"

 

Nonsense. His quit is his quit. Your quit is your quit.

 

You have handled this brilliantly Kristin. Really inspirational. Well done you.

 

Stinky knows this - that is why he is slinking about..more to be pitied than scorned. 

 

Keep going Kristin. Fantastic work.

Bandito said it all better than I possibly could. He is absolutely correct on all counts, including that fact that your commitment to protecting your quit is fantastic! The only other thing I would add is yes, make hubby brush his teeth and gargle before any kissing. That's fair. 

[Still winning]

You hang on. 

 

Ultimately, at the end of the day we answer to ourself, no one else.  Or maybe our kids, cause the Mom card and showing an example, becomes a strong part of the quit.

 

Don't under-estimate what you have done the last two days Kristin!! You faced the demons and won!!  

 

Keep on marching!

[Kristin]

Onward I go!! :)

[Devil Doll]

Kristin,

My husband dips too. The grossest sh*t in the universe, isn't it?

You've got this, your quit is solid. He will eventually follow your lead. On the you paying for it front... I would allot him a certain amount if he goes over, runs out, and "needs" more then too bad.