Good Morning

[cprofits]

I feel sort of good.  This is my third day of not smoking.  I've only been awake for a couple of hours and, surprisingly, the mornings have been the easiest for me.  Most of the tension and cravings seem to build throughout the day.

 

This is not real life though.  I have been hiding in my room the entire time.  I decided to give myself one more day of non-reality for good measure.  After tonight, it will be 72 hours+ nicotine free and then it will all be in my head, right?

 

Tomorrow, I'm going to have to set my alarm clock and get two children out the door but it's going to have to happen much differently than it did last week.  The mornings were my 'me' time with my nicotine and caffeine.  I smoked so many cigarettes and drank so much caffeine in the a.m. and sat on the internet for hours.  Tomorrow, I'm going to set my alarm clock for just enough time to throw breakfast at my middle child as she's going out the door and hope my youngest will take it easy on me.

 

Last night I posted on the SOS board for the first time and said something about reconsidering.  I meant reconsidering cold turkey as I was ready to slap a patch on to see how it would feel (I've never used one).  I didn't mean reconsidering quitting.  I didn't apply any NRT last night and I'm glad I didn't.  I also whined a lot about how could this go on for two weeks/two months, etc.  I do feel pretty awful on and off right now and it was depressing to read that some are still feeling so bad and struggling so much weeks/months/years later.  I don't know...hopefully that's an exaggeration as I can't imagine people are feeling like this weeks/months/years post quit or everyone would be a total mess.  I'm going to go with the plan that this is very temporary and with each passing day it's going to get easier, i.e., I would not have typed, 'I feel sort of great,' yesterday morning.  I am improving (but I know I'm probably going to be teetering between ready to break something and hysterical crying about 4:00 pm this afternoon.)

 

It has been really bad at times but it's been completely doable cold turkey.  Someone reminded me yesterday I wasn't a special snowflake...hahaha (but I've always thought of myself as one) I started smoking when I was about 13 years old (my entire family smoked.)  I've just turned 49 years old last month and I'd estimate I was at 2 packs a day at least for the past 20 of those 36 years.  That's a lot of nicotine addiction and it has been completely doable.  So, while all people deal with things differently, I think this can be done cold turkey IF YOU'VE DECIDED IT'S YOUR TIME and, damn heroin addiction has got to be worse than this, wouldn't you think?  

 

Here I am giving advice and talking like I'm an Ex when it's only day three but I really feel good.  This is my time to quit, I cannot smoke any longer, I cannot indulge myself any longer to the detriment of my children's future.  So I am super motivated.  More motivated than I was when I watched my mother kill herself (figuratively, not literally) with cigarettes.  Of course there are probably going to be times when I think I'm going to scream and fall apart.  I will be stronger and I'll breathe through it.

 

I've not smelled any cigarette smoke since Sunday.  Is the first waft of smoke I run into going to make me cringe with longing and desire or make me gag with revolt and distaste?  I really don't want to smell any cigarettes for a long time.  I'm not going to be a hypocritical condescending ex smoker but I think I'm pretty fragile right now and I really don't want to smell it.

 

I strongly believe finding this website played a pivotal role in the ease with which I'm getting through the first few days of my nicotine withdrawal.  Thank you all so much.

[Sazerac]

What a beautiful post, Geri.

 

Your body will be FREE within HOURS.  I am SO happy you are choosing Freedom...for yourself and your children and the whole planet too !

 

I know you are fragile right now, and rightly so !  Transitions aren't often easy.  Please take extra good care of yourself.

 

Pamper yourself as much as you can.  Reward yourself OFTEN.

 

Breathe in that beautiful unadulterated OXYGEN !

 

You never have to go through that 72 hours EVER AGAIN !

 

I saw your N O P E post this morning and was so relieved, so happy for you.

 

Keep educating yourself about addiction, this is important.

 

and hang with us here on QTrain.

 

We know EXACTLY what you are going though

 

and one of us will be able to strike just the right chord with you, a chord that you will hear and feel encouraged.

 

Don't forget to post.  Distract yourself in Social.  Learn in Discussions.  Read all our Blogs and start one for yourself if you are so inclined.

 

So happy you found us

and congratulations on your FREEDOM.

love,

S

[Nancy]

Oh, Geri, what a wonderful post!  You are doing great, and I admire your attitude and determination.  I promise you I am not struggling, anymore.  Do I have thoughts of smoking?  Sometimes, when in a stressful situation...but then I remind myself smoking will not help and move on.  It takes less than a second, I'm sure.  As others have said, it is like shooing away a pesky fly.  Keep up the great work, and we are glad you are here!

[Devil Doll]

Wonderful post Geri! I am so glad that you are feeling better!

[action]

Lovely and extremely accurate post!

 

Please do not think of yourself as 'only quit 3 days' (you don't smoke, same as me, no different) or that you aren't able to give advice to others - you are in the early stages of your quit, and probably more qualified to give advice than anyone else at this point in time!

 

And you really don't need to worry about feeling crappy or having constant withdrawals after weeks/months/years - if that were really true, we would all be a bunch of raving lunatics by now! It really does just fade away over time, until you will go an entire day without thinking about cigarettes - and that will be the first day of many - sometimes I go weeks without even thinking of smoking, and craves are next to never for me at this point!

 

The smell of cigarettes early in my quit made me feel a little ill, so I did try to avoid it as much as possible to be honest!

 

Personally I think you are doing GREAT, but any time of the day or night that you need to vent or moan or cry or scream, then we will be here for you - we've all been where you are right now, and we all came out the other side, and not a special snowflake in sight ;)

 

Hope you have a great day :)

[Chrysalis]

Hi, Geri-

 

Welcome to the emotional see-saw we call "quitting smoking"! Last night you were yelling and screaming and seriously doubting your ability to quit. Today you are calm and rational and able to believe that things will gradually get better day-by-day. What a difference! And do you know what's going to happen next? Yep-- at some point you will be back to the screaming meemies for a while and then after that you will again feel strong and calm... and so it goes. But if you look carefully you will see that the periods of distress become shorter and less frequent and the periods of calm become longer and more frequent.

 

You're doing really well; I am very impressed with you!! Remember to keep reading your list of reasons why you decided to quit in the first place. Repeat to yourself, "I want to quit more than I want to smoke!"

 

You know, one of the saddest posts I ever read was from a father of young children. When he was smoking he would avoid playing with his children or would cut short the games so that he could go outside to smoke. After he quit, he discovered that his young son always felt badly when Daddy went outside. The boy assumed that Daddy was bored playing with the son and used smoking as an excuse to leave the game. The little boy was thrilled because now Daddy would stay with him for a whole hour and finish whatever game or project they were doing together.  It's amazing when we get a glimpse into how our children think, isn't it? Then there was the mother who always refused to go on field trips or Girl Scout camping trips because she wouldn't be able to smoke while on the trip. Once she quit smoking, she got a lot more quality time with her girls and they built a lot of happy memories together.

 

So for you, Geri, or for anyone with young children, remember that the negative impact of your smoking on your children is not just as a bad example, a waste of money and possible early illness and death. The impact is right there every single day in the way your addiction is more important to you than your children are-- and your children suffer because of it.

[Doreensfree]

Brilliant geri.....

It's sounds you have the right attitude to succeed....you just have to want it bad enough....

keep thinking positive thoughts....there are no negatives.....

You are going to have wonderful smoke free times with the children.....

Join in with the boards fun stuff.....it really does help ....It makes the day go quicker....

Some funny characters here....

Well dome....

Xxxx

[Soberjulie]

~sigh~

I haffta confess........I really missed coming here and watching brand new quitters get their sea-legs. 

It brings me back......it makes me cheer for you......and although you will be uncertain in the next little while, if you dont take a single puff....I already know how this story ends.

And its such a great ending.

:rolleyes:

[babs609]

Awesome post and great responses.

 

You are doing fabulous Geri! You are right where you need to be. :)

[Sazerac]

I know you were thinking this time of day might be challenging for you

so

I thought to just say hello

and

CONGRATULATIONS !!!! GERI !

YOU

ARE

Nicotine

FREE FREE FREE FREE !

 

[cprofits]

Thanks everyone.

 

Thanks Sazerac for checking on me, you're right, I've been miserable.  I should definitely update in the mornings because it always seems to be the nicer me.  I've been mad and mean today.  I'm making my family crazy.  I'm mad at my husband for not proactively reading my mind and doing/having/not doing/not having exactly what I think he should have done/had that very minute.  I'm eating way too much stuff.  I had to step back into the real world with a very stressful email/phone call today and it was awful.  I wanted to have a cigarette (or twelve) after I read the email and before/during/after the phone call.  Ugh...I know I'm not having a realistic first few days of a quit as I'm literally living in self-imposed exile.  A taste of real world problems and the cravings hit me like crazy.  I felt so good this morning and I'm sure I'll feel even better tomorrow morning.

 

It's good to share this though.  Thanks for everyone's encouraging words.

[Sazerac]

your people will forgive you and be really proud of you for kicking nicotine to the curb.

 

don't worry about eating.  you can deal with all that later.

 

wow, it is kind of like a birth and I feel like one of your midwives.  :)

 

Hold tight to your resolve.  You are a Free Woman and you will be fine.  It gets better minute by minute, day by day, hour by hour. 

 

Breathe in all that Pure Oxygen.

[cprofits]

LOL yeah but maybe we should have gone with the epidural instead of the natural cold turkey birth.  

[Pippa]

Hi Gerri - yep the first few days can suck - but you are now nicotine free and as long as you don't smoke - you never have to go through that withdrawal again. I am sure your family will understand (although sometimes I am amazed I still have a husband after my first few weeks !) and I am also sure they will be super proud of the non smoking you - but in the interim remember we are here if you need to vent,scream, curse etc!

[Doreensfree]

Oh I should imagine....all our spouses here..went around with a huge wad of cotton wool in each ear....l.ol....

All we can do is explain to them ....it's Normal....and will get better.....

Thankfully it does calm down.....

Keep,strong.....and keep the n.o.p.e.....

Xxxxx

[ChRiSpY]

BREATHE!!!!  4 SECONDS IN...... 4 SECONDS OUT.  CLOSE YOUR EYES AND REPEAT!!!

 

And then evaluate before you open your mouth...is it really that bad?

 

O....good morning to you and congrats on the best decision of your life.... push... step... keep fighting.. you are gaining a freedom that you could never imagine.  You are fighting for your life.

 

All of our spouses have been thru hell with us.  It is part of the game.  I am sure he understands.

 

Your body is healing... you are retraining your brain to live without those nasty suicide sticks.  Hold on..... get busy and most of all... keep on keepin on!!!

[Chrysalis]

How are you doing today, Geri? Are things getting a little bit better? As Pippa said, the worst is over and you NEVER have to suffer through that again. Good for you!

 

Keep reminding yourself of why you quit. Breathe deeply and keep your blood sugar up. And give yourself lots and lots of pats on the back for tackling a tough challenge with courage and determination. You are rockin' this quit! Keep going!

[Sazerac]

LOL yeah but maybe we should have gone with the epidural instead of the natural cold turkey birth.  

 

You would still have to go through that 72 hours with many NRT's, so DON'T get near them now !!!

[cprofits]

I'm doing OK today. I've ventured out into the house (I really have been hiding in my room since Sunday).  I straightened up some things and vacuumed my fave white rug (black cats :/).  

 

I'm going to go out later this afternoon and drive the car without smoking for the first time.  Scary...but I'll have my youngest with me and won't be alone.

 

I called my Dad this morning and told him I hadn't smoked in 4 days.  I haven't been advertising this situation.  Probably because I didn't want anyone to know if I failed and probably because I don't want everyone and their brother asking me every time they see me/talk to me how it's going.  Tomorrow is my weekly girlfriends lunch so I'll tell the other people I'm close to and then it will be out there and not a secret.  

 

I"m still amazed there are so many people here who really follow along with people and ask about them and encourage them.  I'm especially grateful to Sazerac who seems to have adopted me and I think I got very lucky she decided to do that.

 

I really want a cigarette so much today but I'm not going to do it.  I don't think I'll ever smoke one again but the desire for that feeling it would give me is so strong right now.  I've been doing everything to distract myself but the cravings seem to be constant today.  I have made it for four days and have suffered a lot and I"m not going to go backwards and start over but as I start to go about my normal routine, it has become much harder to keep the cravings off my mind than when I was lounging in bed 24/7 with the remote control. I'm really proud of myself and I've done something that seemed impossible to me.  Having a place to write these thoughts/issues/accomplishments has been a helpful factor.  

[ChRiSpY]

Couple things here.... 

 

1. Stop hiding in your room... get busy... get you mind off it

2.  I found that if I cut a straw and put it in my mouth when I drove... it helped.  Others have used lolly pops or anything like that ...that you can put in your mouth.  (And still drive  :P ...sorry about that)

3.  Something that I found very important and powerful in my quit...accountability.  There were alot of folks (in my non-internet life) that thought that I couldn't do it.... and I was out to prove to them that I was better then that.  2nd thing about accoutability... this board and actually my quit buddy (SueRose).  I did not want to let these folks down.  I had gotten so much support and they had put too much time into me to throw it away.  That is just me...take it for what it is worth.  But maybe... you should tell everyone you know...make yourself accountable.

 

Keep on keepin on...you are almost through the worst of the worst.

[Chrysalis]

Geri, I think that you have hit upon one thing that makes quitting permanently so difficult-- you keep wanting that ONE cigarette that will give you the "A-a-a-h-h-h!" of relief! You don't really want to go back to smoking with all the negative associations it has. You just want one "ah moment". 

 

The thing is, the only tension that a hit of nicotine eases is the tension that nicotine caused in the first place. When you smoke, the nicotine goes to your brain and you feel calm but the nicotine is quickly metabolized. So as time passes-- 15 minutes, 30 minutes, one hour-- you start to go into withdrawal. Your brain starts to demand more nicotine. You get tense and antsy and stressed. When you smoke another cigarette, the nicotine goes to your brain and you have that "a-a-h-h moment". You feel calm again (temporarily).

 

After years and years of doing this, our brain thinks that cigarettes relax us and dissipate our stress. No. They don't. The nicotine in the cigarettes is a drug "fix" that relieves the addict's withdrawal symptoms. That's all it does. But our brain is confused and THINKS that cigarettes are relaxing. No. Cigarettes only relieve the tension and stress that was CAUSED by nicotine in the first place. 

 

One of the things that will help make this quit easier and make it permanent is if you learn to recognize when your junkie brain is starting up one of the Nicodemon lies and you use your rational brain to stop that thinking. Sometimes you just have to FORCE rational thinking onto your junkie brain. But every time you do that, your rational brain will become stronger and your junkie brain will become weaker.

 

If you don't do this, if you continue to "romance the cigarette" this way you will continue to obsess about cigarettes week after week until you're ready to scream! If you do listen to and strengthen your rational brain, you will eventually forget to want a cigarette except for every once in a great while.