Losing yourself

[Wendy]

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[Sazerac]

I lost a portion of fear.

 

I lost a Dependent Woman who would not  leave a room without cigarettes. 

 

I lost a Selfish Woman who would rather smoke than do many things, with children in particular.

 

I lost a Woman in Denial about the consequences of Smoking for herself and others.

 

I lost a Woman of little compassion for Addicts.

 

I lost the Me that hurt Me.

 

I will continue to loose more ugly with the tools I have learned on The Journey to Stay Free of Nicotine.

[slovenka177]

Great post - as I can totally relate to you Wendy. 

 

Sometimes I wake up and I still feel like me a month ago. And other times I wake up like "who am I?" It is a rollercoaster of feelings and it is extremely unpleasant. I truly believe that it is just a case of no mans land, and that one day whenever it may come, I will wake up the person I was truly meant to be! And that person will look at the old me and say "glad that is over with". I try to remind myself the better me was hiding behind a cloud of grey fumes. 

 

I am totally with you! One day at a time :) 

[ChRiSpY]

Wendy...If i could go to "another board"... (I guess not could...but wanted to).. I could pull this exact same post from earlier on in my quit.  It is all "part of it"

 

I was so worried that I was going to lose part of me...that I would not be the same.  I was worried that I was going to lose my sense of humor... I would lose my patience.

 

Guess what???  I am the exact same person...but without the addiction.  It sucks in the beginning... I was a total prick.  I was scared that this was the new me.  It is kinda like when I am sick... my paranoid self says "will I ever feel better?"  Stupid I know... but it is what it is.  

 

Listen... smoking does nothing to establish who you are as a person.  Smoking is an accessory... smoking is a handbag.

 

You will be back to yourself...the only difference is a shitload more confidence.  Hold on and ride it out...all will be good again in Wendyland.

[JackiMac]

Hi Wendy, its all part of the process of quitting, at the begging of a quit the fear of quitting holds us back, we are afraid that we wont like who we become without a cigarette, we are afraid of living with a cigarette, we are afraid that our personalities will alter, but in all honestly that is the addiction speaking, as time goes forward and we learn that life will continue on after quitting, nothing bad is going to happen to us just simply because we quit, we overcome the fear we have of quitting, we become more and more confident that we do not need a cigarette just to get by, you will find yourself finding the person that you are, the true person, you are being true to you, its like an awakening, once the nicotine addiction loosens its hold on you, your brain becomes more alert life becomes more enjoyable because you are not tied to nicotine any longer, you are back in control of your life, you feel pride in yourself.  Yes you do lose a part of you, but its a part of you that you really don't want to keep, because the "new you" is a more happy, confident, and healthier person. XX

[SueBeDoo]

Yes you change at the start, kind of feeling down, lonely etc

BUT it's like changing from a caterpillar to a butterfly, you become you again but an even better version of yourself, a happy, more confident, more interests in life and living and trying new things, you will enjoy learning different things, you will learn what it is like to actually live not just exist.

6 month mark was when I turned into a butterfly, you are nearly there hun xxxx

[action]

Good question!

 

I definitely lost a part of me in the quit process, bit I don't miss it one iota - the part off that I lost was the selfish part that didn't really give a hoot about anything but myself... Good riddance to that!

 

It will take you a while to get to know your new self, and she's going to be AWESOME! And no, I don't suppose that you will loose you sense of humor either!

[Still winning]

This topic interested me. I asked the same thing early quit and everyone was all, nah it calms and you're you again. Maybe I'm not far enough in? I'm not the same! I never realized how much I believed I was strong, but actually ran away a lot. Smoke and whinge lol.

 

I feel like I am changing every day. Yes, I did emotional but now that's gone I do self worth a whole lot better. Not argumentative or combative but "nope" comes around in more than quitting for me and I am so pleased!

 

My "New skin" is a work in progress, as should yours be. We spend a long time dealing with things via addiction and now we know this, we can learn new and better ways. It's like we finally get to be who we always should have been!

 

Not the cranky, emotional bit, that passes. We are the ones who sing to survivor or maybe a bit of gold by spandal ballet :) for what it's worth, my advice is run with the changes rather then fight to stay stuck where you were. Most come out with less fear and more self worth. That's kinda cool! X

[Wendy]

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[Gabby]

I seem to have temporary lost my sense of humour.

[El Bandito]

Hmmmmmm...got me thinking this one Wendy.

 

Quitting was definitely a bit of a rollercoaster for a while.

 

I'm not sure that I lost a part of myself, rather found a bit that had gone AWOL. As things have settled, I find myself more balanced, more capable, more willing to take anything on.

 

If we were on X Factor, we would be talking about "the amazing journey"...

[Doreensfree]

This question was a little hard for me to answer...

I was losing a little bit of myself literally if I didn't quit....I think for a while my brain was puddled....confused....

But slowly it all came back....the fog cleared.....

I have to agree with action.....selfish....why else would smoking come before anything else.....

I really like the non smoking Doreen.....she is much calmer.....more energetic.....more healthier......

It is indeed a journey......

Xxxxx

[Wendy]

. 

[Still winning]

I seem to have temporary lost my sense of humour.

It will be back, I promise. Sometimes we need the mental break I think. Sometimes I still get a bit kinda numb, but I just run with it and do better at feeling the feelings I have now. You are on a journey, I think we all forget that too. It's a great destination with some turbulence. What I have found is going through the harder times made my quit more solid. X

[sgt.barney]

You lose nothing and gain everything.

 

Everything.

 

That feeling of loss is your Inner Junkie telling you those same-old, used-up, tired-assed lies that kept you smoking for decades.

 

Recognize it for what it is.

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[Tink]

My life has completely changed but I am still the same person just doing what I want to be doing now the quit gave me confidence to refind myself not reinvent myself if that makes sense

 

It made me 're evaluate and any changes I chose to make which were all positive

 

I hope this will happen to everyone x

[bakon]

I lost more smoking....