You Just Don't

[Soberjulie]

some days are harder than others.

 

but you don't pick up that first cigarette

 

you just don't.

 

it's less about willpower than it is about making a decision not to, in advance of the thought or the desire, no matter how scared, angry, jealous, happy, bored, horny, depressed, anxious, elated, insecure, arrogant, lonely or silly you feel.

 

some days it seems that although yesterday life looked good, today it doesn't, and although you know the only thing that's changed is your attitude, it's hard to shake.

 

but you don't pick up that first cigarette

 

the one that always leads to all the others.

 

you just don't.

 

even though you might think about it for a minute.

 

(but you're too smart to let that thought linger. Still ... for just a minute, the idea is there

 

it feels like the Universe is leaning on every.

 

single.

 

button.

 

so you make some phone calls

 

but all you get is voice mail.

 

but you don't pick up that first cigarette

 

you just don't.

 

you leave messages all over Quit Train and Facebook pretending to be doing a little better than you are, but sort of alluding to the idea that, gosh, if they could get back to you that would be cool...

 

You feel stupid about what could amount to spamming your social networks but you log on and do the same thing again.

 

and that thought from before, the one about smoking didn't leave, exactly. it's like a piece of food stuck between your teeth, or a little splinter on the bottom of an unimportant toe (not the big one, that you'd feel with every step -- this is there/not there -- uncomfortable enough to feel but not so much that you stop and do something about it.)

 

so you get busy, and try to write, or read, or do that whatever-it-was you've been putting off, but that just feels futile or irritating.

 

and you dare the universe to dazzle you with some amazing "coincidence" -- a call from your quit buddy right now -- a knock on the door right this moment, a particular song on the radio the second you turn it on -- a Sign you can share about at Quit Train then everyone will smile warmly and nod, and you'll feel all "right" with things and wise and connected ... but ...

 

nothing happens. no call. no knock. an ad for discount mattresses on the radio.

 

and you don't pick up the first cigarette

 

you just don't.

 

you judge yourself an ingrate, a poser, an impostor, a spoiled/wounded ass/sadsack, pathetic

 

you judge yourself for judging yourself,

 

you go to the refrigerator you look at porn you click through channels on tv you wonder if you need medication,

 

you suspect you should try deep breathing and meditation

 

but you don't.

 

but you don't pick up the first cigarette

 

you just don't.

 

and it gets better.

 

it passes.

 

eventually.

 

If you Just Don't.

[leahcaR]

Lovely post

[Trish]

Wow...you just nailed it!  Awesome post, Julie!

[Trish]

and......PRINTING!

[Soberjulie]

I owe parts of it to a friend who wrote me something similar when I was getting clean and sober.

She isn't with me anymore. She relapsed and we've lost touch. I hope she's ok wherever she is and I know she wouldn't mind me tweaking and adding to her letter if it was going to help someone else.

So, wherever you are Shannon.....thank you.

[Markus]

Brilliant, I love it. Sad and funny and true. A shot right to the heart,

 

((Jules))

[Still winning]

yes, really, you just don't. 

 

and we stand by you, because we can and always will, and you just don't.

 

What happens is you look in a mirror and know a number of people are smiling behind you. You know you deserve more and so do your friends.

 

and so you don't.

 

xx

[MarylandQuitter]

This is an amazing piece of writing.  I see this one being bumped quite often.

[Markus]

This is an amazing piece of writing.  I see this one being bumped quite often.

 

Like right now...is it too soon?

[Soberjulie]

Lol Markus!

[Paul723]

Your writing is even better than your counting! I hope your new job allows for this.

 

 

You protect your quit, because to lose it,

 

You just don't.

[babs609]

i enjoyed reading that!  Thanks Jules!!

[Soberjulie]

Your writing is even better than your counting! I hope your new job allows for this.

 

 

You protect your quit, because to lose it,

 

You just don't.

My job does allow for creativity.....but not like this. :p

I teach staff (RN's, RPN's and support staff) about creative responses for dealing with behaviors in persons with Alzheimer's, other dementia's and head injuries. :)

Its a reallllly fun job :) Every day is different. 

[Lynn]

This is great!

[El Bandito]

Lovely Post Julie.

 

You Just Don't.

 

I'll remember that.

[Doreensfree]

Good one julie.....wise words.....

[Nancy]

Love it, Julie...wonderfull...

[Soberjulie]

Here ya go skillfulabbot

:)

[Amy]

some days are harder than others.

 

but you don't pick up that first cigarette

 

you just don't.

 

it's less about willpower than it is about making a decision not to, in advance of the thought or the desire, no matter how scared, angry, jealous, happy, bored, horny, depressed, anxious, elated, insecure, arrogant, lonely or silly you feel.

 

some days it seems that although yesterday life looked good, today it doesn't, and although you know the only thing that's changed is your attitude, it's hard to shake.

 

but you don't pick up that first cigarette

 

the one that always leads to all the others.

 

you just don't.

 

even though you might think about it for a minute.

 

(but you're too smart to let that thought linger. Still ... for just a minute, the idea is there

 

it feels like the Universe is leaning on every.

 

single.

 

button.

 

so you make some phone calls

 

but all you get is voice mail.

 

but you don't pick up that first cigarette

 

you just don't.

 

you leave messages all over Quit Train and Facebook pretending to be doing a little better than you are, but sort of alluding to the idea that, gosh, if they could get back to you that would be cool...

 

You feel stupid about what could amount to spamming your social networks but you log on and do the same thing again.

 

and that thought from before, the one about smoking didn't leave, exactly. it's like a piece of food stuck between your teeth, or a little splinter on the bottom of an unimportant toe (not the big one, that you'd feel with every step -- this is there/not there -- uncomfortable enough to feel but not so much that you stop and do something about it.)

 

so you get busy, and try to write, or read, or do that whatever-it-was you've been putting off, but that just feels futile or irritating.

 

and you dare the universe to dazzle you with some amazing "coincidence" -- a call from your quit buddy right now -- a knock on the door right this moment, a particular song on the radio the second you turn it on -- a Sign you can share about at Quit Train then everyone will smile warmly and nod, and you'll feel all "right" with things and wise and connected ... but ...

 

nothing happens. no call. no knock. an ad for discount mattresses on the radio.

 

and you don't pick up the first cigarette

 

you just don't.

 

you judge yourself an ingrate, a poser, an impostor, a spoiled/wounded ass/sadsack, pathetic

 

you judge yourself for judging yourself,

 

you go to the refrigerator you look at porn you click through channels on tv you wonder if you need medication,

 

you suspect you should try deep breathing and meditation

 

but you don't.

 

but you don't pick up the first cigarette

 

you just don't.

 

and it gets better.

 

it passes.

 

eventually.

 

If you Just Don't.

Can you double like a post?

[Jenny]

Awesome post Julie! 

[Soberjulie]

You just don't

 

Don't pick up that first cigarette.

[MarylandQuitter]

No matter how happy, sad or angry you are, "you just don't" pick up that first cigarette.  Love it.

[Soberjulie]

but you don't pick up that first cigarette

 

the one that always leads to all the others.

[Still winning]

tried to write, fail. tried to be ok, fail. tried to read my kindle, fail.

 

Read this, I have this, going to bed.

 

Bump, because I needed these words and other words tonight and it's a little weird sometimes. x

[Tink]

tried to write, fail. tried to be ok, fail. tried to read my kindle, fail.

 

Read this, I have this, going to bed.

 

Bump, because I needed these words and other words tonight and it's a little weird sometimes. x

hey marti - did you know if you put the hand of someone sleeping in a bowl of water by the morning they would have wet the bed?? just a factoid I found out in my travels ;)

 

ps sleep on sofa if experimenting

 

Marti - no matter what - stay focused on you hun and your quit all around can go to the dogs but stay focused call in all you know and need AA Michael comes to mind here - centre and ground hun xxxxxx